Unattached
by twilightsgrace23
Summary: After finding herself suddenly single, Bella meets Jacob - a Marine on leave in Seattle who's about to ship off to Iraq. Can their relationship last through a deployment and all that comes with it? *Nominated All Human Twilight Award*
1. Battlefield

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

I got this idea a few nights ago...I'm still working on my other story, Full Circle, but this is just something fun that came to me and so yeah, he we are now...anywhoo..let me know if you like it and I'll keep writing it.

**Bella**

*** * ***

I shut the mailbox and looked down at the envelope in my hands. It was thick, brown, and squishy in my hands. As I squeezed down there was the faint crinkling of plastic. I groaned, not sure if I really wanted to know what was inside of it, and shoved the envelope in my purse. Whatever was in there was it was not going to be good.

Alice, this was all her fault. It really wasn't but she was the easiest person to blame. If it wasn't for her Jimmy Buffet-it's-five-o'clock-somewhere attitude I wouldn't be standing here shoving God only knows what into my purse. Rex, my last real relationship – if you could even call him that - had decided that he was bored in our relationship so he turned to a stripper named Daisy to keep him entertained. This was how Alice's margarita fetish came into play.

She danced into my living room four nights ago, a pink margarita glass in hand; humming OneRepublic then sank down into the leather computer chair tucked neatly under my desk. She sipped her drink before setting it down on an upside down CD. "I know exactly what you need," she giggled as her fingers flew over the keyboard. I stood behind her, peering over her shoulder as the most embarrassing website popped up on the screen.

I stared, appalled, at the screen. "What?" she said grinning at me. "This is awesome right?" She moved the mouse, hovering over the image of a ferocious, hot pink...Jesus I don't even know what the hell it was, it looked like it could shred your vagina to a million pieces fifteen seconds faster than my high tech food processor sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Alice, I…jeez…" I let my voice trail off. What the hell could I say? I wasn't a prude, by no means was I a prude...but that thing was just…well, it was scary looking.

Alice gazed up at me, laughing at my horrified expression. "Trust me," she sang, mischief twinkling in her eyes. "You're gonna want something like this. Nights are gonna be really long now that your single again."

_Thanks for that_, I thought. It'd been five long years since I was single. I was pushing twenty eight now and definitely _not_ looking forward to being single again. On the bright side though, if there was a bright side in this mess, I could have sex again, and lots of it, with lots of different men. I could finally sleep with the guy in the corner office. That made me smile; he was, pardon my immaturity, hot.

Alice clicked on the image of the vibrating monstrosity and oohed over its many features. I rolled my eyes as I walked into the kitchen. The pitcher was sitting on the counter, beads of sweat rolled down its sides. An empty glass was waiting on the counter, beckoning me to have a drink. _Ah what the hell_ I thought and poured the green drink into my cup.

Alice was still engrossed in the giant vibrator when I came back with my margarita. She leaned intently forward, her elbows resting on the desktop.

"Bella, come here and look at this thing," she said, her face a pale mask in the light of the monitor. I stood behind her sipping my drink, still not convinced I needed that thing.

Four margaritas later (I'm such a lightweight) I was drunkenly whipping out my credit card as Alice stood on the back of the couch, a margarita in one hand, an umbrella in the other, shouting the perils of not owning a, what she randomly dubbed, "battery operated boyfriend."

"You need a B.O.B," she laughed, "Because Rex could never get you off!" she trumpeted, her umbrella accentuating her statement.

"Every woman should own a B.O.B!" she ranted

I giggled, fingers flying over the numeric pad, as she moved on to the perks of owning a "battery operated boyfriend."

"B.O.B never disappoints," she crowed as I continued the checkout process.

"You can take B.O.B home to meet your stuffy, stick-up-their-asses parents and they will approve!"

"B.O.B fits in your purse, and," she said conspiratorially, her voice dropping an octave or ten, "I carry mine with me everywhere I go. Wanna see it?"

The next morning when I saw the email confirming my order I stared at the bold black print summarizing my order, then the price caught my eye. I gasped in horror. That was the worst part of all. Three hundred and fifty six dollars! On _sex toys!_

Then the thought: what would the neighbors, no, the _mailman_ think delivering three hundred and fifty six dollars of sex toys to my apartment.

Alice giggled on the couch. "Calm down," she said as if I'd spoken my concerns aloud. "They send this stuff out in what they call "discreet packaging." It's no big deal."

And here we were now, a plain brown eight by ten padded envelope stuffed in my purse, shame all over my face.

As the elevator doors opened, I stepped out; Mrs. McNealy was standing in the hallway, pacing. I kept my eyes down, averted. If I made eye contact she'd ask me to do something for her. Those things ranged from plugging in her toaster to…well let's just say that you don't even want to know the half of it.

Further down the hall, Mrs. McNealy stopped, blocking my door. I groaned silently; all I wanted to do what get the hell out of these shoes. Jimmy Choo, I love you to pieces but your damn Leona heels are killing my feet. I took a deep breath as I approached the old woman.

Liz McNealy lived across the hall when I moved in. Her husband was alive back then and her kids were still in the area, she was still relatively sane. She was a sweet woman until her husband died. After that her life was like a house of cards; it all came tumbling down around her.

Her husband died; a stroke I think is what they said, then her youngest son – who was, or is, in the army, was sent to Iraq, her daughter moved out east, to New York after auditioning and getting a part in the American Ballet Theatre. Her oldest son, Richard I think his name was, still lived in the area, but from what I could see he was domineering and controlling and all around dick. I don't think it helped Liz having him around.

After all that Liz sort of just…well, she lost it. I could hear her crying at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes she'd knock on my door asking for a cup of sugar just so she could have someone to talk to. Tonight was no different. Her watery blue eyes were sad when I walked up. She smiled at me; I tentatively smiled back. "Hi Mrs. McNealy, everything okay?"

Mrs. McNealy nodded, shrugging her shoulders. "I got a new flashlight in the mail," she said offhandedly. I sighed, here we go again, I thought. She did this sometimes. It may have started with her husband's death and her children moving away, but soon after her memory started to go. She started to forget the simplest of things. Doctors said it was the beginning stages of Alzheimer's.

"You got a new flashlight?" I repeated.

Mrs. McNealy nodded. "It doesn't work, but it's so pretty. Whenever I turn it on, it shakes and makes the most awful buzzing noise. Maybe you could take a look at it and help me out?"

I sighed and readjusted my purse and laptop case. "Sure," I said, "show me your flashlight."

"Thank you dear, you're such a sweet girl." Mrs. McNealy shuffled toward her door, a tissue tucked under the band of her slim gold watch, a pale blue cardigan hung limply on her bony shoulders. I followed her, the heels of my Jimmy Choo's clicking on the tile floor. Mrs. McNealy opened her door and led the way to the kitchen. I followed a step behind making sure the door closed behind me.

"I'm in here dear," Liz called from the kitchen. I heard the faint buzzing of something, that I figured to be her flashlight. As I rounded the corner Liz McNealy was standing in the center of her kitchen, Alice's god awful vibrator was swinging in ridiculous circles.

I felt my face flush and I reached out for the vibrator. "Mrs. McNealy," I said softly. "This isn't a flashlight."

Confusing colored her face and her faded eyebrows drew together. "It's not?"

I shook my head no. "It's an, um well, it's an adult toy. I think it's called a vibrator."

Mrs. McNealy laughed gaily. "Oh, well then," she chuckled, the ghost of her former vibrant self flickered in her eyes. She handed the mass of pink, quivering latex to me. I tried to keep my expression neutral, to not show how much this thing was grossing me out. "You have it. I'm an old woman, Lord knows if I used that I'd be going to see my Larry a lot sooner than the good Lord intended. I'm sorry to have bothered you dear."

I mumbled the first coherent thought that came to mind and shoved the vibrator in my purse. Then it clicked. Vibrator? Check. Lube? Possibly. My thoughts flickered to the brown envelope with the squishy contents.

"Say," Mrs. McNealy called before I had the chance to make a clean getaway. "Are you still seeing that tattooed fellow?"

I shook my head no. "We broke up. Why?"

"My oldest boy, Richard, he has a son, my grandson, he's coming out to visit me next week," she said this proudly.

"Oh that's nice."

"Would you like to go out with him?"

Talk about adding insult to injury. The woman probably just spent the better half of the afternoon playing with a battery operated dildo and now she wanted me to go on a blind date with her grandson.

"I…" Stall, I told myself, better yet, come up with a really, really, really great excuse. I drew a blank. "Let me check my calendar and get back to you, okay?"

Mrs. McNealy nodded and shut the door behind me. I shook my head. Could this month get any worse? I wondered as I fished my keys out of the adult sex shop that was taking over my purse.

Safely back in my apartment, I shut off the vibrator then disdainfully carried it to me room, slid open the drawer of the bedside table, and tossed it in, watching as it topped a sheaf of paper, burying it under a papery mound. Then I went back to the kitchen and pulled out the envelope.

Just as I suspected, lube; Kama Sutra Warming Gel for Women. I carried the pretty pink tube to my room and tossed it into the same drawer as the vibrator. Pushing the drawer shut with the toe of my Choo's, I sank down onto the edge of the bed.

I missed Rex. I glanced longingly over at his side of the bed. Rex was a slob, I thought ruefully as I glanced at his neatly made side of the bed. He never made the bed and it irritated me to no end. I liked coming home after a long day at the office and seeing a neatly made bed; it made climbing under the covers with a good book and a cup of tea so much better.

Now you can have lots of nights like that, I thought. I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn't want nights like that. I wanted messy Rex and his messy side of the bed and dirty jeans tossed over the back of my couch. I wanted to trip over motorcycle boots and fuck up the aptly named polish on my toes. I say aptly because ninety percent of the time the name fit my mood. Most of the time it was a dark purple, nearly black polish fittingly called Give Me Moor. Because I wanted more from Rex; we'd been together for five years and he was still the same, devil may care rebel I fell in love with back in college. He never took anything seriously. Mostly because he said I took life seriously enough for the both of us.

I sighed again and flung myself back, my body sinking in to the expensive pillow top mattress. I laid there staring at the ceiling thinking that this was a new beginning, that being almost thirty and newly single couldn't be that bad, could it?


	2. Turn the Page

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**Thanks for the reviews you guys! Glad you liked the first chapter..lol. So yeah..chapter two..hope you like it..  
**

**Bella**

I just spent the last few hours de-Rex-afying my apartment. All of his little mementos went into a jumbo-sized black Hefty bag. I deleted all his horrible music from my computer, cleansed it from my iPod, scrubbed every surface with bleach, hell I even bleached my sheets. I wanted him, and his memory, gone.

Now, I stood in front of the mirror wrapped in a plush blue towel, inspecting myself and wondering why all my relationships seemed to end badly. Was it me? I wondered. Was I somehow defective as a girlfriend?

I leaned in for a closer look. My brown eyes were plain but clear, alert, intelligent. My recently trimmed hair hung in loose curls down my back. I leaned back and looked at my face. It was plain – not one that would stick out in your memory and my boobs, or lack thereof, they definitely left much to be desired; just ask my older sister Victoria, she and her clan of cheerleader cronies dubbed me the chairperson of the itty bitty titty committee in high school. Soon, the jocks – football and basket players, even the baseball and soccer guys were calling me that. All time low came when the wrestlers, the wrestlers! for Christ's sake, started saying it.

Not much had changed in the ten years since high school. I could still chair the itty bitty titty committee no problem; the only thing that had changed was my attitude. Big tits were overrated; just ask the countless girls who had to have reductions because they were having back problems.

But back to my sister; Victoria is two years older than me and evil bitch incarnate. I'm jealous of those girls who have really close relationships with their sisters because Victoria and I will never have that.

Victoria was, hell still is, everything I'm not. She's tall where I'm short. She takes after our mother, I take after our father. She was captain of the cheerleading squad, I was the dork painting the sets in the theater and tripping over my own two feet any chance I got.

A brief reprieve came when Victoria went off to Princeton. Two years later I went down to the sunny shores of California to attend USC. How and why I decided to come back to Seattle after college is a mystery to me. Oh wait, no it's really not.

There was a guy (isn't there always?), Mike something was his name. I tilt my head to the side trying to remember him. I see a shading of sandy hair, carefully disarrayed, then his round baby face and deep blue eyes come to mind. Newton! I think, Mike Newton that was his name. His parents owned a sports store in Northern California and he came to Seattle to try and open another store in Tacoma and foolish me came with him.

We didn't last long. He met a nice girl in Tacoma, Jessica I think was her name and they got married a year after we broke up.

After Mike there was an Eric, good in bed and that was about it; Tyler – all around dick and not good in bed; I think there was a Ben, but we were just really good friends, that's as far as that went.

Victoria though, always the lucky girl, befriended, dated, got engaged to and subsequently married the son of a prominent New York attorney. James Page's father, Hugh Page, was a lawyer for the Sacchini crime family, James' mother, Alma Beatty-Page, was a former supermodel turned socialite who frequented that scene and could often be seen in fashion magazines and the social pages of the papers.

My mother couldn't have been prouder when Victoria came home from Princeton with not only her fancy Psychology degree, but a rich fiancé and an even fancier oval cut Cartier solitaire engagement ring. James and Victoria married the summer after graduation and live in a stunning, overly-white two story Dutch Colonial just outside Campbell Hill with their two perfect children and an equally well behaved golden retriever.

I despised my sister. Hell, most days I even despised my mother. The pair of them was cut from the same cloth, two peas in a pod and it irritated them to no end that I didn't want to follow in their footsteps. It was just something Renee, my mother, would never understand. I didn't want a house in Disturbia, a drone of a husband, and two point five perfect kids. I wanted my job and my lush little condo in the heart of Seattle and not much more. Well maybe good sex occasionally, and Peking Lotus take out. But aside from that, I was as content as a bug in a rug.

I focused on myself in the mirror. My reflection looked wistful. I stared back wondering again what was wrong with the girl in the mirror. I looked normal; I wasn't hideously deformed or even hideous to look at.

_Fat, _I decided. _I'm fat, that's what's wrong with me; that's why Rex left me for a stripper named Tulip._

_Daisy, _my subconscious corrected. She peered at me all-knowingly over the rim of her smart glasses. _The stripper's name is Daisy._

_Whatever_, I want to shout, _she still had a plant name. Who gives a shit if it was Daisy and not Tulip_. Frustrated I readjust my towel and walk away from the mirror feeling miserable and self-loathing. I knew I should have picked up some ice cream after work.

I go into the closet, switching on the over head light and reach for my holey sweatpants and an equally worn camisole. A faint smile tugs at my lips as the soft cotton slides over my scrubbed skin.

This was definitely a perk to being unattached. I could wear holey pajamas and not catch flack for it. _Hey_, I thought, _this might turn out to be a good thing after all_. Then I set off to compile a list of things I can do, or not do, now that I was single again. _I don't have to shave my legs every day, waxing the lady parts – okay well amend that one; waxing, just not as much. That shit hurts like a motherfucker. I mean, I'm all for personal hygiene but torture? Yeah, thanks but no._

_I could sleep in the middle of the bed, not have to worry about someone hogging all the covers. _

I leave the room in search of food. I'm famished. As I head into the kitchen, I flick the radio on, the smooth seductive sound of Norah Jones spills out. I add _"Listen to Norah Jones in peace,"_ to the list of things I can now do that I couldn't do before.

In the kitchen I root through the cabinets for something to eat. There's nothing there, at least nothing that catches my attention. _Chinese takeout_, I immediately think. I scurry to the drawer that holds my secret stash of take out menus. I find the one for Peking Lotus and reach for the phone at the same time it rings. I wait for the caller ID to show up afraid it might be Rex doing his infamous, "I'm drunk and want you back speech."

Alice's name and number pop up and I reach for the phone. "Bella's house of that is adult oriented and therefore kinky as hell," I say playfully.

"Well, well, well," she chuckles into the phone. "Someone's in a good mood."

"Yeah, you don't know the half of it," I mutter as I yank the fridge open.

"Oh, do tell," Alice pleads, her voice oozes curiosity.

"Well," I say as I spy a bottle of red wine in the back of the fridge. I have no idea how long it's been back there, but right now I don't care. I want, no need, a drink. "Mrs. McNealy spent the better half of her afternoon playing with my new plastic boyfriend."

Alice gasps in mock horror. "No!"

"Oh yes," I inform her. "Yes, she thought it was a flashlight. I had to inform her that it was no, as a matter of fact it was _not _a flash light and that it was a vibrator. Then the old bitty decides to have a rather well placed moment of clarity and offers to set me up with her grandson. Imagine my mortification. "oh yeah Liz, for sure, you've been playing with my dildo all afternoon, and sure while we're at it, I'd _love_ to go on a blind date with your grandson, but do me a favor and don't mention my lovely, floppy, battery operated penis while you're setting that up for me. Can ya manage that sweetheart?" God Alice I swear I could _kill_ you."

On the other end, Alice is giggling hysterically. "Look here, sweetie, I didn't make you order all that stuff. You did that all on your own."

"Oh yeah, you're completely innocent. You know, you didn't make the margaritas, or stand on the back of my couch toting the importance of owning a freaking dildo."

Alice laughed again. "Hey, I just told you what you already knew. But I guess if you have to blame someone, blame me. I mean if it makes you feel better."

I snickered. "Oh I'm so blaming you. And yes, thanks, it does make me feel better."

"Okay good, now that we've got that out of the way, back to Liz's grandson. Haven't we seen him once or twice?"

I delved into my memory trying to recall if we'd ever seen the illusive grandson. "I dunno," I finally said. "Maybe, but if we did he wasn't memorable."

"God imagine what he must say about you," Alice snickered.

"Whatever Alice," I retorted. "I'm hanging up now. I have a bottle of wine calling my name."

"Yeah right Bella, that isn't the only thing calling your name," she fired back.

_Touché,_ I thought. "Good night Alice, see you at work tomorrow," I said sweetly and hung up.

* * *

I order my take out, watching two episodes of Grey's Anatomy that have been on my DVR since the dawn of time. At ten thirty, slightly drunk, I head to bed.

As I lay there watching the headlights from the cars below roll over the ceiling, my thoughts drift to the vibrator under the bed; _Come on Bella, _it calls, _ you spent all that money on me, you know you want to use me. _

I ignore its siren call and roll over, punching my pillow_. I'm swearing off men_, I say to myself. _Okay maybe not all men. Maybe just those with clichéd French accents who adopt nicknames like 'Rex' because a tattooed Frenchman, wannabe rock and roll star named Laurent is just too laughable. _

So, men with French accents, lame nicknames, no jobs and motorcycles they call "Baby." Those were the kind of men I was swearing off. The tattoos, eh, well what can I say, I'm a sucker for a guy with ink. It's just…hot.

Rex's – Laurent's – olive, tattooed skin rise to the surface of my subconscious, I see his smiling face, the playfulness in his dark eyes as he stares at me from across the bar. In my bed, tucked comfortable between sheets of Egyptian cotton, I shiver.

_NO!_ My inner bitch shouts as she slams that door shut with such ferocity that it gives me a headache. _WE are not going there this time_, she hisses. _Now go to sleep and stop thinking about Rex, _she orders, _he's a piece of shit, a loser and likes strippers. Why would you want to be with a man like that? Don't you have any respect for yourself?_

And just like that, the inner bitch is no longer herself; her gypsy's soul vanishes and in its place stands my mother, her painted mouth pressed into a tight line, her arms crossed angrily across the front of her off-white Chanel suit.

I close my eyes and roll over. The inner bitch and my mother. I guess though, when you think about it, the two are synonymous, my inner bitch learned from the best – Renee.

* * *

When I wake the sun is low in the sky, and its cloudy. I lay in the center of the bed for a few extra minutes enjoying the peace and quiet of the early morning.

After a few minutes the noise from the street below finds its way into my room. I get up and dress, gratefully the work week is almost over. I need the weekend, need a few days to recharge and get back to being me.

* * *

Traffic is hell, then again its always hell on Friday mornings and I curse myself for laying in bed when I could have been getting ready and left early avoiding the traffic.

It creeps along the interstate and I finally see my exit up ahead. I sit back, let go of the steering wheel and relax as the sad sounds of Train spill out of the car's stereo.

I drift off, thinking about nothing. It's a welcome reprieve. Suddenly a car horn honks behind me and I come back down to earth and see that traffic has well moved on, cars are speeding around up and passing me. I take my foot off the brake and step on it, thinking if I hurry I can still make it to work on time.

* * *

The parking garage is full when I pull in. I drive around for a few minutes before finding a space. Quickly I hurry to my office. I pass by Angela, the receptionist, she smiles shyly and hands me my messages. "Mr. Masen wants to see you in his office at nine thirty," she calls as I hurry down the hallway. "And Ms. Cullen called; she has to cancel lunch this afternoon, some meeting."

_Shit_, I think, _shit, shit, shit._

I am so not ready for this meeting. I hurry into my office and dump my purse and briefcase onto a chair. The briefcase misses the chair, falls to the floor, and pops open. All my documents fall onto the floor in disarray. "Shit," I hiss and risk a glance at the clock. It's a quarter after nine.

I scoop the files into a pile and stack them on my desk. They're going to need to be re-organized. _There goes my relaxing weekend_, I think disgusted at my clumsiness.

I sit down in my chair and kick my peep toe Louboutins off. In my chest my heart is racing. Edward Masen was the newest member of the team. I work for Alice. She got an idea when we were in college to start a company that made dress up clothes for little girls. And I use the term "dress up clothes" loosely. Alice took it to the extreme, the dress up clothes she sold could rival Marie Antoinette's closet, they were authentic, painstakingly made princess dresses, and just about anything else you could think of. If someone wanted it, Alice made it. She was real big among the Hollywood moms, especially those with little girls.

My job was simple, I tracked down the beautiful fabrics that made Alice's dresses and I loved it. Every day was a challenge, tracking down the fabrics for just the right price, bargaining with the sellers. There was no such thing as a dull day in my line of work.

At first Alice was uncomfortable giving me a job that she deemed was "beneath me." She wanted me to sit up in an office high in the clouds with her and run the company. It was after all, partially my company too; I named it – Two Red Birds. It seems like a lame name, but the day I came up with Alice had just finished telling me her vision and I looked up and in the branches of the tree we were sitting under were two red cardinals, playing in the leaves. I looked at Alice, both of us then a naïve nineteen at the time, and told her to name the company Two Red Birds and it just stuck. Two red cardinals inspired a costume clothing empire.

But back to Edward-lick me like a lollipop-Masen. I picked him to be the guy in charge of our department; he was good and had the experience to take T.R.B. to the next level. I slid my feet back into my shoes and shuffle through the disarray on my desk looking for the file I'm sure Edward is going to want to see.

At five minutes till, I stand up and smooth the imaginary wrinkles out of my dress. I momentarily wish I hadn't worn something so tight and low cut and curse Edward Masen for not telling me yesterday he wanted to see me. I try to avoid him at all costs; every time I get around him I blubber like an idiot and spend all my effort trying to control the blush that flames across my cheeks. I barely know the men and yet that's the affect he has on me.

I get up, folder in hand and walk past the offices of my co-workers. As I near the corner office I see Edward leaning against the door frame, his odd bronze hair a disheveled mess atop his head; his sparkling green eyes glitter mischievously looking more like rare jade stones than a pair of eyes. Depeche Mode is playing in my head as my eyes travel across his face, slowly down his chest; his black dress shirt is open at the neck and tucked into a pair of grey trousers.

_I could corrupt you_

_In a heart beat_

_Oh yes Mr. Masen, you_ could_ corrupt me_, I think as I shift the file in my sweaty hands.

_What are you trying?_

_Don't even tempt me_

_You'd be calling out my name_

I shiver involuntarily. Edward sees me and smiles. I return his smile and hand him the file. "I'm assuming you wanted to see this," I say breathlessly. My heart is thumping around erratically in my chest as Edward takes the file, his fingers brushing mine.

"Yes, I do, thank you." He motions me into his lush corner office and sits down, not behind the desk, but in one of the leather chairs across the office. "Sit," he commands motioning the second chair.

Nervously I wobble and manage to cross his office and sit without tripping or falling. I think the fact that I'm wearing nine hundred dollar shoes has a lot to do with it.

Edward opens the file and skims the sheets of paper tacked inside. His green eyes flick up and down; his long spidery fingers turn the pages.

I sit back and cross my legs looking around at his office. It smells divine, some scent I can't identify. He has Ansel Adams photographs artfully hung on the walls. Several catch my attention and I stare pointedly at them, lost in the scenery.

"They're lovely aren't they?" Edward murmurs.

I nod, still enraptured by the simplistic beauty of the pictures. Unwillingly, I tear my eyes from the pictures, somewhat embarrassed. "Sorry," I say. "Have you finished looking over the report?"

Edward nods and closes the folder. "Everything looks good. I just wanted to check in with you and see how you were doing with the Indian silk. Have you had any luck contacting the manufacturer?"

I nodded. "Yes, I contacted them on Monday, the receptionist I spoke to said someone would contact me by the end of the week. If I don't hear from them by close of business today I'll call again first thing Monday morning."

Edward pursed his lips and nodded. "Okay, good. Well, that was all I really needed to know. Thanks."

I collected my file and stood. "Alright; I'll shoot you an email letting you know what happens."

Edward nodded again. "Thank you Ms. Swan."

As I neared the door way Edward called out, "Oh and Ms. Swan?"

I turned, glancing at him over my shoulder. "Those shoes are amazing; they make your legs look stunning."

My face flushed, a slow blush crept up my neck, inflamed my cheeks. "Uh, thank you," I murmur and flee his office.

Has the man never heard of sexual harassment?

_Of course not, _the inner bitch muttered, _who would press harassment charges against you when you look like him?_

I rolled my eyes and escaped into my office. I shut the door and kicked off the ruby red Louboutin stilettos. Once free of the shoes, I sit down behind my desk and dial Alice.

"You'll never guess what the delectable Edward Masen just said to me," I tell her when she answers.

Alice laughs, "Oh, I'm sure I can guess."

"Yeah, I'm sure you could," I fire back.

"Let me guess," she muses quietly, "Red leather peep toe Louboutins. Am I right?"

I shake my head. How the hell does she do that? "You saw me come in this morning," I accuse.

"Nope," she laughs. "I haven't even left the bed today. The man is a sucker for chicks in heels. Why do you think I hired him?"

I shake my head and power up my computer. Time to see if India emailed; I smile thinking that if they did I might strut my ruby red Louboutins back down there to Mr. Masen's office and deliver the news personally.

* * *

Reviews are tastier than cupcakes and since I'm on a diet and can't have cupcakes leave me a review...well that and I'm a review junkie! lol..

**Musical Credits:**

What Am I To You – Norah Jones

Corrupt – Depeche Mode

**Chapter Title:**

Turn the Page – Matt Hires

**The dress:**

www(dot) (forward slash)Kendal%20Dress(forward slash)500336814,default,pd(dot) html

**The shoes:**

www (dot) (forward slash)wp-content(forward slash)uploads(forward slash)2009(forward slash)02(forward slash)christian-louboutin-madame-claude-peep-toe-dorsay(dot) jpg(forward slash)


	3. Friends

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

hgmsnoopy - lol if i had the money i would have a closet full of Louboutin shoes too..sadly, i don't as well..but..a girl can dream..and window shop..lol..

& newbornvamp..loved your comment for ch 2..."This is a lot like my life" loooved it..that's the reaction I aim for...

and to you guys who review..thank you...don't worry too much about Edward..we all know what a floozy he is...Jake is coming in the next chapter (hopefully...I wrote three versions of this chapter..one of them was from his POV but I didn't like his attitude..lol)..so..yeah..enjoy and let me know what you think. : )

**Bella**

"Bella come on," Alice whined. "It's a Friday night and you know you don't have any other plans. Come out with me, at least for a couple hours."

My keys jingled in my hand as I made my way to the car. I was losing control; I could feel my briefcase sliding down my arm, my patience slipping. All I wanted to do was stop for some Thai, a bottle of Jack and a pint of ice cream, go and quite literally drown my sorrows in food, sweets and liquor.

However, Alice was having none of that. "Al, come on, I don't want to go out. It's been a long day and an even longer week. I just want to go home and enjoy the silence."

Alice exhaled loudly into the phone. "You're such a liar," she accused. "You know as well as I do that you're going to go home, put on those damn holey ass sweat pants and curl up on the couch and watch _The Jane Austen Book Club_. There will probably be ice cream and booze involved, which by the way is really freaking gross, and how you manage to eat ice cream and drink and _not_ be sick will _never_ cease to amaze me. So, come on, quit being a pansy and come out with me."

"Alice, I'm tired, I've had the shittiest week and all I really want to do is go home and relax." It came out sounding whinier than I meant it to, I just hated it when she did that – begged me to go out with her, or do something I didn't want to do. I guess some things never change.

You see, Alice and I have been friends, well for practically ever. We were in the same classes our entire time in school, we went to the same college where we were roommates and now we had T.R.B. together. We always did everything together and when I didn't want to do something, Alice would beg and plead and wheedle me until she got her way.

Silence crackled over the line. I thought she hung up, but then I heard her sigh. "Fine," she relented. "But you're going out with me tomorrow. I want to go to Rosalie's store tomorrow. My mom's birthday is next week; I want to get her some of those chocolate things."

"Okay," I agreed. "You want to pick me up or should I pick you up?"

"I'll come by around noon and pick you up, is that okay?"

I got to the car and set my briefcase on the roof as I fumbled through my purse looking for my keys. "Alright Alice, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright toots, see you tomorrow."

I hung up and tossed the phone into the bag. _Where the hell are my keys? _ I thought as I pawed through the contents of my bag. There was a ton of gum wrappers, a tube of some gaudy shade of pink lipstick and a plethora of other stuff but no keys.

"I think you dropped these," a velvety voice said from behind me.

A tiny shriek escaped my lips and I damn near jumped out of my Louboutins. Clutching my chest I turned around and came face to face with Edward Masen, his chestnut hair ruffled in the breeze. Dangling from his long, sinewy fingers were my keys. I reached out and snatched them from him.

"Thanks," I muttered, jamming the unlock button on the keyless remote.

"No problem," he replied, his voice silky smooth.

"Yeah, so I guess I'll, uh, see you Monday." I felt the heat creep across my cheeks. What was it about him that turned me into a babbling idiot?

_Um, maybe the fact that, well he's gorgeous, and secondly, he's interested in you, but you're too stupid to either notice or care, _the inner bitch grumbled.

_Shut up you, _I thought back and she listened, rolling her mental eyes at me. "See you," I said again as I opened the car door and threw my briefcase in.

"Hey, Bella?" Edward said as I slid into the car.

I gazed up at him, his green eyes just as vibrant in the lingering twilight. "Hmm?"

"Are you hungry? Would you maybe want to grab a bite to eat with me?"

I stared at him slightly taken aback. If Alice were here she would sure as hell kick me for what I was about to do. "Edward," I sighed staring up at him. I wanted to say yes, don't get me wrong I did, but I worked with him and I didn't want any weirdness the next day. "Can I take a rain check? I already have other plans tonight," I lied smoothly.

"Sure," he said, the lines around his eyes smoothing. "Sure, maybe we can grab lunch next week or something. Have a great weekend."

And with that he turned and walked across the lot. I shut the door and started my car, the engine purring softly as I exited the lot.

I made my customary Friday night stop at Safeway for some Ben and Jerry's then headed home. Jack and Jane were already at home awaiting my arrival.

And just as Alice said, I went home, put on my holey pajamas and curled up on the couch with a glass of whiskey and coke and the pint of Cherry Garcia.

I dozed off at one point and when I woke up again _Message in a Bottle _was playing. I sat up, rubbing my eyes sleepily and glanced at the TV. _I hate this part_, I thought, watching as Kevin Costner's character found the letters he'd dropped into the ocean for his wife in the bedside table drawer of his new girlfriend.

I watched as he left, as he finished his boat. Then I watched as he died, and I cried right along with Theresa, the main female character.

As the credits rolled, I climbed off the couch and shuffled sleepily toward the kitchen with my melted ice cream and empty glass in tow. I set the glass on the top rack of the dishwasher and tossed the ice cream into the trash, wiping my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt.

Damn Nicholas Sparks and his make women cry attitude. _Why did he have to do that,_ I wondered, every movie, someone dies or someone doesn't end up with the person they love. It was depressing and I couldn't understand it. Not one little bit. If I was a writer, everyone would always get their happily ever after. Life is messy, true, and not everyone ends up being happy, but fiction, yeah, fiction should always end happily.

As I shut off the lights and checked the locks I was mentally re-writing the movie, changing the ending so that Garret lived and he and Theresa lived happily ever after in their cozy little ocean front bungalow. As I climbed into the cool, moon washed sheets, I thought about how much nicer the movie would have been if they did end up living happily ever after. The phrase about life and art imitating one another came to mind; people write about love, love that has happened to them, artists paint things they see. Singers sing about things that they've been through. I wondered if my life imitated art in any way.

_Of course it does, _my inner bitch whispered_. Look at the Louboutin shoes in your closet. Poor people, you know the ones whose rent costs as much as a pair of those shoes consider them a work of art and your clumsy ass parades around in them all day long. _

_Shut up hooker, _I retorted rolling over. Expensive shoes were a luxury; I worked hard to afford them so why shouldn't I buy them?

_Maybe because you could donate that money to, oh say I don't know a charity or something._

_Whatever, _I thought, closing my eyes.

I dreamt of Edward Masen that night, his emerald green eyes haunting in the darkness. His velvety voice was smooth in the darkness. I wanted to touch him, to run my fingers through his wild mane; feel the smoothness of his tousled locks.

His shoe comment from earlier echoed in my mind. He called for me to come to him, to find him. I ran through the dark, searching.

When I rounded a corner, fingers reaching out for Edward, it wasn't Edward who waited, but Rex. I gasped and awoke with a start.

The morning sun filtered through the minimalistic curtains. I exhaled loudly. This was ridiculous; dreaming of Rex and dreaming of Edward. It was just nuts, totally freaking nuts.

I rolled over in bed, glancing at the alarm clock. _8:45_ the clock read. I sat up with a sigh and climbed out of bed. The whiskey and ice cream from the night before still lingered, pounding the space behind my eyes; I stifled a yawn and padded to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

As the coffee brewed my cell phone chirped from its charging dock. I must have fallen asleep earlier than I thought. There was a message waiting to be heard. Part of me hoped it was Alice calling to cancel lunch today. However, I was never that lucky. The message was from my mother.

"Bella, dear," she said in her haughty, holier than though tone of voice. "You father and I are having your sister and James over for dinner Sunday evening; if you could grace us with your presence that would be wonderful."

I winced when she said wonderful. It was another one of Renee's little habits that just rubbed me the wrong way. There was a long list of things Renee did that rubbed me the wrong way.

I didn't listen to the rest of the message. I ended the call and because I knew it would irritate her, I didn't bother to call my mother back. Instead, I poured myself a cup of coffee and flicked on the radio wondering what to wear today.

* * *

At 12:30 Alice was beating down my door. "Open the door bitch," she shouted.

"Jesus Alice, will you shut the fuck up please," I hissed, wrenching the door open.

"Ooh look at you, you look cute. Are those my jeans?" she asked walking past me.

"You wish, and I want my shoes back. Nice coat by the way."

Alice's perfectly painted lips parted in a small 'O' of surprise. "These are my shoes," she said defensively.

"Who made them?" I asked.

She looked down and shrugged. "Prada?"

I gasped at her. "How dare you disgrace the name of all that is a good pair of Michael Kors."

She rolled her eyes at me. We were like ying and yang. Alice knew clothes, I knew shoes. Together we existed in perfect retail harmony. "Anyway, let's go."

We left the apartment and took the elevator to the parking garage. "So, last night Edward Masen asked me to dinner," I told her as we walked to her car.

Alice stopped in the middle of the lot. "He what?!" she exclaimed.

I turned to look at her. "He asked me if I wanted to get dinner with him," I repeated slowly.

"And what did you say?" she asked.

"I said no. I told you I just wanted to go home and relax. I told him I'd take a rain check and he said maybe we could do lunch this week."

Alice grabbed my arm. "I can't believe you said no," she said linking her arm in mine.

"I didn't say no per se," I told her, "I just said I needed a rain check."

"You might as well have said no. god what were you thinking? Come on, I told Rosalie we'd take her to lunch."

* * *

As was typical for a Saturday, Pike Place Market was crawling with people who deiced to spend their weekend perusing the shops and eateries that composed the market. Pike Place was also where Rose's shop was located.

Alice found a parking spot and we made our way through the crowds. After passing a few stores in silence, Alice went back to the Edward-Masen-asked-you-out-and-you-said-no spiel she was on earlier.

"Bella," she said grasping my arm.

I looked at her, "What?"

"You really told Edward you wouldn't have dinner with him?"

I rolled my eyes, "Come on Alice," I said exasperatedly. "Why is it such a big deal if I told him no? We work together; it has the potential to be weird; especially if we don't work out."

"Yeah well, I bet the sex would've been great," Alice sighed. "Not to mention the fact that he's like, seriously hot."

"Are you ever going to act your age?" I asked as we walked past a shop selling hand painted silk scarves.

Alice grabbed my arm and we stopped, peering into the windows of the shop. "We have to go in there after lunch. And to answer your question no, I don't want to grow up. Why the hell do you think I make kids play clothes?"

"Come on," I sighed, "Rosalie is probably waiting."

Together we moved away from the scarf shop and headed in the direction of Rose's Chocolate Treasures. The smell of confections - cocoa and cream, mint and butter – all hung in the air making my mouth water. Behind the counter stood our good friend Rose, her long blonde hair pulled back off her face, her hazel eyes sparkling as she joked with a customer.

Alice and I walked further into the shop. I immediately felt like I'd left Seattle and walked right into a chocolaterie in France. Rosalie had painted the walls a soft brown, almost caramel color that complimented the rich mahogany of the floors and counters. Vintage prints hung on the walls, shelves with framed photos and hat boxes lined the walls.

The effect was comforting. I felt like a character in the _Chocolat _movie. I wanted to peek into the back room to see if maybe Johnny Depp was back there performing some handy deed. I bit back a giggle as I thought about the handy things he could do to me.

Alice sidled up beside me. "What are you thinking about?" she asked as she peered into a case, her eyes feasting upon the rows and rows of truffles, and fudge. Chocolate covered pretzels and strawberries, almonds, peanuts and raisins. My mouth watered at all the chocolaty goodness.

Rosalie finished with her customer and came around the counter. "Hey you guys!" she exclaimed hugging the two of us. "What are you doing here?"

"We made lunch plans, remember?" Alice said. "I called you earlier this week, told you I'd drag Bella out and the three of us could grab some lunch. Do you have time? You look awful busy."

Rosalie glanced down at the delicate silver watch on her wrist. Frowning slightly she said, "I guess I could close for a half hour. Is that good?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Rosalie that's fine. Are you shorthanded today?"

Rosalie nodded and crossed the store floor, flipping the open sign over so it read _closed_. "I can't keep a full staff no matter what I do; they always quit. It's been just me for a few weeks now. I'm up to my eyeballs and drowning fast."

"What happened?" Alice asked as the three of us headed away from her shop.

Rosalie shrugged. "I don't know. One minute I had a full staff and then like a week later they all just started quitting. I get my shop running right and I get engaged and it finally seems like my life is going exactly the way I want it to then it all falls apart," Rosalie cried.

I bit back a groan. Ah the ever present fiancé, Emmett, aka douche bag fiancé. Alice shot me a sidelong glance. _Keep your mouth shut,_ the look said. I gave her a curt nod and pulled the door to Sisters Café open.

Alice knew how much I disliked (ha! _That's _putting it mildly) Emmett. He was an asshole; he treated Rosalie like some sort of possession, like he wanted to own her, to control her or some shit like that. She thoroughly denied it, but I secretly think he hits her. I've never seen a mark on her, but I've seen a battered woman or two and this is how it starts.

"So," I say as the three of us sit down. "How_ is_ the douche bag fiancé?"

Alice groaned and Rosalie's face turned beet red. "What would your mother say if she heard you talking like that?" Alice asked shooting me a disapproving look.

"Just fine thanks," Rosalie mumbled. By now I knew enough to just let it go. "So, how's the company?" she asks, changing the subject.

"Oh it's great, we are doing so well. Bella is on a mission to find this gorgeous, what is it silk?" I nod and she continues, "Silk, from India. The colors are unlike anything I've ever seen. And it's so soft and well, silky."

"Yeah, but it's a pain to get. The manufacturer is being an ass. It's just silly; I guess he doesn't want to boatload of money we'd pay to have that material." I sip my glass of water and look around for a waitress.

Rosalie nodded sympathetically. "I have a few suppliers like that."

"Suppliers? What, does douche bag fiancé have you dealing out of the back of your shop?" Alice kicked me under the table. I bit back a yelp as the toe of her shoe dug into my shin. "Sorry," I muttered.

"Did Bella tell you she spent like four hundred dollars on sex toys?" Alice shot me a look that said, _take that._

Rosalie's jaw dropped her lips part in a perfectly pink 'O' of surprise. "No," she hissed, a faint smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "You spent four hundred bucks on _sex toys_?"

Alice nodded emphatically. "She did. I was there. Granted – "

"Alice made margaritas and stood on the back of my couch shouting at the top of her lungs reasons why I needed a vibrator," I interrupted.

Rosalie giggled. "I can't believe that. Why didn't you guys invite me?"

"I called you, remember. You said you were having dinner with Emmett's parents."

Her eyes clouded as she struggled to remember, then cleared. "Oh that's right. I'm sorry to hear about Rex," she said sympathetically.

I waved her off. "It's okay. He was an asshole, I'm way better off without him."

"Yeah, Bella's already got her hooks in a new guy," Alice snickered.

"No I don't!" I protested

Rosalie looked from me to Alice back to me. "Who?"

"Edward Masen, he's the guru Alice hired and I don't have a "thing" for him."

Alice smiled mischievously. "No, but he sure as hell has a thing for you."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Alice." I turned to Rosalie. "She says that because he made a comment about my shoes yesterday. Maybe he's gay, maybe he wears Louboutins on his day off. It's not a big deal. Where the heck is the waitress?"

Alice and Rosalie both craned their necks, trying to look over the back of the booth. "I'll go get someone," Rosalie said as she slid out of the booth.

After she walked out of ear shot, Alice leaned across the table. "What's wrong with you? Why do you have to call Emmett the "douche bag fiancé?" You know how uncomfortable that makes Rosalie," she hissed.

I shrugged lithely. "If the shoe fits Alice; he is a douche bag and he is her fiancé, hence douche bag fiancé."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Just knock it off," she hissed right before Rosalie slid into the booth.

"Someone's on their way over," she smiled.

"Good. I'm starving," Alice announced.

* * *

After I shut up about Emmett, lunch was easy. The three of us talked about work and love. Well, more like Alice and Rosalie talked and I listened seeing as how I was now swimming in the singles pool. Alice was too, but she had enough sex with random men to have something to talk about, but still, it was mostly me and Alice sitting there listening to Rosalie drone on and on about how Emmett did this, or Emmett said that.

Quite frankly it was nauseating and the check couldn't come fast enough. You see Alice and I may have been joined at the hip, but me and Rosalie not so much. She was great, but after she met Emmett the pair of us grew apart. I didn't like him and had a hard time hiding it.

After lunch Alice and I went back to the silk shop. While I looked at the scarves Alice talked to the owner about possibly supplying Two Red Birds with some of her hand painted silk.

* * *

"Come on, we can order Chinese and watch P.S. I love you," I said to Alice as she parked her car beside mine.

"Um, no. How about I come up, we order Thai and we watch something that won't turn us into blubbering idiots."

"Deal," I muttered and the two of us rode the elevator to my floor.

"So," Alice began as the elevator doors slid open, "Have you seen Liz McNealy's seriously single grandson yet?"

I shook my head. "Nope, not yet. I don't even know if she really does have a grandson or if she imagined it."

We walked down the hall toward my apartment. "So, did you hear back from the Indian manufacturer?" Alice asked.

I shook my head no as I unlocked the door. "I'll keep trying if you want, but you might need to set your sights on a different kind of material for those dresses."

Alice shrugged. "Okay. Keep trying next week. If you don't make any progress then we'll look for something else."

"Alright. Come on, movies and Thai food wait."

**Hmm...let's see...reviews are better than chinese food, cherry garcia and whiskey...**

**"Friends" **by **Band of Skulls**

**oh..before i forget..Jake's age..should he be younger (coo coo cachoo Mrs. Robinson) or the same age as Bella? any input?  
**


	4. Travelin' Soldier

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

Okay..well, this was a super easy chappie to write..Jake is younger since most of the votes were for a younger Jake, however, (because I aim to please) he is younger, yet mature..so those who wanted him older...you kind of got your wish too. Love to my husband who gave me all the Marine info..Semper Fi!

**Jacob**

My bags were packed, I was ready to go.

Well, not really, but as ready as I'll ever be I guess. I looked around my vacant apartment once more before slinging my puke green duffel bag over my shoulder. Airplanes wait for no one and mine was leaving in a few hours.

I crossed the empty living room, my heavy boots thundering across the polished wood floor. Down in the parking lot my best friend and former roommate, Samuel Uley – Sam to his friends, was waiting, the diesel engine of his imperial blue Silverado 3500HD grumbling loudly.

I stopped in the doorway and looked over the place once more, triple checking that I didn't forget anything. "Jake let's go," Sam yelled from the driver's side of the truck. I locked the door and took the stairs two at a time. "You gotta hurry up man, traffic's gonna be hell."

I threw my pack into the bed of the truck and jumped into the passenger seat. "Let's go then," I said as I buckled my seatbelt.

Sam steered the truck through the busy Virginia Beach traffic and hopped on highway 264 heading toward Norfolk International Airport. "So, you're going to see your parents before you leave?" Sam asked over the Metallica playing on the radio.

I nodded, staring out the window. "I'm going to spend a week with my mom and Richard, then head into Seattle and spend a week with my grandmother. Then, it's off to the sandbox."

Sam shook his head. "I don't get you, it's like you live for that shit. Three tours in Iraq and it sounds like you're looking forward to going back."

"It's my job," I said with a shrug.

"Doesn't mean you gotta like it," Sam muttered. "I sure as hell don't."

The "sandbox" was a nickname for Iraq. It was called that because, as the name suggests, it was mostly sand. Hell who was I kidding, it was all sand. I didn't mind it though. I was a Marine. It was my job to go where I was sent and right now I was being sent back to Iraq with my unit, the 1st FAST (Fleet Anti-terrorism Security Team) Company stationed out of Norfolk, Virginia. It was my job to provide security and anti-/counter-terrorism; basically it was my job to make sure that none of those psychotic terrorist killed any of my brothers. It was a heady thing being twenty five years old and on a team that had such a huge responsibility; I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.

I loved the order and the structure the Marine Corp offered. There were rules and regulations and no such thing as blurry lines in the Marines. You knew what you had to do and you did it or you suffered the consequences. For someone like me, the Marine Corp was exactly what I needed.

When I was twelve my father passed away after a lifelong struggle with diabetes; it wasn't exactly easy to deal with and I rebelled a lot. There was just so much that happened after he died; my grandparents, my dad's parents, said –at first – that my mom killed him because she was sick of taking care of him, sick of having to cater to his diet and sick of having to give him insulin shots three times a day. That lasted until the coroner's report came back saying he died of natural causes. However, that didn't stop my grandparents. They next moved on to say my mom helped my father kill himself and that was as good as murdering him.

It got to be too much for my mother to take, so she packed me and my two older sisters up and moved far away from my grandparents and the poison of their lies. We moved a lot after that, going from town to town where my mother worked whatever job she could to get us by.

Me though, I never dealt with my dad's death. I was scared and alone. I missed my grandparents, I missed my friends, but most of all I missed my father.

My father was my hero. He was everything I wanted to be. I remember being a little kid and thinking that I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. Then he died and I was lost.

I started getting into fights with everyone. My grades fell, pot became my newest best friend and my mother, a lonely, over-worked widow with three kids to care for, had no idea what to do so she did nothing at all.

When I was fourteen my mother met Richard McNealy. She was, at the time, his housekeeper. How very fairy tale romantic that the rich architect falls in love with the woman cleaning his house. But he did. I couldn't complain though. He was an okay guy. He didn't try to replace my father; he treated my mom well and put my sisters through college.

But for me, for some reason, that wasn't good enough. I rebelled more and found myself walking a thin line between, well…between freedom and imprisonment.

When I was seventeen, a couple of Marine recruiters came to my high school. It was pure luck that I was even there that day. They talked me into coming to see them at their office and I agreed, never intending to hold up my end of the bargain.

As luck would have it, (again with the luck) one of them knew Richard and came to the house one night for dinner. He brought along a video that showed what he called "the quintessential Marine experience." It was a lot of gun fire and high adrenaline stuff.

I was hooked.

I stopped smoking weed, started working out and, with the counseling of the recruiter; I felt my life getting back on track. Six months before my eighteenth birthday Richard, my mother Sarah, and I all sat down with the recruiter. They signed the waiver allowing me to join and I went off to boot camp two months later.

It wasn't always easy and it wasn't always fun, but I enjoyed boot camp. For the first time in five years life made sense; I felt like I had a purpose again and it felt good. I worked hard and it showed. I was one of the youngest members of my unit and on the fast track to becoming an important person within my unit.

* * *

Sam made it to the airport in plenty of time. We did the man hug thing at the curb and I waved as he drove away. The flight to Washington State was smooth, I fell asleep as the plane chased the sun across the western sky and time fell away, the hours reversing the closer we came to landing. And they said time travel wasn't possible. I snickered to myself at that thought.

Richard and my mom were waiting just outside the terminal when the plane landed in Tacoma. Sarah hugged me, patting my cheek as she looked at me. "Look how grown up you are," she said softly.

Richard extended a hand. "Jacob," he said. "How have you been?"

"Fine Sir. Glad to be home. How have you been?"

"So, so. Glad you're home. Is that all the luggage you have?" he asked pointing at my duffel bag.

"Yes Sir," I replied.

"Well, then, how about we go get something to eat. I'm sure you must be starving."

I wasn't, but I knew better by now to just go with it. Before he could ask where I wasted to go I offered my suggestion. "How about Pacific Grill?" I suggested. I didn't really care, but I knew it was my mom's favorite place to eat.

We ate lunch then went back to the house I grew up in. To this day I still hard trouble calling it home. It had been redecorated since the last time I'd been home, almost four years ago.

Richard unlocked the door and I followed him and my mom into the grand foyer. The last time I'd been home it was painted a beige color. Now it was a soft blue, more like something you'd see in a beach bungalow overlooking the Atlantic, not a McMansion over looking Commencement Bay.

"I'm going to go unpack," I said and went upstairs. My boots thudded on the immaculately polished wood floors. The hall was the same color as the foyer. I passed Rachel's room, then a few feet down, Rebecca's room, a couple of bathrooms, a linen closet or five, the door to the attic and then finally – my room.

The door to my childhood room stood open as if anticipating my return. I stepped across the threshold and looked around. Something's never change. This place was definitely one of them. The room was the exact same way it was when I left it before my last deployment almost four years ago.

I smiled at the pictures of half naked women tacked to the wall, laughing at my own immaturity. The bed still held the same green comforter, the same box of playboy magazine's still hid under the foot of the bed, the rainbow stained glass bong still cowered in the corner of the closet, half hidden under a Rolling Stones concert tee-shirt.

I walked to the radio and popped open the CD player, peering inside. The newest CD by System of a Down, _Hypnotize_, was inside.

I shook my head and pushed the lid closed. The disc whirled, readying itself to be played. I marveled at how much I'd changed in four years. I hadn't listened to this kind of music in a long time, preferring the simpler, bluesy sounds of artists like Crosby Loggins and John Mayer.

"You need anything baby?" Sarah asked from the doorway.

I stifled the urge to jump and turned slowly, smiling at her. "No, Mom, I'm okay. Just looking around at everything I've left behind."

Sarah smiled. "May I come in?"

"Sure," I said waving her in. We sat on the edge of bed. I looked at my mom, she looked back at me.

"So, how have you been, really?" she asked.

I smiled and gave her a half shrug. "You know. Just doing what I have to do and trying to be happy."

Sarah smiled sadly. "You sound just like your father."

"He was my hero," I said.

She nodded briefly. "I know. Do you have a girlfriend in Virginia?"

I shook my head no. I had a few girls I hung out with, but not a steady girlfriend. All the girls, well at least the local girls, wanted a military husband and quite frankly that's not something I was ready for. Hell it wasn't something I was sure I even wanted so I stayed far away from that scene. To my mother I said, "Nope, no girlfriend. But I have a lot of friends and I had a nice apartment. I gave it up though, you know, gonna be in Iraq for at least a year and my roommate, Sam, he's getting ready to go on deployment."

"Sam is in the Navy?" Sarah clarified.

I nodded. "Yeah, he's what they call an IT, and information system tech, on an aircraft carrier, the U.S.S. Harry S. Truman. They are getting ready to go out to sea for six months."

"I don't understand it," she said.

"What?"

"All this time you kids spend away. You spend years in Iraq, your friends going out to sea all the time. When does the military expect you to see your families?"

I smiled. This was a conversation my mother and I had frequently. She didn't like the fact that my job put me in serious danger and she didn't like that I lived so far away or that I couldn't visit as often as she'd like, or as often as my sisters did. "We do what we have to do mom and we do it so you can be safe and go to sleep at night in a free country. Besides, it's not really that bad. I'm taken care of and I'm happy and I love my job. It gives me purpose."

"Ahh, my little Jacob, when did you get so smart?" she sighed.

"When I realized there was more to life than just me," I said.

"Well, thank God for that. I'm proud of you," she said. "Your father would be too. And speaking of that, can you come with me, there's something Richard and I want you to see."

Sarah stood up and headed toward the door. I followed her down the long hallway and into Richards's office. He looked up from his stack of papers. "Is it time?" he asked peering over the rim of his glasses.

Sarah nodded and the three of us made our way downstairs. I followed the two of them to the garage. "Close your eyes," Sarah instructed, her hand resting on the garage doorknob.

I complied and listened as the door knob turned and swung open. With her hand on my back, Sarah guided me down the three steps. "Okay," she said, "open your eyes."

Cautiously I opened them. Before me was a car covered with a tan car cover. I looked expectantly from Richard to my mother, confused. Slowly, Richard peeled the cover back, unveiling a midnight blue, '67 Chevy Impala.

I sucked in a deep breath and stared wide eyed at the car. "That's not-" I said. It couldn't be - there was no way, that after all this time, my dad's car sat in the garage.

Richard smiled and with a nod said, "It is. I tracked it down and had it fixed up. We want you to have it. We, your mother and I, know your leaving, but we also want you to know how proud of you we are. You've done some great things with your life and we appreciate your service. Here you go."

He threw me the keys, I plucked them out of the air smoothly and stared, dumbfounded, at the car. "I don't know what to say," I admitted. "I mean, thank you, but I'm speechless."

"Well, you deserve it. You've really turned your life around. Not only that but, if you're still going to go see your grandmother in Seattle you'll need a car."

* * *

My first week of leave passed quickly. I spent time with my mom, helping her in her garden and doing other little things for her while Richard was at work. I spent some time with some of my old high school friends, but where they were concerned very little had changed and before I knew it, I was packing up my stuff getting ready to drive into Seattle to see my grandmother.

Liz was Richard's mother, but she had always been kind to my sisters and I, and we'd formed a bond. I loved her dearly and loved spending time with her. She was full of interesting stories about the past and things that had happened.

It was sad now, knowing that she might not remember much longer and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could before the Nana I knew and loved was gone.

That morning I woke up, packed my stuff and tossed my duffel into the Impala's trunk. My mother and Richard were in the kitchen when I came in, sitting at the breakfast bar, both pouring over different sections of the newspaper.

Sarah looked up from the sales circular she was looking at, her eyes still puffy with sleep, her dark hair a messy pile on the top of her head. "Are you heading out sweetheart?"

"Yes. I told Nana I would be there before noon so I could take her to lunch." It warmed my heart when I called Liz and she not only remembered me, but commanded me to be at her house in time for lunch. Lunch was something that only she and I did. She would take me to lunch every weekend when I was a kid and then usually for some sort of present, a comic book or a CD, and Liz would dispense her special brand of wisdom. I never listened when I was a kid, but I felt special that she took an interest in me.

"Okay sweetheart. Have a safe drive," Sarah murmured.

I leaned down and dropped a light kiss on her forehead. "I will mom. I'll call you when I get to Nana's. Thanks again, Richard, for the Impala."

He offered me his hand which I shook. "You're welcome son. Have a nice time with your grandmother and stay safe over there."

"I will Sir. See you when I get back." I grabbed an orange and the Impala's car keys and head out, the classic car's blue paint glittering in the early morning light. I climbed behind the wheel and stuck my key in the ignition. The engine rumbled happily as I pressed the gas pedal.

Traffic on I-5 was practically non-existent this morning as I flew down the interstate with James Morrison keeping me company. Forty five minutes later Seattle loomed in front of me, hulking and grey as the perpetual rain clouds hovered low over the city.

As I pulled into her second assigned parking spot, I wondered how badly Liz's Alzheimer's really was. It couldn't have been too bad, Richard wouldn't let her live in the city alone if it was.

The lobby was quiet as I walked toward the bank of elevators on the north wall. The doors dinged, sliding open as I approached. I stepped aboard the elevator and press the button for the twelfth floor. Music played softly over head as the elevator made the slow and steady climb upwards. I hum along once I recognize the song as Snow Patrol's _Run. _Halfway through the last chorus the doors slid open and I'm standing face to face with a small, Tinker Bell-like girl with dark, spiky hair. She smiles at me, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

I return the smile and hold the doors open, stepping to the side so she can board the elevator. "Thanks," she said her voice a tinkling melody.

I nodded and said, "Sure thing." Behind me, the elevator doors closed and the whirl of machinery lowers it down. With my duffel bag hoisted over my shoulder, I walked toward my grandmother's apartment. The low light and darker colors of the hall made it feel later than it was and had an overall depressing feel. I stopped at Liz's door and knocked. I heard movement while I waited and a few seconds later the door opened. Confusion colored her eyes as she stared up at me. "Hi Nana," I said softly, "It's me, Jacob, remember?"

Liz pressed a liver spotted hand to her weathered cheek. "I'm sorry dear," she said. "Come in."

I can hear the tea kettle screaming away on the stove as I step inside. I look around. It's worse than I expected; not only is the kettle whistling like there's no tomorrow, but there's a strange odor hanging in the air that I can't place. I follow Liz into the living room, setting my bag down against the hallway wall.

"I can barely remember my own name these days," Liz said apologetically. "But come in, we'll get you settled. Dear god what is that awful noise?" she looked around, confusion and fear in her eyes.

"It's the tea kettle Nana," I told her. "Come on, let's go sit, and I'll make you some tea and then we can talk, okay?"

She nodded and I carefully directed her to her favorite chair. "Okay, I'll be right back." Some show is playing on the TV, I think its Antiques Roadshow, but I really have no idea. Liz sits; I grab a blanket off the back of the couch and arrange it over her lap. "Nana are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

Liz looked up at me, her eyes suddenly clear. "No you silly boy. You're supposed to be taking me out to eat. But in the mean time, please just bring me my tea. Two sugars and no milk."

I smiled at her. That was the Nana I remembered, smart as a whip and catty as a kitty in heat. "You look so grown up, Jacob. Are you taking care of yourself?"

I nod and stand all the way up. "Yes ma'am. Let me go get your tea, I'll be right back and we can talk then."

She smiled and nodded, her attention momentarily diverted to the television. "Okay."

I left her side and went into the kitchen, thankful for her moment of clarity, however brief it may be. It's easier for the both of us if she knows who I am and what's going on. I know it won't last for long, but it's nice to see a glimpse of the Nana I remember.

I went into the kitchen and silence the screaming kettle, realizing the odor is coming from there. The dishes look like they haven't been done in weeks and the trash is overflowing.

Tea first, trash and kitchen mess next. I open a cabinet looking for tea bags and find plates and peanut butter. _What the hell?_ I wonder, but shut the cabinet and open the next one. It's just as bad and gets progressively worse with each cabinet.

Everything is in disarray. There's spaghetti sauce in the same cupboard as the dinner plates, cashews in the fine china drawer, Tuna in with the coffee mugs and pasta in the silverware drawer. The whole situation is just overwhelmingly sad.

I finally find the tea bags in the refrigerator. Taking the cup I found in the cabinet with the tuna, I pour the boiling water over the tea bag and drop the squares of sugar into the steaming liquid. I stirred it, then picked the mug up, carefully carrying it to the living room.

Liz was asleep in her chair, so I set the tea down on the coffee table and rearranged the blanket so she was completely covered.

I went back to the kitchen, my first order of business was to clean it then reorganize the chaos. I approached the over flowing trash can. _You can do this_, I told myself. _You deal with terrorists; an overflowing trashcan with God only knows what inside should be a breeze._

I tugged the bag, pulling it. Once it was free, I stuffed any remaining trash that was lying around inside. I looked down at the floor making sure there was nothing left when I spotted a cardboard box on the floor beside the trash can. The contents, well what was left of the contents of the box caught my attention.

Surprised laughter escaped my lips. There was the picture of a busty blond with her tits and ass hanging out, the words "Extreme Pleasure" written in cursive in the bottom corner.

"Oh jeez Nana," I muttered thoroughly embarrassed as I shoved the packaging back in the box. My grandmother bought a vibrator, and from the looks of the package, it was definitely not your average, run of the mill vibrator either. I didn't know whether to be embarrassed or proud.

I settled for embarrassed and slid the box flaps shut when I noticed the name on the shipping label wasn't my grandmothers but some woman named Isabella Swan.

I couldn't help but be curious; after all that is what killed the cat. I wondered how old she was and why she needed something like this. After staring at the box for a few seconds, I decided it wasn't any of my business, so I grabbed the box, grabbed the trash bag and headed down the hall to the trash chute.

I admit, I was seriously curious; too damn curious, I was going to Iraq, going to war, in a week's time. This was definitely not the time to start something I couldn't finish. But still…some strange part of me wanted to know her…

* * *

**Reviews are tastier than Jake being a Marine...ooh la la..lol**

**Travelin' Soldier **by the **Dixie Chicks**

So there ya have it. Jake is Liz's grandson..well step-grandson,..if there's any such thing...


	5. A Beautiful Mess

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

I really hope no one was offended by Liz having Alzheimer's. My great-grandmother had it so it's something that I've dealt with and I know it's hard to lose a loved one to such a horrible, degenerative disease. As for Jake being a Marine...well...my husband was a Marine, so I've been picking his brain all week...and honestly, there's nothing hotter than a Marine...well maybe a firefighter..lol..but that's neither here nor there. And to Freakiki (welcome to the party..I've missed your hilarious comments, they make me lol)...no Dear John going on here...I read the book (DYING to see the movie)...well there are going to be some similarities, but it will NOT end like Dear John did..that book messed with my head something fierce...so anywhoo...here we go...Hope you like it!

**Bella**

"_I can't make you love me if you don't…you can't make your heart feel something it won't, here in the dark, in these final hours I will lay down my heart and I feel the power, but you won't, no you won't 'cause I can't make you love me…if you don't…"_

I sighed and jabbed the next preset button on the radio effectively changing the station and silencing Bonnie Raitt.

"_You broke my heart, you ripped my world apart, didn't you know how much I loved you, didn't you know how much I loved you baby, I gave you everything, every part of me."_

_What the fuck?_ I thought and changed the station.

"_Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore and I wonder if I ever cross your mind…for me it happens all the time…it's a quarter after on…I'm all alone and I need you know "_

"Seriously?" I shouted at the radio. I pressed the next button on the preset.

"_All by myself…don't wanna be all by myself."_

I groaned and switched to the CD. _Please, _I thought, _if another sappy romantic song comes on I'll scream._

"_You said move on where do I go? I guess second best is all I will know…'cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you…thinking of you, what you would do if…"_

"Argh!" I screamed and furiously mashed the button. The CD whirled and immediately skipped forward.

"_I want your loving, I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance, I want your loving, all your lovers revenge, you and me could write a bad romance...caught in a bad romance."_

Finally. I sighed and leaned back into the seat. The radio was out to get me. It had to be. Either that or I had the shittiest luck. Or it was National "my asshole boyfriend just broke up with me and now the radio stations are all trying to make us go out and kill ourselves" day.

I slowed down stopping at a red light the windshield wipers swishing across the windshield in time to Corinne Bailey Rae. How we went from _Bad Romance _to _Put Your Records On_ I'll never know; I guess you could chalk it up to my musical schizophrenia. Ahead of me, the light turned green and I eased the car through the intersection humming along to the chorus.

I wanted to go home, put my groceries away and curl up on the couch with a cheesy lifetime movie and a bowl of popcorn.

_You have to call your mother back_, my inner botch whispered, _and you need to call Rosalie and apologize for being such a bitch to her yesterday about Eric. At least she has someone, that's more than you can say. _

_Fine, _I thought nastily at her._ I'll call my mother and I'll send some kind of I'm sorry card to Rosalie. Satisfied?_

She smiled at me and nodded, crawling back into whatever dark hole she crawled out of.

I signaled and turned into my apartment's parking lot, Michael Buble crooning away on the radio.

"_Wherever you are_

_Whenever it's right_

_You'll come out of nowhere_

_And into my life"_

I smiled at the irony of the song and the situation. Saturday night after she left, a giggly Alice called me from the elevator. "Go out to the hallway," she ordered.

"What? Why?" I groaned.

"Just do it, Bella, I swear, you are the most difficult person sometimes."

I padded to the front door and opened it, peering into the dimly lit hallway. I looked toward the elevators, then back down the other way. "Alice," I said into the phone. "There's no one out there."

"Damn it, see if you had just gotten up and looked like I told you to you would have seen him," she groaned and I could see an image of her in my mind. The Alice in my head was pouting like a small, unhappy child.

"Who, Alice, who would I have seen?"

"Liz's grandson, you idiot," she replied.

"Oh," I said. "Well, if it was Liz's grandson I'm sure I'll see him again."

"I sure hope so. He was definitely blind date worthy and if you don't want him send him my way. I'd like to get my hands on him." She chuckled wickedly.

"You're nasty. Goodbye," I said and hung up.

"_Somehow I know that it'll all turn out…_

_I just haven't met you yet…"_

Part of me was anxious to see him, to see if he was all he was everything Alice made him out to be, another part of me didn't really care. He was probably just one guy in a sea of fucking douche bags.

I sighed and pulled into the parking lot, quickly changing the track on the CD before the song, _Happiness is a Warm Gun_ from the _Across the Universe_ soundtrack, got stuck in my head and I walked around all afternoon going, "I need a fix cause I'm going down, mother superior jumped the gun" or "Happiness is a warm gun, bang bang shoo shoo." I loved that movie, but that damn song embedded itself in my brain refusing to go away until it satisfactorily drove me absolutely fucking batty.

I parked the car and popped the trunk, stepping into the raining afternoon I cursed myself for asking for paper bags. Rain plus paper bags plus clumsy Bella equaled something just shy of a natural disaster.

I made it inside, onto the elevator and to my apartment door before disaster struck. I was juggling four bags and attempting to shove my key into the deadbolt. What happened next god only knows and he aint talking. The bottom of one of the bags fell out, oranges, apples and avocados bounced off the carpeted floor, a few oranges rolled toward the elevator.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered watching them roll away. I went to set the other three bags down and slipped on an apple. I dropped the bags, shoving my hands out to break my fall.

My hands slid across the carpet and I cried out. "Ow! God damn it." I looked down at my carpet burned palms.

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" an amused voice said from behind me.

I pushed myself up, trying, unsuccessfully, to hold onto the flimsy shreds of my remaining dignity. The strange man leaned down and captured an escaped orange. He held it out to me. I took it, glancing up at his face. Our eyes met and it was like someone said, "And cue the Hallelujah chorus…now!"

I didn't believe in love at first sight, hell I didn't believe in lust at first sight, but jump your bones and ask questions later at first site? You bet your ass I did. Then I remembered he asked me a question. "No," I said softly. "I don't."

He chuckled softly, his left eyebrow arched automatically. A faint smiled tugged at the corners of his lips. My stomach clenched. _Hello gorgeous,_ I thought.

"Well, I guess that's a good thing," he replied a slow grin spreading over his face. "I'm Jake." He held out his hand. I took it, my small hand disappearing into his broad, warm one.

"I'm Bella," I said softly, still somewhat stunned. "Are you Liz's grandson?"

"I am. Do you need some help getting with all this?" he asked motioning my scattered groceries.

_Not unless I can help myself to a piece of you,_ the inner porn star thought. _Shut up_, I hissed, a slow blush crawling across my cheeks. "Um, sure." I stood and unlocked the door. "I mean if it's not too much of a hassle," I added hastily.

"No it's no problem; I was just getting ready to go get some groceries of my own." He shot me a lazy grin and dumped a handful of avocados into one of the remaining grocery bags.

"So, Liz is your grandmother. How is she? I try to look in on her from time to time, you know, just to make sure she's okay and doesn't need anything." I stuffed a head of lettuce back into the bag.

"I appreciate that. She's doing…okay," Jake said. "I live too far away, when I got here I was surprised by how bad she had gotten. My, well, my step-dad either didn't know or didn't tell me she was as bad as she is. It makes me sad."

I nodded and picked a bag up from the floor. "It is sad. She was here when I moved in, and I can't even remember when it started. It was like one day she recognized me then the next day she was wandering the hallway because she couldn't remember where she lived." I unlocked the door and opened it, motioning Jake inside. "You said you lived far away?"

Jake nodded following me into the kitchen. "I live in Virginia, well most of the time. I don't get the chance to come home as often as I'd like so I don't get to see my grandmother as much as I'd like either. But I do the best I can."

"Where at in Virginia?" I asked setting the bag on counter.

"Norfolk, do you know where that is?" I shook my head no. "Where do you want this?"

I pointed to the counter beside the fridge. "Just stick it there, please. Do you like living in Virginia?"

Jake shrugged and started emptying the grocery bag. I stared at him wondering what he was doing. "I've lived a lot of places. Virginia is okay, but Hawaii, Hawaii was the best, and most gorgeous."

"Okay, I hope you don't think me forward, but what is it that you do?" I set a bottle of extra virgin olive oil on the counter and glanced over at Jake.

"I am a Marine," he said confidently.

_Oy,_ I thought. _That was _not_ what I expected. Not at all. _"Wow, I um…wow."

"Not what you were expecting, huh?"

I nodded, my face slightly flushed. "I mean there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's great. What do you do?"

"I work in an anti-terrorism unit, we protect soldiers in the field, and we keep them safe and out of harm's way."

"That's amazing. I mean, it sounds somewhat terrifying, but somehow, still...amazing." I looked around wondering what to do with my hands now.

Jake nodded and folded the paper bag. "It's been an amazing ride."

"I bet. I'd love to hear more about it; maybe we can grab some coffee or something." Oh god, jabber jaws, shut up, why the hell did I say that?

Jake smiled. "Okay, coffee sounds good."

I nodded, looking down at my feet as that damn tell tale blush crept across my face. _Chin up girlie_, the inner bitch commanded. I looked up at Jake, who was studying me intently. "What?" I asked.

He shook his head, refolding the bag in his hand. "Come across the hall sometime, we can talk."

"Okay."

"Okay," he echoed. "Well, I should probably get going. I was supposed to be on my way to the grocery store. Lord only knows what kind of shenanigans my grandmother may have already gotten herself into."

I laughed and walked him to the door. "Thanks for the help," I said, leaning against the door frame.

"Anytime. Try and be more careful next time, okay?"

"Sure thing. Enjoy your trip to the grocery store."

"See you around," Jake said as he walked down the hall.

* * *

"Rosalie, it's me, Bella. If you're home please answer." I waited a few minutes hoping she would answer the phone. "Okay," I sighed. "Look, I just wanted to call and tell you I was sorry for yesterday. I acted like a bitch and not a friend. I should have just shut my mouth and let it be. So…I'm sorry. Call me back, please."

I hung up and tossed the phone onto the couch cushion, my apartment eerily quiet. I checked _apologize to Rosalie_ off my to-do list and decided to skip calling my mom and called Alice instead.

"Oh my god, oh my god," I said when she answered the phone.

"Oh dear god," she muttered, "Please tell me your not calling me in the middle of sex."

I laughed. "No way Alice. Guess who I met today?"

"No!" she gasped, sucking in a deep breath.

"Yes," I replied. "One Jake…um, yeah I didn't catch his last name, but I did confirm, however, that he is, in fact, Liz's grandson."

"Tell me everything," Alice begged.

"What is there to tell? His name is Jake, he lives in Virginia, some city called Norfolk, and…are you ready for this? He is one of the few, one of the proud."

"Oh my god he's a marine?!" Alice gushed.

"Mhmm, and quite frankly, fucking gorgeous." I sighed wishing I could have chained him to the radiator. Or something like that. "I told him I wanted to hear more about being a Marine; I asked him if he wanted to grab coffee sometime."

"No you didn't!"

"Yeah, I did," I replied.

"What did he say?"

"Uh, well. He said to come across the hall and we could talk."

Alice giggled and started to talk when there was three solid knocks at the door. "Alice, hang on a second, there's someone at my door." I pushed off the couch and padded to the door, peering through the peep hold. "Oh my god Alice," I hissed. "He's at my door, what do I do?"

"Um, open the door and let him in, dipshit," she replied. "Then rip his clothes off and put all those sex toys to good use."

"Shut up Alice. I'll call you later, and if I don't, well, I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she snickered.

I hung up and tossed the phone on the couch and smoothed my rumpled sweat pants. _Oh shit_, I thought, _do I have time to go change?_

_No_, I decided. Come on Bella, this is like a taking a band aid off, best to just rip it the hell off. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

* * *

**Reviews are...better than being tortured by sappy love songs on the radio..lol**

Songs from the Chapter : )

"A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz (chapter title)

"I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt

"Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You" by Kellie Pickler

"Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

"All by Myself" by Celine Dion

"Thinking of You (Live MTV Unplugged)" by Katy Perry (definitely the better version of this song)

"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga

"Put Your Records On" by Corrine Bailey Rae

"Haven't Met You Yet" Michael Bublé

"Happiness is a Warm Gun" by (originally The Beatles) Joe Anderson


	6. I Saw Her Standing There

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

Because I love you all so much for reading and reviewing...i have this chapter and the next chapter done (it just needs to be proofread)...so yeah...look for that update later on today...

**Jake**

"Hi," Bella said. She fidgeted with the hem of her threadbare t-shirt.

"Hi," I smiled. "I hope I'm not interrupting your afternoon, but I had a minute and I wanted to know if you still wanted to get that cup of coffee."

Bella's face flushed. I'd known her for all of about ten minutes and already I knew she was beyond embarrassed. She didn't mean to ask me to have coffee with her; I saw the regret on her face as soon as the words left her mouth. Suddenly, and unexplainably, I felt stupid for standing here asking her if she wanted to have coffee at four in the afternoon. "Sorry," I said hastily. "I didn't mean to interrupt your afternoon. I'll, uh; I'll just catch you later."

I turned to leave before my impromptu drop in caused either of us any more embarrassment. "Hey Jake," Bella said. I turned to look at her. "Can I have five minutes to put on some respectable clothes?"

I smiled. "Sure, take your time." I started back toward Liz's front door.

"Where are you going?" Bella asked. "Come in, sit, I'll only be a minute." She motioned for me to come in. I hesitantly crossed the threshold and sat down on her couch. "I'll be right back. We're just going for coffee right?"

"Uh, yeah I mean unless there's anything else you had to do today."

"Nope, nothing I had to do today," she piped up from down the hall. I looked around at her apartment. I didn't really get the chance to look around earlier. There was a shelf lined with pictures across the room. I got up and went to look at them. From several the faces of children peered back at me. There was one where Bella, surrounded by a significantly older man, a haughty looking woman and equally stuck up looking younger woman. The resemblance in the three women was astounding. I figured it had to be Bella's family - her mom and dad and possibly sister.

"Those are my parents," she said from the doorway. "They live just outside of Seattle."

My heart jumped. _Be cool_, I told myself. "I can see the resemblance," I told her as I turned to face her. I stopped halfway; feeling like the wind was knocked out of me. She had on pants that fit so well it was as if they'd be made for her and a long black v-neck sweater that offered an unobstructed view of her beautiful neck. "Are you ready?"

Bella nodded and grabbed her purse and I met her at the door. "Oh wait," she said whirling around.

The woman had to be accident prone. First her incident in the hallway earlier and now this. The toe of her shoe caught the throw rug and she stumbled forward what would have been face first into the floor if I hadn't reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Are you okay?" I asked looking down at her tomato red face.

"Yes, thanks," she murmured. "God you are gorgeous." Her face flamed a bit more, turning an even more embarrassed shade of red.

"Thanks," I said trying to play it off so she wouldn't be so embarrassed. "It's the haircut; it makes us irresistible to pretty woman, jarhead jokes and tickets for just about every kind of moving violation known to man."

Bella laughed, her face returning to its normal shade. I helped her stand up and she grabbed her cell phone off the end table. "Okay, now I'm really ready."

I opened the door and allowed her to walk out first. "Do you want to drive, or should I?" I asked.

"Well," she said with a smile. "I think since you asked me out, then you should drive."

Oh, so we were going to play that game. "Well," I replied, "Technically _you_ asked _me _out first. But its okay, I'll drive."

We rode the elevator down to the lobby and walked toward my car. Bella sucked in a breath as I unlocked the door. "What's wrong?" I asked looking at her over the roof of the car.

She shook her head. "Nothing. Nice car."

I smiled and we got in. The engine rumbled and the radio blared to life. I reached forward and turned it down. Bella reached out, her cool fingers grabbing mine. "Leave it I love this song," she said and proceeded to hum along to Framing Hanley's version of Little Wayne's _Lollipop._

I suppressed a grin. _This chick fucking rocks_, my mind said with a devil may care grin. I had to agree. It took a certain kind of person to like this song. Then I remembered the vibrator box and it was my turn to blush.

"What are you thinking about over there?" Bella asked with a sly smile on her face.

"Nothing," I coughed. _Liar,_ my subconscious retorted. _He was thinking about the wicked nasty vibrator you bought and he's too big of a pussy to ask you how you're liking it. _

_Shut up_, I commanded, my face still burning hot. The tips of my ears felt like they were on fire.

Okay, yes. I was curious. Bella was attractive and she didn't seem that old, probably the same age as me. She wasn't married and I didn't see any evidence of a boyfriend – not in her apartment or her actions. If she had a boyfriend I seriously doubted she'd be out with me right now, so why in the hell did she need a vibrator like that? I mean that thing was terrifying to me and I'd only seen the package.

"Who are you?" I asked suddenly, not sure where the question came from. Bella was equally taken aback.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't understand." There was a hint of fear in her eyes and she moved closer to toward the door, her fingers reaching up for the handle.

"I mean, what makes you you. Who are you, how do you define yourself?" I clarified. There was this sudden, overwhelming desire to know everything about her before it was too late and I was out of time.

Bella relaxed and turned toward me. "Wow, you scared me. For a second there I thought you were some kind of nutcase."

"Do you always say exactly what you're thinking?" I asked turning into a lot across the street from the Cherry Street Coffee house.

Bella nodded and unbuckled her seat beat. "I have a defective brain, you know that filter, the one most people have, the one that says "hey dumbass that's a stupid thing to say so shut up now." Well, mine is broken, or missing. I either say too much or not enough. I'm sorry if it offends you. I'm apologizing in advance." She smiled sheepishly as she climbed out of the car.

"It's okay. Quite frankly it's refreshing. I mean your honesty. Most people would just lie and say what they think you want to hear, not you though. You say exactly what you mean."

She rolled her eyes and together we crossed the street. "It winds up getting me into a lot of trouble."

"I can imagine. Have you ever been here before?" I asked as I pulled the coffee shop door open.

"No, well not this one, but I've been to the one in Pioneer Square."

"Okay, good. Well, order whatever you want."

I watched Bella step up to the counter and expertly order her espresso. When she finished the Barista looked expectantly at me. "Just a coffee, black, please."

"Wow, nothing fancy for you?"

I shook my head no. "I like it hot and black. That's about the extent of it."

She smiled and absentmindedly twirled a strand of hair. "So, how long are you in Seattle for?"

"Just this week," I said.

"Oh," she said. "Are you going back to Virginia when you leave here?"

I shook my head no. "I'm actually going to Iraq."

Her eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

I nodded and stepped forward accepting our drinks from the barista. I thanked her and handed Bella her white chocolate mocha espresso. "Thank you," she said and we walked toward a table by the front window. "Is this your first time going to Iraq?" she asked.

I shook my head no and sipped my coffee. "This will be my fourth deployment."

"Oh," she said again.

"Is this one of those instances where you say too little instead of too much?" I jokingly asked.

Bella's face flushed and she hid behind her cup. "I don't know what to say. I've never met someone in the military before."

"It's okay, how about we talk about something else?" I offered.

"Okay," Bella quickly agreed. "How old are you?" she asked.

"I just turned twenty-five," I told her.

She coughed, brown coffee dribbled down her chin. I handed her a handful of napkins. She took them and wiped at her chin. "You okay?" I asked.

She nodded and wiped some coffee off the table. "Yeah, it was just, um, hot."

"Okay. How old are you?" I asked her.

"I'm." She hesitated. "I'm twenty-seven; I'll be twenty-eight in a few months."

"Mhmm. What do you do for a living?"

Bella smiled. "I own part of, and work for a company called Two Red Birds. We make high end dress up clothes for kids. Well, I guess they're really more like costumes, but still for kids. I am a buyer."

"And what do you buy?" I asked, sitting back.

"Fabric," she replied. "I am in charge of buying the fabric that the clothes are made of."

I nodded. "That sounds interesting. Do you like your job?"

"I do; like my job, I mean. Do you like your job?"

"Yes, I do. I get to travel, for free, and do things people my age don't get to do. It's…well, fun."

"I can understand that. Favorite color?"

I grinned, "Green. You?"

"Black."

"Favorite movie?" That one stumped her. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I don't want you to laugh at me," she said sipping her espresso.

"I won't laugh," I promised, "why would I? We're just having a conversation."

"Tell me yours first," she prompted.

"Okay. My favorite movie is _Rear Window_."

"Really?"

I nodded. "Mhmm. Murder, mystery, and Grace Kelly, what more could a guy want?"

"I've never seen it. Okay," she paused and picked at her napkin. She glanced up at me and said, "My favorite movie is _Say Anything."_

"You mean the one where John Cusack is standing there holding the radio over his head like an idiot?" I bite back the laughter that threatened to escape. It wasn't that I was laughing at her choice; it was the image of John Cusack in his crazy 80's pants and trench coat holding that huge boom box over his head.

"See I told you you would laugh." Bella pouted.

"No, I'm not laughing at you, just the movie, well that one part. Anyway, I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else. Where did you grow up?"

"Here in Seattle, well Campbell Hill. Born, raised, and returned."

"Returned?"

"I went to college in California and came back to Seattle after I graduated. So yes, returned."

"Why did you come back? It sounds like you didn't really want to." Bella sighed and peered into her empty cup. "Do you want something else?" I asked.

She shook her head no. "I'm fine for now thanks. Um, let's see, I came back because of a guy. I thought he loved me, he didn't. It's been pretty much downhill since then."

I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about something else?"

Bella grinned. "No, it's okay. Let's talk about you. Single? Married? What's your deal?"

"Single, never married, no kids. Two sisters, mom and step-dad in Tacoma, then I have Liz."

"Where's your dad?"

I sighed. She hit a nerve and I tried to hide it. "He passed away when I was younger."

"Oh I'm sorry," Bella apologized. "Now who's the one with their foot in their mouth?"

"Yeah, it's okay. Don't worry about it; it happened a long time ago. Bella looked bothered and I felt like an ass for clamming up over my dead father.

"I am sorry; I didn't mean to bring up a touchy subject."

I waved her off. "It's okay. Tell me about your family," I prompted.

"My dad is the chief of police, my mom's a first class bitch and my sister is just as bad," she said curtly.

"Okay, family is definitely not a good topic of conversation – for either of us," I said with a laugh.

"Definitely not. It's getting late; do you want to get out of here? Have you seen that movie, _Whiteout?"_

I hadn't and I definitely wanted more time to get to know this woman. My whole life there'd never been anyone who had this effect on me. I had girlfriends, sure, but there was never anything deep there. Bella, though, she was different, there was something about her that affected me differently than any other woman. "I haven't seen it," I admitted. "Are you inviting me to watch a movie with you Miss Swan?"

"As a matter of fact," she grinned cattily. "I am."

* * *

**Reviews are better than...hrm...showing up expectedly for coffee..I guess..I'd probably die if a hot, marine jake popped up on my door step and wanted to have coffee with me..**

**"I Saw Her Standing There**" – the Beatles


	7. Can’t Fight It

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

V-Day special..double update..lol. enjoy..next update as soon as i write it ; ) Also, this chapter containers spoilers of the movie _Whiteout_ with Kate Beckinsale..so if you haven't seen and want to (I highly vote **against_..._**it sucked..) be forwarned..lol

**Bella**

Jake smelled like heaven; like pure, unadulterated male heaven; either that or a Hollister model. Every so often I would lean toward him and just take a deep breath, breathing in his cologne or whatever it was he was wearing. It made me dizzy with lust and longing. I wanted to lean over and attack him, have my way with him on my overstuffed couch. However, I behaved myself and sat there trying to make sense of the movie playing on the television. So far, and we were only six and a half minutes in at this point, I was not impressed. Then six guys ran by in nothing but fur hats and I burst out laughing.

Jake glanced over at me, a wry smile on his face. "Yeah that was pretty amusing. I know some guys who would run stark ass naked through the Antarctic afternoon in nothing but their birthday suits."

I didn't say anything. I leaned back, turning my head toward him and took another deep breath. When Kate Beckinsale shucked her clothes off I waited for him to say something – make a noise, anything but he just sat there with a straight face.

I was impressed. Either he was trying to make a good impression or he didn't care. Rex would have made all kinds of perverted noises and nasty comments. I returned the favor when Alex O'Loughlin came parading down the hallway in nothing but a towel.

Jake wasn't fooled. He snorted. "That the kind of guy you normally go for?" he mused.

I shook my head no. "I don't have a type," I replied. "And if I _did_ have a type, it would be male, plain and simple."

"You don't fool me," he laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, whatever. Just so you know you don't fool me either." I glanced over at him; he was staring back at me, amusement in his eyes. I wanted to kiss him; just lean over and plant one on him and let the chips fall where they may.

I leaned toward him, getting ready to do it, take that leap. The shrill ringing of my house phone stopped me. "Damn it," I muttered.

"Want me to pause it?" Jake asked.

I shook my head no. "I'm lost, so I doubt I'll miss much. I'll be right back." I went into the kitchen and picked up the handset. Peering at the caller ID I groaned.

_Might as well answer it,_ the inner bitch whispered, _if you don't she's gonna keep calling. _

_I know,_ I shot back. "Hello?" I said softly. "Isabella," Renee's haughty voice said. I cringed at the formal use of my name.

"Hello Mother," I replied icily.

"Have you gotten my message?" she asked. "About dinner?"

"Yes Mother, I got the message." I could feel my irritation rising. I should have just let the call go to voicemail.

"Isabella," Renee said slowly. "Have you no manners? Why have you not returned my call?"

"I've been busy mother, and right now I have company. I think it would be rather rude to carry on a phone conversation while my guest sits alone. I will call you tomorrow and we can discuss this then."

"Fine, but make sure you do call. I need to know if you're going to be attending dinner and if that scoundrel of a boyfriend is accompanying you."

"Yes Mother," I replied. "I will talk to you tomorrow. Goodbye." I hung up and went back to the living room. Jake was sitting on the couch, waiting patiently, the movie paused. "What happened?"

"It got good," Jake grinned. "Someone just tried to kill this chick, she got away and I paused it. Is everything okay?"

I nodded and sat down beside him on the couch. "Everything is fine. Let's finish the movie." Jake turned it back on, and sat back, watching as the plot unfolded before us.

"Who's the killer?" he asked as a ton of snow and ice came crashing down on the main characters.

I shrugged. "My intuition sucks. Whenever I watch movies like this, or those whodunit shows, forget about it, I _never_ get it right. I always pick the wrong person and I'm totally stunned when the killer is finally revealed. But if I had to venture a guess, I'm going to say it's the guy who gave her the sparkly dice in the beginning."

"Or not," Jake replied as the two feds attempted to cut off the hot Aussie's pinky finger.

"I warned you," I told Jake. "I suck at the whodunit game."

"Nah," he laughed. "I don't think he did it."

"Who did it then?" I asked.

"I think it was the blond guy, him," he said pointing to the male lead.

"We'll see," I replied. Jake nodded.

Ten minutes of ridiculous nonsense and we were still no closer to finding out who the real killer was. "This is stupid," I muttered.

"I know," Jake agreed. "You'd think she'd know better than to wander off alone, especially there there's a killer on the loose."

I tapped my fingers impatiently as yet another grotesque corpse was shown and waited for the all important discovery to be made.

"Want me to fast forward it?" Jake asked.

I nodded and handed him the DVD remote. "Go for it."

"Oh shit!" he exclaimed and set the remote down. "Looks like the good doctor is a quack."

"Ah jeez," I groaned and covered my eyes.

"It's just a dead body," Jake laughed.

"Yeah, she's shoving her hand into a dead body," I muttered. "That's just gross."

We watched as the final killer was revealed. "Looks like we were both wrong," Jake said.

I laughed and agreed. "Looks like we both suck at the whodunit game."

"Yeah." Jake stifled a yawn and glanced down at his watch.

"Wow, am I that boring?" I asked.

His cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "No," he assured me, "it's not that. I wake up early, force of habit."

We sat there in silence for a while. "We can watch another movie," I suggested, _or fuck like rabbits, hell I'd even settle for a good old fashioned teenage inspired make out session here on the couch,_ I thought.

"Or we can talk," he said.

"Just not about our families," I snickered.

"Exactly. So let's see." He got up off the couch and powered on the CD player. "What are you listening to right now."

I waited with baited breath, unsure of what was going to come pouring out of the CD player. _Safe_, I thought, as _Set Fire to the Third Bar_ by Snow Patrol played.

"I love Snow Patrol," Jake said with a smile. He smiled a lot, I'd noticed. Not that it bothered me, he had a nice smile. "What else do you have in here?"

He pushed the button, the track changed, this time to Joshua Radin. Again Jake grinned and pressed the button. Norah Jones, John Mayer, Ok Go, Carolina Liar, Dashboard Confessional; I was pleased that the CD was behaving and had yet to embarrass me.

Yeah, I spoke too soon. The damn CD player betrayed me and I felt a heated blush creep across my face as the song played.

"_This town's too small_

_For you to run around like you do_

_You're takin' things_

_That just don't belong to you_

_Picture yourself inside a room now_

_Imagine the freedom that you lose_

I wanted to die, to just sink into the floor.

_Well baby it all comes back to haunt you_

_In the end_

_Baby it hurts the most when you don't have a friend_

_You know you broke our trust_

_And now you're stuck on the wrong side of the fence_

_Baby it all comes back to haunt you_

_In the end"_

"This guy's voice sounds so familiar, but I can't figure out who it is," Jake said, his fingers tapping the beat onto the leg of his jeans.

_Please don't ask, please don't ask_, I mentally begged. _I will feel so stupid if I have to tell you who this is, god damn _People Magazine._ God damn you too_ Entertainment Weekly.

"Who is this?" he asked.

"Nick Jonas and the Administration," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what?" he said.

"Nick Jonas and the Administration," I repeated more clearly this time.

Jake nodded appreciatively. "He's one of those Jonas Brothers kids isn't he?"

I nodded wondering how the hell he knew that, but I kept my mouth shut. "I like this; he's got a John Mayer kind of sound to him."

I exhaled and sent a silent prayer of thanks to heaven that he didn't rib me for my choice in music. The cd changer whirled and the next cd played.

"Interesting taste in music," Jake said after skipping through The Airborne Toxic Event, Ingrid Michaelson, You Me At Six, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Used and Lady Gaga.

I shrugged. "What can I say; I love a little bit of everything. If it's got a good beat or a bluesy guitar I'm hooked. How about you, what kind of music do you like?"

Jake leaned against the loveseat and fixed his gaze on me. "I'm the same way. If it's got a nice beat, or the lyrics are good, then I like it. Like I said earlier, I love Snow Patrol. I'm not too fond of The Beatles though."

I gasped at him. "Are you serious? The Beatles, they are like, I don't know, epic."

Jake shrugged. "My mom loves The Beatles, but me, The Beatles, yeah whatever. Their lyrics make no sense, their voices aren't that great. They just aren't my cup of tea. Ever hear of Crosby Loggins?"

I shook my head no. The name sounded familiar, but if I'd ever heard his music I had no idea. "He's Kenny Loggins son; he's got a good sound. I like him, Theory of a Deadman, John Mayer, Framing Hanley, Anberlin, Kings of Leon. Bands like that."

I nodded and thought about the last time I had a conversation like this with a man. Hmm, never, I finally decided. Majority of the men I knew were mostly interested in getting in my pants, not my mind.

"What are you thinking about?" Jake asked, cocking his head to side and peering at me.

"Nothing," I said softly, my blush giving me away.

"This is the case of you not saying enough. You're thinking about something."

_Fine_, I decided. _You want to know, I'll tell you_. "I was just thinking about how it's been a long time since I had a conversation with a man that didn't revolve around him trying to get me into bed."

"How do you know I'm not trying to get you into bed?" Jake replied.

My face flushed an even deeper shade of red. "Because if you were, you wouldn't have spent four hours getting to know all my favorite things; instead, when you knocked on my door this afternoon you would have just taken me to bed then instead of asking me out to coffee and coming back to my apartment and watching the worst movie, and if you were trying to get me into bed you wouldn't be sitting here now drilling me about my favorite bands."

Jake shrugged lazily. "Perhaps," he said. "Or perhaps my intentions all along were to butter you up and then get you into bed. Maybe this is my M.O. make you feel all comfortable, then seduce you until you're nothing but putty in my hands."

I shivered. The thought of being seduced by not only a marine, but a younger man; oh la la.

_Oh shut up_, the inner bitch said snidely_. He's two years younger than you. You make it seem like he should be calling you Mrs. Robinson._

_Coo coo ca-choo_, I thought back.

"Or perhaps," I said calmly, "you're just full of yourself. And perhaps it was _my_ plan to seduce _you_." I sipped my soda and let him ponder that little nugget of information.

The radio decided to add its two cents and The Spill Canvas, and what Alice called "the get it on song" started.

_Don't you just love the feeling of my fingertips,  
circling your lips.  
Don't you just love the desire taking hold of you,  
I can tell you do.  
I know all your favorite spots,  
and tonight we will connect the dots._

Jake and I sat across from each other, the air crackling with sexual tension, each of us silently daring the other to make the first move. My heart beat slowly increased as the song played. _Oh fuck_, I thought, _go over there and just do it already and stop acting like you damn five years old. _

It went from bad to worse on the radio. The Spill Canvas ended and Emanuel started.

_I grab her hips and pull her in closer.  
I close my eyes and it turns her on.  
We press our skin and, though it resists, oh I slip inside.  
I feel her breath, it slides down my neck  
Yeah, yeah, we sweat to the rhythm that we make.  
Make love. Hate yourself. But, baby, I'm all yours, yeah._

Holy fucking shit he probably thought I was the most perverted person on the planet. First we're connecting the dots, now we're gonna make tonight. The song continued, furthering my mortification.

_Sweet, so sweet. You know you taste so good.  
This is the night you are the fire.  
Come on, come on, come on.  
Sweet, so sweet.  
And we melt into the floor as one._

Jake was lithe, like a tiger. Before the last note of the chorus was done he was across the room, his hands skimmed across my cheeks, a trail of heat as they travelled into my hair, he pulled my face tight against his as he invaded my senses. I groaned into his mouth and felt the back of the couch dig into my back. I felt momentarily paralyzed, unable to move and completely overcome with the most heady combination of lust and desire ten times more powerful than anything I'd ever felt before.

Jake wound his fingers in my hair, pulling it. I gasped at the pleasurable pain and nipped his lip with my teeth. His palms were warm on my cheeks as I reminded myself to breathe. This was like one of those damn _Grey's Anatomy _kisses, powerfully hot and seven kinds of take your breath away.

The song ended and he pulled away leaving me desperately wanting more. He kissed along my jaw, his teeth grazing my earlobe. "Just like I said," he murmured in my ear. "Putty. I have to go, it's getting late and I think I've left my grandmother alone for too long. Do you have plans tomorrow?"

I shook my head no as my words had escaped me. "Would you like to maybe have dinner with me?"

"Yes," I said breathlessly. "Dinner sounds nice. What time?"

"Is eight good?"

I nodded again.

"Good. I'll see you at eight. Good night Miss Swan."

"Night, Jake."

He stood up smoothly and let himself out. As the door clicked shut behind him, I briefly wondered what, exactly, I had gotten myself into.

**Hrm, I was gonna say reviews are better than finally getting some action, but that's a lie...so reviews are better than a double update**

"Can't Fight It" by Oh Mercy

"Mrs. Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkle

"In the End" by Nick Jonas & The Administration

"Connect the Dots" by The Spill Canvas


	8. I Can Dream About You

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

So sorry that I haven't updated sooner...I had to get a new computer because I spilled coffee all over my old one..and going from XP to Windows 7 is a pain in the ass..so please forgive me if this chapter sucks..I had the original one done and I was like woot! this is awesome, then my computer was like "om nom nom, gimme some coffee" and yeah, there went the chapter...and lol I'm with Bella (and WendyJH)..the Beatles are pretty freakin epic. LuvsEmTallDarkAndHandsome, stay tuned...I found a whole lotta new music yesterday..it was epic..lol..and FreaKiki..shh don't tell ppl I like the jonas brothers..lol..i have a seven year old who likes them..i have to listen to them sometimes..I much prefer nick jonas by himself with his band..his sound is more mature..people & entertainment weekly magazine called him a baby john mayer...i blame them (i love john mayer). So I'm gonna shut up now...hope you like it!

**Jake**

I leaned against the wall outside Liz's apartment struggling to breathe. What the hell was I doing? This, getting involved with a woman before going off to war – a war I might not live through – was just stupid, plain and simple.

I couldn't – or maybe didn't want to, stay away from her. It was the strangest attraction, the strangest desire. I wanted to crawl inside her head and live there. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was living for something more than just my job. It was like my life had purpose again.

I shook my head. _Enough with the chick flick moments,_ I ordered myself_. Pull your head out of vagina land and focus. You need to focus on the immediate future and that future does not include pretty little fabric buyers named Bella Swan._

I sighed. I couldn't do it, could I? Could I just walk away now and spend the rest of my life wondering what if?

What if, out of all the women I'd ever known, had yet to meet, she was "the one."

What if she wasn't?

What if I just needed to have a good time, to have a brief, meaningless affair with a woman I barely knew and would probably never see again?

Either way, any way, it's not like it really mattered. I was leaving on Saturday, no if ands or buts about it. I didn't know what to do. For the first time in eight years I felt truly lost.

* * *

Liz was asleep when I let myself in and I was glad; I had to clear my head – I had to figure out what, if anything, I was doing.

I shut the TV off, Golden Girls re-runs on Lifetime, and gently shook Liz's shoulder. "Nana," I said softly. "Nana come on let's head to bed."

Liz stirred and glanced up at me. "Wesley?" she mumbled reaching her shaking hand up and pressing it against my cheek. "Oh Wesley look how handsome you look after all this time."

I smiled down at her, tiny pieces of my heart breaking. "Come on Nana, let's get you to bed." I helped her stand. Liz leaned against me and we made our way down the hall. "Okay Nana, sit down."

She sat and I scooted her legs into the bed and pulled the covers up, tucking her in. "Good night," I said dropping a kiss onto her papery forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too Wesley," she replied, her voice heavy with sleep. "Stay…"

I sat down the slipper chair in the corner and listened as her breathing grew steady and sleep washed over her.

* * *

When I was sure Liz was asleep, I went and tidied the living room and washed the few dishes that were in the sink. As I hung the moist hand towel from the refrigerator door handle I checked the time and decide to call Richard to let him know exactly what was going on with Liz.

I grabbed my cell phone off the top of the microwave and dialed the number, peering out the window as it rang. Seattle at night was breathtaking. It glittered like the diamonds in a jewelry store display window.

Down in Tacoma, Richard answered the phone with a quiet, "hello?"

"Sorry to be calling so late," I said. "But I needed to talk to you about Liz's condition."

"It's bad, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes, it is. I think she needs to go to a home better suited for caring for her and her condition. When I first knocked on the door it took her a minute to remember me and just now I put her to bed and she kept calling me Wesley. And my god, Rich, you should have seen the mess the apartment was in when I got here; there was stuff everywhere. The kitchen was just a disaster. I don't know if she'll be okay once I'm gone. I think it's best to start looking into a home for her."

On the other end of the line Richard sighed. "I hoped it wouldn't come to this, I mean, I knew it would, but I'd hoped it wouldn't. Okay," he said sounding defeated. "I'll have something set up by the end of the week. Thank you, Jake, for being there for her."

"It's my pleasure. She is my Nana."

We said good bye and hung up. I set my phone down on the coffee table and went to the refrigerator, rifling through the contents for something to eat. I stared down at the shelves, dissatisfied with the selection. It didn't really matter either way, what I wanted wasn't going to be found on the frosty shelves of the Frigidaire.

I shut the door and decided to go to bed. It was late, well late for me, and sleeping was going to be the only thing to get my mind of mahogany haired vixen across the hall.

* * *

There was a soft knock at the door. I sat up in my bed, suddenly wide awake, and gazed at the brass doorknob as it turned. The knob stopped and the door swung inward. I sat there, my breath held in anticipation. _Did I lock the door_? I wondered as the darkness gaped at me. I was certain I had so what the hell was going on?

A milky white leg, followed by another entered the rectangular square of moonlight spread across the floor. I stared, mouth ajar, as Bella Swan walked into my room.

"Hiya Jake," she said her voice a low, seductive murmur.

I stared as she walked the rest of the way into my room. "I wanted to thank you for showing me such a good time earlier tonight."

I watched as she tugged at the belt of her black trench coat, the collar flipped up like she'd just stepped out of an old black and white film. Bella trailed her fingers down the opening of her jacket, pulling at either side. The jacket fell away revealing a sheer red chemise. I gasped as she walked further into the room, the heels of her equally sheer red high heels clicking on the polished wood floor.

"Bella what are you doing here?" I asked unable to tear my eyes off of her.

"Shhh," she whispered, pressing her index finger to her lips. "Just go with it. After all, I did tell you it was _my_ plan to seduce _you."_

I swallowed hard and stared at her. Bella smiled and dropped her coat to the floor, it landed in a silky pile on the floor. She stepped toward me. "Well," she said, a sexy grin tugging at her lips, "now what?"

"I-uh."

Bella chuckled, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight. She knelt on the bed, her left knee sinking into the mattress between my legs. She slithered over me; her silk covered breasts skimmed over my bare stomach, a flash of goose bumps trailed a wake behind her touch. She smiled, her lips trailing a long row of kisses up my neck.

"Bella," I moaned.

"Yes Jake?" she replied. She threw her leg gracefully over my waist so she was straddling me. I reached up and grabbed her waist. I couldn't do it, couldn't act like this wasn't what I wanted.

I pushed her off of me so she was lying on her back, her dark hair fanned out around her head, her eyes dancing with anxious desire. "I knew you wanted me," she said raising an eyebrow.

"Baby," I muttered pulling at the straps of her night gowny thing, "you don't know the half of it."

Bella giggled and tugged at the hem of my sweatpants as I freed her from her outfit. This was, by far, the weirdest thing that ever happened to me.

I hooked a finger under the strap and pulled it down, freeing her breasts. With cold fingers, she pulled my sweatpants down. I slid out of them and dropped them on the floor.

"Jake?" Bella said.

"Hmm?"

"Jake?"

Suddenly the bed was shaking. _What the hell?_ I wondered.

"Jake?"

Like the opening of a parachute, I was jerked out of the dream, up and out of the darkness of desire and back into the telling light of day.

"Jake, are you okay?"

I opened my eyes and glanced at the face of my obviously worried grandmother. "Nana?" I said my voice thick with sleep. "Is everything okay?"

Liz nodded. "I can't get the toaster to work. Can you help me?"

I nodded and sat up. "Yeah, Nana, I'll be out in just a minute."

"Okay." She shuffled toward the door. When she got there, Liz turned and glanced over her shoulder at me. "Make sure you take down the tent too before you come out to help me with my toast."

The tent? I thought looking around my room. Oh. _That_ tent. I set my hands on my lap and tried to hide my mortification.

I sat there staring out the window trying to come down from my dream high. How in the hell did this girl get into my head after a day?

I felt like I was going in circles, how, why, how, why, over and over again. I should stay away from her, I decided, call her and cancel dinner tonight.

_You don't have her number, _my subconscious promptly reminded me. _You'll have to go over there and tell her you can't take her to dinner, face to face._

Shit.

"Jake?"

"Coming Nana," I called and climbed out of bed, the wood floor cool under my feet. I pulled on my sweatpants and proceeded into the kitchen.

Liz was standing in the kitchen shoving the bread into the toaster. "It won't work," she said angrily. "I put it in that damn thing," she poked a knife in the direction of the coffee pot, "but all it did was spit water at me so I put it here and nothing, I can't even get the damn button to stay down."

Her shoulders sagged wearily and she stared at me, defeat in her hazel eyes. "Okay," I said with a bit of false cheer. "Let me see what I can do."

I pulled the toaster forward and turned it. The cord was lying like a snaked curled up on the counter. I plugged it back in and pushed the toast down. "There we go, all set."

Liz smiled the frustration still apparent in the lines around her mouth. "I need to go on a vacation, go somewhere where I can have handsome men in crisp linen pants make me breakfast; no more of this toaster nonsense."

I laughed and kissed her cheek. "Talk to Richard; I'm sure he could have you in a place like that by the end of the week."

"Really?" she said, her eyes lighting up like a kid on Christmas morning.

I nodded and peered into the toaster. If she unplugged it god only knows what else she did to it. "Yeah, I talked to him last night, he said he thought you might need a vacation, you know, to one of those places where you live there and other people take care of you. How does that sound?"

Liz tilted her head to the side as if deep in thought. "That would be nice. Do you think he would let me go to one in, say, Florida, where it's warm and there's a pool?"

I shrugged and grabbed the toast. "I don't see why not. I mean, if you tell him that's what you wanted to do I'm sure Richard would do that for you, after all, you are his mother."

Liz smiled and accepted the toast I handed her. "You're such a sweet boy, what would I do without you?"

"I dunno Nana." I poured us each a glass of orange juice and sat down across from her at the table.

"So, where did you run off to last night?" Liz asked over the rim of her glass.

My cheeks turned slightly pink as I avoided her gaze. "I asked the girl across the hall, Bella, out for coffee, then she invited me to watch a movie with her. We started to watch the movie then got to talking. I asked her to have dinner with me tonight."

Liz smiled. "I'm glad you kids met. I wanted you to meet her. She's a nice girl, a bit lonely it seems, but nice."

"What do you mean lonely?"

Liz shook her head as if trying to recall a fuzzy memory. "She dated this tattooed fellow for a really long time, she never really seemed happy with him, and they argued all the time. Always in the hall picking at one another. I think he broke up with her because I haven't seen him. But her, she's nice enough, you'd like her. She's very pretty."

"I know she's pretty, I met her yesterday."

"Oh did you?"

I sighed. "Yes Nana, I helped her with her groceries and took her out for coffee."

"Oh that sounds fun." And just like that the Liz I knew crawled back into the darkest corners of her mind, crouching among the cobwebs until the light broke through and allowed her to surface again. It was strange. I knew it was happening, but to see her come out of and go back into the haze was disturbing.

"Hey Nan?"

"Hmm?" Liz's eyebrows went up giving her the appearance of being frightened.

"Who's Wesley?"

"Wesley was the man, well more like boy; I was in love with before I met your Pop. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," I mumbled. The veil was lifted again. "Nana?"

"Yes Jake?"

"Should I go out to dinner with Bella tonight?" I held my breath as I waited for her response. This was sort of like playing with one of those magic eight balls. I half expected her to say something like, "the future is unclear, please try again later." Instead, she said, "sure why not? You're only young once."

"But I'm leaving in a few days," I protested.

"So don't go out with her," Liz shot back.

"But…"

"But…"she parroted.

"I can't have a relationship with someone from the deserts of Iraq."

"Why not?" she asked. "Plenty of young men had relationships with young ladies during world wars one and two. Plenty of men wrote their ladies during the Korean and Vietnam wars. Plenty of fellas are writing their lady friends right this minute from Iraq. It's a frame of mind Jake. If you want it to work, even if all you are is friends, then you find a way. And if you don't want anything more than just a steamy, week-long affair, then after you leave you never see her again problem solved."

"Nana," I laughed, "Really? "A steamy, week-long affair" Is that what you think of me?"

Liz smiled and finished her own juice. "Jake," she said placing her hand over mine. "I'm well aware of how you kids today behave. I know all about the booty calls and internet sex; which totally confuses me, how you can sex with the internet I'll never know. I expect more from you, but you are, after all, a product of today's society."

I shook my head, completely amused that my grandmother knew what a booty call was. I finished the rest of my juice and stared at a spot on the wall above Liz's head. What the hell, I finally decided. Take the plunge, if it lasts longer than this week, great, if not, well, it was fun while it lasted.

"Thanks Nana. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Liz smiled. "You don't need me, I'm sure you'd do perfectly fine on your own."

I suppressed an embarrassed grin. If she'd known what I dreaming of last night I doubt she'd be so sure.

* * *

**Reviews...are...so much better than your grandmother waking you up in the middle of a sex dream.. ; )**

We're kicking it with 1984 for the chappie title..

I Can Dream About You – Dan Hartman.


	9. Idle & Waiting

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

lol I love the love you guys have for this fic...it totally makes my day..lol. So keep in mind..we are going for a beyond sloow burn..i mean we're talking, like smoldering...so yeah...(mental bella is kicking my brain every few seconds..she wants jake and she wants him like, now. she's none too pleased with this smoldering business...) so im gonna shut up and let you read...as always let me know what you think...and on another note...I heard people's stories are being pulled because of content (?!?!) I doubt it will happen to me (lol...no one really pays much attention to us Jake & Bella writers ) but if it does, you can always find the story here: http : // twilightsgrace23fanfic . blogspot . com / : )

**Bella**

Another day; a _new_ day and that damn radio was still out to get me. All the way to work, cheesy love songs assaulted my ears; even my own CD collection was against me.

Celine wanted to know if I'd ever been in love, 311 sang me a love song; even my old friends, The Beatles were on board proclaiming, in their uniquely British way, that all you needed was love.

Today, however, I didn't mind it so much. I even sang along as I sped toward the office. I felt like I was on cloud nine, or twelve, or whatever the hell cloud it was. Even the inner bitch was quiet this morning. I knew eventually she'd have something say, probably something along the lines of "He's leaving a few days," or "all he wants to do is hit it and quit it" whatever the hell _that_ meant. Either way, I didn't care. Five days with a man like Jake was five days I would gladly take.

Yesterday - last night, was amazing. At least until my mother called and ruined the moment. _Oh well_, I thought happily, I got it back in spades. I smiled remembering the kiss, Jake's self-control. He was something else. After a kiss like that I wanted to tear his clothes and have my way with him. Obviously he had other plans with his smooth little "just like putty" line. Damn bastard. I'd get him back tonight.

_Ah shit_, I thought, _dinner and my mother._

_Lie_, the inner bitch whispered. _Tell her you're having a herpes outbreak…that'll really tickle her fancy._

_Shut up_, I grumbled back_. Maybe I'll get lucky and her stupid dinner will be on Sunday like it normally is. _

_True_, the inner bitch agreed. _Renee is a stickler for routine._

I pulled into the parking garage and found a spot. Alice blind-sided me on my way to the elevator. "Hello sunshine," she chirped, her black Dior heels making her the same height as me. "How was the rest of your weekend?"

I shrugged casually not really wanting to deal with the Alice Cullen interrogation. "It was…" I trailed off searching for an appropriate description. _Wonderful, _the inner bitch whispered. "Fine," I said.

Alice stopped and turned to face me, her eyebrow arched. I knew that face well; she was in human lie detector mode. "You're lying," she said. "Spill it sister, now."

I sighed. "Alice come on, can't we dish about this at oh, I don't know, say, lunch?"

"It was Jake, wasn't it? You were with Jake?"

I couldn't hide my smile. "I was."

Alice gasped at me. "Come on, that's all you're going to tell me?"

I nodded as we approached the elevator. "Bella, come on, you're killing me. Tell me what happened?" I shook my head no as the elevator doors slid open. "Oh my god you slept with him didn't you!"

"No!" I exclaimed. "God, if you must know, we went out for coffee, then back to my place. We watched that sorry ass Kate Beckinsale movie."

"That's it?" she asked.

Shaking my head no I said, "Then he raided my CD collection. The radio made me look like a nympho with all its get it on music on one CD-"

"Get it on music?" I nodded. "Oh god not _the _get it on song?!"

I nodded again. "Yes, one and the same."

"Oh shit, how embarrassing," Alice sympathized.

"Yeah, you're telling me. And it wasn't just the one song, the Spill Canvas song; no it was both of them. That one and the Emanuel song."

"What did you do?"

I grinned, remembering last night. "I sat there, trying not to die while he kissed me senseless."

Alice's mouth fell open. "He kissed you! Where you gonna tell me? Oh my god was it a good kiss or is he a shitty kisser?"

And thus the interrogation began. I smiled and said, "The man is damn near perfect. I think the only thing he's got against him is his age."

"How old is he? He didn't look like he was that much older than you."

I switched my briefcase to my left hand and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "He's not older than me," I said. "He's younger."

Alice, who was peering in the mirror, did a double take. Surprise was the face of the day, again her mouth hung open in a bright red 'O' of surprise. "He's younger?"

I nodded. "Two, almost three years. He just turned twenty-five."

Alice snorted. "Shall I start calling you Mrs. Robinson now, or after you sleep with him?"

"Shut up. I don't have any plans to sleep with him; he's leaving on Saturday." For some reason that tiny bit of information made my heart ache just a bit.

"Where's he going?" she asked. The elevator doors opened and we stepped into the cool hallway outside the Two Red Birds office.

"Iraq," I said quietly.

"Ooh, that sucks. Well, I mean, anything can happen between now and then," Alice said.

"Yeah, anything," I echoed. She patted my arm. I swallowed hard. How had he gotten inside my head so quickly? I wondered. My heart grew heavier as Alice's hand warmed my arm.

"Are you okay?" she asked, all traces of playfulness gone. Alice the interrogator was gone, now it was Alice my best friend.

"Al, I don't know. I mean, I barely know this guy, but there's this, god I don't even know. I mean, okay, I met him yesterday morning, then we go out for coffee and spend like, four hours together. And now it's like he's got this hold on me. I haven't felt like this, well, aside from when we were teenagers, never. Remember how obsessed I was with the dark haired Backstreet Boy?"

Alice laughed, stopping in the middle of the hallway, she leaned against the wall. "Oh my God, Bella, I can't believe you're comparing you're crush on a Backstreet Boy to Jake. That's priceless."

"Well what else was I supposed to compare it to?"

"No, I'm sorry, I know what you mean, I just forgot about that. Okay, so Backstreet Boy obsession. I'm with you, go ahead. And yes, I remember. You weren't the only one with a Backstreet Boy obsession."

I laughed. We were pretty pathetic in high school. Our bedroom walls were papered with pictures and posters of the Backstreet Boys and Nsync, Freddie Prinze junior and Paul Walker, Ryan Phillippe, Heath Ledger, and the hot guys from Dawson's Creek and Angel. We were, well, pretty lame.

"Okay, so like I was saying. It's like that. You know, where you don't want to do anything but be near that person. I don't even want to be here today. I want to look at you right now and say, "Alice, I'm going home, knocking on Liz's door and dragging her grandson off to my bedroom where I'm going to proceed to tie him to my bed and promptly hold him hostage." But I can't."

"Why not?"

We were at the office doors. I stopped, seriously contemplating telling her I was going home. Then the grown up Bella living in the back of my head shook her head at me. "Because I'm an adult with a job, and right now there are a million and a half things I have to do today and because if I don't take care of them today, I'll have two and a half million things to do tomorrow and that's just not worth it."

We walked in the office, Alice stopped at the main desk, Makenna, the receptionist and long time friend of Alice's family, handed her a stack of yellow slips. "Mr. Masen said he'd like to see you this afternoon Ms. Cullen."

Alice nodded. "Thanks Makenna. Come on Bella." I followed her down the long corridor toward her office. I know I said she sat "high up in the clouds" but really her office was on the same floor as the rest of us. She pushed to door open with the toe of her shoe and I cringed. Only Alice, in an at least five hundred dollar pair of shoes, would do that. "Did you see Angela on our way in?" she asks.

I shook my head no. "She's probably running late."

Alice grimaced and sat down behind her desk. "She needs to start being on time or start looking for another job. I can't run a company where the employees come in whenever they want. Okay, I'll talk to her later; now finish telling me about your million things to do today."

I sighed and sat down across from her. "Well, I have to try, again, to get a hold of the Indian silk guy. If I do I swear to God that I'm going to give him a piece of my mind and he'll sell us the silk just to get me off his back."

Alice laughed. "Or he'll run screaming for the hills and disconnect his phone so you can't contact him again. Let's do this. Try and contact him again today. If you get the receptionist, leave a message and tell her it's urgent he call you back as soon as possible. If you don't hear from him by close of business tomorrow we'll start looking elsewhere for similar material or we'll just look for something completely different. Either way we'll make it work. What else is going on?"

"Renee," I groaned. "She called last night, yelled at me for not calling her back, then wanted me to come to dinner." Alice flinched. "I know. But, Jake asked me to dinner tonight. So I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place."

Alice shook her head no. "You're not," she said; she had that "your mother is a bitch and you need to stand up to her" tone of voice. "If your mother wants you to drive all the way uptown, during rush hour, for dinner so she can torture you for two hours, tell her no. Tell her you have a business dinner or a date or something."

I sighed. I wished it was that easy. I might be almost twenty eight, but my mother scared the living shit out of me. "Maybe she wants to have dinner this weekend. If it's this weekend I'll go," I told Alice and she rolled her eyes. "Alice, she's my mom, this is my family."

Alice said nothing. I knew what she was thinking. Hell, she'd been there, she watched as my mother tore me apart and tried to rebuild me into her own little puppet, a miniature version of her. She wanted me to be like Victoria –who was, subsequently, just like my mother – it irritated her that I was neither like my sister nor her. I was my father's daughter.

"Look Bella, all I'm saying is that you have a life; you don't have to be Renee's beck and call girl. If you have plans to have dinner tonight with Jake then tell her that. He's leaving in a week; she'll be there, probably until hell freezes over."

I laughed. Alice was right; Renee was too high and mighty to ever die. "Okay, I will call her back; if dinner is tonight too bad. She'll just have to wait until next time to torture me."

"Exactly," Alice grinned. "Now get your ass to work." I stood up and walked toward the door. "And Bella?"

I glanced at Alice over my shoulder. "Whatever happens with Jake, I hope it makes you happy. And if you ever need me all you have to do is call, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay. You know I love you like you're my sister right?"

Alice nodded; for a moment she looked sentimental. I knew she was probably thinking about Jasper. "I know. Now get to work." The look, however brief, was gone and the usual playful spark was back. I didn't say anything as I opened the door. I knew Jasper was going to come back up, I just never thought I would be the reason why she started thinking about him again and I felt bad.

The summer after our sophomore year of college, Alice met Jasper on the beach in Malibu. He was playing volley ball with a group of his friends; one of them had spiked the ball and it spiked Alice in the head, knocking her out cold.

When she came to, she muttered something about dying and how she thought she'd gone to heaven. Jasper was her guy; they spent every moment of the summer together. Then when August came, she came back to school and he deployed to Iraq.

At first he wrote to Alice damn near every day. Then it was every week. They wrote each other for six months. Then the letters stopped coming altogether. Alice didn't know what to do. She kept writing for a few weeks, convincing herself that he was fine, that he just couldn't write back.

Then the letters came back. The first time she opened her mailbox and saw the letter there, she cried. The military can be cruel. Emblazed, in blood red ink, across the front of the letter was the phrase 'return to sender, recipient is deceased.'

Each of her letters came back the same way. I started collecting her mail for her after she got the third one back and kept her returned letters in my purse. Finally, they all came back along with one last letter from Jasper. When I opened her mailbox and say the envelope with his familiar slanty scrawl, my heart caught in my throat. I was afraid to give it to Alice, in the end though, I knew if it was me, I would want to read it.

When I gave it to her, she lay on her bed for two hours, the envelope held against her chest, sobbing. She reminded me of Diane Lane in the end of _Nights in Rodanthe_, after she finds out Richard Gere is dead.

I'd never felt so helpless in all my life. I didn't know what to do or say to help my friend who was so desperately hurting. Lucky for me, the letter said it all. She never let me read it and I didn't want to, but whatever it said, it was what she needed to hear. A few days later Alice was out of bed. A few more days later she started going back to class and soon she was back to her old self. Well, a modified version of her old self. She wasn't the same, but she was better. We never found out what happened, how jasper died; Alice figured it didn't really matter either way. He was dead and knowing how he died wouldn't bring him back.

She never spoke of him again. The letters and the pictures went into an old Steve Madden shoe box and was taped shut. Alice scrawled, in huge black letters across the side, _do not open _and shoved the box in the back of her closet at her parents' house.

Now here we were seven years later. I was getting – hell who was I kidding, I was already involved – with a man getting ready to go to the very same place where her lover was killed. It scared me to think about how easily Jake could be killed while he was over there.

_Focus Bella_, I ordered myself and logged onto my computer. I opened the email and while I waited for it to retrieve my messages, I called Renee.

The phone rang only once before Renee answered. "Hello," she said primly.

"Good morning Mother," I replied.

"Good morning Isabella; I'm so glad you could find it in your good graces to return my phone call as promised."

I bit back the snarky comment I wanted to hurl at her. "You're welcome," I said instead, my voice oozing with saccharine sweetness. "You said something about dinner when we spoke on the phone last night?"

"Yes, that's correct. We are having a family dinner this Friday evening; it was scheduled for Sunday, but something came up. Jane got into The Bush School; she'll be attending there come fall."

I rolled my eyes. _Well la de da_, I thought.

"It's a very prestigious school," Renee boasted. "Your sister and James are very pleased."

_I bet they are_, the inner bitch replied snidely.

_Oh can it_, I retorted. "I can imagine," I said. "What time is dinner?"

"Friday at six p.m. sharp. Are you bringing that tattooed hoodlum?"

I bit back the chuckle that threatened to escape. "No, Mother, I am not. We broke up."

"Oh well thank God for that. He was not an appropriate match for you…"

Renee went on about the number of ways Rex was a bad boyfriend. I tuned her out and skimmed through my emails. Mostly inter-office junk that was sent to me because some idiot didn't know how to reply to just one person rather that hitting _reply all_.

Then I got to the bottom of the emails. Renee was still droning on about Jane and Alec and all their wonderful accomplishments. The last email was from Edward Masen. In the subject line was a winking smiley face.

I groaned. Couldn't this guy take a hint? I clicked it, the box opened.

_Bella_, the email began. _I'm cashing in your rain check. As your boss I'm ordering you to have lunch with me. You can even pretend it's a business lunch. Be at Palomino's at 1:00. See you then._

_Edward_

_Oh hell no,_ I thought. That asshole was not, could not, order me to have lunch with him; hell would freeze over before that happened. "Mom," I said cutting off Renee's tirade. "Mom I have to go, something just came up."

"But Isabella I was in the middle of telling you about-"

"Mother!" I said sharply. "I am at work, something came up, I have to go. I will see you Friday. Goodbye." I hung up before she had the chance to interject or say anything else. I pushed my chair back, stood and stormed out of my office and down the hall toward Edward's.

"Miss Swan," Edward's secretary said as I stalked toward his office.

"Is he in?" I asked with a curt nod in his office's direction.

Charlotte nodded, "He is."

"Good." I passed her and threw the office door open. "You're a pompous ass, do you know that?"

Edward chuckled good-naturedly as he set his phone down. "And to what do I owe the pleasure Miss Swan?"

I gaped at him. "Seriously?" I said angrily. "You're little email commanding me to lunch with you? Do not, for one minute, think that I am today, or ever for that fact, having lunch with you. You might be my "boss" in the sense that you are head of the department that I work in, but do not, for one second, think that I can't fire your smug ass. And in case you missed, this is me telling you that, no, I will not be a Palomino's this afternoon. Enjoy your lunch."

I turned on my too tall heels, almost fell flat on my face yet somehow (we'll call it divine intervention) managed to make a somewhat graceful (if you can call it that) exit. Everyone in the office was staring at me as I walked back toward my office. "Is there a problem?" I snapped. "And unless you want to start the week unemployed I suggest you all get back to work, now." Every single person who'd been hovering near the opened office door scattered like roaches when you turn on the light.

I sighed. It was only a little after nine in the morning and yet this was shaping up to be the worst day ever. Now, so much more so than this morning, I wanted to just shut off the computer, grab my briefcase and my purse and go home, knock on Liz's door and kidnap her oh so delicious grandson.

Instead, I used my fury to fuel the fire and picked up the line and dialed the Indian manufacturer. "Thank you for calling South India silks, this is Garjara how can I direct your call?"

"Good evening," I said. "I was hoping to reach Mr. Champak. My name is Bella Swan, from Seattle."

"Mr. Champak is gone for the day. He actually went on vacation today. Can I take a message?"

I bit back the scream I so desperately wanted to hurl at this woman. Not that it was her fault; I was just fed up with this company. "No thank you. Have a nice afternoon."

I hung up; I was done. Like Alice said, we'd find the fabric someplace else or I'd start looking for something else entirely. Some day's I really, really hated my job. Today was one of them. I really, and I mean really wanted that material. God damn fashion forecasters; for once I'd love to be able to buy a bolt of fabric because it was pretty and not have to worry about what would be in-style come the fall or the spring.

The rest of the morning passed slowly. I felt like I was going stir crazy being stuck behind my desk fielding phone calls and sending emails. At half past twelve Alice poked her head into my office.

"Hey, you busy?"

I shook my head no and waved her in. "Gimme a second," I said opening an email. It was from Champak. I grinned, "that's what I thought you sneaky son of a bitch."

"What's going on?" Alice asked as she plopped herself down in one of my office chairs.

"Champak, the Indian silk guy," I told her. "I called; secretary told me he was on vacation. She asked if I wanted to leave a message and I told her no. Now I have an email from him. I knew as soon as I stopped chasing him he'd come running to us."

I replied to the email, setting up a time for us to talk over the phone and get this deal done. After I pressed the send key I glanced up at Alice. "What's up?"

"Oh I just came to see if you had any plans for lunch?" there was a mischievous sparkle to her eyes.

"Yeah you're not fooling me," I muttered. "So you heard about that huh?"

"I think the whole building's heard about that," Alice replied. "He demanded you go out to lunch with him?"

I nodded. "Want to see the email?"

"No, that's okay. I'll take your word for it. So you want to go to lunch?"

"Yes. How about Palomino's?" I asked as I gathered my keys and my purse.

Alice laughed. "You are one evil bitch."

As I stood up I looked at her. "You don't even know the half of it."

"Yeah, actually _I _do. It's the rest of these knuckleheads who don't. Do you want me to drive or do you want to?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Okay, I'll drive."

Fifteen minutes later we were seated at a table in the middle of Palomino's; a table that just so happened to have a fantastic view of one Edward Masen dining alone. He gaped at the two of us as we sat down at our table. I smirked at him and opened my menu.

"Don't taunt him Bella," Alice chastised. "I don't want him to quit…yet."

I rolled my eyes. "Please don't go out with him. He's like, pond scum."

"That might be true, but he's…well, cute pond scum. Kind of like the pet mice they sell in the pet store. I mean mice are creepy, but at the same time they're cute."

I laughed, trying not to choke on my water. "I can't believe you're comparing him to a pet store mouse. And you tell me I'm bad with my Backstreet Boy references."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a loser because I like pet store mice. Now let's talk about you. Where is Jake taking you to dinner?"

I shrugged and sipped my water again. "He didn't say."

"So how are you supposed to know what to wear? I mean, for all you know he could be taking you to Burger King."

"Alice," I said seriously, "he could take me to his grandmother's for dinner and it wouldn't matter. I don't care about that kind of stuff. I just, well, I really just want to spend time with him. Is that weird?"

"What? That you want to spend time with him?"

I nodded. "Well that and the fact that I've only known him for, like, a day."

Alice shrugged. "You know what?" she said. "I think that if it feels right to you then screw what everyone else thinks. Do what makes you happy; it's _your_ life and no one else's. And on that note, I say that after lunch we go buy you something to wear to dinner. Call it an early day and have some girl time. What do you say?"

"Sounds fun; I need some new shoes."

New shoes and a date with Jake. It sounded like the opening line of a child's poem.

Karen Carpenter's voice floated through my head,

"_And I can hardly wait…to be with you again…"_

Yup, that about summed it up.

* * *

**Reviews are better than Bella have a backbone and telling Edward where to shove it. Next update, most likely Sunday afternoon...hopefully  
**

Chapter title:

Idle & Waiting - Umbrellas


	10. On a Night Like This

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

Omg..I totally didn't mean to ruin Nights in Rodanthe. I didn't even think about..I'm so sorry for those of you who haven't seen it and I ruined it for you. Lol Like I said in the beginning...I'm breaking all the rules...Emmett's a jerk and Jasper died in Iraq...Renee's a bitch and well Charlie..can't change Charlie too much...there aren't any movie spoilers here..I promise...anywhoo...I promised hte update today, i know its late, but nasty old real life got in the way..enjoy and always let me know what you think!

**Bella**

A little green dress and a pair of silver sling back Manolos and I was just about ready. I needed a net for all the butterflies beating away inside my stomach. I glanced at my watch and exhaled.

Today was one of the longest days of my life. After lunch Alice and I went shopping. Well, more like she went shopping and I, severely distracted, browsed the racks not really seeing anything. We left Neiman Marcus and she took me back to work to pick up my car.

I beat the rush hour traffic and when I let myself into the apartment I was ready for a long bath and a short nap. There was just one thing I had to do first.

I didn't want to look like an idiot come eight o'clock when Jake knocked on the door. Especially if he wasn't planning on taking me somewhere nice. I didn't care where we went, but I didn't want to look like a fool when I answered the door later tonight.

I went across the hall and knocked on his door anxiously chewing on my lower lip while I waited. Liz answered the door wearing a snappy black sweat suit with pink trim.

"Well, good afternoon Miss Matthews!" she exclaimed. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

I smiled, her good more was contagious. "I was wondering if Jake was around."

Liz smiled knowingly. "I knew you two would get along; but no, he's not here. He's been running around Seattle getting ready to take you out tonight."

Oh well that was interesting.

"Do you know where he's taking me?"

Liz shook her head no. I frowned. That wasn't helpful. "All I know," she said mysteriously, "is that it's someplace fancy and that you should get dressed up."

The inner bitch danced. _We get to dress up, we get to dress up, _she sang. "Okay then," I smiled, "That was all I needed to know. How are you feeling today?"

Liz grinned. "I feel fantastic. I'm moving to Miami, I'm going to work on my tan and try to find me a fella."

I laughed. This woman had such spunk, such joie de vivre. I hoped that when I was her age I could possess the same zest for life. "That's fabulous," I said. "I hear Miami is gorgeous. Please let me know when you're leaving so I can give you a proper farewell and maybe a little gift to help you start your journey."

Liz patted my arm. "Little girl," she said wisely. "If you be good to my grandson, treat him well, that'd be the best gift I could ask for. Knowing he's okay and loved by a woman like you, well that would be the bee's knees and just fine by me."

"I can do that," I said softly.

"I know you can," she replied. "You two have something special. I've seen it on his face all day and now here you stand wearing that same love struck expression." She paused, licked her pink painted lips, then smiled. "Do you know anything about Greek mythology?"

Greek mythology? What the hell was she talking about? I shook my head no, failing to see what Greek mythology had to do with me and Jake and our similar love struck expressions.

Liz grinned. "According to Greek mythology," she said, "humans were originally created with four arms and four legs; their heads had two faces. Zeus, fearing their power, split them into two separate parts. Essentially he condemned them, forcing them to spend their lives searching for their other halves. I think you very well may have just found yours." She let that sink in. "You two will be just fine. Have fun and mind one another's hearts and it will work itself out."

I nodded, at a loss for words. What the hell are you supposed to say when someone basically tells you that the man you're interested in may very well possibly be your soul mate? I didn't even know if I believed in soul mates. One person created just for you? I had trouble finding a decent pair of jeans; a decent man? Yeah right. That was just not heard of.

Liz turned to go, singing as she did, "I've got you, under my skin."

I turned and she shut the door behind her. I smiled, humming the rest of the chorus as I crossed the hall. Back in my own apartment, I shut and locked the door behind me. I had hours to get ready. I was going to take advantage of that and fill up the tub and relax.

I turned the radio on, cranking it up so I could hear it in the bathroom. I went down the hall and began filling up the tub, singing along to You Me At Six as the lead singer sang about it hurting so much it must be love. I stopped in the doorway really listening to the lyrics. _Why do I like this song?_ I wondered. It was depressing as hell, and then some.

"_My heart is out at sea_

_My head all over the place._

_I'm losing sense of time_

_And everything tastes the same_

_I'll be home in a day_

_I fear that's a month too late"_

I shook my head and went to change the track. The more upbeat drumming of O.A.R. came on and, satisfied that this song wouldn't make me want to slit my wrists in the tub, I stripped my way down the hall and stepped into the steaming water.

As the tub filled I reached for the bottle of white tea and lily bubble bath that sat on the ledge for occasions such as this and dumped a generous amount into the tub. I leaned back and let the fragrant water swirl around my shoulders.

I felt insanely at ease; like the calm before the storm. Perhaps the storm wouldn't come; it was, after all, just dinner.

But when I was honest with myself I knew it was so much more than just dinner. This was the point of no return. Tonight would be the turning point, if it went well I might as well gift wrap my heart and hand it to him on a silver platter. I had a feeling that after tonight I was going to be in too deep to walk away.

_You're being irrational, _the inner bitch said practically. _You barely know him, and you could walk away whenever you wanted to. It's not that you _couldn't_, it's that you _wouldn't. _There's a huge different there; don't get it confused._

I ignored her. She might be right or she could be wrong. Either way, I wanted to be with Jake. So until I didn't want to be with him, or around him, I was going to stay where I was. I yawned as the song changed and She & Him pumped out of the radio and Zooey Deschanel sang about her sentimental heart. I hummed along making a mental note to visit iTunes later. My music library was in desperate need of an update.

I loved music. I didn't have a musical bone in my body; I couldn't sing or play. Another strike against me where Renee was concerned; she and Victoria both played the piano exceptionally well whereas I was like Charlie, my dad. He didn't have a musical bone in his body either and was my advocate. When I wanted to take cooking classes instead of piano lessons or when I wanted to take sewing classes instead of ballet. Charlie stood in my corner and was the ultimate deciding factor. He knew what I liked and what id didn't; what I could and couldn't do. I couldn't do any of it, well I could cook – sort of but sew or play the piano? Not in a million years, and ballet? Yeah, that should be obvious in my stunning lack of grace. But Charlie, he was always the nice one. He let me do what I want and he protected me as well as he could from Renee's rampage.

_But enough of that_, I told myself. _You start thinking about your evil mother and she'll ruin your good mood. _

I relaxed and closed my eyes, clearing my mind which didn't work. I wanted to know where we were going. That was killing me. I ran over the list of restaurants around the city where you had to get dressed up, my mind coming up blank.

_Call Alice, _the inner bitch whispered_. She would know._

_No, _I decided_, he wanted it to be a surprise; I'll just wait and see. _

And now here I was; seven forty five and I was as anxious as a pig on its way to the slaughter house. I glanced in the vanity mirror once more, fixing a smudge of eyeliner and applying another coat of lipstick. Reaching into the jewelry box I pulled out a pair of earring and took the ones I was wearing off. I held the new pair up to my ears and decided they didn't match.

I put the old earrings back on and stood up, glancing in the floor length mirror, wondering if I should change. Again. No, I decided. I'd already tried on every dress in my closet; twice. In the end it was a toss up between a little black dress with a plunging 'v' shaped neckline, or a little hunter green dress with a similar neckline, not only in the front, but the back as well. I went with the green dress. It was dressier, sexier and all around a better choice. Let's hope Jake liked it.

There was a knock at the door. I choked on my own breath and walked on shaky legs to the door.

_Speak of the devil, _the inner bitch whispered,_ and he shall arrive._

I took a deep breath, my hand on the knob and opened the door as I exhaled. What I saw on the other side took my breath away.

Jake had on, if I had to take a guess, a black Dolce and Gabana suit, my inner bitch turned love goddess swooned. He glanced up, a lock of dark hair falling across his forehead, and smiled. "Hi," he said.

My insides turned to mush. "Hi," I replied.

"I was going to get your flowers, but I didn't know if you liked them, or were allergic, so I got you this instead."

He withdrew a small five by five square wrapped in palest blue tissue paper out of his jacket pocket and handed it to me. I took it and ran my finger under the edge of the tissue paper. "What is it?" I asked, pulling the paper away.

Jake laughed. "Open it and see."

"I'm sorry, I'm so rude, come in out of the hall," I said, the gift momentarily forgotten. Jake stepped across the threshold and shut the door behind him, the breeze blew his cologne in my face and my vision blurred, my head went a bit cloudy for a second. "Oh my god, what kind of cologne are you wearing?" I blurted out, my face immediately going red.

Jake grinned, "It's called Fahrenheit by Dior."

"Yeah, well its working," I muttered and immediately wanted to smack myself. The brain to mouth filter must definitely be out of order tonight.

"What was that?" Jake asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing," I said.

He smiled. "Okay then. Open your present, the anticipation is killing me."

I complied, pulling the rest of the tissue paper off and setting it down on the end table. It was a CD, the new She & Him CD. I glanced up at Jake. "How did you get this?" I asked, "It doesn't come out for like another month."

He smiled and shrugged. "I have connections," he said mysteriously.

I glanced at him, my expression doubtful. "You have connections," I repeated. "That's all you're going to say?"

He nodded his head smugly and smiled again. "Well then in that case, thank you. I love it. How did you know?" I wanted to hug him but didn't know if I should or not. I hated this whole navigating uncertain territory thing.

_Fuck it_, the inner bitch said. _You wanted to jump, feet first, into this, go for it. Quit being chicken shit. _

I stepped toward him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thank you," I said again.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure, but I figured if you hadn't heard of them you might like their music. Are you ready to go? We have a reservation and I don't want to lose it."

I let go of his neck noticing the way his hand lingered on the small of my back. "Okay, well lets go then." I grabbed my purse and followed Jake to the door.

"Ladies first," he said, opening the door. I stepped into the hall and waited for him.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we walked toward the elevator.

"It's a surprise," Jake replied.

"I don't like surprises," I said, it came out more like a whine.

Jake pressed the elevator's call button and gazed down at me. "Sucks to be you then, doesn't it?"

I snorted softly as the doors opened and we stepped onboard. That was number seventy seven on the list of things I liked about him. We rode to the lobby in silence and he gently took my arm as we walked into the cool, damp evening.

Always the perfect gentleman, he opened the car door for me and shut it after I'd gotten in. I plotted my revenge and a raid on his CD player once he'd gotten in and started the car. Smooth, piano accompanied by a soothing male voice floated out of the Impala's speakers.

_On a night like this I could fall in love_

_I could fall in love with you_

_In this dark so dense, we talk so soft_

_The way young lovers do_

_The day's last sight turns to cool night's breeze_

_And this love hangs thick like these willows leaves_

_I've hid myself away from this_

_But your silhouette is the Judas kiss_

_On a night like this I could fall in love_

_I could fall in love with you_

I knew it wasn't intentional, at least I didn't think it was, but the song made me want to cry because it pretty much just said everything I felt, was feeling. I turned away from Jake and glanced out the window, blinking back tears.

"You okay?" Jake asked, coming to a stop at an intersection.

I nodded and blinked back tears. "I'm fine," I said softly. Jake pulled through the intersection and headed toward Elliot Bay. "But now I'm going to raid you CD player."

He chuckled. "Raid away sweetheart."

I shivered at the endearment and leaned forward, changing to the next track, which was in Spanish. "What is this?"

"It's called Abrázame. Why do you like it?"

I nodded. "I don't speak Spanish, but its sounds pretty anyway. What does it mean?"

"Embrace me," Jake replied. 'We're here, sorry to cut your raid short."

I glanced up at the looming hotel, its lights glittering off the water of the Puget Sound. Wait, hotel, why the hell were we at a hotel.

"The Edgewater has a restaurant, Six Seven, that overlooks the bay. I found out that the view is stunning at sunset, but I guess we missed that. I hope this is okay." Jake shut the engine off and the car was bathed in silence.

"This is fine," I said. I'd never been here; hell I didn't even know the hotel had a restaurant. I suddenly felt foolish for jumping to conclusions. "I've never been here, but I'm sure it will still be gorgeous, you know night sailers and things like that, boat lights could be just as beautiful as a sunset. But if you ask me, sunsets are kind of over rated. I mean come on; they happen every day just like clockwork. This is so much better."

_Shut up now, Bella_, the inner bitch commanded. _You're babbling._

Jake smiled and reached across the front seat, his fingers a warm caress against my cheek. "In case I forget to tell you later," he said, "you look absolutely stunning tonight. Every time I look at you it takes my breath away how beautiful you are."

I blushed in the darkness, unused to being told how beautiful I was. "Thank you," I murmured. "In case I forget later, you look pretty damn spiffy too."

"Well thanks. You ready?"

"Mhmm."

We walked toward the entrance, Jake's hand enveloping mine. The restaurant was only partially full as we followed the hostess to our table by the glass wall that ran the length of the back wall.

"Now see," I said turning to Jake, "that's better than some run of the mill sunset." Lights glittered on the bay like stars suspended in the inky darkness. A yacht sailed by, its white sails billowing in the breeze.

"Well I'm glad you're not upset. I didn't even find this place until this afternoon. A hostess at another restaurant recommended it. She said it was popular with the ladies."

I could see why it would be –popular with the ladies that is. The white linen table clothes and crystal wineglasses glittering in the candlelight; everything was glass and fine china, sparkling and twinkling setting the whole room aflame in dancing light.

"So," Jake said after we'd sat down and ordered drinks. "How was your day at work?"

I wanted to laugh at the normalcy of the conversation and I had a sudden flash of how easy our lives could be. I smiled and said, "My day was long, but I got a lot accomplished." I thought about Edward's stunned expression when I told him where he could shove his rain check. Yes, I know I asked for one, but I was trying to be polite. Maybe next time I should just tell him, flat out that no, I didn't want to have lunch or dinner or drinks with him and just avoid a future incident. I doubted that after today I'd ever have another problem out of him.

Across the table, Jake tilted his head to the side. "What are you thinking about?" he asked, his tone amused.

"I had a run in with the head of my department today," I said, not offering anymore than that.

"Your boss?"

I shook my head no. "Well, technically he's my boss, but then again technically I'm his boss. He thought he could order me to have lunch with him. At least until I told him to stick it."

"Good for you. Anything else interesting happen today?"

I shook my head no. "Well, your grandmother has high expectations for the two of us," I said. Something flickered in his eyes and quickly passed.

Insert foot in mouth, the inner bitch said. I bit back a sigh. She was right, why the hell did I just say that. "I'm sorry, that was probably way too much information," I said.

"No, it's okay. My grandmother, well she's a romantic. Don't pay much attention to what she says."

My heart sank to my stomach. Told you so, the inner bitch said. Of course you don't mean anything to him, why would you. He barely knows you, he's leaving on Saturday and you're never going to see him again.

"Bella?"

I looked up, hoping the tears brimming in my eyes didn't give me or my uncontrollable emotions away. "Hmm?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I had, um, there was something in my eye." I wiped at my eye, pretending to wipe the imaginary speck away.

"There's nothing in your eye," he said, "It was my comment. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I just don't want you thinking you owe me anything, you know?"

I didn't what could he possibly think I owed him? "I understand," I said softly.

"No I don't think you do. I don't want to start something and leave you here all alone at the end of the week. I don't want to hurt you Bella. There's something about you; I just can't point my finger on it, but you, well, you're special. You're the kind of woman that doesn't come around often. I like you, probably a lot more than I should."He reached across the table and took my hand. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"I don't think you could hurt me," I said bravely. "Not intentionally at least."

Jake shrugged. "No, not intentionally, but my life, my job, that can hurt you. And that is just something I don't want to put you through."

Our waitress swooped in. "Hi guys, how are we doing tonight?"

Jake and I smiled and said we were fine. "Are you ready to order?"

We gave her our order and once she walked away, we continued our conversation. "Look, Jake, I know about the life of a military, well, whatever." I launched into the tale of Alice and Jasper.

He shook his head. "That's exactly the point. I could die over there. I could get shot by one of our own. Or a million other possibilities. Do you really want to spend the next year worrying about me, wondering if I'm okay or if I'm even alive?"

"Jake…" I sighed.

"Bella..." he sighed back.

"Look," I said, "let's just, oh I don't know, pretend that you're not leaving in five days. At least for just tonight; instead, let's just pretend like tonight is just one day of many. Let's eat our dinner and then wander around the city until we're lost with no direction. Tonight, let's just…be."

"If that's what you want," he said, "then that's what we'll do."

* * *

**Reviews are better than dinner at a bay front restaurant! **

Greek mythology info taken from Plato's _The Symposium_

_Always Attract _by You Me At Six

_Shattered (turn the car around)_ by O.A.R.

_Sentimental Heart_ by She & Him

_On a night like this_ by Dave Barnes

_Abrazame _by Camila


	11. This is For Keeps

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

Yes..I'm mean with the mini cliffies..lol thats how i make sure you'll come back..lol..no im just kidding...most of the time i just kind of run out of ideas...if I waited until more came to me we'd still be back somewhere around chapter one...lol..and kill Jake...never...well at least not in this story...I promise...Jake will live...I'm anxious to start the next chapter, like asap...so hopefully I can have that up for you by the end of the week, no promises, but I'll try. and hi to the new ppl..thanks for reading...and without further ado..part two of the date...

**Jake**

The city had other plans for us after dinner. Fat drops of rain fell from the sky and splattered against the pavement.

"Well," Bella laughed over the roar of the thunder. "I guess we're just going to have to find something else to do tonight."

I slipped out of my coat and draped it over her shoulders. It was chilly, not to cold, well not for me, but I figured in that dress she had to be freezing. "Eh it's okay. Wait here; I'll go get the car."

"I'm coming with you," she said.

"But what about your shoes?" I said pointing at the strappy, sparkly silver shoes. I definitely wasn't a brand junkie but they looked expensive.

Bella waved her hand dismissively, "they're last season, who cares. Come on." She darted off into the rain, splashing through puddles laughing happily.

I stood there watching her for a second. _I could love her_, I decided. "Jake come on," she yelled, a huge smile on her face. Yep, I could definitely fall in love with her. I ran through the rain towards her. Bella smiled, leaning against the hood of the car, her brunette hair plastered to her head.

"You're all wet," I said as I pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"That's what she said," she murmured and leaned up on her tip toes, snaking her arms around my neck. I ran my fingers down her cheek, trailed them across her neck and down her back. She shivered and leaned towards me. I looked down at her, my heart banding against my ribs.

"Hey Jake," she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"You gonna kiss me or do I have to catch pneumonia first?"

I had never seen anything, anyone as beautiful in my life as Bella looked right then, rain soaked everything, staring up at me with her brown eyes aglow and her cheeks tinged pink from the cold. I threw it away then, all my reservations, all my concerns, everything – I just let it all go. I deserved to be happy. If it was here, now, with Bella then so be it. If we could make it through a deployment to Iraq then the rest would be small potatoes. I pulled her toward me, crushing her delicate body against mine.

Bella titled her head and leaned toward her, our lips connecting, her tongue running over mine tasting like the zinfandel she'd had with dinner. Her nimble fingers wove themselves into my hair, pulling it. I groaned into her mouth. The felt the rise, the desire growing as the rain fell around, on, us. I wanted her, right here, right now. I pulled away from her, panting. Not here, not like two horny teenagers in the back seat of the car; _do it right or not at all_, my father's voice echoed in my head. "We should get out of the rain," I said breathlessly.

Bella nodded running her tongue over her lips. "Yeah we probably should. Let's go back to my place and fuck like rabbits." Her eyes went wide and she slapped a hand against her lips. I saw her flush in the dimly lit parking lot. "I did _not_ mean to say that," she said, embarrassment flooding her tone. "Not out loud at least."

I tried not to laugh. She'd said exactly what I was thinking, but there was no way come hell or high water I was admitting it. Instead I said, "Don't worry about it," and opened the car door for her.

She slid in, her wet dress squeaking on the seat. "I just can't believe I blurted it out like that. God I'm so embarrassed." She raised her hand to her forehead and covered her eyes, shaking her head.

"Its okay," I said again and shut the door. I hurried around to the driver's side and got in. "where to now Miss?" I asked, sticking the key in the ignition.

"The stars," she murmured. Looking away from me she exhaled softly.

"How about I take you home instead, you're soaked, and I really don't want you getting sick. Then after you change, we can go do something else, or if you want to call it a night, that would be okay too."

She gazed at me from her seat, her expression woeful. "I'm sorry," she said again. "We were having fun and I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin it, I'm still having fun. Now if I remember correctly you wanted to raid my CD player?"

Her eyes lit up. "That's right I did. Let's see what embarrassing music you have."

"Here," I said pointing at one of the knobs on the CD players face. "There's a disc changer in the trunk, press this one, and it will switch."

I started the car and pulled out of the parking space. Bella smiled, the green lights from the CD player illuminating her face. She pushed a button. In the trunk the CD player made a mechanical groan and the CD changed.

_I've been trying to get my head, oh well_

_What the fuck is happening?_

_I'm trying to make some sense, uh-oh_

_Whatcha do with my head_

_There's just this thing about 'cha_

Bella's eyebrows drew up in confusion. "What the hell was that?"

I laughed. "It's a band called Ok Go. I love that song."

"How the hell do you know what he's saying? He sings so high, I'm not even sure a dog could comprehend."

I shrugged and turned onto the street that led to Bella's apartment. "I like it. I know what he's saying, I googled the lyrics."

Bella snorted. "You googled. Let's see what else you have in here."

_I'm bouncing off the walls tonight_

_Junk in heart, sunken highs it's 3 A.M._

_I'm tangled up over you_

_Lying on a burning bed_

_I think too much, it hurts my head_

_But there's a light that's shining through_

She glanced quizzically at me. "What's this?"

"Remember I was telling you about Crosby Loggins?" Bella nodded. "This is him. It's called _Time to Move_, that's John Mayer playing the guitar in the background."

"Ahh," she said nodding. "I love John Mayer."

I smiled and came to a stop light at a vacant intersection. "Me too."

She flipped through the rest of the CD and gave me a pouty look when she reached the end. "What?" I asked.

"Where's all your embarrassing tunes?" she said, flipping to the next CD. And then the radio betrayed me in the worst kind of way.

_Wake up in the morning feeling like _

I reached out and flicked to the next track.

_I like it rough_

Bella glanced at me, her eyebrow raised. "Oh really?" she said, her tone and face amused.

"That's not my CD," I said which was true.

"Whose is it then?"

I shrugged. "Probably my roommate back in Virginia. Sam, he had the craziest taste in music. And if it's not his it's probably his girlfriend, Emily's."

She nodded. "Yeah that does make more sense. Here, because I'm so nice, I'll change it."

"Gee thanks."

She switched the CD player and sat back while Dashboard Confessional played quietly. "I like this song." She declared and sang along softly.

We drove the rest of the way to her apartment like that, me quiet and her quietly singing along to _Hell On The Throat_ and _Water and Bridges._ She had a nice voice and I enjoyed seeing her in her element.

"Oh," she said abruptly cutting off the chorus of _Even Now_. "Liz said she's moving to Miami. Is she really?"

I nodded. "I talked to Richard, my step-dad; he's setting her up at a retirement community down there. She'll be able to live on her own but still have the assistance she needs."

"Well that's great. She called me Miss Matthews too, this afternoon. I don't know why…but she did."

"That would be…you know, I have no idea. My sister's are both married, but neither of their last names are Matthews. That's just…well, I was going to say odd, but that's just Liz." I shrugged. Loopy Liz, that's what I was going to start calling her, but I doubted she'd appreciate it.

I pulled into the parking lot and slid the Impala into my spot. "So," I said shutting off the engine.

"So," Bella parroted.

"We're here," I said.

"I see that," she replied.

The air in the car crackled; her earlier comment floated through my head. _Or we could just go back to my place and fuck like rabbits. _I shook my head. "Damn rain ruined the rest of our date," I muttered glancing out the window.

Bella sighed wistfully. "Yeah, sure did."

"What do you want to do now? Do you want me to just walk you to your door and kiss you goodnight?"

"How about," she said sliding across the seat. "We go upstairs, have a drink, listen to some music…"

I could almost hear her say _and dot, dot, dot_. "If that's what you want. I'm sorry that our date didn't turn out so great. Poor planning on my part I guess."

She set her hand on my arm. "It's okay Jake. Most of the time life never turns out the way you want it to. You keep going, make other plans, alter the ending." She grinned, her eyes lighting up. "Hey do you like Nicholas Sparks's movies?"

I shrugged. "I've, uh, I've never seen any of his movies."

"Oh. Um, well, would you maybe want to watch one? I mean, it's okay if you don't, trust me I totally understand. I just don't know what else we could do." She paused for a moment, wringing her hands. "I have to work tomorrow."

"You know what," I said. "We'll go upstairs; I'll check on my nana, you change and pick a movie and we'll watch it. How's that sound?" I reached out, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. She shivered and smiled.

"That," she breathed, "sounds perfect."

"Yeah?"

Bella nodded and hopped back across the seat. "Yes, now come on." She bolted out of the car before I even had the chance to get out and open her door. She darted off across the parking lot, stopping in the middle of the lane; she stretched her arms out and lifted her face to the sky.

"What are you doing?" I called.

Bella smiled at me, lowering her face from the onslaught of the elements. "I'm having fun," she called back. "I'm letting go and having fun and running a six hundred dollar pair of shoes, but that's okay because I'm falling for you." She spun around laughing. "I'm falling for you. Now the only question is are you gonna be irresponsible and fall with me?"

I shoved my keys into my pocket and took off into the rain after her. Bella giggled and ran toward the lobby door. When I finally caught her I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me. "Baby, I was just waiting for you to catch up."

Leaning back, she looked up at me and grinned. "Catch up," she snorted, "I'm already ten steps ahead of you."

I ran my hands up and down her goose bump covered arms. "Come on beautiful; dry clothes and Nicholas Sparks awaits."

* * *

I checked on Liz, who was in bed, fast asleep. Today had been an overall good day for her. She'd been lucid almost all day and we'd gotten a lot accomplished. Richard was surprised to hear she _wanted_ to go to a retirement home; his only qualm was that she wanted to move to Miami. In the end though, he was okay with it and started making plans to move Liz out there shortly after I left.

I went into my room and changed out of my wet and probably ruined suit. Not that I cared; I didn't have much use for a monkey suit. I hung the heavy pants over the back of a chair and changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I glanced in the mirror, then left the room, clicking the light off as I went.

I grabbed my keys and wallet off the coffee table, slipping them both into my back pocket. I left the lamp on and exited the apartment. The hallway was quiet as I stood in front of Bella's door.

_Dude, _my subconscious piped up. _We're going to willing watch a chick flick? Seriously? Jake, dude, buddy, pal, we _don't_ watch chick flicks. We're too manly for that._

_Shut up,_ I retorted. _We're watching one and, we may not like it but we are sure as hell gonna pretend we do. Besides, we're doing this for Bella, because it's what she wants._

I knocked on the door and waited. A few seconds later, Bella pulled the door open and smiled. My heart rolled over in my chest. She might have looked gorgeous earlier, but nothing compared to the way she looked right now with her hair piled on top of her head in a mess of moist curls, a pair of black sweat pants hugged her hips, and a neon pink tank top. She looked happy and carefree and completely at ease; part of me wondered what she looked like first thing in the morning.

"Come in," she smiled. "I made popcorn and the movie's ready. I think you'll like this one, it's not too mushy."

_Yeah I highly doubt that,_ my subconscious muttered. I smiled and followed her in. "What are we watching?" I asked.

"_Message in a Bottle," _she replied. "I think it's my favorite Nicholas Sparks story."

"Does he have a lot?" I asked.

"Mhmm," she said shaking her head. "Five movies, well five so far; there are two more that are coming out later."

I smelled the buttery scent of popcorn and the beep of the microwave. I followed Bella into the kitchen. "Do you need me to do anything?"

Bella dumped the bag of microwave popcorn into a white plastic bowl. "Grab a couple of beers, well if you want one, out of the fridge. There's soda and water in there too if you'd rather."

"No, beer's fine," I said grabbing a couple. "So back to the movie; have you seen them all?"

Bella nodded and grabbed the bowl. "And I've read all his books too. And before you ask there are, fifteen books total."

"Oh. Well I was going to ask if you liked them but if the dude has fifteen books and you've read them all then you must have liked them."

Bella laughed and we walked back to the living room. "I liked them."

"What else do you like to read?" I asked, setting her beer down next to the bowl of popcorn. Bella shrugged and popped a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

"All kinds of stuff. I'm the kind of person who judges a book by its cover. Well that and the title, if the book has a catchy title then I'll pick it up and read it. Like, there was this one book I read, _If Andy Warhol Had a Girlfriend. _It was okay, the title was memorable, but like, I've read a ton of books that were better. Anyway, let me shut up so we can watch the movie. You ready?" I nodded and Bella started the movie. "Do you mind if I shut the light off?"

I shook my head no and leaned over to click the lamp off. The room was dark; the only light came from the flickering of the television. The movie started and I watched, not really paying attention. I was watching Bella out of the corner of my eye. She sat back against the couch, her body angled toward me, her knees tucked under her, holding a throw pillow to her chest. She mouthed the words, her lips barely moving in the dim light. I bit back a smile and wondered what it was that made her unique. All girls watched chick flicks and wore sexy sweatpants and read cheesy books. I think what it was, with her at least, was that she was comfortable with these things, the things that made her her.

About halfway through the male character found his letters in the bedside drawer of the woman, I watched, anxious to see what he would do next. Like a typical guy, he left. I glanced at Bella's face. The tracks of her tears gleaned in the light. I reached out and wiped a tear off her cheek.

She smiled and sniffed. "Thanks," she said, "this movie kills me."

"Come here," I said, holding my arms out. Bella scooted across the couch and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Sorry," she said. "I don't mean to be a crybaby."

"It's okay," I replied. "It's a sad movie."

We sat quietly and watched the rest of the movie all the while Bella quietly cried on my shoulder, her tears soaking the thin cotton tee shirt. As the credits rolled she clicked the DVD player off and I turned the light back on. She wiped her eyes and smiled at me. "I hate that he does that," she said, her voice emotional.

"Does what?" I asked, confused.

"He always kills people. I don't understand that. I mean, aren't love stories supposed to end happily? Shakespeare did it, he does it, so many writers do it. Why can't we just have a happily ever after? Why can't life be fairy tale-ish?"

I shrugged. "Because it's not?" I offered.

She stared pointed at me. "Exactly!" she exclaimed. "Real life sucks enough as it is, does it really have to suck in the movies too?"

I nodded. "Art imitates life…or something like that. Not everything can be lollipops and daisies."

Bella pressed her lips into a thin line. "No," she said, "it can't, but not every ending needs to be doom and gloom. It would be pointless to even try if it was just going to end badly."

"So what your saying is that if you knew you and I would end badly you wouldn't even try?"

She tilted her head to the side, pondering the question as well as the answer. Finally, after several minutes, she said, "yes. If I knew, for sure without a doubt, that you and I would end badly I wouldn't be with you right now. I wouldn't have gone out for coffee, or out to dinner with you. It wouldn't have been worth it."

"What wouldn't have been worth it?"

"The heartache. I get enough of that on a daily basis; I wouldn't intentionally put my heart through that. Why would anyone? I mean, don't get me wrong, you're great but I like myself better. It might be selfish but at this point I like me more than I like you."

"Okay," I said with a shrug. "Fair enough, but think about this. We might end badly and yet, you're still falling for me anyway."

"Alas the point," she said somewhat smugly. "That's why life, despite all its ugliness, is still beautiful. The hearts will to love despite the outcome. If it wasn't for that, what would be the point of living, the point of loving?"

"The point, pretty one, is to say that you have loved. You have loved and, despite the outcome, still live. We are resilient that way. And you are a walking contradiction."

She smiled. "I'm a lover," she said dreamily. "Lovers are often walking contradictions. The heart wants what the heart wants. It doesn't rightly care what the outcome is…that's the mind's job." She glanced at the clock on the wall and made a disgusted face. I glanced up at it and frowned. It was nearing one o'clock in the morning and I wasn't ready to say goodnight.

"I don't want you to leave," she said echoing my thoughts. Bella rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I rubbed her back, breathing in the floral scent of her hair. "Hey Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for tonight, for everything, you know, specifically the rabbit's comment."

"I had fun," I told her. "And its okay, your lack of a filter is one of the things I adore about you."

She glanced up at me through half closed eyes. "I meant it you know. The rabbit comment. I wanted," she stopped and grinned, "Well want too, tie you to my bed and hold you hostage, you know, if that's okay with you."

I chuckled softly. "It's definitely okay with me." I felt her smile against my shoulder.

"Maybe later. Right now I'm too damn tired."

"Come on," I said lifting her. "Let's get you to bed."

She let me lift her and I carried her down the short hallway to her room. It was distinctly feminine and definitely her. I pulled the comforter back and set Bella down in the cool sheets. She tucked her feet into the bed and mumbled something. "What?" I asked.

"Stay…" she mumbled. "At least until I fall asleep."

I pulled the comforter up around her and lay down beside her, wrapping my arms around her. She moaned and settled herself in my arms.

"Good night," I whispered.

"Nite," she mumbled.

* * *

I sat on the couch, a stack of wadded up notebook paper towered atop the coffee table, threatening to spill over. Tapping the pen against the table top, I thought about what to write. Thus far the words had eluded me. I had no idea what to say to this woman who had irrevocably altered the path of my life. One minute I was completely content with who I was and how I lived and then I wasn't, I wanted more than just the Corp and year long deployments to Iraq.

I dropped the pen and picked up the television remote. Maybe if I stopped thinking about it the words would come. and if they didn't...well, I'd cross that bridge if and when I came to it. The TV screen came to life, fading into color. It was tuned to VH1, that Hannah Banana or whatever her name was, was sitting at a piano singing some song. I started to change it, her voice irritated me, but the words caught my attention. I set the remote down and listened to the words.

Suddenly I knew what to write.

* * *

**Reviews are better than cheesy chick flicks ; )**

_WTF_ by Ok Go

_Time to Move_ by Crosby Loggins ft John Mayer

_Tik Tok_ by Kesha

_I Like It Rough_ by Lady Gaga

_Hell on the Throat_ by Dashboard Confessional

_Water and Bridges_ by Dashboard Confessional

_Even Now_ by Dashboard Confessional

_This is For Keeps_ by the Spill Canvas

_When I Look At You _by Miley Cyrus


	12. You and I Tonight

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

Well...for starters this chapter DID NOT go as planned...ever hear that song, about there's a party in your bedroom all night long? yeah..that's so what happened here..I had one idea and had it all outlined and researched, I start writing it and the characters were like hahahahahaha, NO! Freakiki you asked about the movie being some sort of foreshadowing, the answer is no..the movie served a purpose but its totally not doom and gloom. I'll explain at the bottom...so this might be the last review until after the 10th of March...I'm going home to see my family and friends and I don't know if I'll have time to write while I'm away. I will try to post one more chapter before I leave...but I can't promise...so..enjoy this nice long (by my standards long lol) chapter and enjoy the surprise at the end.**  
**

**Bella**

I rolled over in my bed squinting against the glaring Seattle sun. I buried my face in the pillow and inhaled deeply. I could smell Jake's cologne on the pillow, settled deep down into the fluffy material, lingering there, drawing me out of sleep and back into the world of the perpetually conscious.

I took one last sniff at the pillow then sat up yawning. I wondered how long Jake stayed last night or if he was still here. I climbed out of bed and padded quietly to the bathroom. It was empty when I peeked inside, my heart fell just a bit. I used the toilet then went toward the kitchen.

"Jake?" I called softly.

Only the hum of the refrigerator answered me. I felt my heart sink; I shook my head. _No,_ I told myself. _We're not doing _that,_ now quit being ridiculous and get ready for work. _I showered and dressed, anxious to get to work so the day could hurry up and be over already.

At a quarter to eight I grabbed my car keys and briefcase and opened the front door, tripping over the glass bottle that sat directly in the doorway.

"What the hell?" I muttered bending over to pick it up. It was a clear glass Jones' soda bottle, the silver and black lid betraying its origins. I glanced in the bottle as I stood up. There was a small sheet of rolled up paper inside.

I smiled and locked the door. As I walked toward the elevator I unscrewed the lid, the scent of cream soda floating out of the bottle as I tilted it to the side, slipping the scroll out.

As I stepped on to the elevator I slipped the bottle into my briefcase and unrolled the letter.

_Good morning beautiful, _the letter began.

_How was your night? I hope you slept well and I hope you have a good day. So, before you head off to rule the world, stop at the Cherry Street Coffee House and get yourself a coffee, they are expecting you. And tonight, I'd like to take you out, this time I've checked the weather – it's not going to rain, so dress warmly and I'll pick you up at five. _

_Yours,_

_Jake_

I smiled and rolled the paper back up, slipping it back into the bottle. It was slightly chilly this morning and I hurried to my car.

"Good morning Seattle," the morning DJ boomed as I started the car. "It's a crisp forty-seven degrees this Tuesday morning. Weatherman says it's supposed to remain sunny with no chance of rain. But we all know he lies his ass off so take your umbrellas with you just in case."

I snorted and turned the radio down and steered the car in the direction of the coffee shop I'd be directed to go to. The same barista as a few days ago was there. I felt stupid as I walked up to the counter. "Um, hi, good morning; my friend Jake said you'd be expecting me?"

"Are you Bella?" she asked her voice excited.

I nodded. "Yup, Bella, that's me."

She clapped her hands together like an excited kindergartner. "What can I get for you?"

I gave her my order and stepped aside so the guy behind me, who looked he was going to have a coronary if he didn't get a cup of coffee within the next five minutes, could order.

The freckle faced barista, who looked a little like Alice ten years ago, handed me my espresso and a glass bottle. I accepted both, my face turning slightly pink.

"He came in a few hours ago, asked me to give this to you if you came in. I just have to say that I think that's the most romantic thing, like, ever." She sighed dreamily, a faraway look in her eye as she leaned against the counter. "Hey he doesn't happen to have a brother does he?"

"Um, no, I don't think so."

"Oh, okay. Oh well then. Have a great day." The barista stood up straight and began making someone else's coffee. I carried my coffee and my bottle back out to my car and climbed inside. Setting the hot cup of espresso in the cup holder I unscrewed the lid, another Jones' soda bottle this one offered a creamy orangey scent as I set the lid aside.

I smiled, he either really liked Jones soda or just popped into the convenience store and bought a shit ton because they were glass and far less tacky than a beer bottle. I shrugged, either way it didn't matter, it was sort of quaint.

I tipped the bottle, the second letter spilled out into my lap. I picked it up and untied it.

_Bella,_

_I trust that by now, especially if you're reading this, you have your coffee. I hope the barista didn't give you too much trouble. She seems like a hopeless romantic; then again a man dropping off a message in a bottle at six in the morning with instructions to give it to you is, at least I think so, somewhat romantic. _

_Have you figured out where I want to take you tonight? _

_Nah, probably not and if I had to guess, I bet it's driving you nuts. Don't worry, you'll find out later and it'll be worth not knowing. _

_Well at least I hope so._

_Now get to work and be on the lookout. There will be a delivery for you later this afternoon. Have a great day and know that I'll be thinking of you. _

_Until next time,_

_Jake_

I rolled my eyes at his smug little "I bet its driving you nuts not knowing" comment. Arrogant, pompous, overzealous, deliciously sexy, ass.

I rolled his second note back up and slid it back into the bottle, glancing at the clock. I started the car and whipped into traffic. My little detour to the coffee shop made me late for work. The tires squealed as I turned sharply into the parking garage. I threw the car into park and set Jake's bottles on the passenger seat and grabbed my coffee and briefcase and hauled ass toward my office.

"Morning Miss Swan," Angela called as I zipped by. "Ms. Cullen wants to see you."

"Okay thank you." I shut the door to my office and dropped my briefcase, sinking into my chair. I sipped my coffee and rooted through my bag for a file. Distracted, I looked up as Edward Masen walked by. He was ridiculously arrogant and cocky as hell but so nice to look at; not that he held a candle to Jake, but still, eye candy was eye candy nonetheless.

Secretly, part of me wanted to set him up with Alice; I thought they'd get on well together. Edward stopped outside my office and poked his head in my door way. "Morning boss," he grinned.

"Morning," I replied. "Hey, wait, do you have a minute?" He stopped and came in, setting himself down in the chair in the chair. "What's up?" he asked pushing up his sleeves.

"I got a hold of Champak, the silk guy; he's agreed to sell us the material at a discounted price. So, now that's taken care of everyone else can get on with their jobs."

"Good," Edward nodded. "I'll let the design department know so they can go ahead and finalize the designs. Good job Swan."

"Thanks boss," I smiled. "Hey listen about yesterday-"

Edward held up a hand cutting me off. "Don't even worry about it; I was out of line "ordering" you to have lunch with me. I crossed a line and I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I was a bit moody and I overreacted. But we can do lunch as friends or co-workers, but nothing more."

"Okay, maybe later this week we'll get a group together and grab a bite to eat."

"Sounds good. Let me know and we'll make that happen."

"Will do." He rose and walked out of the office.

The phone on my desk chirped and Angela's harried voice squeaked through. "Ms. Cullen wants to see you now."

"Thanks Angela, I'm on my way now." I grabbed my coffee and headed toward Alice's office. _Let the interrogation begin._

"How was your date?" she asked before I'd even walked through the door.

I sank down into her plush leather seat and tucked my leg under me. "It was…crazy. I need a pill or something; I had a severe case of diarrhea of the mouth."

"Oh no Bella, no, you didn't."

I nodded then hung my head. "Oh yes, yes I did. All that and then some; it was, at points, just horrible."

"What did you say?"

"It was more like what didn't I say. He smelled like, well, wow, so I asked him what he was wearing-"

"What was it?"

I glared at her. "Patience, jeez, relax. "

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. "Continue."

"To answer your question, it was Fahrenheit by Dior. And my stupid ass says "Well its working" you know, making me hot. So anyway, we leave, I raid his CD player, just got to say love his taste in music. Anyway, he takes me Six Seven, in the Edgewater, it was gorgeous. He's open and honest and upfront about everything. Not only that but you know how most guys will do whatever you want and not say a word?"

Alice nodded. "Like, if you whine or pout enough they give in and let you have your way."

I nodded. "Not Jake. I told him I hated surprises and you know what he says?" Alice shook her head no. "Sucks to be you."

She laughed, "Wow, he lets you have it, huh?"

I nodded. "No kidding. Okay, well, after dinner we were just going to walk around the city, and it rained, so I run off through the rain, ruined a six hundred dollar pair of Manolos, but it was worth it. Made out in the rain, then the diarrhea of the mouth kicked in and I asked him if he wanted to come back to my apartment so we could, and I quote, "fuck like rabbits." Talk about embarrassing."

Alice's jaw dropped. "No," she breathed. "No, you didn't Bella!"

I nodded. "I did, and he seemed totally unfazed by it."

"What did you guys do then?"

"We went back to my house and watched _Message in a Bottle_, we talked about the movie, then he carried me to bed…" I trailed off, leading Alice on. "And tucked me and stayed at least until I fell asleep. When I woke up he was gone, but waiting outside my front door was a sweet little message in a bottle directing me to the coffee shop we went to the other day where he left another message in a bottle telling me he had plans for us tonight and he'd pick me up at five. Oh, and that there will be a delivery here for me later this afternoon."

"He left you messages in bottles, really?"

I nodded. "Yes. How sweet is that?"

"Aw, it's so sweet. Now I wonder what his tragic flaw is. He seems to perfect, he's got to have one."

I frowned. "He does. It's called deployment." I sat back and picked at my fingernail polish. Give Me Moor. Again, how fitting. Give me more time, I thought. Just one more week; one week would be great, then I could know for sure if he's really all that he appears to be.

_Always wanting more_, the inner bitch piped up. She was especially grumpy from our recent lack of sex of any kind. Not that I could blame her. Sex with Jake would be like the icing on a very delicious cake. Oh god. The vibrator box.

"What are you thinking about over there?" Alice asked a curious expression on her face.

"Well, first I was thinking about needing another week with Jake, then sex with Jake, then I wondered if Jake found the vibrator box. I mean, Liz had to have had it, did she throw it away before he showed up or did he find it and throw it away?"

Alice snickered. "I bet he found it and knows exactly what kind of freak you're hiding under all that uppity business woman get up."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm falling for him, Alice, and part of me is screaming no, don't do it, it's too soon, it's stupid, I barely know him, and another part of me is screaming to just go ahead and let go, that it will be okay and that I can and should do this. It's like someone finally took the blinders off and now I can see, for the first time I can see and I see this man who compliments me, and it just feels like it's happening too fast.

"Three days, Alice, it's only been three days and I'm afraid it's too fast, like it's this crazy whirlwind thing that's not going to last and I have no idea what to do."

I exhaled a long breath and felt ten pounds lighter. Alice pursed her lips and glanced down at her desk. "Look at me and Jasper," she said softly. "Okay, granted yeah, we had the whole summer, but he died, Bella, he _died_ over there. I knew there was that chance, I knew he could, might, get hurt over there but I never expected him to. I loved recklessly and it made me happy. I keep telling you this; I wonder when you're going to start listening. Love him if you want to because, sweetheart, he might not be here next week. Love recklessly; the heart is an amazing thing. It heals and you move on. It might seem shitty at first, but everything is better in time. Is this because of Rex? Or maybe your mother?"

I shrugged. "Not really, it's about me. And him. And about time. You can't build a meaningful enough relationship in a week can you?"

Alice shrugged. "Sweetheart you can build whatever you want to in a week. I think you need to let go of the time thing and just chill out. Time is relevant. You can look at it any number of ways. Stop over thinking it, so what he's here for a week, gone for a year. Big deal. You know you make it sound like you're never going to see him again, talk to him again. There's this really hip new thing, you might have heard of it, it's called writing letters. You know, you sit down, put pen to paper and write what you're thinking or what you're feeling, then you put it in an envelope and send it to him and he does the same thing. Stop thinking with your head and think with your heart."

I stood up and went to Alice. "Thank you," I said hugging her. "I know this has to be hard for you."

She brushed me off. "Jasper loved me. I loved him. I lost him. I moved on. It is what it is, Bella. I can't change it so I live with it and I relish the fact that I will love again, until then I have really great sex."

She winked and sent me back to my office. I spent the rest of the morning fielding calls and periodically staring at the door waiting for whatever surprise Jake had planned to come. The morning dragged on, I hummed along to the radio while I worked. At lunch I went downstairs to the deli across the street and got a salad. As I sat in the office eating, a delivery man came in. He approached the reception desk. I watched as Angela smiled and pointed toward my office.

I got up and went to the desk. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

Angela nodded. "He has a delivery for you."

I turned expectantly to the delivery man. "Are you Bella Swan?" he asked.

"Last I checked," I replied.

The man smiled and pushed an arrangement of the strangest, yet most gorgeous, looking flowers I had ever seen, at me. "These, and this," he said pulled a long, pale blue bottle out of his bag, "are for you. Have a nice afternoon."

I picked up the flowers and the bottle, my cheeks a bright red, and walked back to my office. The flowers had a soft, subtle smell. I breathed them in before setting the square vase on the corner of my desk.

The blue bottle gleamed before me, the scroll of paper rolled up inside begged to be read. I pulled the cork out of the bottle and tipped it over, the letter and what felt like a fine sprinkling of sand spilled out.

I pulled at the knot in the twine wrapped around the letter, it sprung free and the letter unrolled, the slightly burnt edges crumbling in a fine mess of ash and paper.

I took a deep breath and began to read.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I sat in your room last night for a few minutes watching you sleep. As I lay beside you I realized that you are truly an exquisite woman and I gained some insight into what makes you, you. I have noticed that you like what men call chick flicks, and that you have a tendency to say whatever you are thinking whenever you are thinking it. You're honest and brave and do things simply because they make you happy. _

_Last night you said you were falling for me. I need you to know that what I said was true. I _am_ falling for you as well. _

_My world was black and white before you. There was the things I had to do, my duties and that was it. My life, the direction I was going, was cut and dry – black and white. Then came you, chasing fruit in the hallway and cursing under your breath. In a world of black and white you were a brilliant shade of red._

_I'd never seen anyone so beautiful and clumsy in my life. That afternoon in the coffee shop and last night were two of the best days of my life. I honestly think I could spend forever learning all that there is to know about you. _

_I think that my grandmother was right when she told you the Greek myth about soul mates. I truly think you could very well be mine. That day in the hallway, yes my very first immediate thought was wow, how beautiful is she, but then there was this tickle, deep down somewhere near the bottom of my soul; it kind of sighed, a great exhale and went _there_ she is, I've been looking for you. _

_Three days ago I never would have thought I'd be here. Three short days and look at the effect you've had on me. You've wrapped yourself around my head; you're my every thought, the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing I thought of when I went to bed last night. _

_For the first time in my life everything is clear. I know what I'm meant to do, what my purpose of being here is. I was made to love you; real love, not that common fluffy stuff you read about in books or see in the movies, this is deeper, more passionate, more…real. _

_I know it's absurd to be talking this way after knowing you for such a short time, but I want to make it very clear that as long as you want me, I have no intention of ever letting you go. I would walk to hell and back if you asked me to. Whatever you want, I'd do it for you because I am, absolutely and without a doubt, falling in love with you. _

_I'm standing here, holding my hand out to you, asking you to jump, to just grab my hand and jump. I'm asking you to trust me and to let it be me. All you have to do is say yes, say yes and take my hand. I'll make sure nothing ever hurts you. _

_I'm not saying you have to have an answer now or tomorrow or even a week from now. Take all the time you need, I'll be right here waiting for you when you're ready. Think of this as more of a declaration. I'm putting it out there in black and white for you to see, to read. _

_All I want now is to be with you, when it's all said and done, after I get back from deployment I want to come home to you. And as long as you'll have me, I'll be yours. All you have to do is say yes. Whatever you decide just know that my life has been forever changed from knowing you. _

_Yours always,_

_Jake_

I wiped the tears away from my eyes and set the letter down. The pages curled up into each other. I swiveled around in my chair and composed myself. If everyone saw me bawling like a baby they'd be in here asking fifty million questions and quite frankly it wasn't because they were concerned but more because they were nosy as hell.

Dabbing my eye with a tissue I spun back around and rolled the letter back up and slid it back into the bottle. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me, or done. I'd always loved this lame ass romantic crap. Rex new that, Mike knew it too as well as the menagerie of other guys who said they loved me and yet, Jake was the first and only to make this grand gesture, to say out loud, or on paper anyway, that hey, this is how I feel about you.

_In a world of black and white I was a brilliant shade of red. _

Hmm. That was interesting. I'd never been called a brilliant shade of red before. Glancing up at the clock I got up and went to Alice's office. I poked my head in and she looked up.

"You okay?" she asked, "You look a little flush."

I nodded. "I'm fine. Gotta question, you mind if I cut out early?"

Alice raised her eyebrow inquisitively. "This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain hunky marine named Jake would it?"

I stared innocently at her. "Of course not. I just forgot that I have a, um, doctors appointment."

"Yeah with the doctor of love," she giggled. "Go on its fine. Have fun, okay?"

I smiled at her. "I will. See you later."

"Mañana toots."

As I walked away I heard her humming Kiss' _Calling Dr. Love_. I smiled and grabbed my bag, bottle and flowers. Edward met me at the elevator. "Hey, you leaving?" he asked eyeing my flowers.

"Yeah, I have a doctor's appointment."

He nodded. "Nice flowers. What are they?"

I turned the vase in my head. "You know, I have no idea. They are beautifully odd aren't they?"

"They are." Edward shook his head in agreement. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. I stepped on, Edward followed. "You have any plans tonight?" he asked.

I nodded. "I'm not sure what they are exactly. I was told to dress warmly."

"You sound almost irritated. You don't like surprises?"

"I'm not irritated per se, I just don't like not knowing things, you know?"

He nodded. "Okay so I have a sort of question for you."

I swallowed. _Please, _I thought_, please don't ask me out or I will kick you in the nuts_. "What's that?" I asked.

"You and Alice are really good friends, right? I mean you guys started the company together and all that."

What the hell was his point? "We are good friends, why?"

"Well," he said nervously and shuffled from one foot to the other. "I was wondering if you thought she'd go out with me if I asked her to drinks or dinner or something."

_Aw_, the inner bitch turned match maker gushed.

I smiled and said, "Of course I think she'd go out with you. If you want me to kind of push her in your direction I can definitely do that."

"Really?" he said eagerly.

"Yeah, I mean come on, you're ridiculously good looking and smart, why wouldn't she go for you?" I leaned back and glanced up at this man really seeing him for the first time. There was something about him, a lost awkwardness that still lingered under the expensive cut of his suit. Right here, right now, with his hand shoved in his bronze hair, he looked like a little kid playing dress up in his father's closet.

Edward shrugged. "She's Alice Cullen for Christ's sake. Queen of the play clothes industry. Why would she want to go out with a guy like me, I bet she has schmucky designers six rows deep waiting for a chance to go out with her."

I shook my head no. "It's not like that with Alice," I told him. "Yes, she goes out with different guys, but there's more to her than that. I'll call her tonight, then I'll let you know in the morning what she says."

The elevator reached the lobby and we both stepped out. "Thanks Bella. I really appreciate it. Have a nice afternoon, hope everything's okay with your appointment and all that."

He waved as he headed off toward the east side of the building where the design department was located. I waved back and headed for the revolving door.

Now that we'd had a decent conversation, Edward seemed like a decent guy hiding behind a macho exterior. I wondered what his story was – if he had one.

* * *

It was just after two when I got home. I carried my bottles into the apartment and set them on the window sill. The light caught the blue one and sent shimmering fragments of light around the room; the effect was similar to being under water.

Still smiling, I changed into a pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt, laying a thick sweater over the back of the vanity chair. I lay down, staring at the shimmering light on the ceiling. I closed my eyes and thought about Jake's letter, a grin tugging at the edges of my lips.

When I opened my eyes again the light was different, it had moved across the sky and someone was knocking at my door. I hurried across the wood floor in my socked feet and yanked it open. Jake stood on the other side looking spiffy in a pair of jeans and a thick white turtleneck sweater.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," I replied. "I got the flowers, thank you, they were gorgeous, as well as your letter which was equally beautiful."

He leaned down and kissed my cheek softly. "I'm glad you liked them. How was your day?"

"Short," I replied. "Let me put some shoes on and grab my coat and we'll go. Where are we going by the way and so help me god if you say it's a surprise."

"It's a surprise," he called.

I groaned and rolled my eyes, making my way to the bedroom for my shoes. "Well can you at least tell me what kind of shoes to wear?"

"Huh?"

"What kind of shoes should I wear? Are we going to be walking or doing something that doesn't require much foot use?"

I stood up and turned around, a pair of black boots in one hand a pair of converse in the other. Jake came into the room and leaned against the closet door. "Wow this is huge," he said looking around. "I've seen rooms this size."

I shrugged and looked around at my massive walk in closet. "Its part of the second bedroom. I had them knock down some walls to make it larger. I like my clothes, and shoes. Sue me." He grinned and moved toward me. "What kind of shoes?" I asked again. He took the sneakers and tossed them aside, then took the boots and set them on the floor. "I think we should do something else," he said.

My heart started beating against my chest. "Like what?" I asked breathlessly.

He grabbed the belt loops on my jeans and dragged me towards him, our hips colliding. I closed my eyes, then forced myself to open them. I definitely wanted to see this.

"I don't know," he said softly. "maybe would could just…" he slipped his fingers under my shirt, they skimmed around my back, moving softly around to my front, flitted across my belly and stopped at the button of my jeans. With a swift tug the button popped loose. He lowered his lips to my ear, "stay in," he said his voice thick with unspoken promises.

"Staying in is good," I squeaked as I struggled to catch my breath. I stood there, paralyzed as he slowly dragged the zipper down.

"Staying in _is_ good," he agreed. "Would you want to stay in and, oh I don't know, watch a movie?"

I shook my head no stupidly. "No, I don't want to watch a movie."

"Do you want to do something else?" he asked sliding my shirt up and over my head.

I nodded and he tossed my shirt aside. "Like what?" he asked, his teeth softly sinking into the skin of my shoulder. I gasped at the intense mix of pain and pleasure. Jake's hands slid down my shoulders, across my waist and into the waist of my pants. "What do you want to do?" he asked again, his lips moving against my neck.

_Do it in the closet!_ The inner bitch cheered and sat back with a bucket of popcorn to watch.

"I think," he said, "we might just have to go on with the previously planned evening," he said.

_No!_ The inner bitch and I pouted. _Tell him what you want,_ she pleaded.

"I think," I replied suddenly feeling bold, "that there's no way in hell we are going anywhere tonight."

Jake ginned slyly at my ballsiness. "Oh really?" he said. "And what, pray tell, miss Swan, does that mean."

"It means," I said, forcing myself to be calm and in control, "that you started something and now you're going to finish it because doing shit half assed does not fly around here." I raised my chin defiantly.

He raised an eyebrow and looked down at me. "Just so we're clear," he said, "I'm going to make love to you on the floor of your closet, because, quite honestly, we won't make it to the bed, not this time at least."

My heart rolled over and played dead in my chest. The inner bitch fell out of her easy chair and cheered. I swallowed hard. Two could play this game. "You talk a lot of shit," I said, "and I don't see you backing any of it up." I raised an eyebrow at him and immediately got the response I was looking for.

He growled, low and guttural in the back of his throat and came at me, roughly grabbing the hem of my jeans and pulling them, and me down, onto the carpeted floor. He pulled my feet free of the jeans and tossed them over my head. With one swift movement he tore the silky scraps I called panties off and sent them flying off in the direction of my jeans. I shivered in my near nakedness and stared into his hooded brown eyes.

"Sit up," he commanded.

I complied, pulled myself into a sitting position. He was on his knees in front of me and crawled over me. Jake reached out and expertly unsnapped my bra and it too was tossed aside. I reached for him, grabbed the bottom of his sweater and tugged it over his head, sighing as my fingers skimmed his bare chest. He undid his belt and kicked off his shoes, wiggling out of his pants while I watched, our eyes locked. I shivered, excited and anxious.

"Do you have…?"

I turned and slid the bottom drawer of the lingerie chest open and pulled out a small foil square and tossed it to him. Amusement danced across his eyes and he grinned devilishly. "Well then," he said.

I leaned back on my elbows, "Well then," I copied.

Jake chuckled softly and rolled onto his knees between my legs. He crawled over me, forcing me back into the carpet.

I could barely catch my breath, I was gasping for air, my heart in my throat, my nerves humming with anticipatory excitement. I wanted to beg home to stop torturing me and just take me; and strangely he hadn't even laid a finger on my yet and I was all ready to submit to him.

"What do you want me to do to you?" he asked, his lips hovering just above mine. I moaned, unable to form a coherent thought. "Tell me," he commanded.

"Touch me," I beseeched, "please, oh god touch me or just stop…stop torturing me, already."

He bit my bottom lip and leaned back, his fingers feather soft, trailed down my chest, between my breasts and circled my belly button, further down hey went, goose bumps breaking put across my skin.

My head fell back, lips parted, a moan escaped as he slipped a finger, then two inside. He pushed them in, the slowly, languidly pulled them out. "You're so wet already, "he said softly.

I moaned softly as his thumb rubbed against me. "Oh god Jake please…you're killing…oh god."

"I like the way my name sounds on your lips," he said.

"Jake," I moaned again.

"That's the sound." His voice was low, raspy - possessive. "Tell me you want me."

"I want you," I breathed. "Please, Jake, please."

Quickly he pulled his fingers away, I heard the tearing of the foil and then he grabbed my hips and without a word or a warning pulled me onto him.

I cried out, digging my nails into his shoulder. Jake hissed and drove himself deeper. He groaned, his mouth finding mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moaned into his mouth.

Arms and legs tangled together, sweat mixed on slick skin. My head spun, dizzy from lack of oxygen. I couldn't take anymore, every fiber of my being hummed, alive with sex and desire and satisfaction. Never coming back down, he took me high, again.

"Oh my god, oh Jake. God," I gasped.

"Not yet, baby, not yet."

_No, _the inner bitch pleaded_. No more. Hurts. So. Good. No. more._

His breathing intensified, his arms tensed and he huffed against my neck. Higher, he took me to the edge and threw me over. Our moans and groans combined into one animalistic sound.

Slowly my head stopped spinning; the closet came back into focus. Jake rested his head on my shoulder, kissing my collarbone.

"That was a first," he muttered.

A smiled tugged at the corners of my lips. "Tell me about it. Just for curiosity's sake what _did _you have planned for tonight?"

"A ferry trip to Bainbridge Island, at sunset." He collapsed onto the floor beside me and glanced out at the bedroom. "Doesn't look like that's going to happen."

I smiled and rolled toward him, my head on his chest. "That's okay," I replied. "This was so much better."

He grinned and tugged at a strand of my hair. "Damn right it was."

* * *

**Reviews are better (haha I lie) that having sex on the floor of you walk in closet ;)**

I gotta thank the jerk face who took me to junior prom for the message in a bottle idea. he took me to see that movie (lol like omg eleven years ago when it first came out...damn now i feel old) then left a message in a bottle in my locker...lol..then ditched me during prom...he is now preserved in FF history as a tool...its all good though..it was a sweet idea..

_You and I Tonight_ - Faber Drive

flowers jake sent bella - http : // www . teleflora . com / flowers / bouquet / telefloras - modern - medley - 138374p . asp


	13. Brave Face

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer**

Ok...I might totally love this Jake..like..for realz..lol..Yari09, don't feel bad..my husband has never done anything like that...he despises chick flicks..so I feel you...Stupidlamb73..I've been on both sides of the fence, lol..I was in the Navy and did the deployments, and my husband was a marine so I've been the anxious wife sitting at home wondering what if too...and i know right, how hot is sex in the closet...lol...you guys rock for reading..you might get one more update before I leave...I'm working on it now so i guess we'll see : D**  
**

**Bella**

The moon's lazy trek across the western sky was the only thing that marked the hours; well that and ridiculously good sex. Spent, sore, and exhausted I laid with my head on Jake's bare chest listening to his heart beat.

"Your letters," I said with a yawn, "were really beautiful, especially the last one. I've never had anyone do anything like that before, and, well it meant a lot."

Jake opened his eyes half way and smiled. "I got the idea from the movie, and I really like writing. Once I stopped over thinking it the words came naturally. And I mean every word I said."

I ran my finger down his chest. Here I was waiting – wondering, if I should go ahead and leap. Kurt Vonnegut came to mind. I once read a quote by him where he said he wanted to stand as close to the edge as he could without going over. He said from the edge you can see all kinds of things that can't be seen from the center.

Where was I standing right now? Was I standing smack dab in the center or was I out on the edge, face to the wind, howling right along with the elements?

_You're in the center,_ the inner bitch supplied. _There's this whole bigger picture that you either can't see or you refuse to see. He told you he's falling in love with you; he's been so sweet to you. What is your problem?_

_I'm an ass who over thinks everything? _ I thought.

"What are you thinking about?" Jake asked running his fingers through my hair. "You look like you are seriously at war with yourself."

I shrugged and propped myself up on my elbows. "I'm just being me. Over thinking and over analyzing everything to death."

Jake nodded. "The last letter?"

I sighed and shook my head. "It's more like everything. I want to let go and fall in love with you, but…"

"You're scared," he stated.

"I don't know why." I sat up and looked at him, grasping his hand, entwining our fingers.

"It's easy. It's because I'm leaving. Just," he took a deep breath and sat up. "Do me a favor, okay. Just for an hour pretend that I'm not leaving you in four days, okay. Do that now. Shove the notion of me leaving in the darkest recesses of your mind. Let me know when you're ready."

I let go of his hand and told myself he wasn't leaving, that we had all the time in the world together. For a few minutes I really started to believe it. "Okay," I said softly. "I've officially convinced myself you aren't leaving."

He chuckled softly and said, "Okay. Bella, I'm falling in love with you, and I want nothing more than to spend my every waking moment getting to know all the parts of you, all the parts no one but you knows the things that no one has ever taken the time to get to know."

I swallowed hard, my heart racing in my chest. "Are you serious or is that part of the game."

"I am so serious," he said earnestly. "I want to know why your favorite color is green, which I'm pretty sure it is, and why you love Nicholas Sparks and why exactly you don't like your mom, who I'd like to meet so I can tell her what an amazing person you are. I want to know why you are embarrassed by liking Nick Jonas but not embarrassed by the size of your chick flick collection. There are so many things, all these mundane little details that you don't think are important, and yet I still want to know them."

"How do you know my favorite color is green?" There was no way he could know that. I didn't tell him, I didn't have an abundance of green things. How did he come to that conclusion?

"You wore a green dress on our date. I noticed the coffee cup on the counter is a similar shade of green. Your shower curtain is pale green and white, so is your comforter. Your couch is white, but you have green pillows."

I stared at him, amazed he saw not only the big picture but the little one as well. _That's because he's on the edge_, the inner bitch said. _He can see everything. Unlike you, chicken shit._

"So back to what I was saying, if we had all the time in the world would you fall in love with me?"

"Yes," I murmured. "I would fall in love with you."

"So why not now? I can email you, we can write, I'll be able to call you every once in a while. I'll always be with you. Not physically of course, but literally. A year will go by so fast you won't even believe it. So why not take the plunge? Step out of your bubble and do something crazy. Take a risk, take a chance on me. It's not like I'm asking you to marry, I'm just asking you to get to know me."

He was right. I _always_ played it safe, always did what was easy and never took a chance. "Commitment and me," I began, "well we haven't always had the best relationship. I've always been like, I dunno, the stepping stone girl. Guys date me, like, for fun, then they break up with me and move onto the next girl and suddenly they're ready to settle down; just not with me." I sat back, thinking about how to explain it better. Suddenly I smacked my leg. "I'm like Chuck!" I said. "You know that movie, _Good Luck Chuck? _I'm Chuck."

"You're not Chuck," Jake said patting my leg. "You're way hotter than Dane Cook."

"Ah, jeez, thanks."

"Anytime."

"But really, it's more than that. What I feel for you, the intensity of what I feel, it scares the living hell out of me. You're all I can think of, the only thing I want. I've never wanted anything so much. I just want to stop time, to stay here, in this bed, forever. But…I'm scared."

Jake pursed his lips and tilted his head to the side. He was quiet for a while, deep in thought. Finally he said, "Are you familiar with Shakespeare?"

I shrugged. "Which play?"

"We're gonna keep it simple. Romeo and Juliet. Do you know it?"

"Eh, a little, I mean I'm no Shakespeare buff but I know the gist of the story. Why?"

"Okay, right after they meet, Romeo is going on and on about Juliet and how beautiful she is." Jake sat up and took my hand in his, looking into my eyes.

"_The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand, And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand. Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."_

My heart skipped a beat. I swallowed and stared at him and his constant ability to surprise me. First he's a marine, then a closet romantic and Shakespeare fan.

He kissed my hand and said, "Then Juliet goes on to discover he's a Montague and she says: My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, that I must love a loathed enemy."

I frowned. I didn't understand his point in spouting Shakespeare to me and I told him so. "Okay, I understand the play, but I have no idea what you mean."

Jake sighed. "Romeo and Juliet fell in love in...well in an instant. He took one look at her and he just knew it, he knew he was in love with her. Why can't it be the same way with us?"

"Because Romeo was a fickle love struck fool who went to the Capulet's party to hook up with Rosaline," I snorted.

"Until he saw Juliet; he saw Juliet and all thought of Rosaline went right out the window. His soul sighed and sort of went, oh _there_ she is."

I smiled at his reference to his letter. "You really think that?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, shrugging slightly. "I really do. I just wish you could see it too."

His tone made me sad. I wanted to reach out do something that would make it all better. _The only thing that would "make it all better"_ the inner bitch muttered snidely, _is for you to just get over yourself already. Think about what Alice said and think about your life a week from now. Would you miss him?_

_Of course I would, _I told her.

_So what in the hell are you waiting for. Jump already god damn it. _She rolled her eyes and at me disappeared back into her dark little corner.

I glanced up at Jake, my heart racing, my palms sweaty. "Okay," I said softly, my voice shook and I exhaled a shaky breath. I wiped my hands on the sheets and reached for his. "This is me taking your hand and asking you to please not hurt me because I think, quite literally, it would kill me."

He squeezed my hand gently. "I would _never_ hurt you," he said, pulling me back down into bed. "Come here." He pulled me towards him; I slid over the smooth sheets into his arms. "Seek happy nights to happy days," he murmured, his lips soft against mine. I sighed and surrendered.

* * *

It was late when I awoke, the light was muted, grey and the tell tale sound of rain slapped against the window. I rolled over, cold, and curled into Jake's chest. He moaned in his sleep and wrapped his arms around me.

I dozed off with my head on his chest. A few minutes later the phone rang, its shrill ring cutting through the early morning silence. "Nobody's home," I muttered pulling a pillow over my head.

The machine picked up and a weepy voice spilled out. "Bella," the voice hiccupped. "Bella, if your home can you please answer the phone?"

_Rosalie?_ I thought and slid out of Jake's embrace. I got out of bed, grabbing my robe off the back of the door, sliding it on as I rushed to the phone. "Rose? Is that you? What's wrong honey? Are you alright?"

She sobbed into the phone and babbled hysterically. "Rosalie, honey, you have to calm down I can't understand you," I said patiently.

She hiccupped and repeated her mantra. I caught only a few words, Emmett, apartment, canceled the wedding.

"Okay, Rosalie, tell me where you are," I ordered.

She cried an address into the phone. I quickly scribbled it down and told her I'd be there in a few minutes to get her. As I turned to get dressed I bumped into Jake. "Everything okay?" he yawned.

I shook my head no and stepped around him. "That was my friend Rosalie, something happened, what exactly I don't know because she was crying hysterically. I have to go get her." I stopped in the middle of the room and glanced at the clock. "Shit," I hissed, smacking my forehead. "Shit, shit, shit."

"What? What's wrong?"

"I'm late for work." I hurried toward the closet and grabbed a pair of jeans off a hangar and slid them on.

"Is there anything I can do?"

I pulled a sweat shirt on and dragged my hand through my hair, pulling it into a ponytail. "Um. Yes! Can you bring me the phone so I can call work and let them know I won't be in today?"

"Sure, finish getting dressed and I'll be right back." Jake hurried out of the room. I pulled on a pair of socks and looked for last night's discarded Converse.

Spotting them beside the lingerie chest, I snatched them, my mind flitting back to last night. I shivered and sat down, pulling my sneakers on. Jake came back and handed me the phone. "Here you go sweetheart."

"Thank you," I said taking the phone from him. "You're a god send."

He smiled, chuckling softly under his breath. "Do you want me to come with you? To get your friend I mean?"

"Um...you know, as much as I appreciate the offer, I think this might be a girl thing so it's probably better if you stay here." I stood up and reached for my coat. Jake leaned down and kissed me softly.

"If that's what you want. I'll be here when you get back, then you can kick me out if you want to."

I snaked my arms around his neck. "I definitely don't want to kick you out," I murmured against his lips.

"You have the worst morning breath," he grinned. "I love it."

I jumped back and covered my mouth. Jake laughed. "I'm kidding Bella."

"Yeah well yours is pretty atrocious too," I said to him and grabbed the phone. Call work, brush teeth, rescue Rosalie, I made a mental checklist as I made a bee line for the bathroom.

I dialed Alice's office while I brushed my teeth. When she answered I said, "Hey it's me."

"Hey me, what's up?"

"Did you get a call from Rosalie?" I asked rinsing my toothbrush.

"No, why? Is she okay?"

I set my tooth brush back into the hold and shut the water off. "No, she just called me crying about that douche bag fiancé of hers, something about the apartment and the wedding being off. I'm going to go get her, so I might not be in today."

"Okay, keep me in the loop and let me know if I need to hire someone to break his legs."

"Will do chickie. Oh and before I forget, I was supposed to call you last night but I got kinda tied up. Edward Masen wanted me to ask you if you'd go out with him."

"What is this high school?" Alice snorted.

"No," I said. "Not like he came to me to ask you to go out with him. He asked me if I thought you would, and I said that I'd broach the subject of you possibly going out with him and let him know what you thought of him. Does that make sense?"

"He wants to ask me out and wanted you to find out if I'd say yes so he didn't look like a total tool," she stated.

"Pretty much. So…would you go out with him if he asked?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods?" she retorted.

"Be nice. He seems…okay. A little insecure, but okay. You guys might have fun together."

"Okay matchmaker molly. Go check on our friend and let me know that she's alright and I will just have to take a walk to Mr. Masen's office to let him know you won't be in today."

"Alright babe, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

I hung up and left the phone on the counter by the sink. "Jake?" I called as I left the bathroom.

"In the kitchen," he called.

I walked toward the sound of his voice and was greeted by a purple to go mug of coffee. "I know it's not your normal, fancy pants coffee, but it's better than nothing."

I took it and thanked him. "I'll be back in an hour or so. Feel free to make yourself at home, and if you leave please remember to lock the door. Ferry and dinner tonight?"

He nodded. "As you wish. What time?"

"Are you gonna start calling me Buttercup next?"

He shrugged as he leaned against the doorframe. "I don't know," he said. "It's a mystery."

I shot him a dirty look. I might have had the largest chick flick collection in the world, but he'd seen a few of them. "I'll be back."

* * *

Rosalie answered the door the skin beneath her eyes darkened with mascara, her nose was red and she sniffled as she pulled the door open. "Rose, what happened?"

I rushed toward her, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. "Emmett is such an asshole," she cried, "I sat here all night waiting for him – we were supposed to have dinner, and he never showed, so two hours after our reservation I call to find out where he is and he's at a bar uptown with some guys from the office and they are having drinks and he tells me to just "calm down" and to stop being such a "pain in his ass." So I start to get mad and I hang up. Then an hour later he's walking through the door telling me that if I can't just be calm and let him do his thing then he can't marry me."

She stopped and sank down onto the couch, wrapping a blanket around her. Rosalie looked at me, tears running down her face. "So I told him that maybe I didn't want to marry him. And he said fine, then we aren't getting married. So I threw Harry Winston at him. He picked it up and left."

"Aww honey, I don't know what to say."

Rosalie shrugged. "Me either."

"Come on," I said rising off the easy chair. "Let's get you cleaned up, and we can go back to my place and have some coffee and watch Tyler Perry movies."

Rosalie grinned feebly. "As long as you promise to play the ones where she beats the guy with a whiffle ball bat, and the other one, the one with the frying pan and the grits."

I tugged her hand, pulling her off the couch. "Okay, deal. Come on. Let's wash that mascara off. So what are you going to do now?"

"Wait it out. He'll come back in a few days. He always does, and we'll make up and it'll be fine." She shrugged dejectedly. "It always is."

"Do you love him?" I asked.

"Yes." She sat down on the closed toilet lid and looked up at me. "Well at least I think I do."

I smiled and ran wash cloth under some warm water. "Close your eyes." Rosalie complied, shutting her eyes she sniffled once. "Could you live without him?"

"Yes."

"Then maybe you don't love him as much as you think you do. I mean, maybe you love him, you're just not _in_ love with him."

Rosalie was quiet for a minute. "Maybe," she said softly.

"Can I ask you a question and I don't want you to get mad or anything like that, I'm asking because I love you and I'm worried about you."

"He doesn't hit me Bella. He just ignores me until it's good for him. I just don't think he's the relationship type. I mean, when we're out with his friends he's totally different than he is when we're alone. I just think…hell I don't know what to think."

I finished wiping off her mascara tears and set the wash cloth on the edge of the sink. "I wish I had some kind of magic advice or words of wisdom or something like that, but I don't. All I know is that if he makes you feel this bad, then maybe you need to let him go. If it's meant to be he'll find his way back to you, and if it's not meant to be then you'll eventually find the one you're meant to be with. I guess it just takes time."

She looked up at me from her perch on the toilet lid. "You're different," she stated. "Who is he?"

"This isn't about me," I told her. "This is about you. I came here to help you, not to talk about myself. Now go put some clothes on and we'll get out of here."

Rosalie hugged me. "Thank you for being such a good friend."

"You're my girl; I'd do anything for you."

"I'll be right back." She disappeared down the hallway, clicking her bedroom light on and closing the door. I reached into my purse for my cell phone and called Alice.

"She's fine. D. B. is up to his shenanigans again, but all is well. I'm taking her back to my house for a little bit of Tyler Perry and Madea therapy. She should be right as rain in a few hours."

"Good. I'd say I'd stop by but I have a date with Mr. Tie me up, tie me down after work."

"Edward?"

"Mhmm, the very one and same; he seemed surprised as hell when I said yes." I heard her grin and tap something, a pen I think, against the desktop.

"Well have fun," I said, looking down the hall. Rosalie's bedroom door opened and she stepped out. "Alright, I gotta run, but call me after your date, well if you can. You can't see it but I'm totally winking cheesily into the phone right now."

Alice laughed, "Yeah I bet you are. Okay toots, I'll talk to you later. Call me if you need me."

"Will do. Bye."

"Bye."

"You ready?" I asked looking up at Rosalie.

She nodded and grabbed her bag. I shoved my phone back into mine and headed toward the door. "Oh, just so you know…there might be a half naked Marine running around my apartment. Pay him no mind, he's totally harmless."

Rosalie did a double take. "Is that the reason you're so chipper?"

I shrugged and followed her out the front door. "What can I say?" I shrugged. "I am completely enamored with a jarhead."

"Love looks good on you," she smiled.

Love might have _looked_ good, but it _felt_ so much better.

* * *

**Reviews are better than Jake quoting Romeo..that was definitely swoon worthy**

_Romeo and Juliet_ by William Shakespeare, Act One Scene Five

Brave Face - Delta Goodrem

And those who read Full Circle too...yeah this is definitly a break from that...lol...


	14. They Bring Me to You

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

this woulda been up sooner but there was all kinds of drama going on in my life while I was away and so finding a spare second to type this was damn near impossible...so this here is a totally fluffy little "aww i kinda wish I had a Jake" chapter..the next one will be better...I promise...

**Jake**

The cell phone that I'd forgotten I had buzzed sending the sleek black phone hopping across the table. The buzzing stopped shortly, the picked right back up again.

Figuring the only way to get whoever was calling to leave me alone was to answer it; I reached out and snatched the vibrating phone off the edge of the table before it took a swan dive onto the wood floor. Snapping it open I barked, "hello?"

"Jake, my buddy, old pal. You run off to Seattle and forget us poor schmucks back home?"

I chuckled at the voice of my friend Jared all the way across the country."Hey Jared, how goes it?"

"Eh, you know, another day, another dollar. How's Seattle?"

"Eh, you know. It's good. I saw my mom and Richard, staying with my grandmother now. Getting ready to head back over there, you know."

"Yeah tell me about it. So look, you have a few days before you actually fly out right?"

"Yeah why, what's up?"

"Well, I asked Kim to marry me, we're gonna get married before I deploy. I wanted to invite you. It's not gonna be anything huge or fancy, just a couple of us, and the clerk of the court. You think you can make it?"

I shook my head. These stupid guys getting married then running off to Iraq. Personally I thought it was stupid. If you really loved someone, you'd wait until you go back. Deployment put a strain on a couple, even couples who'd been together for a while sometimes had a hard time with it, but newlyweds? That was just seven shades of fucked up. However, I kept my concerns to myself and said, "Sure man, send me the date and time, and if I can, I'll be there."

"Alright Jake, I'll send you the info later. See you soon man."

"See you," I replied and hung up.

I would never do that to Bella. I might be falling in love with her, but I would never subject her to the pressure of being a newlywed, a military wife, and deployment. It was just…wrong.

"Jake?" Liz called from across the hall. I got up and went to her room. She was standing in front of the closet, the light on, she had a pair of pants and a pair of shorts in her hands. "What's the weather like in Miami?"

"It's warm Nana. You could probably wear shorts all year long, but maybe you should take a few pairs of pants just in case."

"Okay," she said happily.

I went to take the clothes from her but she smacked my hand away. "I can do it," she scolded. "Sit down and tell me about Bella from across the hall."

I sat down in one of her easy chairs and watched as she packed. "what do you want to know?"

Liz shrugged, "whatever you want to share," she said.

"Do you know why she doesn't get along with her mom?" I asked.

Liz shook her head no. "I've never seen her folks, just the tattooed fella, the one she was always fighting with."

"What tattooed guy?"

"Oh he was some man she dated; he stopped coming around a week or so ago. He was in a band or something similar, a real troublemaker, he did nothing but give that poor girl grief. Personally, I'm glad he went wherever he went. You're much better for her."

"I agree," I laughed.

"Are you taking her out again tonight?"

"Um, you know I'm not really sure. We made plans but there was an incident with one of her friends so I'm not sure what is going on." Liz nodded. "Are you excited to be going to Miami?" I asked.

Again, Liz nodded. "I am. I'm a little nervous about flying on the plane, but I'm sure it will all be okay. You sure you'll be okay here all alone until the end of the week?

I nodded. Richard and my mom were coming to pick Liz up tomorrow to take her to Miami. I would remain in the apartment until the end of the week, then my mom and Richard would pack up and put the apartment up for sale. "You know Nana, it kind of makes me sad to see you sell your home. I mean, you've lived here all of your adult life. All the memories you must have of this place. Aren't you sad to be leaving it?"

Liz sat down on the edge of bed and smiled sadly. "You know Jake, normally it would make me sad, but truthfully, in time – it might be a month or it might be a year, but eventually, I'm not going to remember much of anything so I suppose it doesn't really matter. Besides, I think it might be time for someone else to make a lifetime of memories here."

"It's just so…I dunno, sad I guess."

"It is sad, but you know what? That's the way life is. The old makes way for the new and the cycle repeats itself. In forty years, history will repeat itself and it will be another grandmother and another grandson sitting here having this same conversations. If these walls could talk," she motioned the wallpapered walls of her room, "they'd have one helluva story to tell."

I looked around, that was possibly true. The walls saw everything – indiscretion, tears, happiness, love fear, sadness, and the mystery the future held. It would be interesting to hear the walls' story.

Liz patted my knee. "Want to know the secret of life?" she asked with a conspiratorial whisper.

I grinned and said, "Sure, lay it on me."

"Love," she said softly. "The secret of life is to love wholly, fully and without bounds. If you've loved like that then your life will be full. Promise me you'll remember that," she implored.

"Wholly, fully and without bounds but never foolishly."

Liz clapped and exclaimed, "I have taught you well."

"Yes, you have," I agreed and got up to help Liz pack. As I put clothes into suitcase, I idly wondered what Bella was up to. I left shortly after she did. The situation with her friend seemed important and I thought it best to leave them to their own devices. I wandered out of the room and down the hall breathing in the scent of Murphy's wood soap and lemon Pledge.

I went into my room, throwing myself down on the bed, my fingers itched to write something so I reached for the pad of paper beside the bed and withdrew the pen from where it was encased by the silver spiral binding the blank sheaves of paper. I flipped to a blank page while waiting for the words to come. A few minutes of empty silence went by; the wordsmith in my head searched for the right words; the ones that would calm her cautious soul and reassure her I wasn't your average run of the mill asshole that would love her and leave her in a few days time. Slowly but surely the words came; my hand flew over the pages, the only sound in the room was the scratch of the pens tip as it flew over the blank page.

_Dearest Bella,_

_Until you, my life was like a moonless night – dark and lonely and completely lacking any sense of directions. Love was never something I thought much about, it was something I wasn't sure I even wanted until you. I found a better part of me when I found you. With you everything seems different, better somehow. I mean that sounds cheesy trust me, I know it does, but for some reason I thought you needed to hear that. I know it probably does little to calm your fears I wish I knew what I could say or do to ease your fears. _

_I said it once I'll say it again; hell I'll say it until I'm blue in the face. I am falling in love with you. Every second of every minute that I'm with you, I am falling harder in love with you. Earlier this afternoon Liz shared the secret of life with me. She said that the secret was to love wholly, fully and without bounds. I plan on doing that with you. In fact I've already started. On another note, as amazing as last night was I want you to know that was not my intention. I won't lie and say I didn't want to but it was not my plan to seduce you on the floor of your ridiculously oversized closet. You simply looked too stunning standing there with that pouty expression on your face as you sulked about being surprised. I'd like to know why it is exactly you don't like surprises. All in good time though, right?_

"Jake," Liz called down the hall. "There's someone here to see you."

I shut my notebook and got up off the bed, padding down the hallway wondering who was here for me. Standing in the living room was Bella, dressed in a pair of tight fitting dark blue jeans, a hunter green sweater, and a heavy black pea coat.

"Bella?" I said. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded and tapped her watch. "We had a date, remember?"

Surprised I said, "Oh, I just thought your friend needed you."

"Yeah, about that. How do you feel about a group date?"

I shrugged and said, "That's fine with me, just let me change and we can go."

If I was a chick this would be the part where my heart would've leapt with joy, however, I smiled, pleased that I was going to be able to spend time with her as well as her friends. I changed into a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. When I exited the room, Liz and Bella were seated in the living room talking about Liz's impending trip to Miami. They both smiled when I entered the room.

"You look handsome, just like your grandfather. Where are you kids heading out to this evening?"

I glanced from Liz to Bella and shrugged. Bella grinned and turned to Liz. "My friend Rosalie's fiancé called off their wedding, so we are taking her on the ferry and out to Bainbridge Island for some dinner and music. I spent all day with her but I'm not sure she's ready to be along just yet so hopefully a few hours in the company of friends will be good for her."

Bella raised her eyebrows and blinked, rolling her shoulders, gracefully up, then back down. The gesture said, "Who really knows but I guess we'll see." I smiled to myself, amused that some of her habits were already becoming familiar.

"Well we should probably get going," I said. Bella stood and said goodbye to Liz. "I'll go get Rosalie and meet you across the hall," she said squeezing my arm.

"Okay," I murmured and went to kneel before Liz. Grasping her hands in mine I said, "I feel bad. I've hardly spent any time with you these last few days and you're leaving tomorrow. Is there some way I can make it up to you?"

Liz squeezed my hands smiling. "I don't mind, its nice just having your in the house. My grandson, the marine." She patted my cheek, her palms cool. "I'm so proud of you." Tears clouded her baby blue eyes and she looked like she went somewhere far way. "There is one thing I want you to have. You don't have to use it now, or ever, but I want you to have it nonetheless. Stay here, I'll be right back."

Liz shuffled down the hall and came back with a small, red jeweler's box. She handed it to me smiling. "Open it," she implored. The old box creaked as the lid gave way, opening. Tucked into the folds of red velvet was a ring, antique gold, a princess cut emerald sat in the center nestled between four small diamonds. "My Wesley gave this to me. I kept it all these years and I hate for it to stay smothered in that box never getting to see the world. I want you to have it. Now go on, go out and have a good time; you deserve it."

I leaned down and kissed Liz's cheek. "You are the best grandmother in the world. Promise me you'll always remember that."

Liz's eyes clouded over becoming misty as I realized the err of my words. "I'm sorry Nana; I didn't mean it like that."

She patted my cheek fondly. It was a move that went back to the days of my childhood. It meant she was sad, not because of something I said or did but because a situation or event was unavoidable. "I'll tell you what," she said. "Write it and anything else you want me to remember on a pad of post it notes and I'll hang them up when I get to Florida."

My heart broke just a little as I pictured her house I'm Miami papered with post it proclaiming things like 'You are the best grandmother in the world' or 'your husband passed away' and 'your name Is Elizabeth but everyone calls you Liz.' 'The golden girls are legit."

Not like she knew what legit meant, at least not in the slang, watch-me-use-cool-words-in-a-weird-way kind of way, but still, you get the picture. "Okay," I finally said. "I'll do that."

Liz nodded, motioning toward the hallway. "I believe your lady is waiting for you. Go on and have a good time. You don't need any money do you?"

I chuckled at her question feeling sixteen all over again. "No Nana, I have some money. Thank you though." I kissed her cheek once more and put the ring in my room. "I'll be back later," I called.

"Have fun," she replied as I walked out the door.

I could hear voices coming from Bella's apartment when I walked across the hall. I knocked and waited. Bella's voice came to the door. "Hey," she said as she opened the door.

I leaned down and kissed her cheek. "How's your girlfriend?" I asked.

Bella shrugged and said, "She's been better, but I've also seen her much worse. Emmett is…well, he's like that super obnoxious, overly testerone filled guy who is a total macho man and wants it his way or the highway and Rosalie is…well there are times when she's as docile as a lamb, but then there are times when she just puts her foot down and wants what he always promises but never delivers. Its hard on her but I think she'll be okay."

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. I didn't know her friends or her friends' fiancé so there wasn't much I could say. Instead of commenting on the situation I asked, "Where exactly are we going?"

Bella laughed, tossing her head back, her brunette hair cascading down her back like a chocolate waterfall exposing her elegant neck. "It's a surprise," she said, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

I groaned and rolled my eyes. Payback was a bitch I guess.

"Come on," Bella said motioning me inside, "Come meet my friends."

I followed her into the apartment and looked around at the three people seated inside on the couch. "This is Alice," she pointed to the raven-haired pixie girl from a few nights ago, "and Edward, and Rosalie." She pointed to a tall, lanky, and ridiculously good-looking guy with maniacally tousled bronzed hair and electric green eyes. He looked as if he'd just stepped out of a photo shoot. Across from them sat Rosalie, her long blond hair held a certain curl, her doe brown eyes seemed watery even though she had a smile on her face.

"Guys," Bella said grasping my forearm, "this is Jake."

"How's it going," I said suddenly nervous.

"Good man, how are you?" Edward asked.

"Good," I said.

"Well, we should probably get going," Alice chirped. "It's going to be nuts getting on the ferry."

The four of us shuffled toward the door. Alice, Edward, and Rosalie started toward the elevator. From over her shoulder Alice called, "We'll meet you there."

Bella waved absentmindedly as she locked her front door. "Do you want to drive or can I?" she asked gazing up at me.

"You can drive if you want to. I don't mind either way." I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me. "So tell me about your day," I implored.

Bella shrugged and took my hand in hers as we walked toward the elevator. "I picked up Rosalie, brought her back to my place and we watched man hating movies all afternoon." She shrugged as we got to the elevator. I pressed the button and we waited. "This is kind of the norm for Rosalie. It's not a good month if Rosalie and Emmett are at each other's throats, cancelling the wedding or some other kind of nonsense."

I chuckled and the two of walked onto the elevator. "I take it they fight a lot?"

Bella nodded. "They were supposed to get married last summer, then she cancelled it, then the fall, and he cancelled it, then this past January, then she cancelled it and finally this summer and as you can see, he cancelled it." She shook her head, annoyed or disgusted, I couldn't tell.

I leaned down and kissed her, my lips brushing against her. "I'm sorry you had a rough day. Hope tonight will be better."

"Me too, but my day wasn't really that bad. Do you know where we are going?"

I shook my head no as the elevator doors slid open revealing the lobby. "I have no idea where we are going. But…unlike you, I happen to _like_ surprises." I grinned down at her and stepped off the elevator.

Bella smirked at me, walked toward the door, and stepped out into the chilly night. I followed behind her and we walked toward her car, a spiffy little Jaguar XK, hunter green in color. I whistled as she unlocked the car.

Bella turned and wiggled her eyebrows at me. "Isn't she pretty?"

I nodded and opened the car door for her. "It is and again you never cease to amaze me, and again, the green."

Bella shrugged. "I like the perks of my life, and so what, I like green. It's pretty. So…" she stuck her tongue out at me as I walked around the car and got into the passenger seat.

Bella started the car, the Jaguars engine purred like a kitten as she pulled out of the parking spot and into rush hour traffic. As we crept toward the pier, Bella groaned. "Come on people, take your head out of your ass, your foot off the brake, and move. This is so damn ridiculous," she muttered as traffic crept along.

Two blocks before the pier Bella leaned forward and turned the radio on as the car in front of her braked _again._ "I swear if we miss the ferry I'm going to get out of my car and beat this idiot to death."

I laid my hand on her thigh and rubbed. "It's okay, calm down."

She growled as the car in front of us inched forward. I could see the pier ahead as we crept through the intersection. Directly in front of us was an accident, once past it, Bella sped toward the pier and screeched into a parking spot. I clung to the oh shit bar as the car whipped into a parking spot.

"You drive," I said, "like a madman."

Bella giggled as she got out of the car. "At least we made it here on time, now come on before you make us miss the ferry."

I followed as she ran for the loading dock wiggling my wallet out of my back pocket. From the top deck, Alice hollered down the wind muffling her words. Rosalie laughed a sound that tinkled on the wind and blew out to sea. Bella hollered back then turned and hollered at me to hurry up.

She was a different person when she was around her friends. Not different bad, but different – more carefree I guess. It was nice to see a more relaxed side to her, one that didn't care about jobs or bills or any of that stressful adult stuff. She was just Bella.

I paid for the tickets and followed her onto the ferry and up the stairs and she darted across the slick deck toward her friends. The March breeze blew a blast of frigid air into my face as I went to Bella's side. "So Jake, Bella tells me you're a Marine?"

I nodded and replied, "I am, getting ready to deploy."

Alice nodded, Bella scooted closer to me; I wrapped my arms around her pulling her into me. Alice leaned forward, placing a hand on my forearm. "Just do me one favor," she implored. "Just, stay…safe, okay?"

"I'll do my best."

Behind us, the ferry's horn blew, deafening us. Bella cringed and stuck her index finger into her ear, wiggling it. "Can you hear me now?" I laughed.

She gently smacked my chest then leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me. "Ever made it in a ferry bathroom?" she murmured softly, peering up at me from under the long, thick eyelashes.

I gaped at her. "Why no, Miss Swan, I can't say I have. Why are you offering?"

Bella grinned at me. "As a matter of fact," she said smugly, "I am."

* * *

**Reviews are better than group dates and Alice dating Edward (is that weird? I kinda think so...lol)**

They Bring Me to You - Joshua Radin


	15. Going Out

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

I know one of you actually lives in Seattle (hgmsnoopy I think it's you if I'm not mistaken) so this place is real, just a few of the details aren't…so don't hold it against me ;) and lol I thought about the ferry bathroom…lol..The bathrooms on the Cape May – Lewes ferry are N-A-S-T-Y…lol…so…yeah...no ferry action...sorry it's been a while since the last update...RL got in the way..(lol all the more reason to runaway with a romantic marine jake..lol) anywhoo...hope you like it...

**Bella**

The bathrooms aboard the ferry were atrocious and smelled like a horse stall that hadn't been mucked out in forever and a day. I pushed the door open, gasping for air, my expression a cross between disgust and horror. Jake laughed aloud and said, "What's wrong?"

I shook my head as I reached for his hand. "As hot as it would be to do it on the ferry, those bathrooms are gross. I wouldn't even _pee_ in there let alone shuck my clothes off and have sex with you."

Jake pulled me closer to him, kissing me just beneath my ear. "That's okay," he murmured against my skin. "There's always later, we still haven't christened the kitchen floor, your desk – both of them, the table…shall I continue?"

_Dear God please_, my inner bitch pleaded, her hands folded in prayer, a look of yearning on her imagined face. I glanced up at Jake as longing coursed through me. "Don't forget the shower," I replied coyly, then added almost as an afterthought, "God could you imagine that? Hot water sluicing all over our naked bodies, your hands sliding – no gliding all over my soapy skin…" I let the image sink in, laughing to myself as Jake's eyes darkened. He licked his lips slowly, his tongue slowly darting out like a clever snake being dragged across the soft flesh. I shivered, my mind wandering. Suddenly that nasty bathroom was looking pretty damned doable.

"There you are," Alice's voice rang out, interrupting the moment.

I turned to face her, hoping my face wasn't too red. "What's up?" I asked, my voice thick.

Alice raised her eyebrow, glancing at me quizzically. "You okay?" I answered with a brief nod. "Alright well, I just wanted to know if you wanted to go to that one place or the other place. Right now we're tied."

"How are we tied?"

"Rose didn't vote; she's yakking over the side of the ferry and said she didn't care where we went as long as we got the hell off this ferry."

I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Rose, she probably got sea sick in the bathtub. "Well," I said, "I don't really care, but he," I jerked my thumb in Jake's direction, "Might like the second place better."

Alice eyeballed Jake and said, "You know what, I think you might be right. Okay, I'm gonna go let them know what we're doing."

As she walked away, Jake looked down at me, asking, "Where in hell's name are you taking me?"

I smiled mischievously. "Oh sucks to be you now, huh, with the not knowing."

"Come on, tell me." I shook my head no, grinning at him. "Give me a hint then," he pleaded.

"Fine," I conceded with a sigh. "Its this bar, well more like a lounge I guess, a new place, only been around for a year or so. They play music, you can grab a bite to eat, maybe do a little dancing, it's nice; mostly quiet, sorta hole in the wall, but nice. And it's the middle of the week so we might get to hear some local music. It all depends on who shows up. If no one shows up then it's like let's play classic records all night, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, you get the picture." I shrugged. "I thought it might be something that interested you."

He nodded thoughtfully. "It does sound interesting. Now come on." He took my arm, guiding me towards the rear of the boat. "I hear the sunset is to die for."

We joined Alice and Edward at the stern. They were standing close together, lost in conversation. Rose was sitting on a bench, her face slick and pale. I smiled at her and she wanly returned the smile.

As the ferry chugged toward Bainbridge Island, the sky erupted into color, as if God himself was sitting on His royal throne dragging a paintbrush across the sky. The fleeting blue chased the sun as the corals and oranges mixed across the sky creating an almost violet streak just above the horizon. I took in the breathtaking scene as the sun, bulbous and bright sank leisurely over the horizon, its brilliant rays languidly conceding the sky to the night and the ethereal moon.

The sun hung in the sky, her fingernails still clinging to the last few remaining seconds of the day. A moment passed, then another until time ripped her from the sky and she sank perilously over the horizon and was gone. The flaming orange sky the only testament to her existence. I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and turned to Jake. "That was exquisite," I breathed. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Well then it lived up to the expectation, the website said it was unlike anything you've ever seen."

"They definitely delivered." I snaked my arms around his neck and kissed him chastely. Jake grabbed my waist, pulling me closer he angled his head deepening the kiss.

I lost my senses, because, frankly, he intoxicated me, like a rush of blood to the head he made me dizzy. I went weak in the knees and lost all sense of control. If there were any such thing as a good panic attack that's what it would feel like.

I pulled away shaking my head, but Jake was having none of it. "Just wait till later," he whispered seductively.

I shivered in anticipation, wishing the hours would pass quickly. "For what?" I asked innocently, keeping a calm and controlled façade.

He smiled wickedly and said, "Do I really need to tell you?"

"Well I don't know," I said dumbly. "Maybe. I mean, what could you possibly want to do later?"

"Oh you think you're so cute don't you," he smirked.

"I know I'm so cute," I retorted.

"Yeah, we'll see how cute you are when I have you screaming my name later."

My face burned, the flame traveled down my neck, a shiver following.

"That's what I thought," Jake said.

A few minutes later, the ferry docked. The five of us walked off the ferry heading north toward The Feedback Lounge. Jake and Edward were walking ahead of us, bits and pieces of their conversation floated back to us; it sounded like they were talking about basketball, but I wasn't really sure.

Alice and Rosalie fell into step beside me, the three of us walked in easy silence for a block before Alice finally spoke up. "Is it werid that I brought Edward out with my friends instead of going on a real date with him?"

I shrugged as I thought about it. "It's a little weird," Rosalie stated.

"Really?" Alice asked glancing between the two of us.

"Yes," I answered. "You should've probably gone to dinner alone before exposing him to me after hours and Young and the Rosalie. Not that there's anything wrong with us, but you don't know if you even like him that way.

"See, I thought that was more of a reason to bring him, there wouldn't be any of that awkward we-have-nothing-in-common-so-lets-bullshit-and-trade-useless-info-until-dinner's-over conversation. Those dates are the worst," she groaned.

"Preaching to the choir," Rosalie and I groaned simultaneously.

"This right here though," I pointed to the five of us, "This is gonna be total weirdness tomorrow. Wait and see."

Alice groaned smacking her forehead. "Once," she muttered. "Just once I'd like to have an adult relationship with just one decent man. One guy, that's all I'm asking for. One mature, responsible, mental illness free adult male." She sighed. "Is that too much to ask for?"

"Maybe someday," Rose said softly, then she giggled. "It could be worse."

Alice and I both turned to look at her. "Well, I mean, look at Snow White."

Alice and I stared at her, wondering what in the hell Snow White had to do with the current situation.

"Okay, first, shut up. It was on the Disney channel so I DVR'd it. I love that movie. But think about it. Snow White; she runs away and shacks up with seven midgets. SEVEN! MIDGETS! I mean wow, it makes you wonder what the hell Grumpy has to be grumpy about, and no wonder ones called Doc. Can we say hello STD central?"

Alice laughed as I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Rose to not only DVR _Snow White_, but use it in reference to Alice's love life. "But if you're so inclined, you're more than welcome to Emmett the douchasaurus."

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk clutching my sides.

"What's wrong?" Alice called rushing to my side.

"Did you not hear Rose call Emmett a douchasaurus?" I gasped.

Alice glanced over her shoulder at Rose who shrugged. I wiped the tears from my eyes then slipped my arm into Alice's. "I thought it was funny. Never mind, come on lets go catch the guys before they go home with each other instead of us."

* * *

The Feedback Lounge was mostly empty when we walked in. A waitress with heavy eyeliner and fishnet stockings said in a bored tone, "Sit wherever you want."

The five of us headed toward a corner booth. Overhead Queen played. I sang along to _Somebody to Love_ as I slid into the booth.

"This place is kinda dead," Rose announced looking around the vacant bar. A sign in the middle of the table caught my attention. I picked up the tri-folded piece of paper and glanced at it. "Well no wonder it's so damn empty. Its karaoke night."

Rosalie bounced up and down in her seat clapping."I love karaoke!" she exclaimed. "Wonder what time it starts."

I consulted the paper and said to her, "ten minutes."

"Ooh awesome. Can you guys let me out, I want to go sign up!" She slipped out of the booth and walked toward the stage where an attractive, albeit young, ponytailed blond was arranging equipment on the stage. Rose leaned toward him, her painted lips moving, a smile dancing in her eyes. I jabbed Alice in the ribs and nodded toward Rose. "Watch," I said. Alice and I turned toward Rose and watched. "She's gonna grab his bicep in three, two, one." Rose laughed and gently rested her palm on Blondie's forearm.

Alice laughed and we watched Rosalie's perfected "catch a man in five minutes flat" routine. Yes, she had Emmett, but she was a flawless flirt. Most of the time it was harmless flirtation. Enough to make her feel like she still had it, but tonight though, I supposed it wasn't entirely innocent, after all Emmett _had _called off the wedding.

Jake slid across the booth and leaned toward me. "So," he said. "Do you sing?"

"Me?" I squeaked. "No, hell no! At least not in public."

"Aw come on. If you sing, I'll sing." I shook my head no. Jake frowned. "Not even a duet?"

Again, I shook my head no.

"Okay," he said and slid out of the booth. He got up and went to join Rosalie at the stage.

"What's he doing?" Alice asked.

"I don't know," I said with a shrug, "signing up to sing I guess." I glanced toward the other end of the booth where Edward sat, alone, looking around. I nudged Alice. "You should go talk to him." I nodded in the direction of Edward.

"And you should sing with Jake." She got up and went to the other side of the booth, setting herself down beside Edward.

_Go sing, _the inner bitch said,_ you act like it would kill you_. I sighed and got up; resigning myself to the fact that public humiliation was in my not so distant future. Jake smiled down at me as I stood beside him, my arms crossed over my chest. "I'll sing," I said.

"You don't have to," he countered.

I waved him off. "I said I'll do it. So, whatever."

"Okay," he said, voice laced with ease. "Do you know what you want to sing?"

I shook my head no. Jake picked up a thick binder, handed it to me, and with a smile said, "Have fun."

I groaned as I took the book. "What are you going to sing?"

"It's a song called _I'll Be_."

"The Edwin McCain song?"

Jake shook his head no. "It's by a band called A Bird A Sparrow, ever heard of them?"

"I've never heard of them."

"You'll like it. You're into all those randomly obscure bands no one's ever heard of."

"Well alright then, if you say so." I flipped through the pages of the book. "You know what. I'm going to say something and it's gonna sound really stupid, but…if you never ask, you never know. What is your last name?"

"Black," he stated. "My last name is Black. Now you know."

"Yes, you're right, now I know. I think I'm gonna sing this song." I pointed to a song on the page.

"The Fray?"

I nodded. "_Look After You_ is one of my favorite songs. That and the guy who sings it sings high enough for me, so it's all good.

"If you say so," Jake replied with a shrug.

While we were flipping through the book the bar had filled up, groups of people were crowded around tables, clustered around the bar talking in low tones. The noise in the bar hummed with friendly conversation. The ponytailed blonde took the stage and tapped the microphone. From the back of the bar, a spotlight turned on. "Hey everyone, how you guys doing tonight?"

A couple people whistled, one yelled out, "Fucking awesome man."

Blondie laughed. "Well alright then. Most of you know me, I'm Riley, and I hope you know its Wednesday, which means it karaoke night. So I'm gonna shut the hell up and introduce you to our first performer tonight. Rosalie, come on up here sweetheart. It's her first time singing with us tonight so let's give her a warm welcome."

Rose climbed onto the stage, a smile on her face and accepted the proffered microphone. "Hi," she said with a wave.

"Hi!" the bar roared back. I bit back a giggle and listened as the music started. It never ceased to amaze me how good of a singer Rose was. She was like Celine Dion meets Pink, which sounds like an odd combo but for her it worked. I listened to the words of the song, the irony of which did not escape me.

_I feel these four walls closing in  
Face up against the glass  
I'm looking out, hmmm  
Is this my life I'm wondering  
It happened so fast  
How do I turn this thing around  
Is this the bed I chose to make  
It's greener pastures I'm thinking about  
Hmm, wide open spaces far away_

When she finished singing every one applauded, a few of the men stood up, whistling, and cheering. "How good was she," Riley gushed.

I groaned to myself. Another member of the Rosalie Hale fan club had been successfully inducted.

"Hmm, let's see, up next we have Jake. Jake, you out there buddy?"

Jake stood up, dropping a kiss on my forehead as he went. "Good luck," I called as he jogged up the stage steps.

Jake took the microphone and smiled down at me. "This is for my Bella."He sang to me, and only me. I watched his every move, listening to the words of the song.

_Take a look at me_

_I feel stronger by your side_

_I remember when when I first caught the light_

_shine into your eyes; saw who I needed to be…_

_I'll be the sand that slows you down_

_I'll be the song when you hear no sound_

_you're everything to me, everything I see_

_when I go away, you're what I'm missing_

_are you listening?_

_I just wanna go wherever you need me to be…_

_ every minute counts when I am with her. _

I discreetly wiped the tears from my eyes. He had this constant ability to surprise the hell out of me. One minute he was making innuendos, joking around and having a good time, then he was standing in front of a room full of strangers singing his feelings for me to me.

Alice grabbed my arm. "Aw, my god," she cooed. "How absolutely sweet is he?" She and Rosalie sat there staring at Jake, gushing to themselves. As he finished his song, the three of us wiped our eyes.

"So?" Jake said as he sat down.

"So?" I retorted.

Jake raised an eye at me. The look said, "I'm not amused." I grinned and said, "it was beautiful, I loved it."

A few more people got up and sang, all murdering the songs they chose to sing. Then it was my turn. My knees trembled as I climbed onto the stage. Reaching out with a shaky hand, I accepted the microphone. With one hand, I held the rapidly warming microphone, wiping the other on my jeans. It wasn't that I was a bad singer; I suffered from a serious case of stage fright. In my chest, my heart started to beat faster, my mouth went dry, and though I knew the words by heart I had trouble recalling them, had trouble seeing them on the screen. The first bars of music played and I was supposed to start singing but I stood there like an idiot, clutching the microphone wheezing like an asthmatic in a room full of smokers.

From the back of the bar someone hollered, "sing!" jolting me out of that dark place where the fear resided just in time to start the second verse.

_"There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my Baby  
I'll look after you  
And I'll look after you"_

As I looked up, I could see the people sitting closest to the edge of the stage but no further than that. I closed my eyes and pretended like I was at home in the shower. Once I relaxed, I found myself really getting into it. Then the song was over. I smiled as I handed the mike back to Riley. Turning, I stumbled, almost falling off the stage. Jake caught me and led me back to our table.

"Why didn't you tell me you could sing?"

I shrugged as I slid back into our booth, my wobbly knees thanking me. "It's not something I advertise and I don't think I'm _that_ good at it."

"Well," Jake chuckled, "maybe I'm going deaf, because after hearing a lot of these people singing you weren't half bad."

"Well, gee, thanks for that, I guess."

"Anytime babe, anytime."

* * *

We stayed until Alice and Edward had a chance to sing. Then Rose surprised Alice and me by signing us up to sing Carrie Underwood's _Cowboy Casanova_. It was fun, the three of us up there acting like a gaggle of goofballs.

The temperature had dipped down while we were out, and the wind coming off the water made it feel colder than it really was. Jake pulled me into his lap and was rubbing my back, humming softly. My eyes were heavy. As I listened to him humming, they started to droop until the next thing I knew I was being softly shaken awake.

"Bella, wake up, we're here."

Groggy, I opened my eyes and looked around. "Where are we?"

"Back on our side of town; do you want me to drive?"

I nodded and fished my keys out of my pocket, dropping them into his open palm. Together we left the ferry and walked toward my car. I called a sleepy goodbye to Alice and Edward and idly aware we were short one person.

"Where's Rose?" I asked Jake.

"She stayed with the guy from the bar." His lips pressed together in a thin line. His expression said he disapproved but if he really did, he didn't say so out loud.

"Oh," was all I said.

The Jaguar purred to life and Jake ginned stupidly, much like a kid in a candy shop. "Be careful with Celia. I swear to god if you hurt my baby I'll hurt you."

Jake snorted. "Celia?" Amused laughter danced in his eyes.

"My cars name is Celia. Got a problem with that?" Jake shook his head no. "Good then let's go home. I'm beyond tired."

* * *

Keys in the bowl by the door, purse on the handle of the hall closet. I kicked off my shoes and clicked on a lamp. Jake followed behind me, shutting, and locking the door behind him. I laid my coat over the back of the couch and reached for him.

"C'mon," he said. "Bed."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh no way Mr. Black. What happened to the desk, both of them mind you, the kitchen floor, and my dining table? Oh and don't forget the fact that I was supposed to be screaming your name right about now."

"Oh and I thought you were tired."

I shook my head no, grabbing two handfuls of his shirt. "I'm never too tired to scream your name," I murmured.

The look in his eyes instantly changed. It went from playful to animalistic. He picked me up as if I weighed little more than a sack of flour, I wrapped my legs around his waist. "Are you gonna make me scream your name?" I murmured, my lips brushing against his.

"Baby, I'm gonna make you scream so loud the whole damn city's going to hear it."

"Is that so?" I asked as he kicked open the bedroom door.

"You bet your ass it is."

Gently he threw me down on the bed, nimble fingers expertly unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans in one fluid motion. He tugged at the hem and pulled them, and my panties off, in one swift tug. "Take your sweater off," he commanded, the look of dominance in his eyes unbridled.

I liked it.

I pulled the green sweater over my head and tossed it across the room. Jake quickly pulled his shirt off, his well-defined muscles rippling with the movement. He sent his discarded shirt flying across the room then slowly unzipped his jeans. I sat, staring enraptured by the beauty of him. He was as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside.

Jake stood before me like a roman god in the middle of my room. Slowly he walked toward my bed and leaning down, pushed me back.

"Should I tease you," he purred his lips dragging up my leg. "Or should I please you?"

I pushed myself up. "Hang on," I said.

Jake looked up at me from under his lengthy eyelashes. "What's wrong?" he asked, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

I smiled at him and slid back. "Nothing, just...hang on. I want to go get a few things. I scampered out of bed and dashed out of the room, sprinting toward the kitchen. I pulled open a cabinet above the stove, pulled out a bag of chocolate covered almonds, and set them on the counter, then I went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Hershey's syrup and some whipped cream.

The bitch in the back of my head rolled her eyes at the food on the counter, I shot her the finger and reached under the counter for a bowl. Setting that on the counter next to the rest of my goodies, I reached into the freezer, dumped a whole try of ice into the bowl, and ginned wickedly. I always wanted to do something like this but Rex was too big of a macho dickhead to roll with it.

Scooping the bucket, almonds, syrup and whipped cream up I walked cautiously back to my room. Jake was sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at me expectantly when I re-entered the room. "What is all that?" he asked rising to take the food from me.

"Just something to make the experience more enjoyable." I popped the top of the chocolate sauce and poured some into my mouth. It dribbled down my chin and landed on my chest and the floor. Jake watched with wide-eyed anticipation as I lowered the bottle. "You okay?" I asked, swallowing the syrup.

He nodded wordlessly and took the bottle from me before tipping it and letting it spill over my chest. The stickiness crept slowly down my skin, leaving a dark brown trail across my stomach. Jake watched the river of chocolate for a moment, his chest heaving up and down.

"Want some?" I asked, motioning the bottle, he held in his hand.

He shook his head no, a lock of hair failing into his face. "I prefer to have it off of you," he said, his voice gruff.

I ran my finger up the length of my torso, collecting the chocolate. My fingers skimmed the crests of my breasts and stopped. I held my hand out, the sauce dripping onto the floor. "Here," I offered.

Jake took my hand, and slowly licked my fingers. I shivered the sensation tingly all the way down to my toes. When he was finished, he slowly licked his lips.

_That's so fucking hot,_ the inner bitch giggled_, like that sexy plumber guy on_ Desperate Housewives.

"Lay down." He motioned toward the bed. I took a tentative step toward the bed, then another until the edge of the bed hit my kneecaps. I turned and sat down, gazing at Jake, wondering what he was going to do. "Lay down," he repeated to which I complied, laying back onto the soft cotton sheets of my bed.

Jake reached into the bucket and pulled out an ice cube. "You're all sticky," he said slowly, cold drops of water dripped from an ice cube on to my skin. I gasped as they splashed across my stomach. Jake grinned and said, "let's clean you up."

The ice cube slid down my sternum, between the valleys of my breasts. Jake blew his cool breath in the trail left from the ice cube. I mentally cursed myself for bringing the ice, I should've known that I was going to be the one being tortured and not the torturer.

The ice cube made a slow, lazy circuit around my belly button. It melted gradually leaving small pools of cool water on my skin. Jake reached into the bucket for a second ice cube and traced it around the contours of my nipple.

"You still haven't answered my question," he said softly.

Wha-? What question? What the hell was he talking about?

"Tease you or please you?"

Oh yeah, _that_ question. Like it was that hard to answer. "Please me?"

Jake laughed. "No, I think tonight I'll just tease you. It's late, you have to work and I have to go with Liz to the airport in the morning." He lifted the ice cube off my chest and dropped it back into the bucket.

I sat up and stared at him indignantly. "Are you kidding me?"

"No," he said. "No sex for you."

I gaped at him. What? Was he for real? Stunned, I slid to the edge of the bed and walked into the bathroom calmly shutting the door behind me when all I really wanted to do was slam it. I went directly to the tub and turned the shower on. There was chocolate syrup in my hair (I have no idea how it got there) and on my skin.

Once the water was warm, I stepped in trying not to pout. _All that for nothing_, the inner bitch grumbled and I had to agree with her. _Bastard, _I thought nastily_. I should get out and tell him I want to be alone tonight. _

Before I had the chance to get out and do exactly that, the bathroom door opened and the light cut off, flickering candles floated toward me in the darkness. "Is there room for one more in there?" Jake asked, setting the candles down, one of the counter the other on the back of the toilet.

"I don't think so," I said childishly. "I think between you, me, and my wounded ego it might be a little crowded."

Jake chuckled softly. "You know I was just messing with you, don't you?"

I ripped back the shower curtain and stared at him in the near darkness. "What are you talking about?"

"I wasn't going to leave you hanging like that," he answered.

Oh. Now I felt stupid. I held the curtain open and stood aside. "Well then I guess there's room for you in here then after all."

He grinned and climbed into the tub, grabbing my face he pulled me toward him. "I could never deny you anything," he growled. "I am yours, you own my heart and soul. Whatever you want, it's yours." With that, his lips claimed my mouth possessively, his tongue forced its way past my lips, conquering my mouth.

Steam swirled in the small space, my breath caught in my throat as jakes hands slid over my body. My words from earlier: _God could you imagine that? How water sluicing all over our naked bodies, your hands sliding – no gliding all over my soapy skin…_ flashed through my mind. "I want you," I gasped.

"How?" he demanded.

"Any which way I can have you," I relied boldly.

"Shut the water off," he ordered.

I turned to shut the water off, bending over the reach for the nozzles. Jake grabbed my shoulders and buried himself in me. I cried out at the unexpectedness of his action and placed my palms on the slick, cool tile, arching my back.

"You want me like this?" he asked, fingers digging into the flesh of my hips as he slid in and back out.

I closed my eyes, the pleasant panic attack feeling starting to wash over me. Then he stopped. My eyes snapped open and I glanced up at him from over my shoulder. "Why'd you stop?" I groaned.

He stepped out of the tub wordlessly and sat down on the closed toilet lid. I climbed out of the tub and looked around, confused. What the hell was going on?

Jake reached for my hand and pulled me toward him, onto his lap. With one hand on the small of my back and one on himself, he guided me onto him. I slid down, liking the way he felt when he was in me.

I grabbed his shoulders, slick with shower and sweat, bouncing up and down. The giddy tingles returned, bubbling up from wherever they came from.

"Oh no, not yet," Jake said. In one easy movement, he stood up and carried me back to the bedroom. "I haven't heard you scream my name yet."

Together we fell into the bed. I felt like I was dreaming, this was too damn surreal. Real people didn't have sex like this did they? Maybe they did and I was just with all the wrong guys, the losers who fucked for themselves and if you were able to get off in the process that was an added bonus.

And holy fucking shit talk about an added bonus…he lifted me by the hips and continued plunging into me and slowly pulling out before starting the assault all over again. I gripped his forearm, the muscles of his biceps rippling under the skin as his fingers flexed and contracted, adding to the already insurmountable pleasure he delivered.

"I can feel it, can you?" he said. "You're ready to explode aren't you, but I keep taking it away from you and you want it so bad, don't you."

I nodded, whimpering as he slowed down, ripping me away from edge, _again._

"You want me to just stop, just give you what you want?" he asked.

"Yes Jake," I mewled, my voice sounding strange to my own ears.

"Like this," he growled, driving into me.

I cried out, "Yes, Jake, like that, oh God yes, please…"

Again, he gripped my hips and buried himself in me. I quivered, shaking, breathing deep, inhaling the smell of sweat and sex and something deep and carnal…more powerful than lust or desire. It was thick and heady, and needful.

I clung to Jake as he clung to me, pushing and pulling me closer to the edge then back again until finally, I went over, crying out his name as I did. "Jake!"

He grunted, fingers digging into my hips once more before releasing them. Over and over again, I felt the giddy release wash over me, twitching and tingling. He collapsed onto my chest with a grunt and a shudder. "I like the way you say my name when you come," he said. "It drives me wild."

"I aim to please," I said softly.

"I bet you do," he replied.

Jake rolled over onto his back and slid one arm under my neck. I curled into him and closed my eyes, listening to the slowing beat of his heart and his even breathing. "Thank you for the song," I mumbled, my voice heavy with sleep.

"You're welcome. I would sing to you every second of everyday if it made you happy." Softly he began to hum a song I'd never heard before. I caught what could have been the chorus before I drifted off:

_When you are near me_

_When you are here, I see all that I am made of_

_And all that I have_

_When you are near me_

_When you are here, I see all that I am baby_

_You're all that I have_

_You're all that I am_

* * *

** _Reviews are_**** better than..umm...yeah..hershey's syrup, shower sex and falling asleep in Jake's arms ; )**_  
_

_ Wild Horses _by Natasha Bedingfield

_I'll Be_ by A Bird A Sparrow

_Look After You _by The Fray

_When You Are Near_ by Carolina Liar

_Going Out_ by The Perishers


	16. Chasing Cars

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

Okay...totally for the record..Jake will make it back from Iraq alive. I killed a Jake in a story once and it was the hardest, suckiest thing I EVER did and I will NEVER do it again. lol...sorry its been so long since the last update, the technology in my house is on strike and my internet has been totally like F-U...lol..the last week or so I've had internet for a total of like five hours..lol..oh and can i get a woot woot for cars named Celia, especially if it was totally jacked from Monsters Inc...lol.

**Bella**

"I should have canceled," I muttered, tearing apart a helpless red velvet cupcake as Alice and I sat in the warm spring sunshine outside The Yellow Leaf Cupcake Co.

Alice swallowed her bite of cupcake and stared blatantly at the mess on my plate. "Okay there cupcake killer," she said taking the shredded cake away from me. "What's wrong?"

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow is what's wrong," I groaned.

Alice narrowed her eyes. "What's tomorrow – oh wait. Dinner with your parents and Bitchtoria."

I nodded and started tearing up a napkin. "Yeah, dinner is tomorrow night and it's also Jake's last night in Seattle. He flies back to Virginia Saturday morning." I exhaled and suppressed the tears that were threatening to spill. I knew the end of the week was coming; I prepared myself as best I could for it, but it did not stop the sadness that seemed to wash over me any time I thought about it.

"How are you doing? I mean with his leaving and all?"

I shrugged and stacked the shredded napkin into two piles on the table. "I knew all along it was coming, I just..." I threw up my hands in exasperation. "I didn't expect to feel something for him so swiftly. I mean, a week, really? How can you…in a week?"

Alice reached across the table and placed her hand on top of mine. Her skin was soft and smooth, her touched warmed me. "It will be okay," she said with so much conviction I felt my heart ache. I nodded briefly, brushed the ripped up napkin into a whole napkin, and crumbled it, rubbing the rough paper between my fingers.

"Have you thought about asking Jake to go to dinner with you?"

I shook my head no, horrified at the suggestion. "Jesus; Renee and Victoria would probably eat him alive then use his bones to pick their pristine pearly whites."

Alice laughed softly, her eyes crinkling. "He's a big boy, I think he might be able to give Renee a run for her money and I bet you anything your dad would love him."

I smiled at the thought. My dad probably would like Jake, if for no other fact than because he was in the military. My father believed in the structure and order of the military – he was former Army himself. He retired when I was a little girl, well a toddler really, and went to work for the police department. His experience in the military fast tracked his civil service career, he moved up in ranks quicker than any other cop in the history of the force until he was appointed commissioner four years ago. I think my mother wanted him to have political aspirations but that just wasn't my father's way. Charlie Swan believed in justice, separating right from wrong the way some people sorted their laundry - lights and darks. My father was cut and dry in that aspect; there was right and there was wrong – that was all their was to it. Politicians, he believed, lived in a perpetual shade of gray. With my dad, there was no such thing as gray. Everything was black and white, cut and dry. Right and wrong.

"You're probably right," I echoed, "My dad would like him. But I'm still not subjecting him to that. At least not yet."

"I understand," Alice said as she sipped her tea. "Your family is…intense. Do you have plans besides dinner? What are you going to do after dinner?"

I shrugged. I hadn't really thought that far ahead. "Go home and cry and pray the next year or so passes quickly?"

"No," Alice scolded. "It's his last night with you. You have to do something grand."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. But whatever you do it has to be memorable. It's got to be something that you're going to remember and it's got to be something that is gonna get you through his time away."

"Jeez, thanks Al, no pressure or anything."

"Hey I'm just saying," she said defensively.

"No, I know. It's just…I have no idea what to do. It's like knowing you're going to die, what would you do with your last night on earth?" I shrugged helplessly.

"I don't know. I'm sure it will come to you, but in the meantime we have to get back to work."

We threw away our trash and walked toward the car. "Hey, have you heard from Rosalie?" I asked as we walked through the early afternoon sunshine.

Alice shook her head no. "I haven't. Honestly though I'm kind of worried about her. I hope she didn't go home with that guy, but if she did, I hope she used her head, used protection. And I guess if she did go home with him that means the wedding, as well as the relationship, is over for real this time."

I nodded as I slid into the passenger seat. "Her store is on the way back to work, should we stop in and check on her?"

"Yes," Alice nodded.

Across town, we walked toward Rosalie's store. The sign on the door claimed the shoppe was closed and the lights were out. I frowned at Alice who whipped out her cell phone in response. She barked, "Rosalie" into the phone and waited, anxiously tapping the toe of her boot on the floor.

Thirty seconds later, she hung up. "No answer at her apartment," she said shortly.

I groaned. This was so typical of her. Disappear and not let either of us know she's okay. "Come on, we have to get back to work. I'll keep calling her until I can get a hold of her."

* * *

At three-thirty my intercom beeped, Makenna announcing I had a phone call. I thanked her and picked up the phone. "Bella Swan," I said.

"Hey hey chickadee," Rosalie bellowed into the phone.

"Where the hell have you been?" I snarled. "Alice and I have been trying to get a hold of you all god damn afternoon; we were so worried about you."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she gushed.

"Rose are you freaking drunk?" I hissed.

"Yeah just a little, but we're celebrating," she slurred.

_We?_ I thought. "Who's we?" I asked.

"Me and my husband," she answered.

Wait, what? "Your husband?" I repeated slowly.

"Mhmm."

I rolled my eyes. If there was ever a time for her to be a ditz this was not it. "What husband?"

"Riley, silly," she admonished. "We got married in Vegas this morning!"

Oh. My. God.

"Congratulations," I muttered weakly.

"Thanks!" she gushed exuberantly.

I pressed my palm to my forehead as she prattled on and on about Vegas and Riley and marriage. I couldn't believe she went to Vegas and got married. What in god's name was she thinking? And she was drunk.

Jesus Christ hadn't we seen enough movies were drunk people end up married in Vegas...or something like that. God we just laughed about the dentist in _The Hangover_ marrying the stripper. Rosalie even made a comment about how stupid it was to go to Vegas, get drunk at a casino, meet a hot guy and get hitched then she went and did it herself.

I listened to her ramble on for a few more minutes before interrupting her story about Riley and how amazing he was. "Rose, I gotta run, Edward is standing in his door looking as mad as a hornet and waving at me. Um, have fun in Vegas and be careful, okay?" The lie came out smoothly.

"I will!"

"Oh wait, when are you coming home?"

"Uhh, this weekend, I guess."

"Okay, call me when you get home."

"I will. Bye!"

"Bye," I repeated and hung up.

Pushing myself away from my desk, I slid my shoes on and walked out of my office. Not even two feet out the door, Angela called to me. "Ms. Swan, there's an important call for you on line two."

"Can you take a message?"

She frowned and nodded. I kept going. Normally when there was an "important call," it was my mother. I walked toward Alice's office like a woman with a mission. Her secretary was on the phone when I walked up. I pointed toward Alice's office. She distractedly waved me on.

As I pushed open the door to Alice's office, she glanced up from a folder she was looking at. "What's up?"

"I talked to Rosalie."

"Oh? How is she?"

"Married," I replied. "To the karaoke guy."

Alice's jaw dropped, her eyes went wide. "Tell me you're kidding, oh my god Bella, tell me you're joking."

I shook my head no slowly. "I wish I was. But, no, I'm not. I just got off the phone with her. She's drunk, in Vegas and married."

"What was she thinking? What should we do? Should we fly to Vegas and hire an attorney to annul the marriage?"

I shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what we should do. I mean, she sounded relatively happy, happier than I've heard her sound when she's with Emmett….but god Alice, I have no idea."

Alice was quiet for a minute, and then she burst out laughing. "If we flew to Vegas you'd have a really great reason to cancel dinner with your parents."

Hysterical laughter bubbled up in my stomach and escaped out of my mouth. One of my best friends married a total stranger; I had to go deal with my parents on my boyfriend's –was he my boyfriend, I idly wondered – last night in town, and said boyfriend was leaving for Iraq in a few days' time. Great tears rolled down my face as I gripped my sides. "I can't believe she got married," I laughed.

"Me either," Alice giggled.

"Oh god," I said still feeling the effects of laughing so hard you cried.

"Now that we got that out of the way," Alice said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "What are we really going to do?"

"You know what," I told her, "As much as I love Rosalie, she's a big girl. I think that's part of the problem with her – she knows that whatever messes she makes someone will always come along and clean it up for her, if not you or me, then Emmett or her parents. Maybe this is one mistake she needs to make, hell maybe it'll be good for her and we're assuming that it is a mess and that it needs cleaning. Let her do whatever it is she's doing in Vegas and when she comes home we'll see what happens."

Alice nodded. "I don't agree, but I guess that's all we can do."

"I feel kind of bad though, what if this guy is dangerous?"

"I can take care of that." She reached for the phone, picking it and pressing it against her ear. Alice's fingers flew over the keypad and a few moments of silence went by, the only sound was the tinny ringing of the phone. A few rings later a man's gruff voice said, "Hello?"

"Jenks, its Alice Cullen calling. I need you to do some digging for me."

She angled the phone between her shoulder and her ear, reaching for a pen. "Mhmm. Okay all I know is that he worked the karaoke night last night at the Feedback Lounge and his name is Riley."

She paused, listening as Jenks asked her what sounded like a question. "Oh I don't know, five eleven, maybe six foot, long blond hair that he wore in a ponytail. He had on a pair of jeans and a plaid button down and he flew and married one of my best friends in Vegas this morning." Again, she listened as Jenks repeated the information back to her. "Yes, that's correct. I want to know everything down to his blood type. Got it?"

She hung up the phone with a smug smile. "We should know something by the end of the day."

"Good. All right, well I should probably get back to work. I think I'm going to come down with the flu tonight."

"Yeah, you're looking a little pale. Maybe you should take the rest of the day off."

I shook my head no. "I'll be fine. I haven't been a 100 percent this week; I don't like that. So I'm gonna go back to my office and take a look at the fall forecast, have a report for you and Edward by the end of the day." I gave a mock salute and strode out of her office.

In my office, there was a note on my desk that said to call my mother. I crumbled the note and threw it away. _Yes, _I thought_, torturing me for two hours or so tomorrow night isn't enough so let's call her at work and annoy the shit out of her._

I flicked on my computer and, annoyed, stared at the screen waiting for it to start. The phone on my desk rang. I picked it up and snapped, "Bella Swan."

"Hey," Jake's comforting voice said.

"Hi," I replied, all the frustration leaving me instantly.

"Is this a bad time? You sound…busy."

"No," I said punching in my log in information with one hand. "It's just been a crazy day. Remember Rosalie from last night?"

"Mhmm."

"She went to Vegas with the karaoke guy and got married. My mother keeps calling and I have no idea why, amongst other things."

"Other things being me and my leaving soon."

I bit my lip. I didn't want to make him feel bad, but my misery was catching. "Yeah, but I'm not trying to make you feel bad. It's just kinda been weighing on me today. At lunch, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm just trying to process everything you know."

Jake sighed. "I know. It's a lot to deal with. But we can talk about that later. Is your friend okay?"

"I hope so. I talked to her a few minutes ago and she sounded fine, drunk, but fine."

"What about her fiancé?"

I bit back a laugh. "I have no idea. The whole situation is so absurd that the only thing I can do is laugh. I love Rosalie like a sister, but when she's irrational, she's really irrational. Emmett pissed her off the other night by not fulfilling his promise to her, and so I guess this is her payback. It's not right, but it's how Rosalie works."

Jake didn't say anything and I remember his disapproval last night. "But anyway. How is your day?"

"It's quiet here. Too quiet. I have the radio on and I'm trying to pack the rest of Liz's stuff. She's got so much stuff."

"Well she lived there for a while, you know, of course she has a lot of stuff. What are you listening to?" I could hear the music playing in the background but I didn't recognize it.

"_Always Running out of Time _by Motion City Soundtrack. It's off that wacky new _Alice in Wonderland_ soundtrack."

I smiled to myself. He had _the Alice in Wonderland_ soundtrack. That was so cute. "Do you want to do something tonight?"

"I don't know," I answered. _How about a repeat of last night?_ The inner bitch suggested.

_Shut up you_, I thought at her.

"Movie or dinner or…something. You're leaving soon and I might not get to see you tomorrow night."

"Why not?"

"Oh, I have to go to my parent's house for dinner, my niece got into The Bush School."

"The what?"

"Some fancy, expensive ass school. But really it's just another attempt for my mother to make me hate myself."

"Sounds brutal," Jake replied.

"You don't know the half of it."

"Too bad you don't have a new boyfriend you could take with you to protect you."

I felt my insides turn to mush. "Yeah too bad, huh."

"I'm hurt." I could see him pouting and laughed.

"So you're my boyfriend now, is that right?"

"If that's what you want. I meant what I said Bella. I want to get to know you. I'm not going anywhere, at least not where you're concerned."

Again, I turned to mush. "You're too good for me," I whispered.

"No," he corrected, "I'm perfect for you. Now hurry up and come home."

"Why do you miss me?"

"No," he laughed. "I could use your help packing up all this stuff."

"Ugh," I said. "And here I thought you cared about me."

"I do care about you. And I do miss you. But you have stuff you have to do, so go get it done and stop talking to me."

"Okay, I don't have much to do, so I should be home in a few hours. Do you need me to pick up more boxes or anything?"

"No," Jake said, "I think I have enough boxes, so I'm good on that front. I just need you. And think about it, I'll go to dinner with you if you want, but I can stay home if you'd rather."

I smiled into the phone. "Are you sure you want to be thrown to the wolves? My mother can be quite…well, vicious; I think that would be an accurate description."

"I think I can handle your mother. So does that mean you want me to come?"

I sighed. It would be nice to have someone there, and it would be like kicking sand in my mother's face. "Yes, I want you to come."

"Okay then, I'll go."

"Alright, I have to get back to work. See you this evening."

"Bye."

I hung up with Jake and called my mother, my palms growing sweaty with each passing ring. Finally, she answered with an aloof, "Hello?"

"Hello Mother," I said. "You called."

"Well nice of you to call me back Isabella," she said frostily.

"Yes, well your welcome. I don't know what you expected Mother, I'm at work."

"Yes well, I'm your mother. I would like to assume that you can afford me just a few minutes of your time when I call."

I sighed. There was no point arguing with her. She made donkeys seem compliant and willing. "I'm sorry Mother. Since your call was _so_ important what can I do for you?"

"I was just calling to confirm you were still dining with us tomorrow evening," she sniffed and I wanted to scream. That was not important, nor did it warrant five phone calls in three hours.

"Yes mother," I said, my teeth gritted so I didn't scream at her. "I am still coming, as is my boyfriend."

"I thought you broke up with that tattooed mongrel."

"I did. This is a new guy. His name is Jake."

"Oh, well that was fast. I hope you aren't sleeping with him. That is not lady-like Isabella."

I felt my face flush from embarrassment and anger."Mother I have to go. We will see you tomorrow at six. Goodbye." I slammed the phone down and shoved my hands into my hair, yanking it in frustration. God why couldn't she be normal. Why did she have to be such a bitch all the time and why couldn't she just accept me for who I was?

_Because she's a bitch,_ the inner me whispered. _And because she knows she can say shit like that because it will piss you off, because it never fails _to_ piss you off. She makes a snide comment and you get mad. Stop getting mad, let it go, you know this is how she is. _

I shook my head. It was irrelevant. It was the way it had always been, probably the way it would always be. I had long since accepted that fact. I put the incident out of my mind and pulled up the fall fashion forecast, starting with the colors.

* * *

At five minutes to five, I finished the report and emailed it to Edward and Alice. I waited until the email program finished sending the message then shut off my computer, grabbed my purse and called good night to Angela and Makenna who both looked like they were ready to leave for the night as well.

Forty-five minutes later I pulled into my parking space and got out of the car, yawning. I walked into the quiet lobby and rode the elevator to my floor. As the doors opened, I could hear someone on the floor playing _La Traviata_ very loudly, the male bravado echoed across the floor. I smiled to myself, feeling like I walked off the elevator and into an Italian playhouse. The music grew fainter as I walked toward my apartment, my mind reflecting on the last week.

It had been a rollercoaster ride of tumultuous emotions. Though, technically that was a lie, it wasn't a rollercoaster ride, it was the initial ascent the coaster made before plummeting straight down at a heart galloping speed. This week was the giddy ascent, the taking of oneself to new heights. It was the way all love started; new love took you high, hell it _made_ you high. Steadily you'd climb up, closer to the heavens then the cart would stop there, teetering right before the top and just out of sight of the fall. You know the fall is coming; it is, after all, an integral part of the rollercoaster rider's experience. I knew my fall was coming and I knew it wasn't going to be your typical rush toward the ground before being swept back up again and maybe thrown for a loop or two. It was going to be one of those corkscrew turns, spiraling further and further down into depression before finally being swept back up again.

I stopped in the middle of the hallway feeling pensive. What was going to happen come Saturday night? God what was going to happen for the next fifty-two Saturdays?

Suddenly I felt sick.

The door across the hall opened and Jake emerged with stuffed black trash bag. "Hey," he said, surprised to see me standing there.

I glanced up. I felt lightheaded and faint.

"Bella?" He let go of the trash bag and walked toward me, his hands on my face tilting my head so I was looking up at him. It felt like I was looking directly at the sun.

"Bella, sweetheart what's wrong?"

Tears filled my eyes, spilt up and over, down my face. Jake let go of my face and pulled me toward him, crushing me against his chest. I could feel the pearly buttons on his shirt digging into my skin. I sobbed and inhaled the smell of his shirt, his cologne, committing them to memory. "You're leaving," I wept.

Jake silently rubbed my back. We stood in the silent hallway, his arms wrapped around me, me crying into the front of his shirt. "It'll be okay," he said softly. "It'll go by faster than you can believe. I'll leave and be back before you know it."

"Promise?" As soon as the word left my mouth I felt like a sinner begging for an absolution I knew wouldn't really come.

"I promise. It really won't be that bad."

I glanced up at him through watery eyes. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to freak. I knew it was coming, it's not like it was a surprise, it just kind of, I dunno, hit me pretty hard today. It's been on my mind all day. No matter what I do I can't seem to shake it."

"Its okay," Jake said wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "if it was easy, well that would be cause for concern. It's not supposed to be easy, its supposed to be hard. Don't worry, we'll get through this. What do you want to do tonight?"

I shrugged. "I had a crazy day; I just want to do something simple. Want me to help you pack?"

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Let me change and we can get to work."

Jake leaned down to kiss me briefly; his were lips soft against mine. "Go change. I'm going to take this to the trash chute. When you're ready just come across the hall, the doors unlocked."

* * *

Jake had most of the work done when I opened the door. Liz's apartment was a ghost of its former self; boxes were stacked along the walls, each one marked with things like '_living room' _or '_bedroom.' _ I looked around, surveying the room.

"It doesn't look like you have much left to do."

Jake smiled proudly. "No not much. I just have some stuff that has to go to the trash."

Later, after the trash had been disposed of and the boxes had been organized, the floors and windows had been cleaned, Jake and I collapsed into a heap on the couch. I laid my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.

"Do you still want me to go to dinner at your parent's house with you?"

"Mhmm, I mean if you don't mind. I talked to my mother this afternoon; she made a nasty comment about how she hopes I'm not sleeping with you because we haven't been dating long. She said it wasn't "lady-like." Like she knows anything at all about being lady-like, she's a vulcher in Versace."

"She really said that to you?"

I nodded, picking at a stray thread on his shirt. "Yup, then I hung up on her which I'll probably hear about tomorrow night."

"So, I have a question?"

"What's that?"

"If you dislike your family so much why did you agree to go to dinner?"

"Because…" I trailed off. It was a valid question. "Because," I started again, yet still had no answer. "Because that's my family," I offered weakly.

"This is just my opinion, but that doesn't seem like a very good answer. You should spend time with them, not because you feel obligated to but because you want to."

"Its not that easy," I defended. "My family is…different. I'm not like them. I mean, my dad and I are a little alike, but the three of them, my mom, sister, and my dad, they're all similar. I guess I go because it's the one thing that makes me like them." I shrugged. "Either that or I'm just glutton for punishment."

"I think your glutton for punishment," Jake offered with a smile.

"Probably. It doesn't matter though. What do you want to do tomorrow?"

"Don't you have to work?"

I shook my head no. "I have the flu, didn't I tell you?"

Jake's eyes widened in mock horror. "Oh no. I guess you'll just have to stay in bed tomorrow and I'll have to take care of you." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're horrible," I said. "I swear if I didn't know any better I'd say you only liked me for my body."

"Hmm, I don't know. You might be right. Who wants a beautiful mind when your body is so much more amazing?"

I glared at him.

"I'm just kidding love, calm down. Tomorrow it will just be you and me. We'll turn the phones off and lie in bed, just the two of us, and forget the world. Then we'll go to dinner at your parents, I'll fake being sick and we can leave before desert, then come back here and lay in bed, hidden away from the world with a desert of our own choosing. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect."

* * *

**Mmm...Reviews are better than Rose running off to Vegas and marrying Karaoke dude...**

"Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol


	17. Elsewhere

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

...thanks to mschenke..I totally jaked Special Forces Jake from your comment..its very fitting ; ) and thanks to those who read and review every chapter, as well as those of you who occassionally review...reviews make me happy..lol. anywhoo...i've had this done for a day or so..but I had some issues with the dinner..part of me thinks what happens is OOC for Bella, part of me says, hell yeah..so if you hate that part cool, if your like me and yelling hell yeah! then cool too...and excuse the fifty million supernatural references...i heart supernatural almost as much as i heart twilight...lol..if you don't know what the whole sam winchester circa season two thing means..check:

http : // s701 . photobucket . com / albums / ww18 / twilightsgrace /writing % 20pic % 20 references /

just no spaces...ok..so I'll shut up..enjoy and let me know what you think : )

* * *

**Bella**

Spending the day in bed with Special Forces Jake was, idyllically, the best way to spend our last day together. I woke up a little after nine with a yawn and blinked against the blinding sunlight streaming through my bedroom window. Motes of dust danced in the air, pirouetting gracefully to the gentle hum of the fan stirring the air. I rolled over, glancing at Jake, who in his sleep closely resembled a sleeping Sam Winchester circa season two. His dark hair fell across his forehead, curling slightly as it rested on his brow bone. The fingers on his left arm twitched in time with the rise and fall of his chest, an accompanying reaction as he dreamt imaginary dreams. I smiled gently at his sleeping figure, lying back down with my head on his chest; his heart beat a steady tattoo in my ear. As I laid there verging on the cusp of dreaming and waking, I took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Jake and telling myself to remember this moment. This would be the one moment I would miss the most; the one I would long for when days were hard and life tried to beat me down.

An hour later, I awoke again only this time to an empty bed and gray skies. The sound of humming and a song that was vaguely familiar drifted down the hallway from the direction of the kitchen. I slipped out of bed quietly and tiptoed down the hall, listening to Jake sing quietly over the sizzle of butter melting in a hot frying pan. As I got closer, I recognized the song, though the singer was unfamiliar. _Not a Beatles fan my ass,_ I thought. In the kitchen, Jake was really starting to get into the song, belting it out now. He had a nice voice, it was almost reminiscent of something you'd hear in one of those understatedly trendy coffee houses, sort of singer-song-writer.

"I thought you didn't like the Beatles?" I asked, coming around the corner.

Jake jumped, spilling the eggs, he was trying to crack open. "Jesus woman, didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on a man while he's trying to make breakfast for his lady? Breakfast he was going to serve her in bed?"

"You're avoiding the question," I replied.

"I like The Jeff Healey Band. Not The Beatles." He pointed to the radio. "Big difference."

"They ruined this song," I said wrinkling my nose.

"They didn't ruin it, they made it better."

"Yeah, sure they did. Anyway, what are you making?" I asked peering into the bowl.

"Eggs."

"Thank you captain obvious."

Jake set the whisk down and leaned toward me. Pressing his lips against my forehead, I closed my eyes and begged the tears not to come. I snaked my arms around his waist and clung to him.

After a long moment of silence and threatening tears, Jake pulled back, his hands on my forearms, and looked down at me. "There are a couple of things we need to talk about before I leave tomorrow. We can do it now, or later. It's up to you."

I swallowed hard. What he wanted to talk about I wasn't sure, but it most likely had to do with Iraq and his well-being. "Okay, well, I guess now is as good a time as any."

"Do you want to eat first?" he asked motioning toward the bowl of scrambled eggs.

I shook my head no. "I think if I eat first it will make this grand second appearance a little later. Let's talk first then if I still feel well enough to eat I will."

I lead the way into the living room and sat down on the couch, clutching a throw pillow to my chest. I tried to control my breathing, my head felt fuzzy and woozy. Jake sat down next to me; he dropped his hands into his lap and exhaled.

"Okay," he said with a heavy sigh. "My job is dangerous. I'm going to be brutally honest because I don't want there to be any unrealistic beliefs. I want you to know the truth, all of it, okay?"

I nodded. _Breathe,_ I reminded myself. _ Just breathe._

"My job is dangerous. People get killed, there are roadside bombs and I.E.D's and a million other things that can go wrong and sometimes…well sometimes people get hurt, and sometimes they die. I work hard to protect myself and others but I'm only human, I can only do so much."

I blinked slowly, trying to force the visualizations of Jake, lying bloodied and wounded on a cot somewhere in the middle of the desert. _That won't happen to him_, I told myself.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I answered rubbing my temple. "This is just a lot to absorb. I mean you see the news and you hear about the things that happen over there but you never expect it to fall into your lap. Carry on with your speech soldier."

Jude laughed softly and kissed my hand. "Its easy from here on out. Just a crash course in the life of a military girlfriend."

I exhaled a shaky breath. "Thank god. I thought it was gonna be all doom and gloom."

Jake shook his head. "Nah, no doom and gloom. Here's how its gonna go down. When I leave tomorrow I'm actually going back to Virginia for a couple days before flying to Iraq."

"Really?" I asked, shocked. For some reason I thought he'd get on a plane here in Seattle and fly directly to Iraq.

Jake nodded."Yeah, we have to get our assignment and our billet information; we have to pack all the equipment and deliver it to the hangar bay and make sure it's loaded on the plane. It's really a lot more complicated than I can tell you. But after we leave Virginia, we go to Iraq, set up shop, and carry out our mission. Once our time is up, a new crew comes and relieves us, and then I come home."

"That sounds so…simple, I guess, when you put it that way."

"It is simple," he replied. "The job is stressful and dangerous like I said, but otherwise our time over there is simple. Eat, sleep, and try to stay alive. Repeat."

I nodded solemnly. "Now what about communication? Where do I send letters? Can you email? Call?" How does that all work?"

"Well," Jake began with a sly smile. "I can call you more often than some of the other guys because of my job; I have access to landlines. I can call you a couple times a month. I'll write down my physical address and my email address, I can write you all the time and email you all the time too." He gripped my hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "This really won't be that bad," he said, his voice oozing false conviction.

I nodded. "I know. It's just been a crazy week and its going to be a crazy year. I keep thinking its fifty-two Saturdays or fifty-two Monday's, you know. When I think of it like that, it doesn't seem so bad. But then I think 365 days and I feel all these little pieces inside of me break and you keep saying it won't be that bad, but part of me thinks it's really going to _be_ that bad."

"Well, if it is, then it is. We can't change the fact that I'm leaving. It's going to happen it's like the sunset. It happens every day no matter how badly we don't want it to. We're powerless to stop it, we are powerless to do anything except stand by and idly watch as the sun disappears beyond the western horizon. Didn't your mother ever tell you that saying, that if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger?"

I shook my head no. "My mother always said that if you tried to do something and failed you were to find an able bodied man to do it for you. I didn't – don't - believe that, I've never had to do anything like this, something this hard, before. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough."

"There was this saying that my mom used to say when I was being a pain in her ass. She used to say to me "Jake, anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But if you can hold it together, if you can just hang on, especially when everyone else is expecting you to fall apart, that's the definition of true strength." It kind of goes to what your mom says. If you can't do it, find someone who can. Your mom is weak if that is really her philosophy. The fact that you don't believe that proves you're not weak. It proves your strong enough."

"But what if I'm not?"

"Yeah well what if the earth was flat and Christopher Columbus sailed off the edge? The point is you never know until you try."

* * *

The hours passed slowly, the early morning sun conceded to the grey sky eventually relinquishing control to the rain clouds, which emptied their bounty on the unsuspecting city. After eating, Jake and I went back to love where we made love to the sound of the thunder.

Afterwards, I lay in his arms watching the rivulets of water snake down the windowpane, continuing their journey to the floor below mine. As the thunder quieted, I turned the radio on. It sat in the corner quietly playing songs that all sounded like they were off a soundtrack especially designed for the current situation.

"So…do you still want to go to dinner tonight at my parent's house?" I asked trailing my index finger of the dips and swells of his chest.

"Does a bear shit in the woods?" he answered.

"Well I guess technically it does," I replied sarcastically. "But seriously, do you want to go?"

"Yes. I would love nothing more than to meet the infamous Renee and Victoria. What did you say you and Alice call her?"

"Bitchtoria," I replied. "We totally jacked it from _One Tree Hill_. One of the main characters, Brooke, her mom's name is Victoria. She calls her Bitchtoria. I find it amusing."

""You," Jake laughed, "Kill me. What's with your CW obsession?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I like the shows?"

"What is there to like? _One Tree Hill_ looks like a soap show at night, and what's with the name? They so totally jacked that shit from U2. What's the other one you watch?"

"_Supernatural_, and don't you dare say a nasty word about it." I propped myself up, shaking my index finger in his face.

"Come on, can I just say one mean thing about it?"

"No," I pouted. "And anyway, you have _no_ right to talk. You drive the same car as they do, all the way down to the color, make, model, and year."

"Oh. Well then, I guess I can't complain on that. The Impala is pretty sweet."

I rolled my eyes. I liked silly TV shows, yes. I admit they were rather on the lame and immature side, but I'd been watching them for years so I didn't see the point in not watching them just because of my age. Age was, after all, just a number.

"You're really sure you want to go tonight? I have to say you're brave as hell. If I were you, I'd be running in the opposite direction as fast as humanly possible. I really don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

I snorted. _Yeah, what's the worst that could happen?_ The inner bitch mimicked, piping up for the first time all day. I guess even the thought of dinner with Renee and Victoria scared even her.

At four thirty, we finally crawled out of bed. My back ached from lying there all day as I trudged toward the shower. In the bedroom, Jake turned the radio up and joined me in the shower. He hummed along to the music and scrubbed my back.

"Are you nervous?" he asked as the sponge scratched along my spine.

"Mhmm," I hummed. "My mother is going to say and do things to piss you off. If she doesn't attack you, she's going to attack me to get a rise out of you and to scare you off. Unless she likes you, but seeing as how you're not the son of a prominent lawyer and you don't own half the businesses in Seattle that's highly unlikely."

"Well I'll let you know one thing, I'll try my best not to let her bait me, but there'll come a point when I let her have it back."

I turned, glancing at him over my shoulder and grinned. "I don't care. It would be the least she deserved."

"Again, I have to ask, why haven't you ever stood up to her?"

"You know, I can say I'm scared, which is true, but the truth is some small part of me hopes she'll wake up one day and change."

"How would she know she know to change if you never tell her?"

"Divine intervention?" I suggested meekly.

Jake snorted and handed me the sponge. "I don't think divine interventions has anything to do with it. You have to tell her before she'll change."

I sighed. "I know. You ready to get out; the water's starting to get cold."

It was still raining when we got out of the shower. I wrapped the plush Turkish cotton towel around me and wandered into the closet, skimming through the appropriate dresses hanging there.

"Bella?" Jake called from the bedroom.

"In here," I answered taking three dresses down and looking at them with Renee-like discrimination, weighing the pros and cons of each dress.

Jake leaned against the doorframe, the towel slung low on his hips. "What would you recommend I wear?"

I turned to him, the three dresses in my hand. "Whatever would look good with this," I said, waving the dresses in my hand.

"Okay. My recommendation is the red one," he replied pointing a poppy red, silk, Martin Grant dress with batwing sleeves.

"I don't like that one," I replied.

"You don't like it or you don't think your mother would approve?" he questioned.

"My mother bought that dress," I retorted.

"Ahh, suddenly its clear."

I smirked at him and hung two of the three dresses back up. "I'm going to wear this one," I said shaking the black cashmere Narcisco Rodriguez off-the-shoulder dress at him.

"That one's plain," he said.

I turned it around revealing the sheer back and he smiled. "I take it back, that dress is definitely not boring."

I dressed and went to run a brush through my hair. Jude was sitting on the edge of the bed slipping on his shoes when I walked by. "Do I look good enough for Renee Swan?" he called.

I leaned around the door and laughed. "Screw her. You look good enough for me and that's all that counts."

I fixed my hair and put some make up on, the butterfly activity in my stomach steadily increasing with each passing second. By the time we were ready to leave, I felt dizzy and nauseous. "Come on," Jake said. "Let's go and get this over with."

* * *

It was still raining as we made the trek uptown to Campbell Hill. I sat in the passenger seat of the Impala and gave Jake directions in shaky breaths. With five minutes to spare, he pulled up alongside the curb of my parent's house and gazed at it with trepidation. "Your parents have a nice place," he said as he looked over the flagstone path and porch, both glowing softly in the twilight. Buttery light shone out the living room windows.

I knew enough not to be fooled by the homey look the house oozed. Contained within those walls were years of bad memories. I shook my head. "Come on," I said glancing at the clock on the dash. "If we sit here any longer my mother will have a conniption fit. Just to reiterate, my mom's name is Renee; dad is Charlie though she calls him Charles. Victoria is my sister, her husband's name is James, and their kids are Jane and Alec."

"Renee, Charlie, Victoria, James, Jane, and Alec. Got it. Alright lets go." Jake got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door for me.

"Thank you."

He held my hand tenderly as we walked toward the house. I could feel my heart racing my palms were sweaty.

"Take a deep breath," he murmured as we went up the steps. Renee met us at the door dressed in her usual family dinner get up, a black dress reminiscent of something Jackie Kennedy would have worn and the trademark pearl necklace at her throat. Her plain black pumps clicked on the hardwood floor as she opened the door with a false smile.

"Good evening," she said stiffly.

"Hello Mother," I replied. I walked through the door instantly feeling like I was being strangled.

Jake offered Renee his hand. "Jacob Black," he said formally. "It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Swan."

Renee gingerly took Jake's hand and shook it briefly. I didn't know what she expected, I'm sure it was the worst though; my dating track record hadn't been spotless. Over the years, I dated a Jim, a Jack, and a Johnny or two. Alice had once offered to set me up with a guy named Jose. I declined, not because he was Hispanic, but because I was afraid of what people would say if I told her I'd dated men whose names could all be associated with the liquor aisle. "Ahh, Jacob," she said, her voice rather aloof. "And here I was expecting the Jose to finally come strolling through my front door."

Jake shot me a quizzically glance which I waved off. "I'll tell you later," I whispered.

Charlie strolled into the room and opened his arms towards me. "Baby girl," he cried.

"Hi Daddy," I said leaning in to hug him.

"How are you?" he asked and wagged his brow at Jake.

"I'm good and be nice, you'll like him."

"Army?" he asked, sizing Jake up.

"Marine," I answered. "He's going to Iraq."

"When?"

"Next week."

Charlie nodded but didn't comment. "How long have you known him?"

I bit my lip, stalling. "Long enough," I finally said.

The inner bitch cheered me on. _Mysterious yet not too mysterious; that's a good enough answer for him._

Charlie let me go and headed toward Jake as Renee turned her sites on me. I swallowed as she walked past me. "Come help your sister and me in the kitchen Isabella," she commanded and like the pathetic little puppy I was, I followed.

Victoria was standing in the kitchen looking like she just stepped out of the spring issue of Vogue magazine. Her flaming red hair was parted to the side and flowed loosely down her shoulders in a cascade of tamed curls, which completely complimented the smart, business-chic Dior crisscross sheath dress she donned; the lace hem peeked out, resting femininely on her bare knees.

"Hello Bella," she said looking down her perfect nose at me.

"Hello," I said. I braced myself mentally for the assault. Renee didn't need my help; this was just a ploy to get me alone. Victoria smiled like a lion about to devour its prey, and picked up the martini glass sitting on the counter before her.

"Mother says you have a new boyfriend. What happened to the other one? Did your insufferable whining drive him away as well?"

I turned away from her, my cheeks steadily growing warm.

"Yes, what did happen to the tattooed hooligan?" Renee echoed from beside Victoria.

"I murdered him and then cut his body into a million little pieces which I promptly shoved down the garbage disposal. God the mess was horrible, but it satisfactorily got rid of the body." The words were out of my mouth before I even had the change to think twice about what to say.

They both gaped at me. I laughed stiffly and said, "I'm kidding. He…moved. To New York, it was something about his, um, brother's, uh, tattoo shop. They needed him to come back because it was really busy and so he went," the lie spilled from my lips. it wasn't even a good lie, but if Renee and Victoria didn't believe it, they didn't say so.

A timer dinged and Renee turned to the stove without so much as a word and pulled out a large, perfectly browned, roast. My mouth watered at the sight. Renee might be Satan incarnate but she _could_ cook her ass off.

"Victoria," she said, "Please go tell your father, James, and Isabella's friend that dinner is about to be served."

Victoria waltzed out of the kitchen like the obedient daughter she was leaving Renee and I alone in the kitchen. We stood in awkward silence. I watched as she set the pan on a hot pad on the counter and shut the oven. "There's an open bottle of red in the dining room if you care for some."

Grateful for the escape I mumbled my thanks and hurried toward the dining room, bumping into Jake. "You okay?" he asked grasping my arms steadying me.

I nodded. "Nothing I can't handle. I'm having a glass of wine. Do you want one?"

"Here I'll get it for you."

I handed him two glasses and he poured the burgundy wine into each. I thanked him and swallowed it in one sip. "Easy there lush," he joked softly and refilled the glass.

"Just watch. They've already made their digs about my ex and me running him off. Next it will be because I'm not married, then the dig about not having kids. After that they'll talk smack about my job, my car, my apartment and then…"

"Then?" Jake prompted.

"Then they'll start in on you or about you."

Jake raised an eyebrow in dubious disbelief. "Just watch," I murmured and we sat down.

"So Bella," Victoria started in her false lets-pretend-we're-friends voice. "Do you think you'll make Mother and Daddy happy and finally get married this year?"

_Do you think you could choke to death on a green bean so we can go home? _The inner bitch mocked in the same sing-songy tone.

Jake patted my leg under the table and said, "If I wasn't leaving for Iraq next week I'm sure that would definitely be the agenda, but seeing as how the government has other plans for me, I don't foresee us marrying. At least not this year."

_Score, one Jake, Victoria none, _I thought smugly. Then, _whoa, he wants to get _married? _Surely he said that just to shut her up. Still…it wouldn't be that bad being married to him. _ I smiled to myself, feeling the warm tingles that accompanied the thought of being Special Forces Jake's wife.

"So then you have plans to marry Isabella?" Renee asked. Her face was pale and she seemed shocked that someone would even consider marrying me. The woman was a walking contradiction. Get married, but oh wait he wants to marry you? Ew, gross. It was nerve-racking.

"Ma'am, with all due respect, plans are overrated. What I feel today I might not feel in a week, a month or even a year from now. The same thing goes for Bella. She might feel something different for me when I come back from Iraq, but that's a bridge we'll have to cross when we get there."

Renee flapped her jaw, seemingly speechless. I wanted to get up and rub her face in it.

"It's okay," Victoria said, picking up for the stunned Renee. "Bella is flighty. I give her six months before she's bored with you. Why do you think she's still single?"

"Um, maybe it's because I'm not a-"

Victoria held up her perfectly manicured hand cutting me off. "It doesn't matter," she said. "No man wants a woman like you; you're totally clueless when it comes to what a man wants in a wife."

"Your sister has a point," Renee said finally finding her voice. "You work the most ridiculous hours, you live in that god forsaken apartment, you behavior is completely uncouth and unbecoming of a lady. You weren't raised that way; I just don't know where I went wrong with you. Look at your sister; she has James and my gorgeous grandchildren. James has a fabulous job, you sister had a successful practice and little Jane just got into The Bush School."

I bit the inside of my cheek, willing back the tears that were threatening to fall. Across the table Victoria smirked, satisfied with herself for hitting a nerve within me. At the head of the table, Charlie quietly sat eating his dinner, chewing on a green bean. He never stuck up for me, he just sat there quietly and let Renee, and Victoria pick at me.

Beside Victoria, James as well, sat quietly eating his dinner, a pinched look on his face. He wasn't a bad person, at least I didn't think so, but then again he never really said much more than hello, how are you and goodbye.

Jane and Alec sat beside their father completely oblivious to the mounting tension in the room. Beside me, Jake sat tense, his hand rubbing my thigh. Finally I looked at Renee and said, "Well I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you mother."

Renee smiled sweetly, "Its okay dear. We'll make a woman out of you somehow. Jane, darling, are you excited to attend The Bush School."

Jane smiled sweetly and answered. I looked down at my plate, pushing the mashed potatoes around, hiding the green beans within their fluffy confines. I felt like I was going to be sick. I was used to hearing the criticism, but it went to a whole other level that Jake had to bear witness to it as well.

Halfway through dinner, he leaned toward me, his breath warm on my ear. "Are you okay?"

"Mhmm. I'll be fine." It was a lie – I seemed to be doing a lot of that tonight, I noticed – but he didn't call me on it.

After the last bites had been taken, the dishes whisked away, and desert produced, we resumed our places at the table and ate pie. This time, though, the conversation was directed toward a criminal James was defending, or prosecuting I had no idea. I ate my pie in silence, waiting for the evening to be over.

Then it was. Almost.

I was in the half bath just off the kitchen. Renee and Victoria were in the kitchen talking. I could hear their conversation clear as day.

"Do you think they're really dating?" Victoria asked.

"I think he's using her," Renee answered. "There's just something off about the whole thing. A month ago, she was dating the vagabond, and now she's desperately in love with this marine fellow? It doesn't make sense."

"I bet they met in a club and had a one night stand and now she's pregnant. You did notice that didn't you. She's pudgy, and her breasts are bigger."

I wiped the tears away as I sat on the toilet listening to them cackle about me like a couple of hens in the hen house. Heavy footsteps trod past the door, continuing toward the kitchen, stopping just outside the door.

"I did notice that. I am willing to bet that she is pregnant and that he is just going to go off to Iraq, if that's even true, and she won't ever hear from him again. Then Isabella will be saddled with an unwanted child and a deadbeat who got her pregnant."

I heard the kitchen door swing open, the heavy footsteps thundered into the kitchen. "You know what?" Jake exploded.

_Oh shit_, I thought and wiped my nose, hurrying after him to stop whatever he was about to say and do.

"I've sat here all night and listened to you two pick at and nag and rip Bella apart. Why? Because she's not as bitchy as you two are? You stand here pretending to be so refined and so proper, and so amazing and you're not. You are two of the worst people I have ever met, EVER! And that says a lot because I have met some really scummy people. I mean scum of the earth, blow up airplanes, and kill thousands of people because they're on some kind of holy crusade."

"Jake," I hissed grabbing his arm.

"No Bella, I'm not going to sit here and listen to this…this...Shit, anymore. Someone needs to put them in their place and god love you sweetheart, you love them for some unseen reason and won't do it, but I will because I care about you." He turned from me back to Renee and Victoria who both looked like they'd been slapped and had horse manure thrown at them.

"For your information I _am_ a marine, second, Bella is not pregnant, and if she was, then you bet you high strung ass I would be there for her and that baby every second that she wanted me around. You two stand here and belittle her every opportunity you get. Do you even know the kind of woman she is? She works hard at her job because she loves it, her apartment is beautiful, and as for being umarriable and ignorant as to what a man wants, to that I say, are you insane? This woman has shown me so many sides of her in such a short time and she knows exactly how to make a man happy because she makes me happy."

Renee and Victoria stood there in stunned silence. Renee's mouth moved, open, shut, open shut, but no sound escaped. Finally, she sputtered, "You're going to let him speak to me, your mother, that way Isabella?"

"Yes," the inner bitch spat taking over before I had the chance to form a coherent thought. "Yes, mother I am because everything he said is right. You treat me like a pariah, like there's something wrong with me because I'm not like you and it's no wonder I'm not like you. Look at the way you behave, at the way you treat people. I never want to be like that. You're mean, you're cruel, and petty, if that's what you want me to be you can forget it. As for you Victoria, well you're just a bitch. You always have been and you probably always will be. Maybe you should tell Mother what kind of bitch you really are, tell her how you got pregnant by that Nicolas guy, the one you cheated on James with in college. Tell her how he got you pregnant but you couldn't tell James because he had just asked you to marry him so you got an abortion and how I know because you came home drunk one night and sat in the middle of my bedroom floor crying, spilling your guts to me."

Renee turned from me to Victoria. "Is that true?" she hissed.

Victoria stared wide eyed at me, glancing back and forth between my mother and me.

"Is it true?" my mother shrieked.

I stepped back and watched the precarious house of cards come tumbling down. "Its true," I said. "But it won't matter because I'm the screw up; I'm the black sheep of the family so stop standing there pretending to be so indignant mother." I turned to Jake who looked just as shocked as Renee and saw Charlie and James standing behind him. Then I felt bad. James looked devastated. "I'm sorry," I told him. "Come on Jake, let's go."

I started toward the hall. "Isabella Marie stop right there!" Renee shouted.

I stopped and turned to her. "What mother?"

"I can't believe you. You come into my house and cause this kind of chaos-"

"Oh shut up mother. You brought this on yourself. If you could stop being so…so…god if you could just stop hating what I'm not and love what I am this never would have happened."

I grasped Jake's hand in mine; my whole body shook as we walked out of the house. "I can't believe that just happened," I said, exhaling as we hurried down the front steps. I leaned against Jake, my knees were weak, and I felt faint.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should have just kept my mouth shut; I was really out of line."

I held my index finger up, pressing it to his lips. "Shh. Its fine, it was bound to happen sooner or later, and probably sooner rather than later. It's okay. I mean, yeah I probably shouldn't have spilled Victoria's secret like that, but whatever, the bitch had it coming." I crossed my arms across my chest and stuck my chin out defiantly. "Now come on. Let's go home, we're running out of time and I refuse to let them have any more of it."

He opened the door of the Impala and I slid in, glancing up at the house, amazed that it still looked as friendly and warm as it did when we pulled up despite the chaos that had ensued this evening. As Jake pulled away, a figure stepped onto the porch and stood silently watching the car pull away. "Bye daddy," I whispered.

"You say something babe?"

"No," I murmured. "I didn't say anything."

On the drive across town, we stopped for something to eat, and then continued on home. I felt strangely relieved, as if I'd been carrying this weight around and was now relieved of it. I think I was in shock. All my life I dreamed of telling the pair of them where to stick and in one night I told them both where to go.

Together we rode the elevator and I let us into the dark apartment. "Should've turned on the light," I muttered. From across the room I could see the red light on the phone flashing, signaling a voicemail.

"Leave it," Jake said following my gaze to the phone. "Come on, let's get out of these clothes, and relax."

I followed Jake down the hall, the bed in the center of my called to me. I slipped off my dress and slipped on a tank top then slipped into bed. Jake followed, dressed only in his boxers.

"You ever hear a song called Brass Bed?" I asked him as we lay down.

"No, I don't think so, why?"

"Just wondering."

"What's the song about?" Jake asked.

"This guy who was on American Idol a while back sings it. It's this song about this guy and this girl. he wants her to stay with him, how he doesn't want her to leave him, and they should just stay in bed and lock the rest of the world out. it's fitting given the current situation."

Jake laughed softly. "there are a lot of songs fitting the given situation," he replied.

"Yeah, well this one is perfect. It's like if life had a perfectly orchestrated soundtrack that song would be the one playing right about now. We're kinda like Romeo and Juliet. Have you seen that movie?"

"I saw parts of the one with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio," he offered. "is that the one you mean?"

"Mhmm. There's one part, right after the Prince banishes Romeo for killing Mercutio, where Romeo and Juliet are in bed together, and the dawn is coming, he comments about it and fickle Juliet says it's not the sun and it's not the lark and it's just not as late as Romeo says it is. That's kind of how the song starts. Here, listen."

I scrambled out of bed and fiddled with the radio, skipping through the tracks on the CD until I found the song. Haunting violin played for a few bars before the guitar and drums picked up. I quickly hopped back into bed and listening to the song.

_Baby, the clock on the wall is lying_

_It's not really that late_

Jake smiled and listened to the rest of the song.

_Why don't you stay with me?_

_Share all your secrets tonight_

_We can make believe the morning sun never will rise_

_Come and lay your head on this big brass bed_

_And we'll be alright as long as you stay with me."_

I rubbed my arms; it was cold in my room. I cuddled closer to Jake as I tried to get warm. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm freezing," I replied.

"Oh well here then." He pulled a navy blue Penn State hooded sweatshirt off the back of the chair in the corner and tossed it to me. "Take my sweater."

"Aww thanks," I said as I scrambled into the sweater. "Can I keep it while you're gone?"

He nodded and said, "yeah but you have to give me something of yours in return."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, surprise me."

"Okay. Stay here I'll be right back."

I scampered out of bed and dashed to the closet. Half a lifetime ago, Alice and I snuck off to see this concert in Spokane. I can't remember who it was that we went to see but they had this band opening for them whose name was Obscure Band You've Never Heard Of. I thought the name of the band was hilarious so I bought a tee shirt. ten years later the band succumbed to obscurity and was never heard from again. Jake said I had a thing for obscure band; the tee shirt was perfect.

"Here," I said tossing the shirt at him.

"Obscure band you've never heard of," he said reading the shirt. "How ironic is that."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"I love it," he said pulling the shirt over his head. "Now get back to bed."

"You're a nerd. What time do you have to be at the airport tomorrow?"

"Eleven," he answered with a sigh. "I'd give anything not to have to go."

"I know," I said softly. "Do you have all your stuff ready to go?"

"Yeah, I packed it all up before we left for your parent's house."

"What are you going to do with your car?" I asked.

"I'm going to leave it at the airport, then my mom or Richard will just go and pick it up and park it at their place while I'm gone."

"You don't want me to take you to the airport?"

"I didn't want to assume, you know, that you wanted to take me."

"I do want to take you."

"Okay. We have to leave at nine. Security is a nightmare."

"I know."

"Okay."

We spent the next couple hours talking softly in the moonlight as a light sprinkling of rain tapped against the bedroom window. Sometime after midnight, the conversation petered off and we both fell asleep. The morning came too soon. I awoke sometime after six, mentally and emotionally drained but wide awake.

Dragging myself out of bed I quietly tiptoed to the door, careful not to wake Jake as I went to the office in the next room. It was corny, what I was about to do, but part of me didn't care. Part of me knew that it was a risk I wanted to take. I'd spent so much of my life being afraid, afraid of what my mother, my sister, other people, of what they would think of the things I did and after telling them off last night, I realized I no longer cared. Why should I? This was my life and no one else's. I was the one who had to face the person in the mirror every night. Me and me alone.

I opened the computers disc drive and inserted a blank CD, then opened the media player. I sat, shuffling through songs in my playlist, putting them into the window to burn, rearranging them so they played in the order I wanted.

Then I got frustrated. As I sat in the grey morning light listening to the CD, it was depressing. I miss you, one song said, come home soon, said another. Don't worry I'll be fine, claimed a third. This was going to make him want to off himself, not come home safe and sound.

I heard the click of the door and froze. "Bella?" Jake mumbled his voice thick with sleep. "What are you doing?" he asked.

I turned in the chair, taking in the sight of him, his rumpled boxers, the tufts of hair standing up at odd angles, indentations in his skin from the blankets. I sighed sadly. That was a sight I was going to miss. "I was going to make you a CD," I said softly. "You know something to remind you of me."

He smiled and shuffled across the floor. "Can I see what you've got on there?"

I stood and offered him the seat. Jake sat down absentmindedly rubbing his eyes. "_Dear You, Brass Bed, Sweater Song, Come Home Soon, Hold Onto Hope Love_," he murmured the names of the songs as he read, scrolling down the list until he got to the last song. "I And Love And You. I like the names of the songs. Will you burn it for me?"

"Sure."

He smiled and dropped a kiss on my warm cheek as he got up. "I'm stoked," he yawned. "My very first mix tape."

"You've never gotten a mix tape before?" I asked incredulously.

"Nope," Jake said shaking his head.

"Wow. I have a whole shoebox full of them in my closet. Each one more embarrassing than the last."

"Lucky girl. I'll have to make you one and send it to you."

"I'd like that."

I made his CD, he went to get dressed, and double check he had all his things packed. As the clock got closer and closer to nine my heart beat sped up and slowed down at the same time. At five minutes to nine, we walked out of the house, one hideously green duffel bag in tow.

At the airport, I parked the car and walked into the terminal with Jake. We walked through the quiet airport and through a food court that was just coming to life, the heavy smell of Starbucks and Cinnabons hung deliciously in the air. I inhaled the fragrant aroma and Jake laughed. "Smells good doesn't it?"

I nodded and pulled the sleeves of his sweater over my hands. I could feel my calm façade starting to crack. Tears were imminent. We stopped right before security and sat down at an empty table. "So," he said softly. "This is it."

I nodded, blinking furiously against the tears. _I will not cry, I will not cry_, I chanted to myself.

"I'm going to miss you something fierce," he said coming around the other side of the table.

The damn broke and the tears spilled forth. "I'm going to miss you too,"' I blubbered. "Promise you'll write and call and email me all the time."

"I promise. Promise you'll write back."

"I promise."

He held me close for a few minutes, periodically glancing at his watch. "Okay," he finally said standing up. "I should probably get going."

I stood up, wrapping my arms around his neck. Jake pulled me against him and held me tight. _Remember this_, I told myself. _Remember the way his arms feel as they hold you; remember the smell of his cologne and the feel of his fingers as they brush your cheek. Remember the color of his eyes and dimple in his left cheek. Remember….remember….remember._

Then he put those fingers on my cheeks, softly gripping my face in the palms of his hands. "We are together even when we're far apart. When you see the sunset, you think of me, think of the ferry to Bainbridge Island, and know that no matter where we are, we can both see the sunset."

Fat tears rolled down my cheeks. "Come home soon," I sobbed as he kissed me.

"I will. I'll be home before you know it."

He kissed me one last time, released my face, and hoisted his duffel bag over his shoulder. With one last glance over his shoulder, he blew me a kiss then disappeared into the security checkpoint and was gone.

I turned and went back to my car. When I got inside, I locked the doors and cried like my heart had just been torn out of my chest.

* * *

**Reviews are better than growing a pair and telling your mom and sister where to stick it.**

Chapter Title:_ Elsewhere_ by Bethany Joy Galeotti (if you're CW obsessed like me, Sarah McLaughlin if you're not)

_While My Guitar Gently Weeps_ by The Jeff Healey Band

_Dear You_ by Josh Auer

_Brass Bed _by Josh Gracin

_Sweater Song_ by Hedley (this song is partly what inspired this story)

_Come Home Soon_ by SheDaisy

_Hold Onto Hope Love _by Amy Stroup

_I And Love And You_ by the Avett Brothers


	18. It Is What It Is

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

Aww...I'm sorry for the tears...I tried not to..(it so wasn't my intention)...I figured we'd get Special Forces opinion on leaving (lol that is now Jake's new nickname because it is totally awesome) still trying to figure out how to make a year pass in less than a million chapters...as soon as I figure that out we'll be good to go...

**Jake**

The rain followed me from Seattle to New York. The plane touched down at JFK with a thud and rolled smoothly toward the terminal. I sighed and fidgeted in my seat, anxious to talk to Bella. She handled my departure better than I thought she would. Not that it was a bad thing, I just worried that because she held it together so well she would fall apart that much harder later.

The plane came to a halt outside the gate and workers began readying the aircraft for debarking. There was a flurry of activity as the passengers around me began to rise and collect their baggage out of the overhead bins. I grabbed my duffel bag out from under the seat in front of me and rose, moving into the aisle as the patrons began moving toward the exit.

Shuffling behind them, I reached into my pocket powering up my cell phone. "Goodbye. Thank you. Have a nice day," a flight attendant said with a smile as I walked past her.

"Thanks," I said exiting the plane. My legs were stiff from the long flight and they ached as I walked stiffly toward my connecting flight. The phone jingled in my hand and I looked down at it.

_One new text message. Read now?_ it prompted. I selected yes and read the message.

**From: Bella**

**Date: Saturday 2:34 pm**

**Just wanted to say I miss you and I hope you had a safe flight. Miss you. Call me when you can. XOXO **

I snapped the phone shut and continued through the airport, grabbing a bite to eat at a crowded Burger King on my way to my gate. I sat down in a pale grey seat closest to the window and pulled my phone out, trying to eat a Whopper, balance a Dr. Pepper on my knee and dial, all at the same time. The soda tipped, splashing to the ground in a puddle of syrup and ice. Sighing, I picked up the cup, scooping the ice back into it. This trip was not getting off to a good start. First the flight in Seattle was delayed by two hours because of the weather, then the trip to New York was shaky as hell, more than once I thought the plane was going to crash.

Now this.

I got up and threw the cup away and sat back down, picking up the cell phone and dialing Bella back in Seattle.

"Hello?" Bella said with a sob.

"Hi sweetheart."

"Hi," she replied.

"How are you?"

Bella sobbed into the phone, sniffling. "Okay, I guess."

"Well now that we've gotten that out of the way, how are you really?"

"Uh, well I've been better. "

"What's going on?"

"I miss you," she sniffed.

I frowned, hating that I knew this was going to happen. "I miss you too," I said softly into the phone. "You know, if you wanted to, you could always come to Virginia until I leave." I wanted to take the words back as soon as they left my mouth. Saying goodbye once was hard enough, if she came to Virginia saying goodbye a second time would be murder.

Heavy silence hung over the line as I pictured Bella contemplating my invitation. Finally she spoke. "You know, as great as that sounds, I don't think I could take that much time off work, especially after all the time I took off last week. I hope you're not offended."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "No, I'm not, not at all. I just thought I'd let you know that coming out here, if you wanted, was always an option."

"Thanks Jake. I appreciate that."

"Anytime sweetheart. But on a serious note, are you really okay?"

She sighed and I imagined her running her hands through her hair as she sat on the couch, a throw pillow pressed against her chest, her legs tucked under her at a jaunty angle. "It's all sort of surreal. If I weren't talking to you right now I would seriously be sitting here wondering if you even really existed."

"I'm sorry I'm putting you through this," I said automatically. I was sorry, but I wasn't. I wouldn't trade this past week for anything, nor would I trade meeting and falling for Bella. She changed my life, and I wouldn't take it back if given the chance.

"No!" she said forcefully. "Don't be sorry. I wouldn't trade this last week for anything. Meeting you – I don't know if you'll ever know how much that changed me."

I smiled, thinking to myself how in tune the two of us were. "I was just thinking the same thing," I told her.

"See," she laughed. "That proves it. We belong together. I'll be fine, I swear, it's just going to take some time. But enough of that, how was your flight?"

"It was good," I lied. "Nice and smooth."

"Are you in Virginia?"

"No, not yet. I had a forty-five minute layover in New York, then onto Virginia."

"Ew, are you at JFK?"

"Yeah. It's a nightmare."

Bella laughed, her mood rapidly improving. "It is. Anytime I have to go to New York on business I always try to fly into La Guardia. It's not as chaotic."

"Yeah."

We talked until they announced the final boarding call for my flight. "Okay I have to go, they're boarding my flight."

"Okay. Call me when you get to Virginia."

"I will."

I hung up, shutting my phone off and boarded the plane. This time the plane took off as scheduled and landed in Virginia after a smooth two-hour flight. I called Bella as I walked down the terminal toward the baggage claim. Her voicemail picked up so I left a message asking her to call me back when she got the chance.

The weather in Virginia was warm and breezy as I walked through the thickening dusk, toward the long-term parking. My truck was exactly where I left it, no worse for the wear but covered in a fine film of yellow pollen and black exhaust. I tossed my bag in the bed and unlocked the door, throwing my knapsack in before climbing inside the stuffy cab.

I inserted the keys into the ignition and dug around in my knapsack, searching for Bella's CD. It was at the bottom beneath a James Patterson novel and a pack of gum. I pulled it out and smiled at the little hearts she'd drawn on the top.

_To Jake,_ she'd scrawled across the top in between the hearts. _Hope this makes you think of me. _I plucked the CD from its case and inserted it into the player, waiting, listening as the whirl of the mechanics started, reading the disc leading to the eventual dispelling of music.

The first song began in an upbeat tempo of strumming guitar and sporadic piano. I listened as the man began to sing.

_Here's a thought  
It's all that we've got in the world  
If we let it be  
We're only as good as the fall_

_Dear you  
I say that you're the only one for me  
Say that I will never ever leave  
Dear you  
I see the future growing old again  
Settle down with no other girl in the world_

At the end of the first chorus I skipped to the next song. As the song played I recognized it as the same song she played for me last night, the one about the bed. I skipped it and went to the next song. It began with an acoustic guitar and was quickly joined by piano, and much like the first, a man began singing, his voice marginally different than the first two singers.

_She said baby don't leave  
Be home, stay close, be close to me  
Boy don't' be gone  
He said baby you know  
I gotta run, I gotta go  
I won't be long, girl I won't be long_

The first verse caught my attention as I pulled out of the airport and onto the highway. I listened with half an ear as I headed toward the base, the song playing in the background.

_She said boy don't you flirt  
And baby please just don't get hurt  
And if you feel alone then here take my shirt  
He said forever girl I know you hate the weather girl  
So maybe you should hold onto my sweater girl  
_

_She ran picked up the phone  
Said babe I miss you come back home  
It can't be long, boy it can't be long  
He said I hate this place  
I miss your smile I miss your face  
I wrote a song, girl I wrote a song_

_She said you make me better boy  
I just mailed you a letter boy  
And oh just so you know I'm still in your sweater boy  
He said girl don't be hurt  
I've sweat a lot and smell of dirt  
And I think I'd feel naked without your shirt_

I smiled as the song ended. It reminded me a lot of the two of us. The CD continued playing, the songs were somewhat sad, but they definitely made me think of her and more than a few I recognized.

As I pulled up to the gate my phone rang. I ignored it as I flashed my I.D. to the guard at the gate. He waved me on and I pulled onto the base and headed toward my command to check in off leave. Technically I still had about 12 hours of leave but it would just be easier to check in now than have to wake up early on a Sunday.

The white building was ghostly as I pulled into the vacant parking lot. Shutting off the truck I cut that Miley Cyrus chick off mid-wail and breathed a sigh of relief. Stepping into the cool night, I jogged toward the building, the roar of engines could be heard faintly as cars sped across the Hampton Roads Bridge tunnel just across the Chesapeake Bay. The sound, as well as the silence was oddly comforting.

I pulled to door open to the Nimitz Hall and stepped into the hushed lobby. Two marines sat behind a desk, One stared at the ceiling, a bored, vacant look on his face, the other sat skimming though the current issue of _Sports Illustrated_. The only sound in the lobby was the scratchy turning of the page.

I reached into my pocket and withdrew my leave slip, unfolding it as I approached the desk. The marine staring at the ceiling focused his gaze on me and upon seeing the leave slip in my hand withdrew the liberty log, turning to the current page. I gave each a nod as I handed them my slip and my I.D. I watched as my check-in time was recorded in the log and my slip signed and stamped. I slid it off the desk and thanked them, turning on my heel and heading back to the parking lot.

That was reason number 367 why I liked being a marine. You didn't have to engage in small talk while completing menial tasks such as this. You could walk in, hand them your leave papers and get checked in without answering a hundred different questions about how many chicks you fucked while you were away. It made life simple and simple was, in this case, good.

I climbed back into the truck and noticed I had a voicemail from Bella. I started the truck and headed toward the barracks figuring I'd call her when I was settled in.

The barracks was a tall, shit brown building that sort of resembled a hotel. Each room had a sliding glass door and a balcony encased by a metal railing, the same shit brown color of the building. As I pulled up, Tim McGraw and Lil Wayne were battling over the airspace, the rednecks on the north end of the building were blaring their music trying to overtake the guys who were into rap and hip-hop at the south end of the building.

_It's going to be a long night_, I thought as I grabbed my bag out of the bed of the truck.

Several people called hello as I entered the barracks. I walked up to the desk and showed my I.D, waiting as the new kid behind the desk printed out my room assignment. Behind me, a door squeaked open and banged shut. A group of laughing girls entered the lobby and cackled as they walked to the entrance. The young kid behind the desk, who looked like he was fresh out of boot camp, came back with a computer printout and a room key.

"Here you go Staff Sergeant. Room 230. Your check out date is this coming Friday at zero-six-hundred."

"Thanks," I said taking the key and slip of paper. I hoisted my bag over my shoulder and made my way to the elevator opposite the check in desk.

As the doors slid closed I was once again enveloped in silence. Then the doors open and rap music assaulted my ears. I winced and stepped off the elevator turning to the left, walking toward my room. I felt like I was in a college dorm room. Doors were propped open, music was playing or TVs were blaring. I passed one room, the door was propped open with a wooden chair and seated on the floor of the kitchenette was a group of five people surrounding shot glasses. The tell-tale bounce of a ping pong ball echoed on the floor and made a faint splash into one of the shot glasses. The group cheered and a girl groaned, picking up a shot glass and throwing it back.

Up ahead, in a dark doorway, a thin, short blonde had her arms wrapped around the waist of a muscular Hispanic with a barb-wire tattoo running up his forearm, the pair locked in a steamy embrace. I felt like I'd left reality and entered the twilight zone. It was all so bizarre. I glanced at the number plaques on the doors, hurrying down the hallway to my room.

When I got there, I unlocked the door and held it open with the toe of my shoe, relieved to find it not only vacant, but a one-man room. I walked into the room, letting the door slam behind me, and flicked on the light.

The inside was similar to a cheap rent by the week hotel room. The door opened to a small kitchen, equipped with a sink, microwave and a squat refrigerator. To the right was the bathroom, a small wall separated the kitchen from the bedroom – if you could call it that. It was just a full sized bed shoved against one wall and a dark chest of drawers with the obligatory TV bolted to the top of it. A small closet was opposite the room's sliding glass door. I dropped my bags on the floor in front of the bed and sat down, flipping open my cell phone.

I skipped listening to Bella's voicemail, deciding to call her instead. The phone rang only twice before she answered with a breathless, "Hello?"

"Hey it's me," I said in lieu of a greeting.

"Hi! How was your flight? Are you home?"

I looked around the room. You could hardly call it home, but I didn't tell her that. "Yeah, I'm home. I just checked into the barracks. I'm in my room and getting ready to shower and turn in for the night."

"The barracks?" Bella questioned.

"it's like temporary housing. I gave up my apartment before I went out there. I'm staying here until I leave."

"Oh, well that sounds sucky."

"Yeah, it's not that bad."

"Oh."

"Anyway, enough of that. How are you?"

"I'm…good."

She was either up to something, or not telling me the whole truth. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. "Okay well something but I don't want you to get upset about it."

"What's going on?"

"My mother, well more like my father, has been calling all day. He wants me to apologize to my mother for what happened last night. I stopped answering the phone three hours ago."

"He wants you to apologize?" I said in shock. "You didn't do anything wrong, hell, if anyone should be apologizing it should be her."

"I know this. You know this, but Renee is like that. I'm seriously considering changing my phone number."

I laughed. "That'll really show them. What are you going to do?"

"Not answer the phone. Scratch that, I'm going to unplug. You have my cell phone number right?"

"Yes."

"Good, because they don't."

"Your devious," I laughed.

"Why thank you. I try."

"I can see that. How about everything else, is everything else okay?"

"Oh yeah, peachy. I went out and spent ridiculous amounts of money on stuff I don't need. Rose is coming back from Vegas tomorrow with her husband, Alice and I are going to have lunch with them, which should be interesting. I bought her a wedding gift which is just weird, but whatever it's not my life."

"Try to have fun, maybe this guy makes her happy." I found the whole situation to be fucked up on all levels, but Rosalie wasn't my friend and it wasn't my place to judge. Going on what Bella told me, her fiancé, well ex-fiancé now, treated her like crap, maybe this was what he deserved.

"Yeah and maybe the pope is Jewish," Bella muttered.

"Imagine the scandal," I laughed.

"Tell me about it."

"How are you holding up?"

She didn't say anything and I immediately regretted asking, but I had to. I had to know she was okay, or at least as okay as she could be.

"I've been better," she admitted. "I don't know if it's really, and I mean _really_, hit me yet. I cried in the car after I dropped you off at the airport, then again when you called earlier. But after that, I feel okay. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I think it'll really hit me tonight when I go to bed. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I listened to the CD you made me."

"Did you like it?" she asked eagerly.

"Yeah, you'll have to tell me who sings what. There were a few songs I knew, a few singers I recognized but mostly it was stuff I didn't know. I liked it though."

"Good. I'm going to have to buy an extra iPod so I can fill it with music and send it to you."

"That would be cool. I could send it back to you with my music on it."

"Aw, cool."

I smiled at her seeming innocence. We talked until late in the night before finally hanging up. I was half-asleep as I snapped the phone shut and let it clatter to the floor.

I dreamt of Bella that night. When I awoke the next morning I felt sad to find that the dream was just that. I rolled over, dragging the blankets over my head and sought refuge in my dreams, Seeking a salve to a wound that had only just begun to ache.

* * *

Reviews are better than living in the twilight zone...lol

According to my sources...(lol I sound like a spy) it is technically possible for Jake to be a staff sergeant (an e-6) if he's been in the corp since he was seventeen but it also depends on his job...so just roll with it, okay..there's something kind of hot about the way staff sergeant rolls off the tongue..lol

Dear You – Josh Auer

Brass Bed – Josh Gracin

Sweater Song – Hedley

When I Look At You – Miley Cyrus

And if you care, the rest of the songs on the CD

When You Are Near – Carolina Liar

Distance And Time – Alicia Keys

Home – Daughtry

Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

Wake Me Up (When September Ends) – Green Day

Thinking Of You (Live) – Katy Perry

Somewhere Only We Know – Keane

Can't Breathe – Leona Lewis

Just Breathe – Pearl Jam

Unless – St. Lola In The Feilds

Hazy - Rosi Golan

My Hands – Leona Lewis

Thinking 'Bout You – Pat Monahan

Come Home Soon – SheDaisy

I And Love And You – The Avett Brothers

Chapter Title: It Is What It Is - Lifehouse


	19. Distance and Time

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

I had a total "duh" moment on how to handle their separation...I'm sure you dont want to read 12 months of mopey semi-depressed bella pov, so the other night at like 2 in the morning i had this idea...if you hate the way it is, let me know and I'll try something different...but anyway...I hope you like it...

**One Month down, Eleven to go**

**Bella  
**

Winter gives way to spring, releasing her icy fingers, allowing the ground to warm; flowers to bloom, even an occasional bird will sit in a park tree serenading passers-by with its happy tune. They joyous citizens break free of their bulky sweaters and heavy boots, allowing arms to be blessed upon by the warm suns golden rays.

Times can be happy from the inside looking out, but for those on the inside, hidden behind the places where the sun's rays do not yet reach, the day is long and bleak.

I stood at the window, looking out over Seattle, waiting for a response from Jake. It was well after midnight, I was tired and slightly cranky from my recent lack of sleep, but I wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice in my head as I read his words on the computer screen.

Finally the tell tale chime signaled the arrival of the email. I sank into the chair, bleary eyes darting to the inbox.

**From: Jimmy Choo**

**Subject: Light It Up**

I scowled and viciously jabbed the delete button. "Damn you Jimmy Choo," I muttered under my breath and resumed my pacing at the window, as if wearing away the exposed wood floor would make him write me back faster.

Discontent, I sat back down, opening his last email.

**From: Jake**

**To**: **Bella**

**Subject:** I And Miss And You

_Dear Bella,_

_It's about five thirty in the morning here, I hope you're still awake, if you're not, well good morning. I hope you have a great day. Its cool this morning, I think the thermometer said it was only 57. It won't stay that way for long; it'll be damn near 90 degrees by lunch. It hasn't rained in forever; the desert is dry and dusty. I swear I find dirt everywhere. Ever go the beach, then when you come home you find everywhere for weeks? That's what this is like. Enough of that, though. How are you? Did you ever get the situation with your parents resolved? I hope so; you shouldn't be at odds with them. But I guess if they aren't willing to change there's not much you can do. It'll hopefully work itself out. Hopefully. _

_I miss you like crazy. I have your picture next to my bed. The guys make comments. It's not too bad though, they're just a bunch of knuckleheads. I like waking up in the morning and seeing your smiling face. It kinda makes it feel like I never left. Kind of. _

_Well, now that I've probably depressed you half to death, I hope that you're doing good. I sent you a present. You should get it sometime between never and the day hell freezes over. _

_Always,_

_Jake. _

I had written a hasty response, just to see if he was still on the computer. Two hours went by and, silly me, I still sat here waiting. I sighed and clicked _reply._

**From: Bella**

**To: Jake**

**Subject:** Re: I And Miss And You

_Good morning, handsome,_

_It's after midnight and slowly creeping towards one in the morning here. I can't sleep. Its 45 degrees here and I'd love to say it hasn't rained in a month of Sundays but I'd be lying. Every time it rains, I think of that night we had dinner at the Edgewater and part of me wants to cry, but instead I smile. I save the tears for when I'm in bed alone and I realize the scent of your cologne has long since faded from my pillows. _

_Wow, that was poetically deep, even for me. _

_Now I'm smiling like a loon. _

_To answer your question, yes I've been to the beach, and no, I can't say I've ever had that issue. But I can imagine it must suck, having dirty everywhere all the time. It would drive me nuts._

_How am I? Well, I've been better. I won't lie, I miss you like crazy. I kinda feel like I'm missing a vital body part. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's how I feel, like someone cut off my arm, I know it's gone but my body refuses to admit it, it can still feel the phantom limb. I see your gone but some part of me keeps hoping I'll open the door and see you standing there. All in good time, I guess. _

_The situation with my mother has yet to resolve itself. A whole month of her sobbing phone calls, weeping into my voicemail that she doesn't know what she did wrong, and why would I treat her that way. My father stopped calling. I had it out with him, I told him he knew what happened, and that I was, maybe not right, but justified, for telling her off. He sighed and hung up on me without so much as a goodbye. As for my mother, well I don't know what to say to her. Every time she calls, I want to answer the phone but I have no idea what to say to her. So I just don't answer. _

_I keep your picture by my bed too. The only problem with that is I spend hours laying there staring at it and forget to sleep. No, I'm just kidding. It is almost like you didn't leave. Almost being the operative word there. I miss you like crazy too. I like presents, would it be too much for you to tell me what it is?_

_How are you? is it going smoothly over there? Have you heard from Liz? Does she like Miami? Oh, I met your mom the other day; she finally stopped by to pick up the keys to the impala. She is a beautiful woman, you look just like her. She invited me to have lunch with her sometime and she gave me her number. Is that okay if I have lunch with your mom?_

_Well, it's getting late; almost one now and I have to work in the morning. I miss you. stay safe and be careful._

_XO XO,_

_Bella_

_P.S. lol I so wanted to sign that gossip girl. That's what she says on the show: xoxo gossip girl. Okay shutting up now because I just made myself look like an ass. _

I sent the email and shut down the computer, rising wearily from the chair as the machine's hum quieted into slumberous silence.

A month, 30 whole days had passed since Jake left Virginia and flew to Iraq. 37 days since I'd last seen him. Every day that went by was a day closer to seeing him. At least that's what I told myself as I stood marking the days off the calendar, heavy black x's slashed through the days in angry defiance.

I trudged to the bedroom, wanting to stay awake, to clean, to do something other than sleep in the bed all alone. I stood in the doorway, eyeing it. How much my life had changed, I mused to myself. A month and a half ago I stood here happily musing the benefits of being single, of being deliciously unattached to anyone other than myself and now look at me, standing here seriously debating either downing a pot of coffee or sleeping on the couch.

I shook my head and went into my room, dragging my feet unwillingly toward the bed. It was just a bed and he was coming back in three hundred and thirty something days, quit being a pansy, the inner bitch snipped, lack of sleep making her more persnickety than usual.

I yanked the comforter back and slipped into the organic cotton sheets, reveling in the coolness of the pillowcase against my exhausted skin. I glanced at Jake's picture; pressing my index and middle fingers to my lips, I pressed a kiss against the photo. "I and love and you," I murmured before sleep washed over me.

**Jake**

I wanted to punch the archaic computer in front of me. It slowly loaded, finally restarting after having crashed for the fifth time in an hour. The heat was too much for the old machines and they crapped out regularly.

The screen prompted me to log in and I quickly tapped in my information, opening my email box, tapping my fingers on the sandy desk impatiently as the program synchronized with the email server and sluggishly retrieved my messages.

One by one, the emails appeared and I started with one from my mom.

**From: Mom**

**To: Jake**

**Subject**: Got your car and….

_Jake,_

_Dad and I picked up the Impala today; it is safely stored in the garage. Richard says not to worry, he'll take care of it while you're gone. I met your girlfriend, she is a sweetheart. I asked her to have lunch with me sometime so I can show her embarrassing baby photos of you. Hope that's okay. Everything here is fine, Liz is happy in Miami, she calls frequently and yells at Rich for not sending her there sooner. Hope all is well with you. let me know if you need anything. _

_Love you,_

_Mom and Dad._

I quickly typed my response and sent the email off. Passing by spam emails to make my penis larger or pills to make me last longer, I opened Bella's email, chucking for the umpteenth time at her email address.

I scanned her first message, then read her second, my eyes skimming the text and reading between the lines of her message. It must have been a bad night for her. I felt like I was being punched in the stomach by prize fighting heavy weight champions when I read the part about her saving her tears for when she's in bed alone and the scent of my cologne being gone.

I frowned at the screen, fingers idly tapping the keyboard. I had no idea how to respond to that. I clicked on _reply_ and sat staring at the blinking cursor on the otherwise blank field of the email.

**From: Jake**

**To: Bella**

**Subject:** Re: I And Miss And You

_Tennyson wrote a poem called _Maud, _it has all these different parts, eh, I don't know how to explain it, it's weird, and I'm no English scholar. But anyway, there's a line or a phrase in this part of the poem that goes like this._

Half the night I waste in sighs,

Half in dreams I sorrow after

The delight of early skies;

In a wakeful doze I sorrow

For the hand, the lips, the eyes,

For the meeting of the morrow

The delight of happy laughter,

The delight of low replies.

_This part reminds me of you though why exactly can't quite put my finger on it. I guess it's because I lay in my bed at night in this…well, it's basically a tent, and I stare at the ceiling and I wonder where you are, what you're doing. Then I close my eyes and I picture you sitting at your desk at work, staring out the window, a hand in your hair, twirling it around your index finger, counting down the days until we can see each other again and then I miss you all over again. I know it's hard to hear this, it's hard for me to hear how lonely you are, but there's never a moment that goes by where you aren't on my mind, or where I'm not thinking about you._

_The truth is that I miss you and that I wish I could be there. If I wasn't sitting here staring at the arid desert that surrounds me I wouldn't believe it either. It's all so surreal, even a month later. But the hardest part is behind us. The first month is the worst, once you get past that, the second month is easier, then the third and before you know it we're at the six month mark, and then after that it's all downhill. _

_So we take it a day at a time, we put one foot in front o the other and keep walking. Confucius, or maybe it was Lao-tzu, said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I'd walk a thousand miles just to get back to you._

_Now onto lighter subjects. Your gift. Yes, I will tell you what it is because, like I said, who knows when you'll get it. There is a jeweler in downtown Baghdad (if you can imagine Baghdad having a downtown) who makes these hand crafted gold charms. I bought a heart that has been cut in half and had a poem engraved on it. My Lieutenant is a big fan of E.E. Cummings and his work. There is one poem she recites to her daughter when she calls home called I Carry Your Heart With Me. It goes:_

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in  
my heart)I am never without it(anywhere  
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing, my darling).  
I fear  
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)I want.  
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true).  
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows  
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows  
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide).  
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)

_I had the jeweler engrave the opening lines of the poem on the halves of the heart. Yours says "I carry your heart with me; I carry it in my heart." Mine says "I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go my dear." I'm actually wearing mine right now. _

_My mom emailed me to let me know they picked up the Impala. She said she asked you to lunch and that she plans to show you embarrassing photos of me from when I was a baby. You can have lunch with her, and you don't need to ask me. I want you to meet her and get to know her. I think you'll like her. And speaking of mom's….don't let yours get you down. Either you two are going to work it out or you're not. I know that doesn't help, but it's the best advice I can offer you. _

_Now to answer the rest of your questions, I'm fine, everyday is different, but that's about all I can tell you. it's going smoothly, so far no issues. I have not heard from Liz but my mom said she loves Miami and she yells at my stepdad for not letting her go to Miami sooner. _

_Thank you, I'm sure my mom would be thrilled to hear you think she's beautiful. She said you were a sweetheart. _

_Well I have to get going, my supervisor just walked in the room and I'm pretty sure we're going to get our directives for the day. I'll check my mail later this afternoon before I grab some dinner. Have a great day at work and GET SOME SLEEP! _

_Always,_

_Jake_

_P.S. I have no idea what gossip girl is. Does that make me a bad boyfriend?_

I sent the email then shut the machine off, thankful that it didn't crash in the middle of my email. I got up, falling into ranks with the rest of my company, pushing Bella to the back of my mind. A distracted Marine was a dead Marine and a dead Marine wouldn't do her a damn bit of good. I let my thoughts linger for just a moment more, reaching up to run my fingers over the half heart that pressed against my tan tee-shirt then focused on the Lieutenant's commanding presence at the front of the room.

**Bella**

**Three months down, three months to the halfway mark**

I stared at the words marked on the calendar, repeating them like a mantra to myself. The days had blended together, completely insignificant, marked only by the emails and letters received. The stack of letters on the bedside table grew progressively larger as the weeks went by until it had grown so large I had to bind the envelopes together to keep them from toppling onto the floor.

I glanced at the calendar once more before turning to grab my car keys. I was meeting Sarah at a restaurant in Tacoma called the Pacific Grille. She and I had lunch one afternoon a few weeks ago and really hit it off. We talked regularly and she'd shown me pictures of Jake when he was a baby all the way up through his childhood and teenage years. I smiled at the photos of drooling baby Jake, and gapped tooth elementary Jake, then longer haired and rebellious looking teenaged Jake.

The forty-minute drive south to Tacoma took less time than I thought it would. I used the drive time to reflect on the last few months. Things had been crazy normal, which was weird to me because my own life felt like it was in such turmoil. I still had that suspended animation feeling, like I was still stuck on the day Jake left even though everyone else moved on, made plans and lived their lives. Take for instance Rosalie and Riley. They ran off to Vegas almost four months ago and got married and were still together. It was sort of _Fools Rush In_ sans the baby. Almost.

When they came back from Vegas Alice and I had brunch with the newlyweds and got to know Riley. He was a nice guy, younger than Rose, younger than Jake, but he was nice. Emmett hadn't taken the news to well. In a fit of rage, he threw all of Rose's stuff into the hallway of their apartment and had the locks changed the same afternoon. Alice and I had helped her pack all her stuff up and we made the trek to Victory Heights where Riley's airy apartment awaited.

She seemed happy, working in her shop and – finding a willing and intuitive helper in Riley, Rosalie's shop flourished along with her relationship and I was truly happy for her.

Alice dated Edward briefly, but the two broke up before their relationship really got off the ground. They were close friends and spent a lot of time together.

And then there was me. I went to work, did my job, bought groceries, and paid the bills. I watched my TV shows and maintained a semblance of normalcy but I felt like no one really understood what I was feeling, no one but Sarah.

She understood the fear I felt gripping my insides for the better part of the days, she understood the panic I felt whenever I turned on the news, and they reported on roadside bombs or soldiers who'd been hurt- or worse, killed. It seemed as if she was the only one who really understood. I could talk to her about more than just Jake too. We talked about school, about Jasper, about my parents and work – we talked about so much and she never judged me or criticized me. It was a nice change from the relationship I had with my mother.

I found the Pacific Grill easy enough and smiled at the hostess who led me to the table Sarah sat behind. The older woman looked up; a lock of dark hair slipped out of her loose ponytail and caressed her cheek. She smiled at me warmly as I sat down. I returned the smile and sat down.

"Hello my dear," Sarah said sweetly. "How are you doing?"

I set my purse onto the seat beside me and said, "I'm well. How are you and Richard?"

"We're doing well. We're flying out east to see Jake's oldest sister, Rachel at the end of the month. She's pregnant and about to give birth to her second child. Richard and I are very excited."

"I hope she has an easy delivery. You hear so many horror stories about labor taking many hours. I hope that doesn't happen to Rachel."

Sarah smiled warmly and patted my hand lightly with hers. "I'll pass that on. Now how are you _really?"_

I shrugged, my shoulders hunching slightly. "I'm okay. Been better but I've definitely been worse. I think I need a hobby, you know. I just don't know what kind of hobby I'd be good at."

"How do you feel about knitting?"

I wrinkled my nose. Knitting was something my grandmother did and definitely not something people under the age of forty did. Sarah laughed at my expression. "It's not that bad. Lots of young people are taking up the craft. Its surprisingly relaxing, I could teach you, if you wanted."

"I could try it, I suppose. It wouldn't hurt anything."

"That's the spirit. There are a couple of yarn specialty stores not too far from here; we can stop by after lunch, yes?" I nodded, the beginning stages of excitement beginning to unfurl its wings in the depths of my belly.

After lunch, Sarah drove across town with me following behind her to a specialty yarn store on the outskirts of Tacoma. I don't know what I expected, but what met my eyes wasn't what I expected. There was a girl with midnight black hair and green highlights. She walked around the shop in her heavy black boots and thick eyeliner collecting skeins of yarn.

I walked along the wall trailing my fingers over the bins of yarn, marveling at the texture. Sarah sidled up next to me, a skein of hunter green yarn in one hand, and a silver crochet hook in the other. "Want to learn?" she asked, offering the supplies to me. Hesitantly I took them, clutching the yarn and hook to my chest and followed her further into the store thinking to myself this woman was an angel disguised as my boyfriend's mom.

Later that night, after spending the afternoon with Sarah in the yarn shop learning the basics of the craft, I let myself into the apartment, dropping my bags inside the door and heading to the computer, wondering if Jake wrote me back yet.

When the computer awoke, the little envelope winking at me from the bottom corner of the desktop I smiled and opened it.

**From: Jake**

**To: Bella**

**Subject:** Never let you go

_Miss Swan,_

_I received your package in the mail this afternoon. Thank you for the cookies, they were gone the instant I opened the box, lol. I'm listening to the songs you put on the iPod right now. Most of them would be good to sleep to, mostly the William Fitzsimmons songs. When I get home we'll have to see him in concert. I still don't like Lady Gaga…her songs are sorta pointless, especially the one about the telephone. I don't get it. But aside from that, I like the music. Have you gotten the iPod I sent you back yet? The guys love it that we trade music though most of them don't like the same tunes as you. we've sorta started a revolution. A lot of the married guys are sending their iPods home to their wives and the wives will send them back with different songs that remind them of their husbands. One guy, Call, he said his wife told him in an email that it helps with the loneliness…she knows he's thinking about her when he makes these playlists for her and it helps her get through the times. He said she copies them to the computer and saves them, playing them at night. It's kind of cool. But anyway, how was your day?_

_It was the same old, same old here. Went on patrol, analyzed intel, and had a meeting to receive our operatives for the upcoming week. Nothing special. _

_Tell me about your day. _

_I miss you more than I should, than I could…can't get my mind off you…_

_Always,_

_Jake_

I smiled and hit the _reply _key, typing up a quick response before I headed to bed, weary from the days adventure.

**From: Bella**

**To: Jake**

**Subject:** Re: Never let you go

_Dear Special Forces,_

_The various artists whose lines you've stolen for your email called and respectfully request you come up with your own original awesomeness…aka stop stealing their crap. I'm just kidding. Glad the guys liked your treats. Next time you'll have to be sneakier with your loot. Lol. I'm doing well. I went down to Tacoma and had lunch with your mom then she took me to a couple of yarn stores and convinced me to learn to crochet. I came home from my visit with a paper bag full of yarn and about six different crochet hooks. Can't say I quite understand the concept, but she said it would do me some good to have a hobby. So I got a hobby. Hopefully it works out or else I just wasted three hundred bucks on yarn. Oh well, I'll put it in a cute little basket and it'll make me look "deep" or some shit like that. And whatever, Lady Gaga is awesome. That's my cleaning song…she sings, I clean and the world is a happy place. But okay, no more Lady Gaga, I promise. I will look and see if William Fitzsimmons has any tour dates in the near future and I'll let you know. But, my dear S.F., it is late and I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. I will email again in the morning. Be careful, stay safe, and email me back when you can._

_All the days that you've been gone I dream about you and I anticipate the day that you will come home…no matter how far you are, no matter how long it takes him, through distance and time, I'll be waiting…_

_Xoxo,_

_Bella_

_p.s. I have not received the iPod back…yet…hell has yet to freeze over, but I hear the penguins are planning a hostile takeover any day now…_

* * *

**Reviews are better than sweet emails from Special Forces and lunch dates with Specials sweetie mom...**

Sorry for the flippy floppy POVs...I don't really like doing that, but I wanted to show both their sides and emotions...

Maud - Tennyson

I Carry Your Heart With me - E.E. Cummings  
Never Let You Go - William Fitzsimmons  
Telephone - Lady Gaga  
The Fear You Won't Fall - Joshua Radin  
Distance And Time - Alicia Keys

*Don't get your knitting needles & crochet hooks in a frenzy…I am a nerd under the age of forty who knits and crochets…just sayin…lol and I loooove Telephone by Lady Gaga…


	20. 6,8,12

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

As the title says, months 6,8, and 12. Some of this stuff is totally made up..like the marine unit at the end. I don't know if that's real or what they do, but in my world they are in Iraq..so again with the emails and flippy floppy POVs, but a little more other stuff here too...(and the six, eight, twelve are the months)

**Six**

**Bella  
**

_"Hey, sorry I missed your call just leave a message after the beep. Yeah it's me. Just been thinking about everything and uh, I don't know…I just miss you so much."_

"Alice would you _please_ change this song before I start crying…again."

Alice sighed, shooting me an irate glare and flicked the knob. The sappy Lady Antebellum song cut off mid-note, replaced by the whiny guitar of a Paramore song. "Is this better?" Alice asked.

I nodded and stared out the window. "Yes, thank you."

"So…six months now. How's it going?"

"Um, you know. Some days are better than others," I said as I absentmindedly picked at a hangnail.

"Does Jake know when he's coming home yet?"

I shook my head no and stared out the window, my finger throbbing where I ripped off the hangnail. "It's too soon. He said he won't know anything until it gets closer to him coming home."

"Oh," said Alice.

"Yeah. So have you heard from Rosalie lately? I wanted to get together for lunch but she hasn't called me back yet."

"I haven't talked to her. I'm sure she's fine though."

"I hope so." I looked out the window, wondering where we were going. "Where are we going?"

"To pick up Edward. He's going to lunch with us."

I groaned inwardly. Over the last few months the two of them had an on again, off again relationship. It was, quite frankly, maddening. Together one week, broken up the next, I wish they'd make up their minds to either be together or not, then stick to it.

"How's Jake?" Alice asked, interrupting my reverie.

"He's okay. Um there was an accident a few days ago and he lost a good friend. He's upset and I don't know how to comfort him. Even Sarah is at a loss. We're trying to be supportive but it's hard."

Alice clasped my hand, a frown on her angel's face, her eyes haunted. "Just try to uh, listen and only offer advice if he asks for it. And um, don't ask if he's okay because he's not and asking if he's okay is only going to further serve as a reminder. He'll talk when he's ready."

The light turned green and she removed her hand and pulled through the intersection. "Thanks Alice. I'll keep that in mind."

We drive a block in silence and then another. The memory of the past weighing heavy on both of us.

"Do you ever think about it? About him?" I asked the question softly. I wanted to know if she ever thought about Jasper, ever wondered if she'd been misinformed or wondered if he was still alive somewhere.

"No," she said, "I don't."

I'd be lying if I said the answer didn't surprise me.

Lunch was an uncomfortable ordeal. Edward was in a mood, Alice was being clingy, and I just wanted to go home, pop in _The Notebook_, and eat Ben and Jerry's until my intestines exploded. Halfway through my grilled salmon I excused myself and went to the restroom where I called a cab and splashed some water on my face.

I went back to the table, digging some money out of my walled I handed it to Alice. She took it and looked up at me, surprised.

"I'm going to head home," I told her. "Im not feeling so hot." The lie came out smoothly.

She patted my hand and chirped, "Okay sweetie, I hope you feel better. Call me if you need anything."

I nodded. "I will. Bye Edward."

"Feel better Bella," he called as I went to my waiting cab. If I were lucky, I'd have an email from Jake waiting for me when I got home.

* * *

Special Forces didn't disappoint. The little envelope winked at me from the corner of the task bar as my sleep computer came to life. I double clicked on the icon, the mailbox popped open.

**From: Jake**

**To: Bella**

**Subject: When I'm without you…**

_Beautiful girl – _

_Hell hath frozen over. I got the iPod back today. Remind me to nominate those annoying penguins for some kind of medal or something. I love this one band; um let me check…The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter. Is that really what they're called? How did you find them?_

_Six months exactly today. It's all downhill from here. I was going to call you but I'm still in…well shock I guess, from the other day. I feel like I'm to blame too…it's my job to prevent that shit from happening._

_Shit, I'm doing it again. _

_Sorry. Miss you. Will email later. _

_Always, _

_Jake._

I sighed and quickly composed a reply.

**To: Jake**

**From: Bella**

**Subject: RE: When I'm without you…**

_SF,_

_The penguins thank you. They are most honored. Yes, that really is the name of the band. How did I find them? Google baby, Google. Just saying…_

_Now onto the topic at hand. I understand you have to talk about it. I'm always here to listen if you need. We don't always have to talk about how much we miss one another. Reference letter number 56 from two months ago (I'm just kidding about the letter number) – you described at day in your life from start to finish and I felt like I was with you and it didn't have anything to do with you missing me. I'm here to be whatever you need and I'll try my best to help you if you'd only let me. Write me soon, even if it's just incoherent rambling. _

_I'm gonna go, but know I'll always be there for you not matter what. Always. _

_xoxo_

_Bella._

I sent the email and left the computer. Noah and Alice and Ben and Jerry were waiting for me in the living room.

* * *

The ringing of the phone woke me up sometime after midnight. I rolled over and blindly grasped for it, sleepy fingers connecting with the ringing receiver. "Hello?" I yawned into the phone.

"Bella?"

"Yeah." I blinked at the alarm clock, my eyes slowly adjusting, the red numbers fuzzy.

"It's me, Jake. Sorry, did I wake you?

I sat up and ran my hands through my hair. "Hey! Yeah I was sleeping but its okay. I'd rather talk to you than sleep. How are you?"

Jake sighed. In the background a truck rumbled by, the engine roaring as it got closer to the phone then passed.

**Jake**

No, my mouth wanted to say. The lie would have been easy. But I wasn't okay. I was far from okay. But I couldn't admit that, I couldn't tell her everything I was feeling. "I'm alright," I told her and she exhaled softly. I imagined her sitting in her bed, the room dark, pale moonlight filtering in through her flowered curtains casting an iridescent glow on her pale face.

"Are you really?" she asked.

"No," I admitted. "I'm not."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I sat back in the chair and looked out at the dusty street, watching as a convoy passed, Marines with guns pointed at the ground rumbled by.

"I failed. I was given a simple job to do and I failed and four people were killed, one of which was a pretty good friend of mine." I exhaled angrily and felt the overwhelming urge to hit something. "I'm sorry; I know you don't want to hear this."

"Don't be silly," she retorted. "If you need to talk about it then talk to me."

"I don't know what to do," I admitted.

"About what?" she asked, gently prodding.

"About being here, and about Atera dying. I mean, yes it's my job to analyze the data, to see what areas of the city are most likely to be the most dangerous, but I'm not the only person in my unit, and I feel bad for trying to shift the blame. I mean, it's all our fault."

"Well I wouldn't say it was your fault. I mean, this country's been in turmoil for what, seven years? You can't know what they're going to do or when they're going to do it. Data be damned. I know it's not the same, but a fashion forecast once said polyester was the new thing, that it was going to be hotter than, well, I guess it doesn't matter. The point is, our whole fall line that year was a polyester nightmare and we lost so much money that it looked like the company was gonna go under, but it didn't. The point here is that we're all human and humans make mistakes, people lie, data lies. The only thing we can do is learn from it. Atera was your friend. Mourn him, but I don't think he would want you to blame yourself. It wasn't your fault.'

I wiped at a tear and looked around, making sure I was alone. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" I asked softly.

Bella sighed. "You accepted me for who I was. Now are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm not okay, but I'm better. It's part of my life, I guess. I'm going to lose a lot more people before my time here is done. It's just the way it happens."

"Well I hope that doesn't happen, but you know you can always talk to me, don't you?"

"Yeah Bella, I know. It's just hard, you know, being here and not wanting to trouble you."

"You're not troubling me. I want to be able to help you."

"You do help me. Enough of that, now, though. What did you do today?"

"Oh jeez."

"That bad?"

"No," she said. "I went to lunch with Alice and Edward – they're on again-"

"Oh Lord, for real? They need to figure out what the hell they're doing and either do it or don't do it." I laughed, thinking about all of Bella's "the adventures of Alice and Edward" tales. Those two flipped flopped more than any normal couple did.

"Yes, for real. We went to lunch but I left early and came home to watch _The Notebook_ and gorge myself on ice cream."

"Sounds fun."

"For the most part," she laughed. "I have to buy more tissues."

"Good God woman."

"I know," she said. "It's just a sad movie. Anyway. So you got the iPod back? Those damn penguins came through after all."

"Yeah," I said picking up the black iPod off the dusty table. "You kill me with this music. I swear – what do you do? Sit in the computer all day and Google music to send me?"

"No," she said with a laugh. "When I get bored I search random music lyrics and see what I can come up with. Then the other day I found this sort of indie top ten billboard chart. It's got a bunch of unsigned and indie artists. Then there's this other site I found something about free trade, artists put their music up and you pimp them out on twitter or Facebook and you can legally download their CDs for free. I started downloading random music. Most of it is pretty good. I have a whole lot more to send you."

I looked up as half the team shuffled into the tent and sat down, joking loudly. "Sounds good. Look, sweetie, I'm gonna let you go. It's late and you need to get back to bed. I miss you like crazy."

Bella sighed, sounding teary. "Okay. I miss you too. Take care of yourself and don't forget if you ever need anything, anything at all, you call me, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight sweetheart."

"Night."

* * *

**Eight **

**From: Bella**

**To: Jake**

**Subject: To sleep with only memories is harder every night**

_Jake, _

_Just a quick line before I head to work. It's raining this morning and starting to get cooler the closer we get to October. I'm going down to see your parents this weekend. Sarah and I are going to something called a yarn crawl. I have no idea what that means but it's better than spending my weekend doing nothing. Your mom said she'd help me find some easy baby patterns to crochet because, surprise! Rose is pregnant. She left Riley a month or so ago, then she found out she was pregnant. She's staying with her parents until she figures out what to do. It's just a mess. Alice told me she's thinking of getting back together with Emmett but who knows. The whole situation doesn't really surprise me. Not really. Alice and Edward are back off again. That doesn't surprise me either. Nothing really new with me. On the lookout for penguins bearing gifts or letters but that's about it. Four more months to go. I'm anxiously counting the days. Really, I am. I have my calendar marked. I can't believe it's been eight months since I last saw you. My eyes miss your handsome face, my body misses your embrace, my hands miss the feel of your fingers, long and sinewy, entwined with mine…_

_xoxo_

_Bella_

**From: Jake**

**To: Bella**

**Subject: RE: To sleep with only memories is harder every night**

_Isabella,_

_In case I haven't told you, I love that name. It suits you. It's the one thing your parents actually got right. Onto your email. A yarn crawl? Really? Sounds um...interesting. Hope you and mom have fun. _

_So Rose is preggo, huh? Who's the father? That was probably the wrong thing to ask. Sorry I hope everything works out for her. And here comes the Edward and Alice train. Next stop? Total Drama Island. I guess they still haven't made up their minds yet, huh? _

_I'm the same as you, do the job, eat, sleep, repeat. Quite honestly, the days all melt together here and it's hard to tell one from the next. _

_I love it when you talk about the penguins, reminds me of the penguins from that movie where the animals escape from the zoo and the penguins create mischief. I don't know what it's called…but your penguins sound an awful lot like those penguins. _

_Did my mom tell you about Rebecca's stepdaughter? She's pregnant. Thirteen years old and knocked up. What's with these kids? I swear it's all those 15 and knocked up shows and movies. They make these stupid ass kids think it's cool to have sex and be all "look at me I'm in MTV."_

_Sorry, I'm ranting. Halloween is coming. Do you like Halloween? What's your favorite holiday? Mine is Christmas. My mom makes this huge breakfast and there's a fire in the fireplace and all the smells, the breakfast, the tree, and the burning log. God sitting here I can almost smell the cinnamon buns and pine…makes me miss home. I'm gonna have to tell my mom to have you for Christmas, if you don't have any other plans. _

_I have a photo I've been meaning to send you. I just keep forgetting to put it in an envelope when I mail you letters. I'll have to do it when I get off here, which is right about now. It's getting late and I need to grab some dinner. _

_But real quick: a million sighs I shall breath, but none will compare to the sigh I will utter when again I can finally see you._

_Always,_

_Jake._

**To: Mom**

**From: Jake**

**Subject: Christmas**

_Hey mom,_

_Just wanted to drop you a line to see how you and Richard were doing. Bella tells me you're taking her on a yarn crawl? Don't hurt her okay? I know how much you get into this whole crafting thing. Anyway, I was telling her about Christmas at home and how you make your breakfast and stuff. If you don't mind would you invite her? She's still not talking to her folks and I don't want her to be alone. Hope you and Richard are doing well. _

_Love,_

_Jake_

**To: Jake**

**From: Bella**

**Subject: I wish that I was looking into your eyes**

_Jake,_

_Bleck, Isabella, really? I despise that name. It's so stuffy…but I suppose you can call me that. The yarn crawl was interesting…lol. I don't think I'll get the smell of Ben-Gay out of my nose anytime soon, but eh, whatever. Yup, Rose is pregnant. I talked to her today. She says the baby is Riley's, but he says that she slept with Emmett a few weeks ago when he had to go to Portland. It's a nightmare. _

_So you want to know my favorite holiday, do ya? Well, I'd have to say Halloween is first, Christmas is a close second. I like the holidays you can spend alone, you know the whole bitchy mom and sister thing. And you don't have to ask your mom to invite me for Christmas. I'll be fine, curled up on the couch with Jimmy Stewart and _It's a Wonderful Life_._

_The movie you're talking about is called _Madagascar._ And yeah, your mom told me about Rebecca's stepdaughter. That's just nuts. I don't know what it is with these kids. I guess to them sex is like the circus, you know, the greatest thing on earth, like Ringling Brothers: the X-rated version. _

_Have you sent the iPod back yet? I'm interested to hear what songs you are going to put on there. _

_Onto other news, I'm glad it's getting cool again. I've missed wearing your sweater. I would make it really cold in the apartment at night over the summer just so I had an excuse to wear it. _

_Well I have to run; Alice and I are going to see Katy Perry in concert tonight. I don't really want to go, but we paid an arm and a leg for these tickets. _

_xoxo,_

_Bella_

**From: Jake**

**To: Bella**

**Subject: RE: I wish that I was looking into your eyes**

_Bella,_

_Have fun at the concert. I only have a minute before I have to get to work. I am loading the iPod right now as we speak. And don't be silly, my mother loves you and would love to have you for Christmas. You kill me, only you would compare sex to the circus. I wear the shirt you gave me at night when I sleep. The guys made fun of me for a while, but now they just kind of roll their eyes and go about their business. Have fun at the concert. The iPod will be going out in this evening's mail. _

_Always,_

_Jake._

* * *

**12**

**Jake**

Explosions, when you are close enough to one, are like looking into hell. Everything can be chugging along quite nicely and then the next thing you know there this loud _boom!_ You go deaf and blind for a minute. All you can see is this blinding white light. Slowly everything comes into focus and the sounds come back, faint at first, then gradually louder.

The first thing I heard was her voice, begging me not to leave her. I saw her face on the peripheral of my vision and then the sounds of men screaming, crying and the sight of black smoke billowing from the engine. My mind switched into survival mode and went into action, pulling people from the smoldering truck, trying to do what I could for who I could. For some it was too late. Someone around me was yelling into a walkie, it squawked, the voice on the other end barking out that help was coming.

I was vaguely aware of the dampness of my shirt, my head swam, the ground rushed up and dipped back down making me feel nauseous. I looked down at the trail of blood staining my uniform, my eyes taking in the huge chunk of metal in my chest. I felt my knees give out from under me and I fell into the darkness.

**Bella**

"And now for breaking news. After an explosion this morning outside of Baghdad, several marines are dead. The explosion, a roadside bomb that killed at least six, leaving over a dozen others injured, went off late last night during a routine patrol."

I paused, my hand hovering over the radio knob, my heart pounding on the inside of my rib cage. "What unit?" I asked the radio. The host kept rambling about the crazy people over there and how the American soldiers should just pull out. The other host cackled, "That's what she said," into the mike and the pair laughed.

"What unit, just tell me what unit," I begged the radio but they'd already moved onto traffic and weather. I jabbed the knobs on my fancy radio and searched through the static of the AM stations for the news.

"The 23rd _Marine_Regiment lost five of its brothers last night after an explosion during routine patrols just outside of Baghdad. Another marine, a member of 1st FAST was also killed. More than a dozen other marines from both outfits were injured in the blast. The Marine Corp has yet to issue the names of the deceased and injured until their families can be properly notified."

My heart stopped. Jake's unit was the 1st FAST. My vision went hazy as the possibility of him being dead hit me.

"Oh god," I cried, tears streaming uncontrollably down my face.

_Call Sarah_, the inner bitch whispered_. If something happened to Jake, she would know_.

My fingers fumbled through the contents of my purse, pulling out my cell phone, I quickly, clumsily, dialed the number.

The phone barely completed its first ring before Sarah answered. "It's not him," she said, her voice full of fear and relief. "He's injured but it's not him, Bella, it's not Jake. Jakes okay."

I exhaled, the breath leaving me a whoosh of air. My body sagged into the seat and my tears of fear turned into tears of relief. "Thank God," I mumbled.

"Yes, thank God, indeed. He's being flown to Germany for surgery as we speak and then he's on his way home."

"He's coming home?"

"Yes," Sarah said. "In two weeks. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine now. How are you and Richard?"

"Well," she said, "we hadn't heard. I had a cup of coffee in my hand and went to the front door to get the paper, that black sedan pulls up, and two marines get out. My heart stopped and I dropped my coffee cup – I have a deep cut on my leg from where I collapsed onto a shard of glass. Richard heard me cry out and came to the front door. Can you believe all the pomp and circumstance just to tell someone their son had been injured? Damn near gave me a heart attack."

"I can imagine," I replied. "Would it be okay if I came down after work this evening?"

"Of course, of course, after this kind of news we need to have a good meal and thank god Jake is safe. You can come down whenever you want, sweetheart."

"Okay. Well then, I guess I'll see you this evening. Thank you. I'm…um; I'm really glad Jake's okay."

'Me too. Bye-bye sweetie."

"Bye Sarah."

**Reviews are better than Jake being alive…**

* * *

brooklynsam3 the penguins comment was for you...thanks for the inspiration ; )

Harleygreen I think my husband thinks all I do is write and download music..lol..he's hidden my credit card from me and banned me from iTunes...lol..desperate measures have to be taken..lol

**Music from this chapter:**

6,8,12 by Brian McKnight

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore

When I'm Without You by The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter

Alone In This Bed (Meet Me In Capeside) by Framing Hanley

Thinking of You – Katy Perry


	21. How You Survived The War

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

I talked to my marine friend for a while yesterday...he said its normal for there to be a bit of PTSD going on..but it won't be a huge issue here, so yeah..this is just sorta a fluffy little chapter. On another note, Enchantress in Black wore me down and got me to join Jacob Black n Pack, which is a totally awesome site with just us wolf girls, none of those freaky vampires...lol..so you should join if you haven't already and if you have you should look me up and we can chat or whatevers... http : // jacobblack - n - pack . ning . com / profile / NIkkiAnderson (and if that doesn't work there's a link on my page...)

Jake

I remembered help coming, being picked up, people shouting over me. It came in flashes, bits and pieces of brilliance that, when I thought about it, I wasn't sure if it was real or not. I remembered lying in the dirt, my heart pounding, and seeing Bella, the way she looked the day I first met her, the night I took her to dinner at the Edgewater, the way she looked when I asked her to have coffee with me, the morning after the first night we spent together.

The images compounded, coming together in rapid succession until it stopped on her face, her voice commanding in my ear, "Wake up!"

My eyes flew open, frantically searching for her face. The face of a young nurse in camouflage scrubs stared back at me. "Welcome back Staff Sergeant. We were worried about you there for a while. Do you know where you are?"

I looked around, taking in the beeping machine, the flickering green line monitoring the beat of my heart, the sickening anti-septic smell and said, "The hospital?" My tongue felt thick, my mouth dry. I glanced around for something to drink. "Can I have some water?"

"Sure thing." The nurse crossed the room and poured some water into a cup from a pink plastic pitcher. She carried it back across the room and handed it to me. I accepted the cup and took a long swallow, draining it.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. You _are_ in the hospital, but do you know where?"

I shook my head no. "I remember the explosion… and trying to help, then collapsing."

"That's correct. There was an explosion; several members of your convoy were injured. The field team stabilized you enough so that you could be transported to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. That's where you are now. You had to have surgery to repair a punctured and collapsed lung, but you're going to be just fine."

_A punctured lung_, I thought, _well that would explain why it felt like my lungs were on fire_. It would also explain why chest hurt. I pulled back the well-washed cotton gown and peered down at my chest. There was an angry purple bruise around the wound and eleven neatly tied stitches.

"Pretty gruesome huh?" the nurse grinned.

"Yeah," I said feeling a little woozy. "Pretty gruesome. What was in my chest?"

The nurse shrugged. "They aren't really sure; it was something from the explosion, metal, about six inches long, no more than an inch wide. But like I said, you'll be right as rain. Once we're sure you're going to live, we're sending you back to the states."

"I'm going home?"

The nurse nodded, her curls bouncing up and down. "Yes. I'm going to check your temp and then be out of your hair."

"Okay."

The nurse came over, holding out a thermometer, which I accepted, sticking the hard plastic under my tongue and waiting. When the handheld device beeped she took the thermometer, shooting the plastic cover into the nearby trashcan. "Alright Staff Sergeant. I'll be back in a little while to check on you, if you need anything, the call buttons right there, you just press on that and someone will come assist you. And there's a phone right there in case you want to call your family and let them know that you're okay."

I glanced to my left and saw the white phone waiting on the table. "Thank you," I called as the nurse disappeared out of the room, the door sliding shut quietly behind her. I waited for a moment before I reached for the phone. I didn't know who to call first, my parents or Bella. Knowing Bella, though, she was probably at my parents and had probably been there since she found out about the accident.

Then I had a thought. What if she hadn't heard?

I pushed the thought from my head. Her and my mom were tighter than Kenny Chesney's blue jeans. My mom told her, she _had _to have told her. I picked up the phone and dialed Richard and my mother's house in Tacoma, idly wondering what time it was there as the phone continued to ring.

Finally a sleepy voice said, "Hello?"

"Mom?" I croaked my throat still somewhat dry.

"Jake!" she cried. "Jake, oh my god are you alright?"

"Calm down mom I'm fine-

"Oh my god I was so worried. They came and told me there was an accident and that you were hurt but you were fine…that was the last I heard. It's been two days...where are you? Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes mom, I'm fine. I'm in the hospital in Germany. I had to have surgery, but I'm fine. I just spoke to a nurse she said I should be fine. Did someone tell Bella what happened? Is she okay?"

"She's all right sweetheart, she's actually here. She called me the morning of, she heard it on the radio, I didn't get a chance to call her first. She's staying at the house. She's been a wreck, worrying about you, but I told her you were a trooper and she shouldn't worry."

"Can I talk to her?"

"I have to wake her, it's still early here. Hang on."

"Wait mom, don't worry about it, don't wake her, she should sleep, I can call back later."

"Are you sure?" Sarah asked. "I'm pretty sure she wants to talk to you."

"Yeah I'm sure mom. I'll call back in a couple of hours and talk to her then. How's she been?"

Sarah sighed. "Not too well. She hasn't really taken this well. She came down the night we found out after she got off of work and she's been here since."

"Oh."

"I tried to tell her," Sarah said, her tone adopting that 'I'm a parent and not trying to sound condescending but it does anyway' tone.

I sighed. I never wanted to put her through this and yet was doing it anyway.

"Sure you don't want to talk to her?"

"Yeah mom, go ahead and put her own."

"Hold on son."

I waited, listening as my mother climbed out of bed, the covers rustling, springs groaning in protest.

The bedroom door opened and my mother's bare feet slapped the polished wood floor before coming to a stop. She knocked softly at the door and I briefly wondered whose room Bella was sleeping in.

_Mine probably,_ I decided.

I heard the door open and Bella say, her voice full of fear, "What's wrong? Is it Jake? Is he okay?" My mother's soothing voice travelled across the line as she calmed Bella and handed her the phone.

"Jake?" she said and I could hear the sleep and panic in her voice.

"Hi beautiful. How are you?"

"I'm better now," she cried. "I was so worried about you." Her voice trailed off and I imagined her chewing on her lower lip. "So worried."

"I'm sorry," I said glancing up at the ceiling, feeling the weight of her emotions press down on me from across time and space. "I'm so sorry; I never wanted you to have to go through something like this."

"It's the life," she said wisely. "Its all part of being a military girlfriend, right?"

I smiled. "Right," I agreed. "Are you okay, my mom says you've been at the house since they got the news?"

Bella let out a shaky breath. "Um…I don't know how I feel. I heard it on the radio on my way to work and then the assholes started talking about pulling out and cracking "that's what she said" jokes. I think my heart quite literally stopped when I heard the whole report." She sighed, her breath crackling in the phone. "Are you sure you're alright? You're not like, lying blind and hooked up to life support in a hospital room and calling to say your final goodbyes are you?"

"No," I laughed. "I'm lying in a hospital bed hooked up to this incessantly beeping machine with some stitches and a wound that will make one gnarly scar, but that's about it. No life support and I'm definitely not blind and I'm coming home in a few days."

"I know, your mom told me. Are you really sure your okay?"

"Yes Bella, I am fine. My chest hurts a little, but aside from that I'm fine. Now do me a favor please. Stop worrying okay?"

"Okay," she said. "I'm so glad you're okay. I was so scared."

"Me too," I told her. "You wanna know what I saw right after the blast, right before I blacked out?"

"What did you see?"

"You," I whispered. "I saw you."

* * *

The time in the hospital went by quickly. A few days after the surgery my doctor came in – a no-nonsense lieutenant - and handed me my discharge papers and a plane ticket back home.

"You're good to go. There's a prescription for some painkillers incase there's any discomfort with the injury. Make an appointment with your regular doctor at home and go to emergency room if you have any trouble breathing – that includes shortness of breath, wheezing or chest pains, or if the wound does not heal or becomes infected. There's a script in there for an antibiotic cream that you should apply to the wound twice a day, after showering, swimming, or any excessive sweating. You're on light duty for six weeks, no heavy lifting, no upper arm or bodywork outs. Take it easy, take care of the wound and you should be fine. Any questions?"

"No sir," I said accepting all the papers he handed me.

"Alright then Staff Sergeant, take care. Semper Fi."

"Semper Fi," I replied.

When the plane landed is Seattle I disembarked and walked through the terminal, the strangeness of déjà vu washing over me. Just like the last time I came home Richard and my mom were waiting as was Bella. She looked thinner than I remember, her eyes sparkling but not enough to detract from the bags under her eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept since I left.

I wanted to run to her, to grab her in my arms and hold her. I restrained, fearing I'd tear my stitches, then tossed caution to the wind. I jogged toward her, and grabbed her, my face buried in her hair, breathing her in, feeling her arms around me, her tears on my shirt.

I picked Bella up and held her, she cried into my shirt, saying something I couldn't quite understand. Happy tears filled my eyes as the pieces clicked into place, the feeling of being whole again washing over me. I set Bella back down; she looked up at me, her brown eyes swimming in tears.

"I have missed you more than you can even imagine," I told her.

"I don't think so," she said, wiping at the tears on her face with the sleeve of her – my – sweater. "I missed you pretty damned bad to. Nice shirt, by the way."

I looked down at the tee shirt she'd given me before I left and smiled, then I looked at hers and said, "ditto."

She smiled and carefully laid her head on my chest. "I don't ever want to let you go again," I said into the top of her head.

"I think you might have to, just for a minute so you can say hi to your mom and dad."

"Come on," I said, letting go of her waist and claiming her hand. Sarah and Richard stood back, out of the way of the other travelers, waiting patiently.

Sarah started to cry when I walked up to her and she rushed toward me. "Welcome home."

"Thanks mom. It's good to see you."

"Its good to see you to."

Sarah released me from her embrace and leaned against me for a moment. "You had us all so worried. How do you feel? Does it hurt?"

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to worry everyone. I'm fine, I feel fine, not it doesn't hurt. Let's get out of here. all these people, it makes me a little nervous."

Sarah nodded and motioned to Richard. He walked toward us. "Glad your home safe, son," he said.

"Thanks."

We collected the one bag I had and I worried about the rest of my stuff, which was still in Iraq. I hoped the guys had enough sense to bring it back with them. With my bag in tow we walked out of the airport into the rainy afternoon. As we walked toward the parking garage my heart raced and I skimmed the levels for anyone that might be lurking there.

Bella caught me looking and gazed up at me, concern clearly written all over her face. "Everything okay?" she asked.

I nodded and rubbed my thumb along the back of her hand. "Everything is fine."

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't necessarily the truth. I knew after my "ordeal" there was bound to be some lingering issues; even if they didn't immediately surface. That was a lesson I learned after my first deployment to Iraq. I came home, spent my leave with my parents, and was perfectly fine the whole time. Then I went back to Virginia and something inside of me…broke I guess you could say. I began having nightmares, vivid nightmares, and I started sleeping with a gun under my pillow. One night I almost shot my roommate when he came home from a night out on the town. Him and another friend of mine got me help and I moved past it.

The second time I came home it wasn't as bad and I returned to my previous therapist. My third tour was fine; I came home and was fine. But nothing like this had ever happened to me, I'd never seen combat I guess you could call it. I was there in the thick of it, but I'd never been involved in firefight or roadside bombing until now. I made a mental note to call my therapist in Virginia just in case. Better to be safe than sorry and accidentally kill someone.

I followed Richard to his car and the four of us climbed in. As we left the airport Sarah turned in her seat, gazing at me from over her shoulder. "Your sister's at the house," she said, "and Rachel, Paul and the baby are flying out later this week."

"Oh cool. How is Rebecca?"

"She's good. Claire had the baby, it was a boy, they made her give it up for adoption. Kit is pretty upset about the whole situation. He wants to take Lelei to court for full custody of Claire."

I turned to Bella. "Kit is my brother in law, the Samoan surfer Rebecca married. Lelei is his ex-wife, Claire is-"

"His daughter who was 13 and got pregnant by a guy named Luke in her science class. She had sex with him in the bathroom during a dance at school."

I gaped at her.

"I've met Rebecca and Kit as well as the infamous Claire, who, if you don't mind my saying so, is in desperate need of a spanking. She's a piece of work."

"Tell me about it," Sarah muttered. "I keep telling Rebecca...but she just says that Claire's not her daughter and it's not her right to discipline her."

Both Bella and my mother clucked their tongues in disapproval and I marveled at just how much, exactly, I missed.

"Yeah well, mark my words, little Miss Claire is going to find herself in that same position again if she doesn't get a much needed attitude adjustment."

Bella murmured her agreement. She flexed her fingers then held tightly to my hand. "I'm so glad you're home."

I dropped a kiss on her head and said, "Me too. I can't wait to get you out of that shirt."

"Ooh naughty Special forces," she giggled playfully. "I like it."

I smiled at her little pet name for me. I found it amusing because I wasn't special forces, and technically, the army had special forces. Marines had special operations but I doubted that would have the same ring as special forces.

Richard pulled into the driveway and no sooner had he shut off the engine Rebecca came bounding down the stairs making a running beeline for the car. I got out and she squeezed me. "Careful Becks, you're gonna tear my stitches."

"Sorry little brother," she apologized. "You're not dying, no broken parts, nothing like that?"

I shook my head no, feeling like a broken record constantly repeating "I'm fine" and "I'm sorry." I was going to have to get a shirt made that read, "I survived Iraq and kept all my original parts." And on the back have them put, "and yes, I'm fine, now stop asking."

"I'm fine," I repeated for the umpteenth time since getting…shit what _did_ I get? Injured? Bombed? Shot by a mysterious projectile? Impaled? I liked impaled, but it held a certain connotation that implied I'd been tortured with small stakes or something. Screw it, I decided, impaled it is. "I'll even show you my stitches if you really want to see."

Rebecca made a face, her skin turning slightly green. "You'll do no such thing Jacob," Sarah scolded.

I held my breath as we walked into the house, bracing myself for a chorus of "welcome homes" to ring out, but none came and I exhaled slowly. "There's no one else here?" I asked just to make sure.

"Nobody but us," Richard said. "We figured after everything you've been through that wouldn't have been appropriate."

"Thanks," I said. "I appreciate that."

"No problem. I'm gonna grab a drink, do you want something?"

I nodded. "I'll come with you." I turned to Bella and said, "I'll be right back. Do you want anything?"

"I'll have whatever you're having," she said.

I left her with my mother and sister in the living room and followed Richard into the study. Kit met us as he came out of the bathroom and joined us in the study for a drink.

"Now that the women are in the other room," Richard said pouring two fingers of brandy into a crystal tumbler. "Are you really okay?"

I nodded and accepted the drink. "I'm fine. I think I might need to see my therapist when I get back to Virginia, just to make sure I really am okay, but I feel fine, a little skittish, but that normally passes after I've been home for a few days, you know, readjusting to life where every guy hanging out on the street corner isn't trying to kill you."

Kit sipped his drink and nodded. "I know what you mean,bro. my buddy Ike had PTSD. It was a nightmare. He thought his uncle was a terrorist and almost killed him."

"Well let me know if you need anything," Richard offered. "Whatever you need."

"Thanks, I appreciate that." I took another sip of my drink, enjoying the burn of the expensive alcohol. I looked up at Richard. "How is Bella, really, I mean?"

Richard shrugged lithely. "She's one tough cookie. She came down to see your mother every other weekend, they went to yarn shops and out to lunch and shopping for this that or the other. Your mother adores her. Then this news. I guess she heard it on the radio and called just as your mom was about to call her. She went to work then came down afterward, had dinner, mom offered her your room if she wanted to stay. She accepted and she's been here ever since. For the first few days she laid up there crying to herself, but after you called she seemed better. That girl really loves you Jake."

I looked up from the glass in my hand. "I really love her too."

* * *

**Reviews are better than Jake making it home in one piece**

If you've made the mistake (yes mistake..they totally screwed that movie up) of seeing Dear John, yes I totally stole the "I saw you" line from that... ;)

Chapter Title

How You Survived The War by The Weepies


	22. Almost Everything

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

Just want to say a quick thanks to everyone who reads..Im sorry I don't reply more often to your reviews...life is crazy for me, but I want you to know I appreciate it, the fact that you read. to those who have served or have loved ones serving in the military, thank you! your service and dedication is appreciated. If you do nothing else today you have to go to facebook and check out mschenke's page called m"My Life With Jacob" this girl is a riot and her pictures of Jake and Shirtless Jake's adventures crack me up...so check it out: http : // www . facebook . com / pages / My-Life-with-Jacob / 113838331969533 (just take out the spaces)

**Bella**

"Oh God, oh, Jake, oh, ah…" I panted and collapsed into the bed beside Jake. I trembled in the aftershocks and smiled up at him. "I almost forgot what that felt like."

"Almost?" Jake questioned with a smirk.

"Yeah, almost."

"Well," he said looking toward the door and the shaft of light coming from the hallway, "I think you woke the whole house up."

"Oh please," I snorted. "The whole house? Only your mom and Richard are here and they are all the way down at the other end of the hall."

"Well…"

"That's a very deep subject."

"Shut up," he yawned.

I rolled over and snuggled into his chest. Jake reached down, grasping the heart shaped charm he'd sent me all those months ago. He picked up the charm and ran his finger over the engraving. "I wondered if you were wearing that," he said turning it over in his hands.

I nodded and wrapped my fingers around his. "I never take it off. I got it a few weeks after you sent it; I told you that didn't I? anyway, the day I got it I put it on and I have never taken it off. I like the chain a little longer than normal because it sits closer to my heart and it makes me feel closer to you."

Jake set the charm back against my chest and reached for his own heart. "I've only taken mine off once and that was because the doctors in the O.R. took it off of me." He held up his half of the chain and it glinted in the low light of the bedroom, the heart spinning around in erratic circles. He stopped the heart grasping it between his thumb and forefinger, then he picked up my half and put the two halves together. They fit together perfectly.

"Two hearts connecting as one," I said observing the perfect unity of the two halves, the irony or which not lost on me I looked and Jake and smiled. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too babe. I missed you so much while I was gone, I don't think you can ever really know how much I missed you."

"No, I don't know how much you missed me but I know how much I missed you. there were days that were so long and weeks that felt like they would never end. It seemed endless you know. Times when the months seemed to stretch out in front of me like this long hallway."

"A long sandy hallway. Tell me about it. Most of the time it was okay, being gone, but then there were times, mostly holidays, that just seemed to never end."

We laid there, tangled up in each other, quietly reflecting on the last twelve months. I wondered for the millionth time what it was over there, what he really saw and how he really was. I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to pry. I knew he had experienced things he would never talk about. "You know if you ever need to talk about what happened over there I'll listen."

"I know that babe, but I'm fine. Scout's honor."

"But you'll talk to me if you need to?"

"Yes," Jake said. "If I ever need to talk, you will be the first person I come to."

I nodded, then yawned, closing my eyes. "I have to go to Seattle tomorrow."

"For what?"

"Work stuff. I've been putting it off these last few days and Alice is…well, she's pretty pissed."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault. I've been preoccupied."

"Do you want me to ride up with you?"

"No, well I mean if you want to, but shouldn't you stay and spend time with your parents?"

"I can come back down this weekend. They're used to me being gone. I came home safe, that's all that really matters."

I eyed him dubiously. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. If you don't believe me ask my mom in the morning."

So I did. The following morning we found Sarah in the kitchen making coffee. "Morning you two," she said with a smile.

"Morning," I replied.

"What are you two up to today?"

"Well I have to go up to Seattle for a little while," I said.

"Work?" Sarah asked and I nodded. "What about you Jake?"

"I was going to go with Bella, spend the week with her and come down and see you this weekend."

"Sounds like a plan. Don't forget your sister is coming out to see you. Richard and I were going to have a party; you think you'd be up for something like that?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah I can handle a party. You okay with me leaving for a few days?"

Sarah snorted and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Of course, I'm used to having an empty house. All you kids being here lately is making me feel old. Go, everything will be fine here."

Jake shot me a look that said, "see I told you so." I rolled my eyes at him and fixed myself a cup of coffee.

"What time are you two planning on leaving?" Sarah asked.

I glanced at the clock. "In an hour or two. I have to get all my stuff together and then I'll be on my way out." I turned to Jake. "Are you coming with me or are you going to drive the Impala up later?"

"I think I'll come up later, you have to go into work so there's no point in me sitting around your apartment all day. I'll take Mom out to lunch then head up afterwards."

"Okay," I said. "Well I'll be upstairs."

"Alright love."

Jake brushed a kiss against my cheek as I left the kitchen. I quietly climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom looking around for my cell phone.

"And the worst part is before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff and in the free fall I will realize I'm better off when I hit the bottom."

I looked around trying to find the ringing phone, spying it under my purse. "Hello?" I said.

"Um, hi, it's your former best friend; I was just wondering if you were ever coming back to work, hell, I was wondering if you were coming home?"

"Hi Alice. I'm sorry, it's been crazy. I'm coming home and back to work today. I'm actually on my way back right now."

"Oh well that's nice to know because you know it would have killed you to call me and let me know what was going on."

"Alice I'm sorry, it's just been really crazy."

"Yeah Bella I get that, but you have a job and if you can't or don't want to do it, tell me so I can find someone who will and wants to."

"What the hell Alice? You know what's been going on," I said, feeling myself getting angry.

"No, actually, I don't, because like I said, you haven't told me shit. Well besides, "Jake got hurt." And then you ran out of my office, what, two weeks ago? I haven't seen or heard from you in two weeks."

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. Of all the people I expected to get crap from, Alice wasn't one of them. "Look, I'm sorry," I said. "Can we talk about this when I get up there?"

"Fine, whatever," Alice muttered and hung up.

I sighed again and hung up the phone, shoving it into my purse. When I turned around, Jake was leaning against the doorframe. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. Everything. I have no idea."

"Come here," Jake said holding his arms out. "Its gonna be okay, whatever it is, it will be fine."

"No," I said, "I don't think it will be."

"What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't know. Ignore me. I'm stressed."

"Are you sure you're alright?" I shook my head no and turned away from him, collecting my clothes as I went. "Can I help?" he asked, handing me a pair of jeans.

"Thanks," I replied, shoving them into my bag and looking around distractedly for the rest of my things. Everything felt wrong, felt different. Something had changed, an axis had shifted and life was off kilter now.

"Bella," Jake said reaching out and grabbing my arm. "What's going on? You're not acting like yourself."

"Its just…" I sighed and fumbled for the words to explain what – how I was feeling when I wasn't really sure even I knew how I felt. Last night I was fine, then this morning I wake up and everything is different.

It's funny how you can live through something, go somewhere and then come back and feel as if you've never left. That's sort of how the last year was. My journey started with Rex and getting dumped and being single and alone and…happy about it. Then Jake stumbled into my life. Or maybe I stumbled into his. Either way, he crashed into my life and then he was gone and I was alone again. It gave me a lot of time to figure out all kinds of things. I had a lot of time over the last year to really figure out who I was as a person, not me and you or me and him, just me. In the span of twelve months I grew up, older, wiser, happier, smarter. I grew apart from people I thought I'd be attached to for the rest of my life.

I fell in love.

"I'm overwhelmed," I said. "So much has happened and its all happened so fast and…you were gone and now your back and there's this whole future to look forward to and I just…I knew it was coming, but now it's here and I don't know how to act. For so long I've been telling myself to just make it through the day, or take it one day at a time, or one week – month at a time. I've been so focused on just getting through the year that I never took the time to wonder what the future held. And now here it is, staring me in the face and I don't know what to do."

Jake frowned. I didn't think that was what he expected to hear. "Okay," he said after a long pause. "You have to get back to Seattle. Can we talk about this tonight over dinner?"

"Yeah," I said, exhaling. "I have to go. I'll see you later." I gave him a quick kiss and headed out the door.

The tension in the office when I walked through the door was so thick you could have cut it up with a butter knife and served it for dinner. I ignored the stares and whispers as I walked toward Alice's office. She looked up when I knocked and waved me in. I stepped into her office, my stomach in knots, but she didn't look angry or upset, she just looked concerned.

"Hey," she said as I sat down. "How are you?"

"Look, Alice, I'm sorry. You know what I'm going through-"

"No Bella," she said softly, "I don't because you haven't really told me. And if we're being honest I don't know much about what you've been going through because for the last year you've shut me out. You've been coming to work and going home, holing up in your apartment with your email and running down to Tacoma every weekend to spend time with Sarah while the rest of us, me and Rose, got pushed by the wayside. You're so focused on Jake and Iraq that you forgot about your life here."  
I looked down at my shoes, ashamed. She was right. I got so wrapped up in Jake that I screwed everyone else."

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I don't know what else to say."

Alice said, "It is what it is, and I'm sorry doesn't change the fact that you changed over the last year. Everything's different now."

"I know. What's this mean though? For us, for work. Where do we go from here?"

Alice frowned, looking down at her desktop. "I don't know Bella. I mean, what's going to happen when he goes back to Virginia, or back to Iraq or he gets transferred to some place like Japan? What happens then? Are you going to lock yourself in your apartment and count down the days until he comes back?"

Alice went on but she started to lose me with the "back to Virginia" line. He was going back to Virginia? I was confused. I thought he was out. They sent him home early; I thought he was home for good.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked, interrupting my train of thought.

"Nothing," I mumbled. "I'm fine."

"Look," Alice said holding up a hand. "No matter what happens, you are part owner of this company; you'll always have that, but if you don't think you can do the job anymore let me know."

"Alice…" I ran my hand through my hair, unsure of what to do next. Did I have to give up my job to be with Jake? Did I want to give up my job for Jake? I didn't know.

"Look, take a day or two or ten and think about it. And do me a favor, stop being a stranger. I'm your best friend. I miss you."

I nodded, still speechless. "I'll get back to you in a day or two," I said. "And I'm sorry. I never meant for it to come to this."

"It's okay," Alice replied. "You're at that fork in the road, the place where life changes and you have to decide whether or not you're going to stick with what you know or you're going to take the plunge into the great unknown."

I nodded and pulled open her office door. "I'll let you know when I make my decision."

I sat behind the wheel of my car staring blankly at the scenery as it flashed by, the radio wailing mournfully as I drove in circles around Seattle. I passed by the space needle for the fourth time in an hour. I glanced up at it as I drove by.

I loved Seattle. I loved Jake. I loved my job.

I didn't want to leave Seattle. I didn't want to lose Jake. I didn't want to quit my job.

I didn't know what to do.

I stopped at a red light, flicking the knob on the radio, effectively silencing Damien Rice's woeful tune about a girl named Amie. The track switched and the faint strain of cellos and violins poured out of the Jaguars speakers as some random piece of classical music began.

I pulled through the intersection after the light turned green and headed toward my apartment. Alice was right. I'd come to that conclusion about twenty-seven miles ago. I hadn't talked to my parents since the night Jake and I went there for dinner. Seven months ago my father stopped calling. I traded going out with Alice for nights spent seated behind my computer waiting for an email. I stopped calling Rosalie so I could go do things with Sarah. I claimed it was because she knew what I was going through, and that was partly true, but mostly it was because she didn't whine when I wanted to go home and she didn't complain when I didn't want to do something.

It wasn't anyone's fault, not really. But that's what it was, even if I didn't want it to be that way. I wanted to be happy that my boyfriend was home, alive and healthy. I wanted to lie in bed, wrapped in his arms with the world locked away. But reality was crashing down all around me and I didn't know what to do.

When I got home I checked the voicemail and changed into a pair of black sweats and a neon green tank top. Then I consulted my good friends Ben and Jerry and waited for Jake to arrive.

"They didn't discharge me Bella, I have to go back to Virginia in three weeks time, and yes, there's a possibility that I'll have to go back to Iraq." Jake sighed and pushed his moo shu pork around in his white takeout container.

"Well come on, what the hell was I supposed to think? You're in Iraq and then they're sending you home. And you never said a word about having to go back."

"Bella, I've been home for like, thirty six hours. When was I supposed to drop that on you? In the middle of making love just be all like, 'Oh yeah and Bella by the way, in three weeks I'm going back to Virginia. Now hold on while I fuck the shit out of you."

"Jake come on you know that's not what I mean."

"Well what do you mean then Bella?"

"Jake my life is here in Seattle. What are we supposed to do when you go back to Virginia?"

Jake set his takeout container on the table and turned to me. "I don't know but we can figure it out."

"Oh yeah, how? And what happens when it's time for you to leave Virginia? Where's the closest base to Seattle?"

"California," he said softly. "The nearest base that I could work on is in California."

"Exactly. What are we doing?"

Jake threw his hands up and exhaled loudly. "I don't know what we're doing, but if you want me to, I'll walk out that door right now and never call you again. It would kill me, but if that's what you wanted I would do it."

"Wait; hold on, I don't want you to leave."

"And I don't want to leave."

"I just don't see how this is going to work," I told him.

"Do we really need to figure all this out tonight?" Jake asked.

"No," I said with a shake of my head. "No, I guess we can just put it aside for the night."

"Good," he said picking up his takeout container.

I sat back on the couch and stared at the flickering TV feeling discontentedly content. Nothing had been solved, the problem had just been swept under the carpet where it would hide, lying in wait until it got the opportunity to pop up again.

Which it did.

Exactly a week later.

I'd gone to see Alice the following day and I told her that I wasn't going anywhere, that I was sorry and I would start to do better and if anything happened she would be the first to know.  
She smiled and welcomed me back, but I knew I'd done some irreparable damage to our friendship that wouldn't be fixed with a simple I'm sorry.

So I'd gone back to work, leaving Jake alone in the apartment. I was distracted, I'm not going to lie, but it was the cold hard reality of the situation and we were just going to have to find a way to deal with it.

I hated feeling this way. He'd been gone for a year and I wanted nothing more than to be glad he was home, but all I kept thinking about was what would happen when he left me again. Anytime I thought about it I felt stupid for even getting involved with him in the first place.

Jake felt the shift in our relationship and confronted me about it that night as I was getting dressed for the party at his parents' house.

"What's going on with you?" he asked from the edge of the bed where he sat putting on his shoes.

"What do you mean?" I called back as I rifled through the dresses hanging in my closet. Jake stood, his shoes hitting the floor and walking toward the closet.

"We're different. I mean our relationship is different. It's not the same as before I left."

I hung up the Alexander McQueen dress I had in my hand and turned to Jake. He was leaning against the doorframe staring at me with woeful eyes. "It's not the same," I admitted.

"Why not?" he demanded.

"Because we're not the same. God Jake, we really don't have time to do this tonight. We have to be at your mom's in an hour and I'm not even dressed yet."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," he said.

"I want to go; I just need to get dressed so we can get on the road." I didn't really want to go. I wanted to stay home, crawl into bed with the newest James Patterson novel and lock the rest of the world out.

Jake exhaled, muttering incomprehensibly under his breath as he walked away. I rolled my eyes and pulled the dress off the hanger and slipped it on, then grabbed my shoes and purse and walked out of the closet. "I'm ready, let's go," I said, my voice clipped.

Sarah noticed the tension between us when we walked in. she glanced at Jake over the top of her wine glass as he headed in the opposite direction of me. "What's going on?" she asked tilting her head in his direction.

"A lot of things. He doesn't really want to deal with any of it and I can't keep letting it go."

"Like what?" Sarah asked, the corners of her eyes crinkling in confusion.

"Well, for starters the fact that he has to go back to Virginia in a few weeks time, and the fact that my life, my job, my apartment are here in Seattle. I can't just up and move, following him wherever he goes. This is my life too, why should I have to make all the sacrifices?" I sounded selfish and I'll admit I was being selfish, but it was true. This wasn't just Jake's life, it was my life too and yes, I'd start giving things up when he started giving them up as well.

"I know this is important to you, and you two are going to have to discuss it sometime, but tonight, just be glad he's home safe."

I nodded and made my way toward the alcohol, in desperate need of a glass of wine or a shot of tequila. I went for the wine and wandered away from the party. It was hard to pretend to want to be here – there were too many people, cologne's and perfumes mixing together in a pungent stench. I escaped into the backyard and took a deep breath of clean night air.

What is wrong with me? I wondered. Most women would be thrilled their man is home from war; they wouldn't be thinking about the future, they'd be enjoying the present and making up for the past.

What is my issue? Why do I have to be such a freak?

I sat down on a lounge chair, shivering against the early spring air and took a deep breath. The inner bitch, who'd been fairly quiet over the last year, roused from her profound slumber and glared at me.

Okay, she said, I thought we were past the point where you needed me to talk sense into you, but obviously I was wrong. Very wrong. Jake just went to Iraq for a year. You stayed behind and made it through. Yes, you've both changed over the last year. I get that, I'm sure he gets that. Deal with it.

He has to go back to Virginia. Deal with it. You knew, way deep down inside that he had to. You're looking for a way to sabotage this, just admit it. The hard part is over and now you're going to have to deal with the changes that are going to come. Talk to Alice about maybe expanding, maybe adding another office on the east coast. You could still do your job and you could still be with Jake, hell you could probably even find an apartment that you like just as much as the one you have now. This is not impossible if you're reasonable.

She had a point. I was being selfish in wanting him to give everything up and not wanting to give up anything of my own. I stood up feeling childish and foolish. I took a step toward the door when it opened and Jake stepped out.

"What are you doing out here? And where's your coat? Its freezing."

"Its okay, I'm fine. Look I need to talk to you," I said.

"Okay, well at least put this on then we can go inside and talk." He wrapped his jacket around me and ran his hands up and down my arms.

"No we have to talk now."

"Sure, is everything okay?"

"Yes. I'm sorry," I said. "I've been acting like a total spaz and I have no idea why. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said grasping my arms and looking down at me. "It's a lot to take in, you know a week here, a year there, three weeks here. I really don't know how we're going to handle it, but we'll figure  
it out. It's not impossible."

"Its daunting," I said. "Because I've become so used to who I am by myself. I mean, I've got you, but you were over there and I was here and so I had to figure out a whole lot of stuff, and now you're here and it's like, well, where do we go from here."

"We keep going forward. Remember that Vonnegut quote you told me about, the one about the edge?"

I nodded. At the end of some email over the last twelve months I told him about the quote, about how I thought he was on the edge while I stood in the center. I didn't think he understood it at the time, and if he didn't he sure as hell did now.

"Okay, Christopher Logue wrote a, well I guess it's a poem, and it goes, Come to the edge. We might fall. Come to the edge. It's too high! Come to the edge! And they came, and he pushed, and they flew. Well, that's my take on this. We can stand back here and stare at the edge, too afraid to get close because we might fall, but if we never get close enough we'll never know that we can fly. Look all I'm saying is that it's not going to be easy, but when has it been?"

I looked up at him, the moon casting a pale halo over his head. "You're right," I told him. "Of course you're right. I'm willing to try and find a way to make this work if you want to make it work."

"I want it to work. I don't want anyone else but you." He leaned down kissing me, his lips cold against mine. "There's something I want to tell you and I'm not saying it because of what we just talked about, I'm not trying to trick you or make you stay with me."

My heart hammered against my ribs, momentary fear clutched my lungs. I swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Ready?"

I nodded and Jake clasped my hands in his. "I love you," he said, eyes shining with emotion. "I've loved you since…well since the moment I laid eyes on you."

I closed my eyes and smiled, the memory of my cursing at the fruit in the hallway surfacing.

"And like I said, I'm not saying this because I think it's going to keep you. I'm saying it because it's true and it's how I feel and I want you to know. I love you Bella. I have and always will."

"I love you too," I said looking up at him, willing myself not to cry. I imagined this moment a thousand times, how it would feel and where we would be. "And I'm not just saying it because you said it back. I love you. How could I not?"

"Hey you two," Sarah said sliding open the glass door. "Everything okay?"

Jake and I turned to her. "Everything's fine Mom."

"It's better than fine," I said snuggling into Jake's chest. "Everything is perfect."  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Turn It Off" by Paramore (ringtone)  
"Amie" by Damien Rice (mournful song about Amie)  
"Kiss the Rain (Strings Version)" by Yiruma (random classical music)  
"Almost Everything" by Wakey!Wakey! (chapter title) (and a total must check out...they are way fabulous...)


	23. Piece it Together

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

wolfyfangrl this is for you ; ) I was going to make them break up...I admit I wanted to, then they would have gotten back together..but I think if I did that there might have been a riot..jk.. (forgive the 8's in the middle of the page...for some reason whenever i try to put little stars to indicate time skipping, they aren't saving...so for now the 8's are the same thing as the stars)

**Bella**

I hurried up the stairs, my heels clicking a steady tattoo as I went, trailing behind Jake as we crept away from the party, the noise of which growing softer the higher we climbed. Jake glanced up and down the hallway. Finding it empty, he dashed across the hall and opened the attic door, pulled me in behind him, the door shutting softly. The darkness washed over us, the only light a thin strip of yellow spilling under the crack of the door.

He turned on me, pushing my back against the door cupping my cheeks in his palms. "I can't wait," he panted, claiming my mouth, his hands moving down my neck, pulling at the buttons of my dress. They sprang free, clattering against the dusty attic stairs.

"Jake," I half groaned, half moaned, "What if someone comes looking for us."

"Yeah, well then they're going to get one hell of a show." His five o'clock stubble scratched against my neck and his breath, warm little puffs, travelled across my skin. "And not only that, but this makes up for the ferry, remember the ferry?"

"Ooh the ferry."

"And the multiple fuck like rabbits comments, and fuck the shit out of you comments, and the fact that one week with you then one year without you is just killing me. It's _killing me_ Isabella-"

I shivered as his hands pulled the ruined dress down across my shoulders, slid it over my arms, let it drop into a pool of black silk at my feet.

Jake's lips trailed up my collarbone. "Would it be crude," he said dragging his lips across my chest to the other side of my collarbone, "To say I wanted to fuck you on the stairs?"

My breath caught in my throat, time seemed to halt in the small space at the base of the attic. Every nerve in my body flamed to life. The inner bitch grinned mischievously at Jake, her head nodding emphatically. _Say yes,_ she pleaded. _Let's do it on the stairs!_

I couldn't say anything. The proverbial cat had stolen my tongue, so instead I reached for his belt, fingers fumbling with the stiff leather. I tugged it, freeing him from the unforgiving belt. I found the button on his trousers, groping in the dark and released it.

"Come here," Jake murmured grasping my hips, pulling me forward, turning me so his back was to the door and mine was to the stairs. "I like this little lacy deal you've got going on here. It's driving me wild."

My ankles hit the back of the step and I sank down onto the hard, dirty wood and looked up at Jake, my fingers reaching for the waistband of his black pants, brushed over the bulge in his pants, a teasing smile tugged at the corners of my lips.

I pulled his pants down, tugging his boxers with them. They dropped to the floor and Jake stepped out of them. He leaned toward me, one knee on the step between my legs. "I need you now," he growled and pulled at the thin, lacy underpants. They tore and he dropped them onto the stair beside his knee. I sat up and kissed Jake, his lips yielding to mine, his tongue ran over mine tasting of the expensive brandy Richard kept in the study.

Footsteps came up the stairs and walked toward the door. I froze; Jake grasped the back of my head, weaving his hands into my hair. I wiggled against him, trying to get away from him, to find some place to hide. We were going to be caught and when we were, it was going to be mortifying.

I pulled away; Jake came closer, holding me against him. The footsteps in the hallway moved away from the door and I heard a door shut further down the hallway. Whoever was out there was in the bathroom and we were safe.

In my struggle, we had moved further up the stairs. Jake grinned wickedly and looked down at me. "We shouldn't be doing this," I whispered.

"Yes we should, hang on a second okay." He kissed my swollen lips once more then turned, creeping down the stairs. He picked up his pants and rooted through his pockets. I waited, patiently as he turned his pants, reaching into the back pocket, his face falling.

"Aw Jake, tell me your kidding," I said.

He shook his head no. "I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking about it."

I sighed. "Screw it. Get up here, and I quote, "fuck me on the stairs.""

"What about?"

"I have an IUD. It'll be fine."

Jake dropped his pants, his belt smacked against the stair and he quietly climbed the stairs and in one fluid motion entered me. The back of the stair bit into my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck; he chest pressed against mine was slick with perspiration. The smell of sex, sweat, and lust permeated the air. My soft cries and Jake's barely audible groans bounced off the walls on either side of us.

More footsteps came up the stairs. Jake readjusted, putting one hand on the stair, wrapping his other arm behind my back, pulling me away from the stairs and tighter against him. My back arched, driving him deeper into me. I cried out softly, the footsteps in the hallway stopped.

"Jake?" Sarah called.

I gasped, a mix of fear and pleasure rolling together, whooshing out of my parted lips. "Shh," he hissed, his lips claiming mine, silencing me.

I groaned into his mouth as Sarah called for him again. She reached for the attic door, the knob jiggling under her touch on the other side. Jake, unfazed by his mother's close proximity, continued with our tryst on the attic stairs. I knew when I thought about it later it would be hot, being so close to being caught. I closed my eyes and let him take me to that place only he could take me to. When I came, I groaned into his mouth, nipping his tongue with my front teeth. He inhaled, and shuddered, a quivering sensation that rocked his whole body. He groaned a guttural sound into my mouth and stilled, still inside of me.

When he dragged his mouth off mine, he looked down at me, a wicked gleam in his eye and said, "Well that was interesting. Add that to our list of random places we've had sex."

I grinned and blushed; remember the night we did it on the closet floor. That night was epic. I'd never had sex like that and didn't think I would ever again. Tonight didn't top it, but it definitely made the top five.

"Yes, well, what are going to do now that my ridiculously expensive dress is now a ridiculously expensive rag?"

"Oh please, I already had that covered," he said.

"Care to explain?"

"I told Rachel you spilled red wine on your dress and you needed to soak it. She gave me one of her extra dresses for you to wear. It's hanging in the closet in my room."

"You, my dear special forces," I said tapping his chest, the ugly red wound winking at me, "are a dog."

"I might be a dog, but you love me," he retorted.

My expression softened. "That I do." I let the feeling, the knowledge that not only did I love him but he loved me as well fill me until I thought I would burst. Emotional tears started to fill my eyes. I blinked, willing them away. "Think your mom has gone back down to the party?"

Jake shrugged and said, "I can go see." He turned, crept down the stairs and bent, quickly pulling on his pants and adjusting his shirt. He tossed me my ruined dress and said with a smirk, "Unless you'd rather streak down the hallway."

I flipped him off and pulled on the ruined dress, buttoning the two buttons that survived Jake's assault and clasped the front of the dress shut. The attic door opened slowly, the beam of buttery light casting a warm glow over the dusty staircase. Jake poked his head out and peered to the left, then turned and glanced to the right. "The coast's clear. Come on."

I hurried down the steps, stubbing my toe on the last one and hobbled out into the hall. Jake grabbed my shoes and we rushed toward his room where, just as he said, a plain black dress hung in the closet door.

"Go on and get cleaned up. I'll wait for you down stairs."

"Okay. I'll be down in a few," I said, pecking him on the cheek.

He left the room, silently shutting the door behind him. I collected the dress and made my way into the adjoining bathroom. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. The pallor of my skin, the almost sallow look had been replaced by a radiant glow. My eyes sparkled with good-natured mischief. I smiled and turned the sink on, waiting for the water to get warm, then I retrieved a washcloth and ran it under the tepid water, running the soft cotton over my neck and chest. There was small dust bunnies tangled in my curls. I plucked them out, dropping them into the trashcan to my left.

When I finished washing up, I shut the water off and hung the washcloth up to dry, then I slipped into Rachel's dress. It was a size too big, but it would do for the remainder of the party. I clicked off the bathroom light and exited the bedroom, feeling slightly naughty as I went down the staircase, the material of the dress swishing along my bare backside.

From the other side of the living Jake looked up as I entered. He said something to the silver haired man he was speaking to and walked toward me.

"I feel indecent," I murmured with a smile as I accepted a glass of white wine from a passing waiter.

"Oh I bet you do," he said raising a glass to his lips. He peered at me over the rim of his glass and smiled slightly. "It's turning me on."

I smiled coyly and said, "Me too."

Across the room, someone called Jake's name. He turned and smiled at a man about his age, with dark hair and an olive complexion. "Come here I want you to meet a friend of mine."

He wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me toward me the man. I noticed, as we got closer, that he was younger than Jake was, maybe three of four years younger. "Bella this is Seth, Seth, this is my girlfriend Bella."

The man named Seth held his hand out and I shook it. "Nice to meet you," I said politely.

"Ditto," he said with a goofy grin.

"Did your mom and dad come?" Jake asked.

Seth nodded. "They're here somewhere, Leah too. How have you been man?"

Jake shrugged. "Glad to be home. How are you? How's college?"

I stood beside Jake feeling like an outsider. He must have sensed my unease because he turned to me and said, "Seth and I have known each other for ever. Our moms were best friends when they were kids. He's more like a brother to me than a friend."

I nodded and smiled.

"College is crap. I'm thinking of dropping out and joining the navy."

Jake shook his head no and said, "The navy! Screw that join the Corp. What the hell do you want to be a squid for? They're a bunch of pansies."

Seth laughed and shrugged. "Navy, Marine Corp, what the hell's the difference?"

"Um, the navy's a bunch of sugar coated patsy's," Jake retorted.

"We'll see what happens. Mom doesn't want me to join up. She keeps harping at me to finish college and get a regular job. College is for the birds. I'm bored to tears there."

I could relate. Four years of college bored me to tears too. "I can relate," I piped up. "College was boring for me too. How much longer do you have?"

"A year," Seth said.

"Finish the year," Jake said. "Then if you still want to join, you can go in as an officer."

Seth's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I don't know how it all works…talk to a recruiter, they can help."

I placed my hand on Jake's arm. "I'm going to get something to drink, I'll be right back."

The military talk was a little too much. I was walking toward the bar when Sarah called out my name. I stopped and turned a warm smile on my face and walked toward Sarah. She was standing with a woman who appeared to be about my age. She was tall with an olive complexion and glossy chestnut colored hair. Her eyes were the color of dark chocolate and friendly.

"Bella I'd like you to meet Leah Clearwater. Leah this is Jake's girlfriend Bella."

I stuck my hand out and shook Leah's. "Nice to meet you," I said.

"Likewise," she replied. "Sarah tells me you work in the fashion industry."

I nodded. "You could say that. I work for Two Red Birds."

Leah's eyes widened. "Really? I applied for a job there, in the design department, but I didn't get the job. It was a bummer too, that was where I really wanted to work."

"I'm sorry to hear that. If you want I can see about getting you an interview."

Leah smiled and said, "I appreciate that, but you know what they say, good things fall apart so better things can come together."

"That's true," I admitted. "If you don't mind my asking, where are you working now?"

"I'm working for myself. I have a little shop and I make and sell my own clothes."

"What kind of clothes?" I asked.

"Women's apparel; dresses, blouses, skirts. Things like that."

"Interesting." An idea was blooming in my mind. "Where's your shop located?"

"Elizabeth City, North Carolina."

I smiled in spite of myself. "Do you have a card? I'd love to see some of your work," I said.

Leah nodded and reached into the small black purse dangling from her wrist. "Here you go," she said handing me an ivory colored card with the word 'Fresh' typed in the center and the stores address, hours of business as well as Leah's name and phone number were all listed. "Thank you," I said cupping the card in my hand. "Have you ever thought of expanding?"

"How so?" she asked.

"Well, making more of your garments and selling to a larger market?"

Leah nodded and said, "Someday, you know, when the time is right and I have the resources. However, right now, I don't so I'm content with what I have. Nevertheless, expanding is and always has been in the cards. Just have to wait for the right time."

"I understand. What would you say if I told you I knew someone who could make the right time right now? Would you be interested?"

Leah nodded enthusiastically. "Of course."

"Okay, well let me give you my contact information, send me some of your sketches, pictures of your stuff and I'll show it to my people and I'll give you a call and we'll go from there."

I motioned for Leah to follow me and we walked toward the study. I wrote my office and cell phone numbers down for her as well as my email and handed her the small square of paper. "Get that stuff to me as soon as you can," I said.

She nodded and put the paper in her bag. "I will."

**888**

Alice poured over the sketches and photos Leah emailed me earlier this afternoon. I had looked them over before taking them to Alice. I didn't want to jump blindly into this and risk it turning into a disaster.

"Okay," Alice said looking up from the sketches. "What's the deal?"

"This past weekend," I said taking a deep breath. "At Jake's party this weekend I met a woman name Leah Clearwater. These are her designs. We were talking and she said she applied for a job here once, but lost out to someone with a bit more experience. She moved to North Carolina and opened her own store called Fresh.

"As you can see the clothes are like modern vintage. If that makes any sense. I think if we expanded – go beyond the play clothes, we could have a real moneymaker on our hands."

Alice nodded, flipping through the sketches again. "And what's the plan?"

"Well, Leah's store and home is in North Carolina, Elizabeth City. I think that we should open an east coast office to run a new women's line. Leah would maintain the rights to her designs, it would be a line for the 18 – 23 demographic, and we could call it Fresh by Two Red Birds. If it goes well then we can grow the department to include women of all ages."

"Who would run the east coast office?" Alice asked.

"Me," I said. "I would find and train a replacement for myself here, then I would go to Elizabeth City, find a building, hire a team, and get it started."

Alice nodded, jotting notes down on a pad of paper to her left. "We're going to have to convene and get the board's approval," she said. "But if they are okay with it, then I'm okay with it. Are you sure you want to leave Seattle for North Carolina?"

I half shrugged and said, "I love Jake, Alice. What am I supposed to do? I can't fly back and forth every weekend – well I could, but what kind of relationship would that be?"

She nodded sadly. "I understand. I'll miss you though."

"I'll miss you too and I'll come see you as often as I can. This is just something I have to do. It's what is best for me and it's what's best for the company."

Again, Alice nodded. "I understand Bella. I'm just glad that he came home and that you're going to get your happily ever after."

"Alice, you'll get yours. You just have to be patient."

She waved a hand dismissively. "I know," she said. "But enough of that. I'll schedule a meeting and we'll see what the board has to say."

**888**

"What'd she say?" Jake asked when I walked in the front door that evening.

"She said she'd convene the board and get their approval."

Jake exhaled and smiled. "Do you think they'll say yes?"

I sank down on to the couch beside him. "I think they will, but they're a bunch of old coots that are more trouble than they're worth."

Jake laughed. "Sounds like my commanding officer. So if the board agrees what happens then?"

"Well I have to find someone to replace me here, then I'm going to have to have a lawyer draw up some papers for Leah to sign, I'll go to North Carolina and start looking for an apartment and an office."

"How far is Elizabeth City from Norfolk?"

"It's about an hour away. I was thinking of looking for something close to the North Carolina border. I don't know though, I'm going to have to wait and see what's out there."

"Nothing," Jake laughed. "Out on the border it's all woods and swamp. You wouldn't want to live out there."

"No, probably not. I could see it now. I'd come home from work late one night and walk into the kitchen and come face to face with a gator."

Jake snorted. "There aren't gators in Virginia. You'd have a better chance of coming face to face with a raccoon or a deer but no gators."

"Oh well thank God for that," I said dramatically.

We sat side by side on the couch, quietly contemplating a future where we'd be an hour apart rather than forty-eight.

"I love you," Jake said unexpectedly.

"I love you too," I replied with a smile. "I'm hungry. Do you want to go get something to eat?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah, let's go grab some dinner."

**888**

"Ms. Swan, we have considered your proposal," Mr. Conrad said, his face expressionless.

My heart fell. He was going to reject the proposal to add a women's line and expand to the east coast. I wanted to cry. I blinked back the tears, desperately clinging to a professional façade.

"And we would like to be the first to congratulate you for coming up with such a wonderful idea. We think adding a women's line is the next natural step for the company to take and we look forward to reconvening in six month's time to check on Fresh's progress."

I coughed. They were giving us the go ahead to open the North Carolina office. I couldn't believe it. I sat at the opposite end of the table, stunned. From under the table, Alice kicked me. "Th-thank you Mr. Conrad, members of the board," I stammered.

Conrad smiled and said, "You're welcome, now don't screw it up."

**Reviews are better than finding a way to be together : )**

Piece it Together by Green River Ordinance


	24. Carolina In My Mind

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

Sorry about the last chapter..I don't know what happened with the little star marks...they were there when I wrote it, but somewhere between my writing it and ff posting it they got lost in translation..so now if you see 8*8*8 in the middle of the page take it as a break in the time...for some reason its not saving the regular marks...and woo hoo..glad you liked the lemon on the stairs..

**Bella**

I stepped out of the car and peered across the parking lot at the illuminated Babies R' Us sign and sighed, shutting the car door with a slam. This was the one place in Seattle that I did not want to be. But Rose needed me and I suppose that what friends are for so I resigned myself to a night of shopping for baby gear as I walked toward the store.

The parking lot was littered with potholes, potholes full of water from the earlier rain. I groaned as I stepped into a puddle camouflaged as wet pavement, water creeping into the toe of my newest Michael Kors. Closing my eyes, I removed my foot from the puddle and gave it a shake, muddy water flying everywhere.

"I'm doing this because Rose is my friend," I grumbled to myself. "Because I love her. Because it's more important for me to be here rather than at home curled up in my delicious boyfriend's arms."

The store was quiet, the storm keeping the moms to be and the moms already at home in their warm houses, curled up on couches with books laid on their laps, the radio playing softly in the background. I shook my head. Just because that's what I wanted to be doing right now didn't mean that's what everyone else was doing.

I walked down an aisle, looking at the baby clothes to my left. Tiny outfits on hangars. I found it amusing that they made hangars that small. Rose was standing with her back to me staring up at a state of the art stroller that looked like it could rear your kid for you.

I called her name and she turned to glance at me, a tired smile breaking across her pretty face. "Hi," she said softly as she rested her hands atop her grotesquely swollen stomach.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Really fricking tired. But good. I guess. How are you, I hear Jake made it home. Are you guys okay?"

I nodded. "We're good. He's going back to Virginia soon and I'll be moving out east in a few weeks to run the new line. Things are good. But, besides being tired how are you, really?"

She shrugged helplessly. "Riley won't sign the divorce papers. Emmett wants to kill him, the twins like to kick me in the bladder any chance they get, and I'm fat. I woke up this morning and couldn't see my feet. They just vanished. And shoes? Forget shoes…I can't put them on because I can't see my feet. Emmett thinks it's hilarious, I want to punch him in the junk and cry."

"Okay well I'm pretty sure punching Emmett in the junk won't solve anything," I said and thought to myself, _it would be pretty damn funny though_. "And second, crying won't solve anything either. As for not being able to see your feet, well…I don't really know what to tell you about that other than buy some kick ass flip-flops. I can, however, help you buy the stuff you need for your babies."

I still had trouble swallowing the fact that Rosalie was pregnant with twins whose sex was indeterminable because they refused to play nice for the ultrasound techs anytime Rose had an appointment. She swore they were girls but who the hell knew. The same thing went for the babies' father.

Yes, it was a mess. Riley went to Portland for some kind of meeting, Rose ran into Emmett in a bar, they had drinks, drinks turned to a kiss and a kiss turned into a quickie in the bar bathroom. A few weeks later she left Riley, moved back in with her parents until she found her own apartment and found out she was pregnant.

She lied to Riley and said she never slept with Emmett, but she had told Alice and me that she had and now she didn't know who the babies' father was. Well, she said it was Emmett because she hadn't slept with Riley in over a month but with these things, you could never know.

She turned back to the strollers, her swollen fingers caressing the pink and grey material of the stroller's seat. "I have no idea what I'm doing," she cried. "I need so much stuff and I have no idea how or where to start."

I took a deep breath. Kids weren't my thing, but after seeing Victoria bring two into the world, I had a vague idea. "Okay, first we need cribs or bassinets. I say you buy cribs because in the end, that'll be what you need. The kids are going to outgrow a bassinet in like six months or something." I was pulling that out of my ass but Rose didn't need to know that. Walking toward the cribs, I pointed at a white one that had attached drawers. "This kind," I said tapping the wood "grows with the babies. It can go from a crib to a toddler bed." I flipped through the product information cards attached to the shelf, pointing at the various bits of information written on them.

"I like that," Rose said. "But I don't like the color."

"Okay, well what color do you want?"

She pointed to the same crib only made with cherry colored wood. "I like this one."

"Okay, after that you are going to need a mattress, blankets, sheets, stuff like that. I think that because you don't know the sex of the babies, you go with something gender neutral, whites, and yellows, even black if you're daring. On the other hand, you can go with Pooh. All kids love Pooh."

We walked toward the bedding, Rose cooing over the cute patterns of the baby blankets. She picked up a set of Pooh sheets and smiled, turning to me she said, "I like these." She pointed at two different Pooh comforters. I picked them up and tossed them into an empty cart at the end of the aisle.

"Now what?" she asked, turning to look around the store.

"Car seats? Clothes, diapers, toys decorations?"

Rosalie nodded and waddled back toward the car seats. I pushed the cart, trailing after Rose, absentmindedly wondering if I ever wanted to have kids.

No, I decided as Rose tilted her head, her fingers tapping her chin as she debated over which car seats to choose. I mean, I love Jake, I do, but our lives are complicated enough as it is, why add a baby to that mix? Oh and then there was the lovely relationship I had with my own parents. Over a year had gone by since I'd spoken to them and I had no plans what so ever to change that now.

No, it was probably better to keep things they way they were.

"What do you think?" Rose was saying when I walked up.

"About what?" I answered.

"This one," she pointed to a grey car seat, "or this one?" a brown one with a pink and white plaid pattern.

"The grey one."

"Okay," she said piling two of the car seat boxes on top of everything else in the cart. "Well I think that's enough for now. I can come back after the baby shower and get whatever else I don't have."

"Are you sure?"

Rosalie nodded with a yawn. "Yup. I'm exhausted. I want to go home, lie down on the couch, and watch Lost."

"To the check out then." I directed the cart toward the front of the store.

"When are you going to North Carolina?" Rosalie asked as we loaded her purchases on the conveyor belt, the bored looking clerk lazily ringing each item up.

"I'm flying out there Monday; I'll be gone for a week. I have to find an office and an apartment."

"Have you been looking at listings online?"

I shook my head yes and handed her a pack of onesies. "I have, I found a couple of places that look like they could be ideal, but apartment wise, well, let's just say, I haven't found anything I like yet."

"I'm sure once you get there you'll find something no problem."

Rose was right. The second I stepped off the plane in North Carolina, I fell in love. It was the middle of April, the sun was shining, trees had tiny leaves shimmering in the warm briny breeze blowing off the Albemarle Sound. It was so different from Seattle. When I left my apartment that morning, it was 41 degrees and raining. Driving down the highway and into the heart of the city, I had the windows down and the radio reported the weather to be a balmy 73 degrees with no chance of rain for another week.

It was definitely something I could get used to – actually wearing shorts in May and not having to worry about toting an umbrella with me everywhere I went "just in case."

I drove through the city, small and quaint, toward the real estate agents office. When I got there, I parked outside a historic looking brick building and got out of the car, enjoying the warm air on my bare arms. Down the street, a child giggled and a mother's sing-songy voice echoed off the pavement. I smiled as I pushed the door to the agent's office open.

She looked up and smiled warmly. "Good afternoon, Ms. Swan I presume."

"That's me," I replied.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Barbara Ipswich. Did you have any trouble finding us?"

"No, none at all, it seems like everything is accessible from the road I came in on."

"You came in on Seventeen?"

I nodded. "Yes, I think that was it."

Barbara nodded. "It's a fairly small town; everything is connected and easy to get to. Now, you were looking for-" Barbara looked down, shuffling the papers on her desk. "Ah there it is, a commercial property and a condo as well, is that correct?"

"Yes. Well, it doesn't have to be a condo, if I see a house I like, I'm willing to make an offer."

Barbara nodded and marked something on a yellow legal pad. "Okay then," she said with a smile. "I have a few commercial properties that are brand new. All are located within a few blocks of each other. How much space do you think you'll need?"

"At least eight thousand square feet."

Barbara nodded. "The buildings I have are ten, just over seven and just under six thousand square feet. Here, have a look at this." She handed me a sheet of paper. In the top left hand corner was a photo of a quaint brick building, three stories tall, the perpetual brick dotted periodically with a set of windows. I glanced down at the specs, the lots size, the building's square footage, its location, and the price.

"I like this building. Are the others similar or the same?"

"Yes, the others are smaller, one is two stories, just over seven thousand square feet and the third is just under six. This is the largest of the properties."

I nodded. "How about residential properties, what have you got?"

Barbara pulled out another sheaf of paper and handed it to me. I accepted them and tried not to visibly cringe. North Carolinian builders had a fancy for row homes. I flipped through the papers shaking my head at each one.

Barbara frowned. "None of those doing it for you?"

"No," I said, "I'm afraid not."

"Well," she said handing me more fliers. "How about any of these."

The first few were just as bad, if not worse. Then the last flier caught my attention. It was an architect's rendering of a building at the end of a street, overlooking what looked like a river. "I like this one," I said turning the page over to show Barbara.

She smiled knowingly. "I thought you would. Those are brand new; they actually just completed the building a few weeks ago. It sits on the end of Water Street and overlooks the water."

"Well, if you don't mind I'd love to go see it."

Barbara nodded. "Let me make a few phone calls and we can be on our way shortly."

Fifteen minutes later, we were pulling up to the building. I got out of the car and looked up at it. A handsome woman was waiting for us. She walked up and extended her hand. "Hello," she said warmly. "I'm Tanya; you must be Ms. Swan, welcome to North Carolina."

"Thank you," I replied and followed her into the dimly lit foyer. The building smelled like new paint and sawdust.

"As I'm sure you were told," Tanya said as we stepped onto the elevator, "the building was just completed a few weeks ago. You would be the first owner to move in if you chose to purchase the condo."

The elevator doors opened, revealing a short hallway with an emergency staircase at the far end. Tanya motioned for me to follow her. I complied and waited as she unlocked the front door. I stepped inside and gasped. Mahogany wood floors gleamed under recessed lighting in the exposed beam ceiling. Four large windows let the afternoon sun in. The exposed brick walls were a beautiful burnt orange color.

I walked further in. The kitchen, living room, and dining room were all one room. In the kitchen, I let out a little shriek. The cabinets were a shade darker than the floors and made an L on the wall. In the center of the room was an island, a sink and prep counter on one side, a bar on the other. The stovetop was restaurant quality, recessed into the black marble countertops. My fingers danced over the smooth surface, tingling with anticipation.

I didn't need to see more, I was sold, but I went to the bedroom, pushing open the white door with child-like glee and was not disappointed. The exposed beam continued in the bedroom. Two of the walls were painted a light beige color, the wall to my right was the same brick as the living room, and the fourth wall was all windows, offering a stunning view of the river.

I peeked into the bathroom and the remaining two rooms and went back to the living room where Barbara and Tanya were waiting. "Start the paperwork," I said with a huge smile.

8*8*8

A week later, I was back in Seattle, back with Jake and packing to move across the country. Jake was putting books into a box when he stopped, a photo album in his hand, and looked up.

"What's wrong?" I asked setting the picture frame half wrapped in paper down.

"It's your parents. Are you really going to move and not tell them you're leaving Seattle?"

I shrugged, picking up the picture frame, turning it over in my hands. "I don't know. Why?"

"Well," he said, "It's been bugging me, you know. And don't get mad, I don't blame you for not talking to them, but Bells it's been a year. I'm not saying you have to forgive them, but you should at least tell them you're leaving the city."

I frowned, torn. I knew he was right. Too much time had passed though to just pick up the phone and call. "I'll call them," I said even though I did not intend to do so whatsoever.

"Thank you," Jake said and put another stack of books into the box he was packing.

"Mhmm," I mumbled.

"Really Bella," he said not buying it. "Call them. All you have to do is call and say, "Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm moving across the country." I mean, what happens if something happens to your dad and he, oh, I don't know, dies, and you don't know. How do you think you're going to feel when you find out and realize you never got the chance to say goodbye?"

"I said I'd call. I'm going to call, all right. Now just…" I exhaled angrily. "Just back off, alright."

"Fine," he snapped. "Whatever."

I turned back to the stack of photos waiting to be packed, feeling like a bitch. There were times over the last few months when I wanted to pick up the phone and call my dad just to say hi. I missed him more than even I realized I would but the rift between us was far larger than a simple phone could bridge.

I finished with the photos and stood up, looking around for something else to pack. The living room, my bedroom, and kitchen were all packed, well would be as soon as Jake finished with the bookcase. "I'm gonna go work on the office," I said softly.

"Okay, once I'm finished here I'll come give you a hand."

"Thanks babe." I started to walk away, then stopped in the middle of the hall. "Jake?"

"Yeah?" he said looking up.

"I'm sorry. I know your only thinking about what's best. I just don't know if I'm ready to talk to them yet."

"I know. I just don't want you to have any regrets. I know what it's like to do something and then live with the regret for years."

I nodded. "I just don't think I'm ready."

"Okay."

I walked down the hall and entered the office, looking around at the mess. There were boxes everywhere, trash bags, random computer parts, and little bits of this and that. I sighed and opened a box, taping the bottom shut then setting it on the floor.

_Here we go, _I thought. _Last room, the last little bit of my life in Seattle._

I sat down on the floor and started sorting through the piles on the floor, separating trash from treasure. My replacement had been found, trained and would be starting this week, my office at work had been cleaned out and packed up, the contracts for the condo and the office in North Carolina had been signed and faxed, my condo in Seattle had been sold.

Everything was all lined up and falling into place, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I should be happier than I was.

I found a great place to live – greater than my place in Washington, I would be just an hour south of my boyfriend, Leah was excited to start the new line. Everything was in order, but it still felt like something was off and I couldn't place my finger on what, exactly, it was.

_It's your parents, _the inner bitch piped up. _You know you need to go see them, try to work it out before you leave. That's your only loose end here. Rose and Alice will be fine, they have each other, yes, it will suck not seeing them every day, but this is a sacrifice you have to make. Love or friendship? You chose love. Now quit being a pansy and go see your parents tomorrow. _

I stuffed an old notebook into the trash and nodded, agreeing with my inner voice. I didn't want to see them, but I knew I had to. I sighed and resigned myself to the task. Tomorrow I would drive up to Campbell Hill to see my parents.

No matter how badly I didn't want to.

**Reviews are better than finding an awesome condo..**

http : // www . homes . com / listing / 105418814 / 114 _ n _ Water _ Street _ ELIZABETH _ CITY _ NC _ 27909 # stay ~~Bella's condo

_and just a quick note...I don't know when the next update will be...I start a new job on Friday and will be working 1) crazy hours and 2) like an hour from home..so it might be a while before the next update is up, but it WILL be written and posted...I would NEVER stop a story, especially when it's so close to the end..that's just mean...lol. _

_Here Comes The Sun _by The Beatles_  
_


	25. Sweeping the Ashes

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

**Bella**

The drive from my apartment to my parent's house took all of about fifteen minutes. The entire way there, I had to constantly remind myself to breathe, to be calm. I even tried to trick myself into believing I was going to the mall to buy a new pair of shoes, but as I passed the gleaming lights of the mall the cold harsh reality of what I was about to do hit me with a sickening force.

_We're just gonna go up to the door, knock, and when they answer just calmly tell them that you are moving out east and thought they should know. Give them your card with your new numbers on it and then leave. That's all you have to do, _the inner bitch whispered calmly.

I made the turn into their neighborhood and drove down the empty streets, arriving at their house. My father's car was gone, but my mother's car was parked in the driveway, silver paint sparkling in the overcast sun.

Pocketing the Jaguars' keys, I opened the door and nervously stepped out, turned and stared up at the house. _Now or never,_ I thought and steeled myself against the possible shower of angry words that might fly out of my mother's mouth.

I stumbled as I went up the walk and almost fell into an American Beauty, its razor sharp thorns waiting to shred my silk top. Quickly, I caught myself and continued what felt like the walk of shame to the front door.

When I got there, I stood on the porch debating with myself. Press the doorbell, no, don't press the doorbell. Then I snorted as an old episode of South Park popped into my head. "Ready Ike? Kick the baby! Don't kick the baby!" Was it relative to the given situation? No, but it was funny as hell. I reached out and pressed the doorbell, the chimes echoing through the closed front door. I waited for a moment, then peered into the door, coming face to face with Renee.

She pulled the door open and assessed me with a critical eye. "Isabella," she said, her tone frosty enough to eradicate global warming.

"You know I always hated it when you called me that," I blurted out.

Renee opened her mouth, her lips forming unspoken words. She shut her mouth and pressed her lips into a thin crimson line. Finally, after a long pause, she said, "Is there a particular reason you're gracing my front porch with your presence?"

I blinked, shutting my eyes and seeing red. I opened them, fished the business card out of my back pocket, and shoved it at her. "I came to tell you and dad that I'm leaving the city. I'm moving to North Carolina, my new home, office, and cell phone numbers are on there."

Renee took the card and clasped it between her hands. "So that's it then. You're leaving Seattle and this business of ours is going to be left like this, unrepaired and unspoken of?"

I sighed and raked my fingers through my hair. "Mom," I said slowly. ""this business" is the same old business that it's always been. For some unforeseen reason I was never good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough – never enough of anything for you. I worked my ass off to be the daughter you wanted, to be Victoria, and it still wasn't enough for you. So I'm done, I can't compete with your idea of perfection because that's not me." I turned and headed down the steps, away from Renee, away from everything she'd ever put me through.

"Bella, wait," she called. I stopped, turning to face her. "You were never _not_ good enough. You were _too_ good. You were always so free and happy, you made friends easily, and people liked you. You were the one who marched to the beat of her own drum. You didn't let have it easy, Victoria, well she's like an obedient puppy and that doesn't mean I don't love your sister because I do, but she always let me in, she always wanted me around, you on the other hand. You never let me get close to you."

"Because you've been out to get me for as long as I can remember," I shouted at her. "Jesus Christ Mom, all my life it's been, "Isabella don't do that, Isabella, stop tripping over the furniture or practice your piano lesson, or stand up straight, be more like your sister. Never once did you tell me I did something right. It was always wrong!"

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

I gaped at her then stuck my finger in my ear, giving it a good wiggle. Surely, my ears must have deceived me. "What?"

"I said I'm sorry. You're completely right. I was hard on you, all the time. Your father was the one who stuck up for you, your father was the one who would scold me for being so hard on you. You know he left me," she said softly.

My eyes widened. "He left you?" I asked incredulously.

Renee nodded and sank down into a wicker chair on the porch. "Months ago," she said sadly. "He blamed me for the outburst at dinner that night, then he blamed me when you wouldn't take his calls."

"He was calling to convince me to talk to you, to apologize. Why would he do that, then leave you?"

Renee shrugged and for the first time I saw the cracks in her cleverly crafted façade. A smudge of lipstick, the running eyeliner, the lines of sadness etched in the space around her eyes. I climbed the porch steps and sat down across from her, really seeing her for the first time. Renee had always been so put together, prim and proper, but now, now, she was breaking at the cracks.

"At first he called you because I told him to. I was upset and I asked him to call. After I stopped asking, I suppose he called because he missed talking to you. You were always his favorite; you have to know that, don't you?"

I nodded. I knew I was; there was no denying it. "I still don't understand why you were so hard on me. Why me? Hell, why period."

"Because you reminded me so much of myself. When I was younger, I was free, my father doted on me, I aspired to be so much more than all of this. I was, hell I still am, jealous of all that you have done and who you are."

I snorted. "You're jealous of me? Me who couldn't keep a boyfriend, me who refuses to have children because I'm afraid they'll be a fucked-"

"Don't talk like that," Renee interjected.

I continued unfazed, "Because I'm afraid they'll be as fucked up as I am and you're jealous of me. Wow, just…wow."

Renee leaned forward and grasped my arm gently. "Listen to me," she commanded softly. "You are not me. You are smarter and wiser and not as judgmental as I am. You would make a wonderful mother when the time comes."

I shook my head no. "That time's never going to come. I love myself too much to ever have kids."

"Don't say that," she chided. "What about the marine? Are you two still together?"

"Jake? Yeah, we're still together."

"I'm sorry, you'd think after that explosion in the kitchen that night I'd remember his name."

I laughed softly. "It's okay."

"Okay, well doesn't Jake want children?"

I shrugged. "I don't know we haven't talked about that."

"I know I'm in no position to be offering you advice Bella, but it's high time you two talked about it because if he does and you don't you two are wasting each other's time in being together."

The way she said that, the sad look in her eye, made me wonder what she really meant. Slowly, the pieces started to click into place. "You never wanted kids," I said softly, the realization like a Rocky Balboa punch to the stomach.

Renee shook her head, tears spilling out of her eyes. "I didn't but that does not mean that I do not love you girls. You and your sister, you two were my whole world. Hell, you had to be. After you two were born all my dreams…well, it's not really important."

I sat back into the soft pad of the wicker chair, all the air leaving me as I reflected on the past. Suddenly it was as if someone had put a pair of prescription glasses on me. The way I used to see the past was changed, the hazy veil that shrouded it was suddenly lifted, and I saw my mother, staring wistfully out the kitchen window, or her laying in bed on a Saturday afternoon, the curtains drawn, a glass of something alcoholic on her nightstand.

"Wow," I said softly.

"What?" Renee asked.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Just...everything, I mean wow."

Renee sighed. "It's a lot to take in, and I never should have heaped my regret on you but I did and I can never take it back."

"Well at least it makes sense now," I said still somewhat dumbfounded.

"So you are really moving to north Carolina?"

"Yeah. The movers are coming this afternoon and then Jake and I are flying out there tomorrow afternoon. The company is expanding the business and I'm heading up the new office. We have a really great designer and a great office and I found a fantastic new place. I'm really excited. It's the first time I'm doing something, going somewhere because I want to and not because I'm following some guy. I mean, yeah, Jake is stationed in Virginia, but he's an hour away and I'm not going out there to be with him. Well, not completely. I could still be with him even if I stayed here, but we are compromising and finding a way to make it work for everyone. Me, him, my job, his job…it just all fits, you know?"

Renee nodded. "I understand. Well, whatever your reasons and whatever you do, I hope you're happy. I really mean that Bella. Do what makes you happy, because when you get to be my age, you're going to look back and wonder what if and it will turn you into a bitter old woman." She paused for a second then said with a bitter laugh, "It'll turn you into me. And I'm not the kind of person you want to be."

"What about Dad? Are you going to try and get him back?" I asked.

"No. I think it's time your father and I go our separate ways. I will always love him, but I haven't been in love with him for a really long time. It's time for us to be the people we always wanted to be but never were."

I'd like to say it made me sad to see my parents splitting up, but Renee was right. It was time for them to live their lives they way they wanted. "Well, can you pass along the news, tell him that I'm leaving, and give him my new contact information?"

"Of course dear, I'll do that the next time I see him."

"I hate to cut and run, especially now, but the movers are coming and I still have things left to pack. But call me and we can talk or whatever."

"Alright, sweetheart. Call me when you get there, just so I know you made it in one piece."

Rising I said, "I will Mom. Uh, thanks, you know, for telling me all that. I know it must not have been easy, but I appreciate it."

Renee stood and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tightly to her chest. "I love you," she said fiercely. "Don't make the same mistakes I did."

***0*0*0***

Jake was out when I got back, for that I was semi-relieved. I had so much information to processes, to sort through. The most stunning of all was the fact that my mother never wanted to have kids, yet gave up everything when she did. I was left to wonder what she gave up, what aspirations she walked away from to raise Victoria and I. It was something I would probably never know, hell, I probably didn't want to know. But it got me thinking. Did I not want kids or was it just something I said because of the way I'd been raised?

I was sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine mindlessly when Jake came in. I looked up and smiled. "Hey," I said as he shut the door and pocketed his keys.

"Hey yourself. How'd it go with your parents?"

"Well," I said tossing the magazine onto the coffee table. "I only talked to my mom because, are you ready for this? My dad moved out."

Jake's eyes widened. "No way. Why?"

I recounted what my mother said, every word. When I finished he sat back and stared. "That's insane," he finally said. "Totally insane, but I'm glad you guys talked."

"Me too. Thanks for pushing me. I would have spent the rest of my life pissed off at them if I had ignored you."

"See I am good for something," Jake laughed.

"Oh you're good for a lot of things," I said knowingly.

"You only love for my body," Jake said pouting.

"Oh please," I snorted.

He leaned over and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I replied looking up at him. "There is something that my mom and I talked about, something we need to talk about."

"Um, okay," he said uneasily. "Go on."

I left out the fact that I didn't want kids when I told him about my earlier conversation. I also left out the bit about he and I wasting one another's time if he wanted kids and I didn't. "While we were talking, my mom and I, I told her that I didn't want kids and she said that was something you and I needed to talk about because if you did then we should stop wasting each other's time and move on." I blurted it all out and then fearfully looked up at Jake's face, afraid of the expression I would find.

"Can I be honest?" he asked and my heart fell. I gave a tiny nodded and braced myself. "I would like to have kids – someday. Not in a year, hell not even in five, but maybe someday, right now, I'm not ready, nor am I in any position to have kids. If we're still together when the time does come and I am ready then we can reevaluate the situation. But until then, we can enjoy life and each other's company."

I exhaled a breath I didn't realize I was holding and sank into the couch. "I was so worried you were going to break up with me. If you did I would have been so pissed," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Well, I'm leaving the city not only for the clothing line, but to be closer to you. I could have easily run it from here, but then I would have been here and you'd be in Virginia and it never would have worked. If you broke up with me then I'd be leaving the city for no reason."

Jake laughed. "Sometimes you can be so selfish," he said.

I nodded. "I know. That's part of the reason why I'm not sure if I want kids. I like my life; I like only having myself to look after. Sometimes, yes, I get the urge when I see women my age with babies, but then I really look at them and I see the crusty spit up in their hair and their stained tee shirts and tattered jeans. They totally give themselves over to this child and then they live to serve it. I don't know if I could do that."

"It doesn't have to be that way," Jake said. "My sisters aren't like that. The women who give themselves over to their children are the ones who were lacking something so they had a baby to fill that void. It wouldn't be like that with us. Well, it wouldn't be that way if we went that route. How do you feel about marriage?"

"Marriage?" I echoed.

"Mhmm, marriage."

"Well, I uh, I um, I never really thought about. None of my relationships ever got that far, you know."

"So what would you say if I asked you to marry me?"

I coughed, and then coughed again. "Why are you asking me?"

"Oh God no. Not like that…come on now, you know me. If I were to ask you to marry me, it sure as hell wouldn't be in your living room surrounded by boxes. It would be way more charming that that."

"Well...that's a relief," I said sarcastically.

"Be serious," he chastised.

"I am. What was the question again?"

"Bella," Jake said his tone exasperated.

"Yes," I said, "if you asked me to marry you I would say yes. I always wanted to get married, but I never found the right person, until you."

"So you're selfless enough to get married, but not selfless enough to have a child?"

"Why is everyone so pro child? I do not get it. Can't two people get married and just be happy being just the two of them?"

"Having kids is the next natural step after you get married."

I was beginning to get frustrated. "For some people. There are plenty of married people who don't have kids and they are totally psyched to be able to get in the car and go to Napa for the weekend or take a spontaneous vacation, or sleep until noon and stay up until one in the morning watching cheesy chick flicks."

"Okay, okay, calm down. We're getting all bent out of shape over something that neither of us is ready for just yet. Just take a deep breath."

I inhaled, held it, then exhaled, blowing all my frustrations out in one exasperated stream.

"There, better now?"

I nodded. "It's just frustrating. All these people telling you how the hell to live your life because that's what everybody else is doing. It just fucking irritates the shit out of me."

"Yeah, well I can see that."

There was a brisk knock at the door. Jake glanced at me, the look asking who the hell was at the door.

"Movers," I said, rising off the couch and crossing the living room. Two burly men in blue moving company tee shirts were standing on the other side.

"Ms. Swan?" the burlier of the two asked.

"That's me. Come on in and get started. Everything's already packed." The two men came in, the second on dragging a dolly behind him, and got to work. Jake and I stayed out of the way of the movers and in less than two hours, my apartment was empty. I signed their slip and stuffed my copies in my purse then shut the door behind them, turning to Jake I said, "I can't believe this."

I turned around in the empty living room and felt a pang of sadness and a twinge of momentary regret. I'd lived here for five years. These walls had seen the lowest of the low and the highest of the high.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked, snaking an arm around my waist.

"Just thinking of all the good, the bad and the ugly this place has seen. I feel kinda sad to be leaving."

"Think of it this way, this place might have seen it all, but think of all the things the new place will see. Not only that, but there are a whole new set of rooms that are going to be christened." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at me.

"You're terrible," I said lightly smacking his chest. "Come on, we have a farewell party to be attending."

***0*0*0***

"Okay, okay, shut up you bitches I'm trying to make a toes," Alice shouted.

"Put down the liquor boozy, you're trying to make a toast, not a toes," Rosalie snorted and sipped her virgin daiquiri. Alice flipped her off and tapped her spoon against her margarita glass.

"Stop tapping the damn glass," I shouted.

"Let me make my speech then," she retorted.

I waved my hands trying to quiet everyone. "Okay, okay be quiet and listen to Alice's speech before I shove that spoon down her throat." Emmett and Rosalie quieted down, Jake stopped poking fun at Edward and we all turned to Alice. "Okay Alice, make your speech."

"Oh hell," she said dropping her spoon. "I forgot what the hell I was going to say."

I rolled my eyes and sipped my drink.

"So you guys are ready to go?" Rose asked.

I nodded. "The movers came earlier today; they took my furniture, my car. We're flying out in the morning."

"Are you excited?"

"A little, I'm also a little sad. I love everything about living here – well, almost everything, the weather leaves much to be desired and I'm going to miss you and Alice. But you should see my place in Carolina; it's insane. You'll have to come out there once the babies are born."

Rose nodded. "Of course," she said. "It might be a while before we get out there, but I will definitely come to see you."

"Sounds good."

"I can't believe your leaving me," Alice cried. "You're going to leave me here all by myself."

"Oh please," I snorted. "You're not going to be by yourself."

"Oh I know...but I'm going to miss you. Who else will get drunk with me and order almost four hundred dollars worth of-"

"Okay Alice, now would be a great time to shut the hell up," I said cutting her off before she told everybody and their brother about our late night margarita and sex toy ordering escapade.

"What?" she said innocently before raising her glass to her lips and taking a long swallow.

I shot her a look that said, "Shut up now before I murder you with my bare hands."

She smiled and finished the remainder of her drink, then giggled drunkenly and stumbled toward the bar for another drink. I watched Alice lean on the boor, a stupid smile tugging at her lips as she motioned to Mickey, the bartender. I glanced down at my watch then looked up at Jake and pointed at it.

He glanced at his watch and nodded. "You guys," I said as I collected my bag, "We have to get going. We're supposed to be having a late dinner with Jake's parents."

Rosalie stood up and I hugged her. "You call me if you need anything, okay? And I mean it, anything at all, you call me."

"Okay," she sniffed.

"Oh Rose, don't cry," I said, feeling myself get misty eyed.

"I'm sorry," she cried, "Its these damn hormones."

I wiped my eyes and rubbed her arms. "Take care of yourself. I'll come out when the babies are born, okay?"

"Okay. Have a safe trip."

I hugged Rose once more then went to say good-bye to Alice. She was still at the bar, her back to me. "Al," I called.

She didn't respond so I called her name again. "Alice," I said a little louder.

She turned to me with tears in her eyes. "I think I'm going to miss you most of all," I said to her and we both started to cry.

"Promise you'll call me all the time," she sobbed.

"Promise you'll answer the damn phone," I retorted.

Alice sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Okay, okay, enough of that." She grabbed a napkin off the bar and dabbed her face then blew her nose. "Be good," she said, "Stay out of trouble and have fun."

I nodded. "I could say the same to you."

We stood there for a minute, unsure of what to say next. Alice and I were practically joined at the hip, all my life I'd never been more than five minutes from her – literally. We lived a few houses apart, went to school together our whole lives, the only other time we'd been apart was when I moved back to Seattle after college. Alice came back a month after I did, but the whole time she was still in California I felt like some small part of me was missing.

"If you have North Carolina or the line, let me know and we'll find someone else to run it and you can come back here."

"Yeah right," I sniffed. "You'd give me hell about coming back. Don't worry everything will be fine. I'll be fine, you'll be fine, we'll all just be fine."

She eyed me dubiously for a minute. "Yeah, I think you're right. I think we'll be fine. Now go on, go have dinner with your future mother in law and call me when your plane lands." She hugged me again and said softly, "Love you."

"Love you too. Thank you for helping me do this."

"Your welcome, but if he breaks your heart, I'll have Jenks break his legs."

I laughed and hugged Alice once more. "See ya later gator."

"After while crocodile."

Jake came up holding my coat. "Ready babe?"

I nodded and took my coat from him. "Thank you Alice," he said dropping a kiss on her cheek. "I'll take care of her."

"You better," she warned. "Because if you don't I'll have my mob connections take you fishing."

Jake looked at me, his expression questioning if she was serious. I gave him a slight shake of the head, no, and he turned back to Alice, his expression serious and said, "You have my word. If I hurt her in any way I will gladly go fishing with your friends."

"Good. Have a safe flight."

I waved and Jake wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me out of the bar. As sad as leaving was, the promise of something new far outweighed the pieces of myself I was leaving behind. I turned to Jake. "Ready?" he asked.

"As I'll ever be," I replied. We stepped out into the night and walked toward the Impala. I glanced at the bar over my shoulder, trying to recall a Fyodor Dostoevsky quote. He said that arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.

I arrived at a goal, now I was going out east I was starting another chapter. All the endings of this half of my life had been written, all the loose ends were neatly tied, and now the second half stretched out in front of me, a series of blank pages just ready to be written.

**Reviews are better than finding out why your mom hated you....**

"Sweeping the Ashes" by Serena Ryder


	26. May I

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

**I had no idea how to write the end of this because to me the last chapter should've been the last one...but whatevers...this is it, the last chapter...it kicked my ass for the last two weeks..but here it is. Hope you like it : )  
**

**Bella**

"Let me ask you something Freckles. The day Blockhead was beating on me, and you said, I love you, that was just…to get him to stop right?"

I smiled and sighed dreamily. Jake snorted as he reached for another handful of popcorn.

"What?" I asked innocently. He rolled his eyes, tossing a few kernels into his mouth. He chewed silently for a few seconds then said, "Why do chicks dig bad boys?"

I thought about it for a moment then shrugged. "I don't know. Why?"

"Well," he said pausing the show. "Kate could have her choice between Jack, the nice guy, or Sawyer the dick and obviously she chose Sawyer, you seem to like him…I just don't get it."

I turned in my seat and looked at him. "Well, if I'm being honest. Good guys are…well they can be…I dunno, boring. Bad boys, well we think we can fix them. We women think we're the one person in the whole world who can fix him. We know its bullshit, but hey, we have to try. We're defective that way."

"So what am I?"

"What do you mean?"

"Am I a good guy? Am I boring?"

I sat all the way up and looked at him. "You my dear, are Special Forces. That puts you in a very different category. Hell, you're on a completely new level. You are like a bad ass good guy." I reached for my soda, took a sip, and said, "The uniform doesn't hurt your cause either."

Jake grinned; seemingly satisfied with my response he picked up the DVD remote and pushed play. The episode of _Lost_ resumed and I watched the good doctor spying on his friends shacked up in a bear cage in the middle of the jungle. Jake recently discovered the show and somehow roped me into watching it. I only agreed because the blonde redneck was hot.

Over the last month or so, we watched the first two seasons. I still couldn't believe I'd been in North Carolina for a month. It seemed so much longer yet shorter at the same time. Longer because every morning the alarm clock went off at three am and a sleepy Jake would shuffle out of bed, take a shower, get dressed then stumbled into the kitchen where the scent of coffee brewing would lure me toward the edge of consciousness. Then at four am, the front door would open and he would take the elevator to the parking lot and make the hour trip from Elizabeth City to Norfolk.

I would doze back off until my alarm went off at six, then I would restart my day. Shower, brew a fresh pot of coffee, and head into the office at eight.

Then every night, I would head home, start dinner, and wait for Jake to get home. Two weeks after we came here, the exhaustion was clearly written on his face. Most nights he was in bed by nine and asleep by nine oh one. The first few weeks we barely saw one another. With his commute and my trying to get the office up and running, it put a real strain on our relationship, but now we had just learned to live with it.

Things were better, but definitely not perfect, not like they had been in Seattle. A storm was brewing on the horizon and frankly, it worried me.

**000**

By the time spring melted into summer the ominous feeling passed. The days grew hotter and the nights shorter. Alice called the second week of June to tell me Rose had her babies, twin little girls she named Abigail and Annemarie. When I talked to Rose, I asked if I should fly out, but she assured me it wasn't necessary. So instead, I went to Babies 'R Us with a plan to spend an obscene amount of money on the girls.

Then I got to thinking.

I was standing in the clothing department holding a tiny pink dress; my cart was already loaded with at least a year's worth of clothes, when this wave of jealousy washed over me. I glanced at the tiny dress, pink and ruffled with matching underpants and I felt insanely jealous.

I was jealous of Rosalie.

She had a family now and I had a stupid pink dress. Right after I left, she went back to Riley. One day she called me and was telling me about it, about why she went back to him. She said one day she was in the shop making candy and she turned to ask him to get something for her, but he wasn't there and in that instant she realized how much she missed him. She said she realized that he was where she always wanted to be. He made her happy, made her feel loved and complete. It was all very _Jerry Maguire,_ but she was happy.

When I asked about Emmett she said, "Oh please, he's just an infatuation. I was intrigued with the idea of "fixing" him, but we both know he's a man, he can't be fixed, and I can't live like that."

She had everything I never thought I wanted and everything I always knew I needed. I put the dress back on the rack and hurried out of the store. Once safely ensconced in my car, I cried, pounding the steering wheel as some inexplicable anguish emptied out of my body.

**000**

At home, I let myself in and looked around for Jake. He looked up from his computer and I stumbled into the door of the office. His face went from surprise to concern in record time and he was across the room folding me into his arms. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I answered.

"What happened?"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and dropped my purse to the floor. "I was in the store today buying stuff for Rose and the babies and as I was standing there holding up this little dress, I….this feeling…I don't even know where it came from. One minute I'm tossing clothes into the cart and the next it was like she had the hot new accessory that I couldn't have. It was jealousy and it was ugly."

I bit back a sob and looked up at him. "Rose has a husband and babies and she's happy and look at me. What do I have? I have a closet full of expensive shoes and a stupid expensive condominium and a hoity toity car. I might as well go buy a hundred cats and tattoo "future spinster" on my forehead. I'm a selfish bitch who protested the idea of a family and kids and for what? Weekend getaways? What the hell is wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you," Jake said, his fingers wiping away a tear. "You thought that was the life you wanted. There's nothing wrong with that. I heard someone once say having kids is like having a tattoo on your face; you had better be really sure that's what you want. You're allowed to change your mind, Bella, no one will hold it against you."

I exhaled, feeling indecisive. "Really?"

"Yes, we can always have kids if you still want to when the time comes. And when that time comes and we decide we don't want kids, then we'll see about those hundred cats."

"I love you," I said leaning into him and wrapping my arms around his waist. My eyes fell on the computer screen and the busy page open there. I leaned back and looked up at him. "What are you working on?" I asked pointing at the computer screen.

"Oh that," he said sheepishly. "Job hunting."

"Job hunting," I echoed.

He responded with a nod. "Yup, I'm getting out of the corp."

My jaw dropped. "What? Why?"

"For you," he said. "I won't stay in Norfolk forever Bella. You can't go traipsing all over the country, hell the world, opening new offices because of me so I'm getting out. You came here for me, now I'm doing this for you."

"But you love your job," I protested.

"I love you more," he said.

Overwhelmed, I released my hold on him and sank into the overstuffed armchair by the door. "This is a whole lot to take in," I said, then almost as an afterthought I said, "God, the only thing that could make this any crazier would be for you to propose."

Jake's eyes widened and he patted his jeans pocket.

"Oh my god, you were going to, weren't you?"

He smiled sheepishly as he reached into his pocket and removed an old, red jeweler's box. "Well I was planning on asking you over dinner this weekend, but hell, why wait."

He opened the box and dropped to his knee. "This was Liz's; she gave it to me before she left for Miami. A man named Wesley gave it to her when she was a young woman, and she kept it all these years. She wanted it to see the world someday so she gave it to me to give to the woman who meant the world to me. You, Isabella Swan, are that woman. You mean the world to me, and without you in my life, well, my world would cease to exist. So would you do me one favor? Would you marry me, because you are exactly where I want to be all the days of my life."

He tugged the gold ring out of the red box, the princess cut emerald, and the four small diamonds flanking its sides winked in the setting afternoon sun. I glanced from Jake to the ring, back to Jake. "Yes," I whispered. "Yes, yes, yes. A million times yes."

He slipped the ring on my finger and I leaned forward, my lips connecting with his. "Sorry I ruined your surprise," I whispered against his lips.

"Its okay," he whispered back. "I can't tell you how glad I am you said yes."

"I can't tell you how glad I am you asked." I replied.

**000**

I didn't turn into bridezilla; I didn't go into a planning frenzy either. I told only four people – Alice and Rosalie, my mom, and Jake's. I didn't want a huge wedding, I didn't want some extravagant over the top affair that took away the meaning of the occasion. I found a simple white dress, we found a simple officiant to marry us and we planned a simple beachfront ceremony for the end of the summer.

In the time before the wedding, we bought our rings and started looking for an actual house. I found myself wanting the idyllic little suburban dream, two-story house, giant ancient oak tree, white picket fence.

Jake found a job with a private security firm who agreed to hire him after his contract with the military expired. We found a house and sold the condominium, and on my way home from work I found a dog, a black lab puppy who desperately needed a home.

The day of the wedding dawned, clear, and humid. Jake and I decided that the actual ceremony would just be the two of us and our parents. Our friends and other family members were invited to the reception afterwards, but we wanted the ceremony to be intimate, a moment for the two of us to share rather than a show put on to stroke our egos.

As we drove to the beachfront, Jake stroked the back of my hand. "We're breaking all the rules here aren't we?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well I'm not supposed to see you in your dress before the wedding, and here we are…and we didn't invite any of our friends to the wedding."

I shrugged. "I think that's all bull, why can't you see me before the ceremony, and well not inviting our friends…they'll get over it. Hell, they only want the free food and booze anyway, why subject them to the other stuff?"

Jake laughed, "You have a good point."

"Of course I do, ooh look, there's a spot right there."

He slid the truck into a vacant parking spot and hopped out, coming around to my side, helping me down. "Ready?" he asked taking my hand in his.

"As I'll ever be."

The wedding ceremony was just the way I imagined it. My dad was there to give me away, our moms cried, standing behind us weeping softly as we promised to love one another all the days of our lives. At the reception, we found the hall to be full of all our friends and family. Alice rushed over and hugged me, launching her tiny frame at me.

"I can't believe you didn't let me plan your wedding," she scolded.

"Sorry Alice, I didn't want this huge affair."

"It's okay, it's fabulous anyway."

"Thanks. I'm glad you could come."

"Me too. Rose sends her regards, travelling with babies was going to be too difficult for her."

I waved her off. "I told her not to worry about it; I knew it would be hard for them to get out here."

"Okay, well, go dance with your husband; I'll catch up with you later."

I hugged her and sent her off back in the direction she'd come from. Jake came up behind me and said, "So, Mrs. Special Forces, how about a spin on the dance floor?"

"Okay," I said. "Do you have a song picked out?"

He gave me a look that said, "Who do you think you're talking to here?"

"Okay, okay, forgive me," I said, following him on to the dance floor. Jake pointed at the D.J. and nodded. The list dimmed and a song I'd never heard started.

_And there you stand opened heart--opened doors  
full of life with the world that's wanting more.  
But I can see when the lights start to fade,  
the day is done and your smile has gone away._

_Let me raise you up.  
Let me be your love._

_May I hold you  
as you fall to sleep,  
when the world is closing in  
and you can't breathe.  
May I love you.  
May I be your shield.  
When no one can be found  
may I lay you down._

_All I want is to keep you safe from the cold...  
to give you all that your heart needs the most._

_All that's made me (made me)  
Is all worth trading (worth trading)  
just to have one moment with you.  
So I will let go (will let go)  
all that I know (that I know)  
knowing that you're here with me._

_For your love is changing me. _

Jake spun me around the dance floor in time to the music. He was a fabulous dancer and for a moment, I felt almost like I'd fallen into a Gene Kelly movie. Tears stung my eyes as he sang the song in my ear. It was pure perfection, if there was ever such a thing.

"I heard this one night on my way home from work and the entire time it played I envisioned this moment, dancing with you at our wedding. I'm sorry I didn't ask you if you liked it…but it just seemed so perfect."

"It _is_ perfect, I'm glad you picked it."

The song finished and a new one began. People filed onto the floor and began dancing to the crooning of Michael Buble.

I glanced up at Jake, wondering what the future held for us, wondering if we'd get our happily ever after. Then I realized it didn't matter. Who needed happily ever after when you had happily right now?

But really, either way it didn't matter. We were two halves of a whole. We were meant to be, fate had conspired – a complicated plot of senile grandmothers and sex toys, deployments to Iraq, family fallouts and ex-boyfriends and best friends.

I smiled at Jake. Whatever the future held for the two of us it was bound to be interesting, that much was for damn sure.

"Come on, hot stuff…you need to dance with me some more, because if you don't I think I might die."

Jake spun me back onto the dance floor. I laughed and stumbled over my own two clumsy feet. He quickly righted me and resumed our spinning. I laughed again, my head falling back. Jake pulled me close to him and sang softly in my ear.

_You and I were made for this  
I was made to taste your kiss  
We were made to never fall away  
Never fall away_

Through it all, we'd made it to the other side in one piece. He and I were made for this. We were supposed to be exactly where we were. I looked around at the room crowded with our closest friends and family. This life might not be perfect, but for the first time it didn't matter. I had everything I'd ever wanted and everything that I always needed. And that was enough.

The End.

the opening line is from _Lost_, Season Three Episode 6 - I Do

the wedding song: May I – Trading Yesterday

lyrics at the end: Letters From the Sky – Civil Twilight


	27. Epilogue

**A/N All Twilight character's belong to Stephenie Meyer **

**Ok, so I told myself that I wasn't going to write an epilogue for this story, but so many of you wanted an epilogue I thought why the hell not...it might be fun to see how the story really, really ends...so I wrote it...and I kinda like it...it sticks to the way of the story, where there is still the "happily ever after" but not in the glaringly obvious way...so for all you wanting, I hope you like it...  
**

Epilogue

It's a hard thing to sit in the doctor's office and hear you'll never have children – at least none of you own, well, the flesh and blood variety at least.

A year after Special Forces and I got married we started trying to get pregnant. The timing was right, he was out of the Corps and training to become a state trooper, the company was doing well out in North Carolina – everything was perfect; or so we'd thought. Countless doctors' appointments, thousands of dollars spent on useless in-vitro treatments that never took. It was maddening. I spent so much time not wanting a kid that now that I actually wanted one God was laughing in my face telling me to keep dreaming.

Then one day fate intervened. I had a wicked case of stomach flu, so I had taken the day off work and was curled up on the couch in the fetal position, a blue bucket with arms reach if needed, when the local news started their segment about adoption. They featured two kids – brothers – whose mother was killed by her psychotic husband. My heart instantly went out to them. One minute their lives were bumbling along somewhat happily ever after and then in that next instant they were orphans with a dead mother and a murderer for a father.

This of course, created a domino effect in my brain. There was a ton of people who couldn't have kids, so they adopted. Why hadn't we thought about that? I wondered as I reached for the bucket.

I posed the question to Jake when he came home from work that evening. He stood at the kitchen counter making me soup, listening as I spoke. When I finished he said softly, "Bella, sometimes those kids have serious problems and require a lot of special help and attention."

I frowned, trying to form a coherent stream of thought that would make sense. Finally, I said, "And I understand that, but really, Jake, we're in a position to help some of these kids. We can afford to get them the help that they'll need, and we have the room and the time. I'm not asking you to make a decision now; I'm just saying that is an option we haven't considered yet."

He carried the bowl of soup into the room, set it down on the coffee table then knelt before me, gently clasping my hands in his. "I understand sweetheart, I'm just asking you to think about what you're asking me to do."

I frowned again.

"It's a lot of responsibility, especially if it's an older kid. If it were a baby, then maybe I'd be more inclined to say yes, but an older child, well, it would be difficult. "

"I know," I said. "But at least promise me you'll at least think about adoption."

"I will."

That was all that was said about it for almost six months. We went about our lives – Jake working for the security firm that hired him after he got out of the military (he said it was just until he could get hired in with the state troopers) and I ran my line. Then one day in a very _Glee _meets _Juno_ sort of way, a baby fell into our laps. Leah was in the office that morning, as we were headed to a meeting she was telling me about a friend of hers back in Seattle whose cousin was sixteen and pregnant and looking to put the baby up for adoption. The girl, Claire, knew she wasn't ready to be a mom and wanted to do the right thing for her baby.

"I know you mentioned adopting," Leah said. "But you never told me what you and Jake decided. I thought you'd want to know. Claire's mom is kicking her out, so she's coming here to stay with me. Emily would take her, but her apartment is so small and she already has three kids, they just couldn't support a pregnant girl. I sent her the ticket; she'll be here this weekend. I can put in a good word for you, if you want."

I nodded. "Let me talk to Jake first."

Leah nodded. "Okay. Just let me know whatever you decide."

And that was pretty much all it took. Jake agreed we could meet Claire, get to know her and her situation and go from there. We both found it slightly ironic that her name was Claire; she was pregnant and wanting to give her baby up for adoption. In case that lost you, it was Jake's _Lost_ addiction and yes, I was shamelessly playing on it. The morning we met Claire, it rained. She was a young girl with an olive complexion, dark hair that travelled in waves down her back and eyes that sparkled mischievously. She looked up as Jake and I approached the table where she and Leah were sitting.

"Hi," she said in a soft tone.

"Hi," I replied. "You must be Claire, I'm Bella and this is my husband Jake."

Claire stared down at the table, picking at the deep purple fingernail polish I immediately recognized. "I love the color of your nails. Give Me Moor, right?"

Claire nodded, looking up at me with a huge grin. "I should have taken it literally huh?" she said motioning to her pregnant belly.

I shrugged. "It's life. All kinds of stuff happens that you can't plan for. You have to learn to just roll with it. But I know what you mean; I used to think the same thing." I smiled to myself, thinking about Rex, about my parents, about wanting more of everything.

Claire smiled. "So you guys want to adopt my baby?"

I swallowed hard. This girl knew how to get to the point. It was a trait I admired. "Yes," I said just as honestly. "We want kids, but unfortunately I can't have kids, so…"

"So you decided to adopt?" Claire filled in.

I nodded, forcing myself to stay calm; there was no point in getting upset over something that was unavoidable.

"Yes," Jake said for me. Claire nodded thoughtfully, pinching her lower lip between her teeth, working it over.

"I have a question," she said nervously. Beside me, I felt Jake stiffen. I softly patted his leg and gazed expectantly at Claire. "Well," she began. "And don't take this the wrong way, but I love this baby and I don't think I could just hand it to someone and then go back to my life as if it never existed – as if I was never pregnant, or never felt it kick me or heard its heartbeat. If I decided to give you guys the baby is there any way that maybe I could meet it, or have pictures sent to me? I want to do the right thing and give it the home it deserves, but I want to still feel like I'm part of its life. I mean, I'm not saying tell it that I'm its mom or whatever, but like, just think of me when you're sending out Christmas cards."

As Claire was speaking, tears filled my eyes and I attempted to blink them away. A few dripped down my face and splashed onto the tabletop. Beside me, Jake nodded fervently. "Of course," he said. "If you wanted, we would send you pictures and letters and updates every month. I know that putting your baby up for adoption is a very hard and also very selfless thing to do; I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for you, and we would respect your role in the baby's life."

Claire nodded, tears filling her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered, then excused herself from the table. Leah watched her go. She smiled sadly then said, "This is really hard for her, but I think she likes you guys."

I didn't want to get my hopes up so I just nodded, not really reading anything into the conversation or what was said. If Claire decided she liked us enough to give her baby to us then great, but if not, we would explore alternative options. In the end, however, it didn't come to that. Claire decided, almost immediately that we were the ones who should raise her baby. We went to see an attorney the following week and had the papers drawn up, all of Claire's requests were carefully detailed within the agreement.

A few months later, when Claire went into labor she didn't look at the baby, didn't ask to hold it or even see it. She turned her face to the side and stared blankly out the window as the nurses whisked the eight pound, thirteen ounce healthy baby boy off to the nursery.

When the chaos calmed, Jake hurried off to get picture of our son and I stayed with Claire. She had tears in her eyes as I sat down beside her, gently taking her hand into mine. "I know it's a stupid question, but are you okay?"

She nodded with a sniffle. "I am," she said. "I'm not sad though. Nope, not sad."

I sat quietly as she worked out her emotions.

"I'm relieved," she said softly.

"Why's that?" I asked.

Claire bit her lip, working it nervously. "I don't want to sound like a bad person," she finally admitted.

"You won't sweetie. Regardless of what you say, I won't judge you. Fire away."

"I'm relieved that I won't have to raise a baby. I'm so glad that I don't have to give up my life for someone else. I don't want to give up going to the movies in order to change stinky diapers and make bottles. I just want to live my life – go to the movies and go shopping and not have anything else to worry about."

I nodded, completely understanding her emotions. "Well that's just another way of knowing that you did the right thing. It would be bad if you felt that way and kept the baby."

"Yeah, it would be like an episode of that 16 & Pregnant show." She snorted softly. I didn't know what she was laughing at but I could certainly imagine. "Those girls are so stupid," she said.

I nodded. "Of course they are. They're sixteen and pregnant and they think that it will all be okay. It doesn't work that way."

Claire nodded. "Have you and Jake decided on a name yet?"

"Not yet. We have some ideas, but neither of us can agree on anything. I like William Ephraim, but he says it sounds too formal."

"I like that," Claire said.

"Like what?" Jake asked from the doorway.

"The name Bella picked out for the baby."

Jake screwed his face up. "William Ephraim? Really?"

"Yes," Claire said. "You could call him Will for short."

"Or Billy," I said with a smile.

Jake teared up. "After my father," he said softly. "Okay, William Ephraim it is."

And so the name stuck. A few days later Claire was released from the hospital and back into Leah's care. They left the hospital together, driving away in Leah's black Acura. As Jake and I left the hospital with Billy in tow I thought about all that had happened, all that would happen and every moment in between. It was a crazy life, that much was for sure, but it was my crazy life and I loved every second of it.


End file.
